McAnally's (The Community Pub) > Author Craft
Okay new game: hooked or not hooked.....
the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh:
--- Quote from: belial.1980 on June 26, 2009, 03:55:34 AM ---Neurovore-
I feel the same way. From what I see you've got a really intriguing story full of historical intrigue. The bit presented didn't quite grab me. However, since we're not limited to beginnings, why don't you post a blurb from his experience when "Jack Kennedy died?" I'd really like to see his viewpoint on that historical event. (Especially since I live in Dallas.)
--- End quote ---
Jack Kennedy dies as a small kid during the Irish Civil War; the Kennedys never emigrated and old Joe is DeValera's right hand man in Dublin; nobody's going to come within miles of Dallas, it's basically an alternate WWII story with a frame of assassins in New York after our protagonist in 1963 while there's a Cuban Missile Crisis-equivalent going on about the Third Reich putting nukes in orbit. (I suspect that if this ever sells there will be a swastika strangling a shamrock or something similar on the cover.)
LizW65:
--- Quote from: belial.1980 on June 26, 2009, 03:55:34 AM ---On the latest samples:
<<Lizwiz- You've constructed a really good hard boiled detective voice right off the bat, though my gut reaction is that it threatens to become derivative. The circumstances surrounding Jerry Straight's dissappearance tickle my curiosity though. Are they mysterious or unusual? If so, maybe you could try to work that in.>>
Jerry's back by the end of chapter 3, and lots of complications ensue. FYI, I've already completed the rough draft of this novel; I'm currently revising and hope to show it to some good impartial critics by the end of the summer.
<<Neurovore-
I feel the same way. From what I see you've got a really intriguing story full of historical intrigue. The bit presented didn't quite grab me. However, since we're not limited to beginnings, why don't you post a blurb from his experience when "Jack Kennedy died?" I'd really like to see his viewpoint on that historical event. (Especially since I live in Dallas.)>>
Re: Neurovore's piece, my guess was that it was a time-travel story in which the timeline had somehow got completely FUBARed by somebody's meddling in world events. My bad!
--- End quote ---
meg_evonne:
Starbeam: thumbs up on the bloody beginning :D
Liz: on jerry straight. (good name, as I forget names and I didn't this one!) I'm liking it, but I feel a bit distanced from it,. It's definitely got that P.I. feel. Looking forward to seeing more voice from your main character. I did get a couple 'he's or him's' confused in the 2nd paragraph as to whom was being referrenced.
Neurovore: Why does it not surprise me that your first posting of 250 is so deep seated into the character, in his distinctive rather rambling mind set, that I wanna tell him to hurry up and get to the point! He's so real to life that he grated. The premise is really intriguing from your posting that I would read on. As this is the transition, would love to see the beginning of the main section.
And...changed my mind. Maybe no preset info posted unless we put in spoilers. Neurovore's is a good posting that shows that the explaination can spoil the fresh read later. :( I'm thinking it's better to do the 'in the cone' bit. Post and hush until everyone has a chance to read it?
the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh:
--- Quote from: meg_evonne on June 27, 2009, 12:07:38 AM ---Neurovore: Why does it not surprise me that your first posting of 250 is so deep seated into the character, in his distinctive rather rambling mind set, that I wanna tell him to hurry up and get to the point! He's so real to life that he grated.
--- End quote ---
TBH, another reason why that project has so rarely come to the front of my attention is that that viewpoint is a completely miserable bastard to spend any time with in my head.
--- Quote ---Neurovore's is a good posting that shows that the explaination can spoil the fresh read later. :(
--- End quote ---
We could put our contexting info in spoiler tags, perhaps ?
LizW65:
OK, here's another selection from elsewhere in my manuscript:
No doorman was on duty; the desk clerk put down his magazine and eyed me with a suspicion that vanished once I told him my name. "Miss Malloy. Mr. Russell's mentioned you. Just go on up." I staggered to the elevator, stabbed at the 'up' button, and at that moment the front door swung open again, revealing a mountainous figure clad in a vicuna overcoat.
Son of a bitch.
Ignoring the clerk's indignant query, he charged toward me across the lobby.
Screw this, I thought, and pulling off my pumps I stuffed them into my shopping bag and ran like hell for the stairs. Judging from the raised voices behind me, the clerk was doing his best to hold off Vicuna Man. I hoped for his sake he had a shotgun, or at least a Louisville Slugger, hidden behind his desk.
Russell's is a fourth floor corner apartment, a pretty decent place for the neighborhood; he picked it up cheap some years ago after a nasty murder was committed there and no-one else would go near the place. Their loss.
The stairs were slippery-wet, smeared with shoe dirt from hundreds of people, mingled with pools of what I really, really hoped was water. Within seconds my feet were numb with cold and soaked through, my stockings ruined; but hey, I'd rather blow a buck-fifty on a new pair than face Vicuna Coat Man. Up one, two flights, and I heard it: the fire door being banged back on its hinges and heavy footfalls in pursuit.
Clutching my parcels with one hand and the railing with the other I doubled my speed, taking the stairs two at a time and risking life and limb as I slipped and skidded on the worn slate.
"Hey, little girl." His voice echoed weirdly up the stairs. "Come on down and play."
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