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Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do

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Lady Knight Ignus:

--- Quote from: Purpura on April 10, 2008, 04:50:44 AM ---Things not to Sing/Do around Murphy:

Sing "Short People Got No Reason" by Randy Newman
Do Not Order Short Stacks of Pancakes.
Do not Talk about Martin Short's works referring to them with his last name only.
Do not call her Tiny, Shorty, Wee One, Lil One, Small Fry...

--- End quote ---
Furthermore, do not comment upon even one of the numerous similarities between Murphy and elf captain Holly Short (of Artemis Fowl fame) in Murphy's presence. 

Blitz:
BEWARE: SmF spoilers in post!

I am not to urge people to use my shower in the hopes someone else will bathe naked in front of me.
a) Because with my luck, 9 times out of 10 it will be a man.  An extremely unattractive man.
b) And when Molly uses my shower, Charity kicks my ass.

When Thomas asks to borrow my alarm clock, I am not to give him Mouse.
a) Even if his apartment security will ask him, "How's the baby doing?"

I will not allow Ivy to pet Mab's fuzzy kitty.
a) It is also probably not a good idea to convince Mister to make friends with said kitty.  The Za-Lord's guard has enough problems protecting the brownies as it is.

I will not publish my own book of faerie tales; kids like the cute version of the Billy Goats Gruff better.
a) Me too.
b) Except when I get doughnuts.

I am no longer permitted to brandish both Fidelacchias and Amoracchias before the Merlin shouting, "Who's the real Merlin now, sucka?!"

It is not okay to make up imaginary friends to replace Lash.
a) My subconscious is scary enough without giving him more people to chat with.

I am not to go around assaulting random janitors demanding they take their possessed copy of "The Two Towers" back.

It is not okay to go around hexing the cell phones of people chatting on them in their cars.
a) With my luck, I will screw up their cars instead of the phones.
b) And Helsinki, while it might sound funny, is not the secret wizard name for Chicago.

I am not to don glasses and paint a scar upon my forehead.
a) Or tell people I had my name legally changed from Potter to Dresden to avoid the paparazzi.

Lady Knight Ignus:
I am not allowed to date any redhead named Ginevra.

Fuego!:
I will not offer opinion in the Morgan vs. Chuck Norris debate
a) Unless Morgan can hear me, or...
b) I'm asleep

Marcone does not employ anyone by the names of "Guido" or "Vinny", and I should stop calling all of his goons by those names.
a) Ditto for "Thumbs"

Calling Mab a frigid bitch has painful consequences...

I will stop waving my hands over Molly saying "The force is strong with this one..."

"Ja, mein fuhrer" is not a proper response to anything a Senior Council member asks me.

Delarith:
This is an Ebenezer one instead of a Harry one but it came to mind.

I will not preface the next Krackatoa by first saying, "Hey y'all!  Watch this!"

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