McAnally's (The Community Pub) > Author Craft
Okay new game: hooked or not hooked.....
meg_evonne:
--- Quote from: RobJN on December 17, 2009, 01:39:44 AM ---In addition to "hooking," I'm also looking at how well (or not) I'm doing at individualizing the different voices in the scene's dialogue. I welcome any tips or tricks ya'll might have for scenes with a lot of participants. (The Thanksgiving scenes around the table took I don't know how many rewrites...!)
--- End quote ---
Hooked, oh yeah!
Voices, wonderful. Distinct (and cute) enough that I had no difficulty with knowing who is speaking when.
My only comment would be that I'd like to see what they look like, but you covered that in earlier pages I'm sure. Personal preference would be to combine the action for a character with the dialog next to it. And maybe the action toward the lower portion into one paragraph. "Jack knelt down again. Shook Beth’s shoulder. Deep breathing, a whispered word under her breath, but not so much as a flutter of an eyelid.
He brushed a lock of hair from her cheek.
He leaned over, heart hammering, kissed her forehead. It was cool, smooth under his lips." into one paragraph.
Really cute and engaging, lively characters that I'd love to spend more time with!
RobJN:
Combining action and dialogue -- I think I need to work a bit on that, yes.
--- Quote from: meg_evonne on December 18, 2009, 07:38:19 PM ---Hooked, oh yeah!
Voices, wonderful. Distinct (and cute) enough that I had no difficulty with knowing who is speaking when.
Really cute and engaging, lively characters that I'd love to spend more time with!
--- End quote ---
Got 120 posts on the blog... Is that enough time with 'em? ;D
meg_evonne:
--- Quote from: RobJN on December 18, 2009, 03:49:16 PM ---Here's a bit from the fantasy thing I pick away at on another message board:
--- End quote ---
interesting and sort of nasty this time. last time was cute but your fantasy piece left me with too many questions. What happened the last time? Why doesn't she have a means of communicating? Sounds like she's been there a bit. Lots of good reader type questions, so again---nice!
RobJN:
--- Quote from: meg_evonne on December 19, 2009, 03:49:24 AM ---interesting and sort of nasty this time. last time was cute but your fantasy piece left me with too many questions. What happened the last time? Why doesn't she have a means of communicating? Sounds like she's been there a bit. Lots of good reader type questions, so again---nice!
--- End quote ---
That snippet is actually from the chronicle's "day 2." And your questions get slowly answered as the tale unfolds. I hope the 'nasty' you refer to is a 'darnit, now I have to keep reading' kind of nasty :-D
I know you're busy with your own writing, but if you want the rest of this, PM me.
meg_evonne:
--- Quote from: RobJN on December 19, 2009, 04:34:15 AM ---I hope the 'nasty' you refer to is a 'darnit, now I have to keep reading' kind of nasty :-D I know you're busy with your own writing, but if you want the rest of this, PM me.
--- End quote ---
Yes, nasty in the G** D*** it, now I keelll to read more.
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version