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Request help livening up a boring exposition scene

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LizW65:

--- Quote from: Breandan on August 09, 2010, 03:44:59 AM ---apologies for the shop-talk here, but it will help a bit...

In regards to the detail, was it a low-key bodyguard detail, celebrity detail, executive protection, or a full-bore PSD? Considering it's a PI and not a PMC, DSC, or SpecOps operator, the latter is probably out, but I need to clear that up...
--- End quote ---

Probably the first would be most applicable here--the client was a wealthy society woman who spun a vague story of "accidents" and her life being in danger.  She seduced the PI after he rescued her from what he now believes to have been a staged incident involving a car trying to run both of them down.  Oh, and it's an historical setting--1947, to be precise.  The PI has about seven years on-the-job experience, and did not serve in the military during WW2, for various convoluted reasons I won't go into here.  Hope this helps...

Breandan:
It does and it doesn't :)

Unfortunately, my experience is a bit more...recent ;D However, some basics apply, even to that era when such things were unregulated and free form-

1) Threat assessment: Know Thy Enemy. Anyone doing a protective detail will either receive or do advance work to ascertain the nature, strength, disposition, etc. of threats to their principle (or client, to use the old-school vernacular). These days we assign members of our detail to do the advance work, planning out routes, interviewing and doing backgrounds on employees of venues the principle will visit that may have close contact with the principle, sat-mapping alternative and emergency evacuation routes, getting current crime briefings from local LE, etc. In your case, it could be as simple as paying the paperboy on the corner near the threat's location to slip him info :)

2) Situational awareness: Know Thy Environment. This is a general practice of being acutely aware of your environment and the people in it. Know where exits are, monitor entrances, watch people, especially body language, dress, hands, etc. A guy wearing a jacket in 90 degree heat- armed. Someone's hands disappearing into loose clothing- potentially about to pull a weapon, be ready to move. Guy on a cell phone holding it to the side with his finger on or near the keypad, watching you rather than the phone- potentially about to pop an IED or EFP by remote. Look for collections of cigarette butts of the same type in an area that is concealed and has a line of sight on your client's location, watch mannerisms, people sweating in the cold without exertion, someone walking with one hand staying by their side rather than moving, etc.

3) Have a plan: Know Thy Way Out. You should not only have multiple routes to the venue(s) your client intends to visit, you should have not one, but three evacuation routes and evac plans in case things go south. These plans should not be spur of the moment ones, but thought out ahead of time. He should be playing out scenarios in his head the whole time- "Okay, if we have a fire, I will secure my client and head for exit 1, unless that is blocked, then we will head to exit 2.... if that guy with the heavy overcoat who looks mafia-like is a hitter and draws, I need to secure my client behind me and withdraw under covering fire- accounting for every round I fire, don't want any civies hit- and back towards exit 1, unless it is under fire, blocked, or compromised, in which case, exit 2.... if a demon from the pits of Azagoth crawls out of that cooking pot in the kitchen because someone cast runes at me on a napkin..." ;)

Those basics are the same no matter what. When you get into modern executive or diplomatic details, it gets a LOT more complicated, but back then there wasn't a lot of regulation, specialized training, or the like, so it allows for more adaptability as an author.

Hope some of that helps :)

Figging Mint:

--- Quote from: LizW65 on August 04, 2010, 01:42:04 PM ---So far, it's basically a 2-3 page monologue by the PI telling her what he thinks is going on; she interrupts with the occasional question.  Problem is, as written its dull, but I'm frankly stuck on how to make it more exciting.  Any suggestions on how you guys handle this kind of thing would be welcome.

--- End quote ---

Rework: have the PI anxious to get out the door, and have him attempt to fob the PA off with rudimentary responses that only barely satisfy her sense of what is going on.     Then have her continuously find and expose the flaws in what he tells her, have her re-tell bits of it in a way that makes better sense.     Then have her get mad at him for not giving her information in the first place.

Imagine dialogue from  "The Prisoner" blended with the brothers-to-father interaction in Supernatural.

LizW65:

--- Quote from: Breandan on August 09, 2010, 04:58:15 PM ---
Hope some of that helps :)

--- End quote ---

It does and it doesn't. :)

Principally because the details of the bodyguard work in and of themselves are not important to the story--what does matter is that the PI enters into an inappropriate sexual relationship with a client, which directly impacts the plot and sets everything from there into motion.

I think my best bet is to ramp up the tension between the principals in every way possible at this point, to break up the long speeches with actions/questions, and basically get more drama into what is at the moment a fairly static scene.

ETA:  I like your three rules, and may find ways to incorporate them into some of the earlier scenes, even though the actual "threat" in this instance is non-existent and has been fabricated by individuals who are manipulating the situation to their benefit.

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