McAnally's (The Community Pub) > Author Craft
Okay new game: hooked or not hooked.....
the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh:
--- Quote from: comprex on June 25, 2009, 06:15:06 PM ---A little busy with referents and alt-referents for my taste in an intro (I counted 8-9 maybe 10 attention points, some of which may warrant further tracking for being different, quite a few are probably throwaway distractions). Hook lipped, not set.
--- End quote ---
Fair enough; my viewpoint character there is Hitler's nephew (a real person who had quite a bizarre life in our history, and who is sort of fascinating in a throughly venal but not competent enough to do anything about it sort of way.) The actual point of divergence of this history is during the Irish Famine, which is somewhat less severe and occasions less emigration including several people who would otherwise have been significant in US history. The principal reason why this one is backburnered for the moment (apart from the gargantuan amounts of resarch reading that still needs doing) is that the particular creepy obscure right-wing real-world Catholic figure who was in this world going to be attached to the mystical wing of the Third Reich in the early 1960s and a significant player in the time period of the frame has since I put the story structure together been elected Pope and is no longer obscure, which kind of annoyingly shifts the balance of how it can be read (in much the same way as the original 1999 publication of The Atrocity Archive using al-Qaeda as its "obscure real-world terrorist organisation most people will not have heard of in any detail" kind of did not work as such and was changed for the more recent Ace editions.)
meg_evonne:
--- Quote from: neurovore on June 25, 2009, 03:49:42 PM ---Does it have to be an opening ?
Some stories want to open with hooks, and some with nets.
--- End quote ---
mine wasn't an opening. I was editing a previous chapter before moving into writing the next (a great tip that someone here posted) and found a description of a minor character that fell in love with, so I posted it. I did however do so conscious of the fact that it could have been an opener as well.
So maybe we should clarify a bit, or better yet just be careful to pull out 250 that can stand strongly on their own. Thoughts?
the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh:
--- Quote from: meg_evonne on June 25, 2009, 07:56:01 PM ---So maybe we should clarify a bit, or better yet just be careful to pull out 250 that can stand strongly on their own. Thoughts?
--- End quote ---
I don't know that giving a reasonable feel for the work needs something to stand on its own, exactly, but some context for each piece would be good. (I mean, I think "It's a gendered-species thing. You wouldn't understand." catches the tone of the project of mine it belongs to rather well, but it's not really enough to convey what the story is doing.)
belial.1980:
--- Quote from: meg_evonne on June 25, 2009, 03:50:23 AM ---I personally would feel more comfortable with the 2nd sentence that introduces Rhea through the lantern, moves on to the body... continue to the last line and then incorporate the first sentence into that last bit.
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LOL. I'm the king of second guessing myself. When I first wrote the opening paragraph to this piece it went something like, "The light of Rhea's lantern revealed the creature sitting in the Cypress bower feasting on the eviscerated remnants of the young cowpuncher." Then for some reason I changed it. I dunno why... ??? Oh well. You're totally right about the camera view. Thanks for putting me back on the right track!
belial.1980:
On the latest samples:
Lizwiz- You've constructed a really good hard boiled detective voice right off the bat, though my gut reaction is that it threatens to become derivative. The circumstances surrounding Jerry Straight's dissappearance tickle my curiosity though. Are they mysterious or unusual? If so, maybe you could try to work that in.
Starbeam- Hooked! I like the way you plunged the reader right into the mystery. We have no idea what's going on, but neither does the narrator and I'd definitely like to know what happens next. Nice!
Neurovore-
--- Quote from: comprex on June 25, 2009, 06:15:06 PM --- Hook lipped, not set.
--- End quote ---
I feel the same way. From what I see you've got a really intriguing story full of historical intrigue. The bit presented didn't quite grab me. However, since we're not limited to beginnings, why don't you post a blurb from his experience when "Jack Kennedy died?" I'd really like to see his viewpoint on that historical event. (Especially since I live in Dallas.)
--- Quote from: neurovore on June 25, 2009, 07:02:49 PM ---The principal reason why this one is backburnered for the moment (apart from the gargantuan amounts of resarch reading that still needs doing) is that the particular creepy obscure right-wing real-world Catholic figure who was in this world going to be attached to the mystical wing of the Third Reich in the early 1960s and a significant player in the time period of the frame has since I put the story structure together been elected Pope and is no longer obscure, which kind of annoyingly shifts the balance of how it can be read
--- End quote ---
That's a tough one to tackle. The only thing that occurs to me is to suggest creating a simulacrum of the guy--someone that's close enough to suit the purposes of your story but doesn't constitute a historical representation. In any case, good luck with the story!
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