McAnally's (The Community Pub) > Author Craft
Okay new game: hooked or not hooked.....
LizW65:
Here's a fragment for y'all:
"On the morning of February sixteenth, 1948, notorious bank robber Norman Beady was found strangled to death in his jail cell while awaiting arraignment, apparently by his own lawyer.
This was strange for two reasons.
The first was that lawyers are not in the habit of killing their own clients outright when the preferred modus operandi is to bleed them dry over an extended period of time. The second reason was that Norman Beady had died two months ago during a botched escape attempt from Attica prison, where he was serving the fourth year of a twenty-year sentence for robbing an armored bank truck at gunpoint."
Hooked or no?
Philliph:
I like it. I need more to really know if i'm interested though. i'm not exactly hooked but if i picked this up in a library i'd probably check it out. Does that define hooked?
comprex:
--- Quote from: LizW65 on September 27, 2009, 03:20:57 PM ---Here's a fragment for y'all:
"On the morning of February sixteenth, 1948, notorious bank robber Norman Beady was found strangled to death in his jail cell while awaiting arraignment, apparently by his own lawyer.
This was strange for two reasons.
The first was that lawyers are not in the habit of killing their own clients outright when the preferred modus operandi is to bleed them dry over an extended period of time. The second reason was that Norman Beady had died two months ago during a botched escape attempt from Attica prison, where he was serving the fourth year of a twenty-year sentence for robbing an armored bank truck at gunpoint."
Hooked or no?
--- End quote ---
Tempo and referents need a of bit polish for my tastes. Particularly in the spots I highlighted.
I do like the subtle coexistence of 'bleed dry' and 'should've been dead already' in the same paragraph.
Aludra:
I like it the way it is, Liz. Eh, go with what comprex said though, he probably took college classes in writing, and I didn't.
I'd have finished the first chapter at least with it as is.
It's slightly reminiscint of The Great Train Robbery (the book) to me, and I LOVE that book.
Gritti:
Hey did anyone get a chance to read my Sci Fi story? I posted it a on September 19th but haven't heard anything from anyone about it. I refuse to believe it is so awsome that nobody had any comments, but I think maybe it got missed in some of the conversations. So anyway, this is me asking for everyone to go back and check it out. Please.
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