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McAnally's (The Community Pub) => Author Craft => Topic started by: meg_evonne on July 05, 2007, 05:47:11 PM
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Okay, a simple plea for help. Men, I would like to know what women you date do that really irritates you---not enough to walk away, but could be lived with if this woman was really who you wanted in your life...
I've got an irritating, bosy female character that ends up with a fairly regular guy... So I'm making her grate against his sensibilities until they get together. I came up with a couple things, but I'm looking for a slew of stuf.
help me out? Thanks in advance!
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Actually, I wouldn't date any girl who really irritated me more than once. A girl who is good looking and good in bed can get away with a lot with most guys. A woman who is of the type the French call a belle laide doesn't even need to be particularly good looking. I think someone who couldn't stop talking about nothing in particular, and who had a voice like Fran Drescher that grates on the nerves would begin to get tiresome eventually, though, no matter how sexy her appearance.
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if she perhaps had a specific taste in something, that anything else was simply unacceptable as a substitute. Perhaps she does not voice her desires well, and expects the guy to "just know" We hate that, We are not a mind reader. Perhaps she gets a little bitchy sometimes. thats all i can think of right now ;D
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Why does this have to be a gender-specific thing ?
If you want to do something really irritating that isn't going to make either character unsympathetic enough that nobody will be made happy by them getting together, it's a tough call. Maybe one of them being ADDish and the other mildly obsessive-compulsive ? That would be something where they could drive each other bananas without it being anyone's fault.
I'm kind of out of sympathy with people who grate on each other but get together in the end as a literary trope, I've yet to see a version of it done that didn't make me want to slap one or both characters with a large fish and say "Have higher standards, damn it !" but.. that isn't helping you make it work, it's just realising I'm probably not the target audience for this story.
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A couple of things come to mind...My hubby likes to correct my grammer and pronunciation and sometimes it just completely grates my nerves...other times I just tell him to get over it...we live in Lou., Ky and although I can speak properly when I need to, I choose not to at home. You can always have a particular word or phrase that drives your character nuts. I say 'dude' a lot. I did when my hubby and I started dating and I got over it for a while...and then I started watching Lost...I swear, I think he hates Hurley... :D
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Something that possibly could help with this is a book called Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, that delineates the various ways in which otherwise compatible men and women fail to communicate.
For instance, a woman might come home and complain about a horrible day at work. All she really wants from her man is a sympathetic ear, and when he tries to give her concrete advice on how to fix the problem, she blows up at him and says he doesn't understand her. Or when a man is depressed and grouchy, a woman tries to give him sympathy and all he wants is to retreat into himself and be left alone. Small failures to communicate properly can really put a strain on an otherwise workable relationship.
Hope this helps. I too get annoyed with the old "boy and girl hate each other, but they're so good in bed that nothing else matters" refrain that so many romance writers seem to rely upon. That sort of thing might work in the short term, but it's not a foundation upon which to build a stable, mature relationship.
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One could be a neat freak and the other could be a slob. That's good for some irritation.
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a girl who doesn't understand that playoffs are just a little bit more important than your average games.
and if she hates my favorite team she will have to vacate the premises during those games. and if i invite bunch of my friends it is not an excuse for you to invite bunch of your friends. it's not a party. hm..almost sound like it belongs in a gripes thread..
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My girlfriend is a huge Sharks fan like me so its all good.
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*blinks at the Berke Breathed avatar*
Irrationailty combined with moodiness. It's cute and poignant when it's Ally McBeal, and makes a great character, but living with in Real Life?
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Something that possibly could help with this is a book called Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, that delineates the various ways in which otherwise compatible men and women fail to communicate.
Possibly one of the most noxious books of recent decades, that.
For instance, a woman might come home and complain about a horrible day at work. All she really wants from her man is a sympathetic ear, and when he tries to give her concrete advice on how to fix the problem, she blows up at him and says he doesn't understand her. Or when a man is depressed and grouchy, a woman tries to give him sympathy and all he wants is to retreat into himself and be left alone. Small failures to communicate properly can really put a strain on an otherwise workable relationship.
These generalisations do not apply to either all women or all men; differences in communciation styles between human beings are a real and valid topic, but treating them as if all women were like X and all men were like Y [ heh, little genetics joke there ] is really rotten, it doesn't give anyone a fair chance at being seen as an individual first, which I happen to believe is kind of essential.
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My girlfriend is a huge Sharks fan like me so its all good.
I'm not sure I can do anything useful with the mental image that came into my mind reading this, which was of a couple bitterly divided by which gang they sympathise with in West Side Story and which I am pretty sure you did not mean, but it really should be used somewhere.
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This is going to sound odd, but my gf says that coffee speeds up her period, is it true?
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I had no idea I would laugh my way through these replies. Please keep them coming and thank you so much!
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I had no idea I would laugh my way through these replies. Please keep them coming and thank you so much!
Not sure if this helps any but my wife will do strange things to her cigs in bizarre mini-attempts to quit smoking. Like today there was a pack out lying next to our car when it was about to rain. I asked her about it and she thought that if they got rained on it would help her stop smoking....
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Something that bothered my husband when we were dating was the use of nail polish or polish remover in his presence - he has an acute sense of smell, and it drove him crazy; but he didn't tell me until we'd been together about a year. Ditto about perfume, even a small amount. 'Course, I was only painting my nails and wearing perfume to be more attractive to him. Go figure.
Sports obsessions/rivalries are always good. My husband has learned to live with the fact that I am a die-hard Notre Dame fan (Domer, '90). He might even root for the Irish now and then. Or, at least, not root against them. I'm just hoping that sometime during my lifespan, ND beats Ohio State in football. *shakes head pessimistically* :'(
Things that still bother him? I tend to get a little 'absorbed' when reading a book, or get a bit obsessive about certain films, TV series, actors, or books. I tend to repeat the same stories (especially 'old' family stories) over and over. And over.
...I'm sure there's more, but for my own peace of mind, I'll stop here. ;)
Edited for flow/clarity
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Do you know what the ND fight song is I forgot.
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Is the Pope Catholic?? Do I remember... sheesh... I've been singing it since I was 5...
The Notre Dame Victory March
Rally sons of Notre Dame
Sing her glory and sound her fame
Raise her gold and blue
And sing with voices true
Rah rah for Notre Dame
We will fight in every game
Strong of heart and true to her name
We will ne'er forget her,
And we'll cheer her ever
Loyal to Notre Dame
(Chorus)
Cheer, cheer for Ol' Notre Dame
Wake up the echoes cheering her name
Send the volley cheer on high
Shake down the thunder from the sky
What thou the odds be great or small
Ol' Notre Dame will win overall
While her loyal sons are marching
Onward to victory.
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This is going to sound odd, but my gf says that coffee speeds up her period, is it true?
Err, no, but it's as good a theory as the if "you drink Gin and Tonic you'll bring on a late period" idea.
Well actually I guess they both work, but onlty if it was going to happen anyway, it can be a good excuse for a couple of G & Ts though ;).
PS I was VERY confused for a minute to see a song supporting a cathedral in France, I had to read two more posts to find out that it is (I presume) an American Football team. (I doubt if it's a REAL football team, you know what the US and Canada calls soccer. ;D)
ETA Yes meg_evonne we have Starbucks in England, infact there's a new one just opened in Coventry city centre where I live. I don't need PMS/T to get a craving for chocolate, besides I'm rather hoping I'm passed PMS/T now. Yes coffe/chocolate or any craving might be a symptom but not a cure for PMS/T. Nice idea though, curing PMS/T with chocolate. ;) ;D
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Might be my imagination but pre-menstral cycle will guarantee to bring on "extreme caffeine need" usually via anything from Starbucks coffee (Carol M do they have Starbucks Coffee in England? or chocolate.
I'm pretty sure it doesn't bring IT on, but it will herald it's arrival. Some claim that the caffeine crave actually makes PMS worse.
Meg
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Well my girlfriend hates starbucks cause they send Israel money to fight palestine, but thats for the politics thread.
I guess she will try anything during her period.
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Well my girlfriend hates starbucks cause they send Israel money to fight palestine, but thats for the politics thread.
I guess she will try anything during her period.
i got one question why is that wrong? their fighting each other so what if starbucks supports the Israel . does she not pay her taxs too?
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i got one question why is that wrong? their fighting each other so what if starbucks supports the Israel . does she not pay her taxs too?
she might be palestinian?
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she might be palestinian?
thought so. still i sopport Israel and think it should be a country and that we should make sure it is.
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Starbucks does not really support Israel so much as it wants to KILL palestinians maybe I did not make that clear. Oh and post replies in politics thread, please. Sorry for being harsh.
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no thats ok you weren't harsh you were fine just a last parting word my family was part of the ira when we were fighting the war of the black and tans we probeley would still be over there fighting if it wast for the fact that we had to leave to stay alive. now there both fighting and trying to kill each other and over there in Israel. they both think its there right to have it (the jews were there first) but in all honesty you cant expect the muslumis to just give up their holy land. we need to come to an agreement of some kind but ever time we do someone does something to the other party and the war starts all over again. now no offense to your friend but i feel much safer with Israel in charge than the muslumis because Israel doesn't want my country dead and some Muslims do. but your friend is entitled to her or his opinion. and im going to shut up now.
(bear with me with the spelling)
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Doesn't make it right though. Just makes it easier for the US. My family was Jewish and yes its good that the Jews got "thier" country, but "we were here first" isn't an excuse for having a 7 year old Palastinean getting run over by an Israeli tank. Its a war between 3 old religions. They all want to have Jerusalum so they can say " we are right, we are the true religion of God".They are willing to fight for it too. Which apparently means the children too. I can honestly so I have no fing clue what we can do about that that will satisfy them.
PS that 7 year old really did get run over by an Israeli tank.I don't make this up.
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i know i heard the story sad but hey its war sh*t happens. does it make it alright no, i don't know the circumstance of what happen but if i was the front of a collom and a kid got in my way and id keep going cause if i stop and get taken out i could have screwed the rest of my collom . and they all could have died im sorry to say if teh kid didnt get out of the way id do the same thing now i wouldn't be happy about it and it would more than likely haunt me for the rest of my life but id do it.
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ok were done cause we've taken this thread hopelessly off topic if you want to pm me to discuss more that would be fine.
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Starbucks does not really support Israel so much as it wants to KILL palestinians maybe I did not make that clear. Oh and post replies in politics thread, please. Sorry for being harsh.
Actually, it ought to be in an "Internet Hoaxes" or "Urban Legends" thread, since there is no truth in it whatsoever.
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Actually, it ought to be in an "Internet Hoaxes" or "Urban Legends" thread, since there is no truth in it whatsoever.
no well this has nothing to do with the thread...lol
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You're tired. You go to bed. Suddenly she gets chatty.
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their really down and sad and you really don't get to talk to them that day and the next day they down play it as nothing even though they called you 4 times.
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You're tired. You go to bed. Suddenly she gets chatty.
The one that I suspect does tend to break along gender lines a lot of the time, as a consequence of social patterns, is the tension between person who has been at work all day dealing with other people and wants to crash out and have alone time evenings and weekends, and person who has been at home all day and wants to socialise evenings and weekends, which what you have just said seems to fit with.
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You're tired. You go to bed. Suddenly she gets chatty.
The one that I suspect does tend to break along gender lines a lot of the time, as a consequence of social patterns, is the tension between person who has been at work all day dealing with other people and wants to crash out and have alone time evenings and weekends, and person who has been at home all day and wants to socialise evenings and weekends, which what you have just said seems to fit with.
I also think there's the extraversion/introversion dynamic at play. My husband and I both work, but he wants to talk about his day; I'm done by the time I get home. The most annoying part is that he tends to want to talk when I'm reading a book, versus at bedtime (I could handle that). Yes, I've had to put down Dresden books to speak to my husband. Can you imagine??? ;)
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The Nerve!!!
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Yes, my only recourse is to get him into the books as well. Then maybe he'll understand the importance of uninterrupted time with them, and will leave me alone when Small Favor is released. :P
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I know this thread is for guys and clever women, but what if you're a woman and NOT clever? Aren't I allowed in? ;)
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Ugh, my wife does this all the time. I ask her "Is it ok I watch this show on TV." Her reply, "Sure"
Then right when I get into it she decides to talk about her day, then gets irritated that I wasn't paying attention to her.
The same thing happens for books
There is also the have a disagreement during the day, talk about it, apologize and move on. Then right before you are going to bed, because you have to be up early for some reason, she brings it up again and has to discuss it for another hour.
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I know this thread is for guys and clever women, but what if you're a woman and NOT clever? Aren't I allowed in? ;)
well i guess so.
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Carol M is welcome anytime!!!! Of course... I wasn't sure when I initially posted if the guys would come clean and I figured that women would have an angle on it as well. I'm looking for a LOT of ideas. I want to irritate the hell out of this poor guy--but make it doable in the end. Okay, neurvone (do I have his name right?) will be checking in again :-) !!
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I also think there's the extraversion/introversion dynamic at play. My husband and I both work, but he wants to talk about his day; I'm done by the time I get home. The most annoying part is that he tends to want to talk when I'm reading a book, versus at bedtime (I could handle that). Yes, I've had to put down Dresden books to speak to my husband. Can you imagine??? ;)
My husband is a bit like that, though he doesn't want to talk about his day, it's about the War in Iraq, the Bombings, philosophy etc. He never wants to talk when he's watching a TV programme or reading a book, only when I am. You see the things he's interested in are important!!
I will stop watching the TV to talk to him, but if I MUST stop reading a book it's only when I've got to the end of the chapter(or if I forget sometimes the one after that) ;).
Oh, and thank you meg_evonne for your kind words. I think it's neurovore by the way. :)
13x13 it is a woman's duty to never let a man forget when he has annoyed her, the idea is if we remind you of it just before you go to sleep you won't forget your transgression.
I don't know why we bother though, it NEVER works. :D
ETA When I said IT was neurovore I was refering to the screen name not the person. :-[
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Carol M is welcome anytime!!!! Of course... I wasn't sure when I initially posted if the guys would come clean and I figured that women would have an angle on it as well. I'm looking for a LOT of ideas. I want to irritate the hell out of this poor guy--but make it doable in the end. Okay, neurvone (do I have his name right?) will be checking in again :-) !!
*sigh* One more time: neurovore is not a "he".
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*sigh* One more time: neurovore is not a "he".
well you've never told us im pretty sure you want to keep it secret which is fine but until you do for the sake of saving letters he it is ;) :P
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well you've never told us im pretty sure you want to keep it secret which is fine but until you do for the sake of saving letters he it is ;) :P
I think if neurovore says
*sigh* One more time: neurovore is not a "he".
until someone can provide a viable alternative I'll assume the person writing is female. ie Fade a "SHE". Of course in the US I suppose there might be people who are not "he's" or "she's", but I haven't heard of them. Unless you are refering to hermaphrodites or people who have been sterilised?
Usually when there is a choice of two characteristics and only two, if the choice is not one of them it must by default be the other option.
Perhaps neurovore would like to confirm whether or not my logic is at fault.
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no im just trying to get in his nerves. ;)
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You're on the opposite end of the house. She calls you from the shower(has to yell to be heard). You come. She asks you to hand her a towel that's sitting only 10 ft. away from her.
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I knew a girl once that wanted to get my attention on something. She worked with little kids a lot, so she took that tack with me. She wanted me to give her my hands so she could hold them while she spoke. She said that with kids that helps to focus their attention. I got upset because she was being very condescending. I never got her point.
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Absolutely laughed my way through the postings; thank you again for sharing. How do men and women ever get it put together huh???
Bless your heart for walking all the way to the shower!!!! I'm sure she appreciated it, but maybe not enough unless she read this!
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You're on the opposite end of the house. She calls you from the shower(has to yell to be heard). You come. She asks you to hand her a towel that's sitting only 10 ft. away from her.
Had the same thing happen to me last week. If you think she's calling you to come to her while she's naked, wet, and dripping just because she wants a towel, you really do have a lot to learn about women.
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Or, you're married. ;)
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Or, you're married. ;)
If you're married, and all you do is toss the wet naked woman a towel, without even an ogle or a lewd remark, well, I feel sorry for your relationship. :(
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My girlfriend's amazing lack of timesense (which she's aware of).
"I have an early day tomorrow and need to crash early" translates as "Maybe I'll let him get to sleep by 2 hrs after he wanted to."
Also, her facinating ability to be indecisive about where she wants to eat, and get irritated if I don't come up with a solution she likes (see also: asks for advice, then gets upset when she doesn't like my advice. It should be noted that this only occurs when she's stressed.)
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If you're married, and all you do is toss the wet naked woman a towel, without even an ogle or a lewd remark, well, I feel sorry for your relationship. :(
Oh, there's usually ogling and lewd remarks regardless of who's in the shower...
Had the same thing happen to me last week. If you think she's calling you to come to her while she's naked, wet, and dripping just because she wants a towel, you really do have a lot to learn about women.
But sometimes, it is just because she wants a towel. Nudity doesn't always mean sex. And that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the relationship. (Maybe he would have a different perspective, though...? ;))
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If you think nudity means sex, then you haven't been in a relationship very long.
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My girlfriend's amazing lack of timesense (which she's aware of).
"I have an early day tomorrow and need to crash early" translates as "Maybe I'll let him get to sleep by 2 hrs after he wanted to."
Also, her facinating ability to be indecisive about where she wants to eat, and get irritated if I don't come up with a solution she likes (see also: asks for advice, then gets upset when she doesn't like my advice. It should be noted that this only occurs when she's stressed.)
on the food thing i hang out with an entire group of like 10 to 15 people and know one will decide what to eat i mean we'll spend like 20 minutes until mikes like ok were going here.( i know where i want to go i just dont want to make the decision.)
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Also, her facinating ability to be indecisive about where she wants to eat, and get irritated if I don't come up with a solution she likes (see also: asks for advice, then gets upset when she doesn't like my advice. It should be noted that this only occurs when she's stressed.)
Yeah, I'm with you on that one.
ME: "Where do you want to eat? I don't feel like deciding."
HER: "Well, I don't know, so you have to pick a place."
ME: "Grumble, grumble..."
And then I'm the bad guy for being grumpy.
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Aren't you guys supposed to carry a list of places to eat so you can decide when we're wishy-washy? :P Maybe we need to create a Magic 8-ball of restaurants...
Man/Woman: Where should we go to dinner?
8 Ball: Signs point to Ruth's Chris.
I have to admit, most nights I just don't care - but I also don't complain when he makes a choice. If he doesn't have a preference, I'll pick something (although, he usually has a preference). And, if I have a couple of ideas, or a specific preference, I will say so!
Same way at work. I usually don't care because most days I bring my lunch. So when I've decided to go out, anything sounds good. But, if I do have something in mind, I'll happily make the decision.
Edited because I inadvertently posted an incomplete post.
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If you think nudity means sex, then you haven't been in a relationship very long.
When nudity stops being sexy, it's a sign of a relationship going stale. I've been in the current one almost 15 years, and so far, so good. ;D
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"Aren't you guys supposed to carry a list of places to eat so you can decide when we're wishy-washy? "
I do. She's gluten intolerant, so there's like 6-7 places we can go. ;)
When I reach the end of the list, and she still says no, we're kinda at an impasse.
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I have a co-worker who is gluten intolerant, so I've gotten a glimpse of how difficult that can be. He constantly has to explain that he isn't being picky because of eating preferences, that it's a medical issue.
You get a big gold star for carrying the list!
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re: the towel thing. i don't know what kind of women you've been dating, Yeratel, but they're a lot cooler than me. i really just want the towel. if i want something else, THAT'S what i'll be broadcasting across the house.
here's my list:
when the trash gets full, i take it out from under the sink and tie it off to remind me to take it out when i'm finished with what i'm doing in the kitchen. it doesn't work though, and the trash just hangs out in the kitchen for a while. it drives my husband insane. but it does mean that he takes out the trash instead of me :).
for the restaurant picking thing: this is something that's really annoying, but i can't seem to catch myself BEFORE i do.
him: Where would you like to eat?
me: I don't care!
him: no really, pick a place.
me: anywhere you want.
him: how about Round Table?
me: not there.
him: ...Ming Yen?
me: not Chinese food
and so on and so forth, until it comes out that really, i wanted a salad, and since i'm the only one who knows which restaurants serve salads, i end up picking. it is incredibly irritating - i don't know what's wrong with me.
i also take his shoes from the middle of the bedroom floor and put them in the closet. he can never find them when i do that.
he hates my face wash - it's an organic cleanser that smells a little like seaweed. he claims it smells like blood and kicks up a big fuss when i use it in the shower.
and lastly, between our dining room table and the outside wall is a bookshelf. in front of the dining room table is the couch, blocking the view of the bottom of the bookcase from the rest of the room. the bottom shelf of the bookcase has all the trade paperback comics in it. naturally, the floor in front of it is where i choose to sit. no matter how many times i sit there, Scott can never find me. he always thinks i have mysteriously vanished, and begins to walk around the house, calling my name.
:) i am a very annoying woman.
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re: the towel thing. i don't know what kind of women you've been dating, Yeratel, but they're a lot cooler than me. i really just want the towel. if i want something else, THAT'S what i'll be broadcasting across the house.
She is an absolute gem, for which I give thanks on a daily basis. I am a lucky, lucky man. :)
here's my list:
when the trash gets full, i take it out from under the sink and tie it off to remind me to take it out when i'm finished with what i'm doing in the kitchen. it doesn't work though, and the trash just hangs out in the kitchen for a while. it drives my husband insane. but it does mean that he takes out the trash instead of me :).
for the restaurant picking thing: this is something that's really annoying, but i can't seem to catch myself BEFORE i do.
him: Where would you like to eat?
me: I don't care!
him: no really, pick a place.
me: anywhere you want.
him: how about Round Table?
me: not there.
him: ...Ming Yen?
me: not Chinese food
and so on and so forth, until it comes out that really, i wanted a salad, and since i'm the only one who knows which restaurants serve salads, i end up picking. it is incredibly irritating - i don't know what's wrong with me.
i also take his shoes from the middle of the bedroom floor and put them in the closet. he can never find them when i do that.
he hates my face wash - it's an organic cleanser that smells a little like seaweed. he claims it smells like blood and kicks up a big fuss when i use it in the shower.
and lastly, between our dining room table and the outside wall is a bookshelf. in front of the dining room table is the couch, blocking the view of the bottom of the bookcase from the rest of the room. the bottom shelf of the bookcase has all the trade paperback comics in it. naturally, the floor in front of it is where i choose to sit. no matter how many times i sit there, Scott can never find me. he always thinks i have mysteriously vanished, and begins to walk around the house, calling my name.
:) i am a very annoying woman.
I can find absolutely nothing there that would lead me to disagree with you. ;D
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men everywhere breathed a collective sigh of relief when we were hitched. ;)
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I absolutely HATE the "guess where my wife is in the mood to eat dinner tonight" game. It is tedious & frustrating, and just the first step in the dining process (the second being "what on the menu do I want to eat?").
Does anyone else find it this difficult?
EDIT: I want back and read through this thread, and it seems like I am not alone in my frustration.
My wife is lucky that I don't hop in the shower with her every time. We like to call it a "Water Conservation Shower", even though we end up spending longer than normal in there. :-)
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This is going to sound odd, but my gf says that coffee speeds up her period, is it true?
Caffeine is a vasoconstrictor (constricts blood vessels), so taking coffee during that time of the month tends to shut off the bleeding faster.
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...which, since the idea is to flush, may sometimes not be the best thing.
Daoine (I didn't recognize you there for a sec without the neck in the avatar ;) ), that's exactly the type of thing mf gf does with restaurant picking. Only she scowls alot and acts like a 5 yr old (I don't say that lightly. When she's frustrated she can act just like her stepfather...on her it's irritating, but cute. On a grown man, it's disturbing).
Your husband's probably smelling the iron in seaweed, if he thinks it smells like blood.
"he always thinks i have mysteriously vanished, and begins to walk around the house, calling my name. "
My girlfriend's cat does that, even though she can hear us. ;)
My gf will leave her shoes ANYWHERE. They're always together, neatly, but their actual location can be anywhere. And the grippy soles just LOVE to catch on my feet in the dark and trip me up.
I bug my gf because I *don't* jump in the shower with her. I've had...issues in the past. People were hurt. Ahem.
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heh, re: tripping on shoes. in my defense, he's a size 14 and he wears steel toe Docs. trip on THAT in the middle of the night! seriously, it's like wearing a bag of lead fishing weights on each foot. i don't know how he does it.
everyone does annoying things in relationships, the question is, does the other person think it's cute, or psychotic?
mickey - yeah, i figured i could switch avatars now. all the cool kids were doing it ;)
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mickey - yeah, i figured i could switch avatars now. all the cool kids were doing it ;)
I, for one, miss the elegant neck shot.
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gosh, what can i say? i had to reinstate it. :)
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Ah, lovely. I'm sorry, what were we talking about?
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One of my biggest pet peeves is hypocricy. Yeah I know we're all guilty of it to some degree, but it's the outright blatent hypocricy that gets on my nerves...
Also, when a chick overdramatizes everything...that really grinds my gears. I'm sort of involved (reluctantly) with this girl atm who's had a very rough life and it's caused a severe lack of confidence. So everything I say she takes personally. And I'm not one to pull punches, not out of malice, I just don't like to play stupid games and I say what I think even if people don't like it. So, I end up hurting her feelings a lot just for being honest, and it makes me feel like a jerk. I hate feeling guilty when all I'm trying to do is be a stand-up, honest guy who still holds a little sense of honor and duty about him.
I also hate when she tries to do something in the kitchen while I'm in there...I live in an apartment, so it's a kitchenette setup. Not enough room for 2 people. Annoys the hell outta me.
And she always cleans up after me. In my own apartment. That's another big peeve. It's my mess, I'll clean it up when I'm ready. Then it makes me feel bad because she's cleaning up after me like I'm a 5 year old. But I never ask her to or make it seem like I'm expecting her to...in fact I always throw a fit when she starts picking up my dinner plates and stuff. Drives me insane.
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Yes, Blgarver, I remember being a bachelor, too...now I've gone from "It's my mess, dammit!" to being told "Clean up your mess, dammit!" and even better, I get to be the one saying "Clean your room!"
How times change.
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I think if neurovore says until someone can provide a viable alternative I'll assume the person writing is female. ie Fade a "SHE". Of course in the US I suppose there might be people who are not "he's" or "she's", but I haven't heard of them. Unless you are refering to hermaphrodites or people who have been sterilised?
There are people who are physiologically neither; the only one I know who is out about it is Raphael Carter, author of the truly excellent novel The Fortunate Fall.
Usually when there is a choice of two characteristics and only two, if the choice is not one of them it must by default be the other option.
Perhaps neurovore would like to confirm whether or not my logic is at fault.
I reject the choice in the first place. In much the same way as when forms ask me for "race" or "ethnicity" I put down "African(ancient)".
If you must use a pronoun for me, I'm entirely happy with singular "they"; it was good enough for Shakespeare and Chaucer, and gender-inclusive "he" is a seventeenth-century notion tied up with some political positions I strongly disapprove of.
It matters a great deal to me that my biological gender not matter, so it's not out. I have been very pleased in the past with how close to 50/50 people's guesses have been.
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If you think nudity means sex, then you haven't been in a relationship very long.
Or given a lot of backrubs, or hung out with people who like being comfortable in hot tubs or who just generally don't have strong feelings about clothes one way or the other. Or indeed, like me, have strong feelings about clothes boiling down to "Gosh, I hate having to wear the silly things, but it's cold a lot of the year and pockets are nice."
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I have a co-worker who is gluten intolerant, so I've gotten a glimpse of how difficult that can be. He constantly has to explain that he isn't being picky because of eating preferences, that it's a medical issue.
I have a friend who is gluten intolerant, and also cannot eat yeast, dairy, or onions or garlic or anything in that family.
One of the things I like most about Montreal is being able to come up with several restaurants off the top of my head who will not only listen to that very awkward list and get it, but regard it as an interesting challenge to come up with a good meal within those constraints.
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I'd say you have a terrific restaurant then. I think the majority of ours in IA would say, "So?" and you'd get no help at all. :-\
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The Outback has a glutenfree menu. Otherwise, you're mostly on your own for restaurants here too. But I don't eat out much, so maybe I don't see the whole pic.
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Berkeley has a really good vegan and raw place called Cafe Gratitude.
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Vegan and raw? Like, meat free plus tataki? That doesn't compute.
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Okay, I got one for you. But its a reversal, things that men do that drive women (or maybe just me) nuts. When you work really hard on a surprise dinner, and you are making steak, and you have done everything perfect. Its cooked perfectly the way he likes it, it melts in your mouth, its tender, its moist, it is one of the finest creations you have ever wrought in your young life. And the bastard asks for ketchup. KETCHUP!!!!!!
.... ingrateful...... <Grumble, Grumble. Grumble>
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Ketchup? On steak? Heathen. I don't even use steak sauce. I want my steak to taste like...steak.
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and moo, right Samurphy? :D
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and moo, right Samurphy? :D
I prefer that my steak is rare enough to still be slightly confused about the whole thing...
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Vegan and raw? Like, meat free plus tataki? That doesn't compute.
I'm serious its delicious. They make shakes with soy milk. They serve soup cold, but its really excellent.
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Piping hot gaspatcho soup!
Raw diets have an effect...my gf not only seems happier, her eyes went from dark brown to this killer translucent hazel gem color. Really pretty.
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not that I'm suggesting you use your gf as a lab rat, but I have hazel eyes..
take fabric swatches of different colors one at a time and put under her chin---taaa.. daaaa, her eyes will change color. It's cool. :D
Geez, I gotta close this window down and get some work done!
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If you think nudity means sex, then you haven't been in a relationship very long.
Imagine if the lady is just naturally more comfortable around the house without clothes. A habit that tends to run in her family. . . and is purely a comfort thing with the adults. Predictable to within ten minutes of arriving home after a full day. After a while nudity, or partial thereof, means nothing. You get used to it after a decade or so.
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Aside from the "dead ender" stuff (things so bad you could never live with this person), I can't stand when a woman asks me for my opinion knowing full well she won't like it. Case in point.
"which dress do you think I should wear?"
"You know I hate this game, why don't you ask which dress I hate the most so you can just pick that one. You'll look beautiful no matter what you choose and you'll never pick what I recomend anyway. "
"No, I'm serious. Tell me which one you like. Theres only three. Which one do you like the most."
"Are you sure about this, you really care what my opinion is?"
"Of course I do, otherwise I wouldn't ask you"
"I like the red one. It sets off your hair and everything, its dead sexy."
"oh, wait what about this one" (goes to get another dress, comes back with two, then demands my attention again because my opinion is sooo very important)
"I still like the red one the best. If you don't want to wear it, the silver one would look good as well."
"I'm not sure, what about this green one"
"I think that would look fantastic.. on my grandmother" (then immediately feel chagrined because this is not funny, its serious, we need to leave soon and she needs my help. She tells me this with her eyes. She also tells me she will remember this for at least a week)
"You're going to look beautiful no matter what dress you wear (it was worth a shot, but shes still going to remember). If you don't like the first two I mentioned, wear the black dress. Its classy, beautiful, you'll look great."
...
skip to the end. She wears none of the dresses I picked. She still looks beautiful and still doesn't feel the least bit fazed that she chose to wear the one dress that I didn't mention. I've tried picking them in reverse from dresses to lamps to colors to freaking food in the grocery store. It doesn't seem to matter. Its always the last thing I would pick. Of course, we divorced (unrelated reasons), so its some other poor fools problem now. ;D
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Aside from the "dead ender" stuff (things so bad you could never live with this person), I can't stand when a woman asks me for my opinion knowing full well she won't like it. Case in point.
"which dress do you think I should wear?"
"You know I hate this game, why don't you ask which dress I hate the most so you can just pick that one. You'll look beautiful no matter what you choose and you'll never pick what I recomend anyway. "
"No, I'm serious. Tell me which one you like. Theres only three. Which one do you like the most."
"Are you sure about this, you really care what my opinion is?"
"Of course I do, otherwise I wouldn't ask you"
"I like the red one. It sets off your hair and everything, its dead sexy."
"oh, wait what about this one" (goes to get another dress, comes back with two, then demands my attention again because my opinion is sooo very important)
"I still like the red one the best. If you don't want to wear it, the silver one would look good as well."
"I'm not sure, what about this green one"
"I think that would look fantastic.. on my grandmother" (then immediately feel chagrined because this is not funny, its serious, we need to leave soon and she needs my help. She tells me this with her eyes. She also tells me she will remember this for at least a week)
"You're going to look beautiful no matter what dress you wear (it was worth a shot, but shes still going to remember). If you don't like the first two I mentioned, wear the black dress. Its classy, beautiful, you'll look great."
Bad communication is not a gender-specific thing.
The ways in which people are socially taught that bad communication is appropriate definitely differ, sure. (See Murphy pointing out the stupidity of the whole Harry and Thomas not communicating because it's a guy thing in PG.)
Doesn't mean you can;t legitimately expect people who really care to make the effort to really communicate.
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I believe it was Jeff Foxworthy who said;
"Women don't want to hear a man's opinion. They want to hear THEIR opinion in a deeper voice."
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Bad communication is not a gender-specific thing.
The ways in which people are socially taught that bad communication is appropriate definitely differ, sure. (See Murphy pointing out the stupidity of the whole Harry and Thomas not communicating because it's a guy thing in PG.)
Doesn't mean you can;t legitimately expect people who really care to make the effort to really communicate.
Its not really about bad communication. Not saying we had good communication, just that choosing the color of the furniture was (or should be) an important part of our relationship. For my part, I felt she didn't really value my opinion as much as she wanted to reason out the pros and cons by talking to someone instead of in her head. I thought of it more as a joke, but it was one of the most annoying things she did (which is to say, not that important to me). It wasn't a problem unless she was stressed then she took it personal if I didn't pay immediate attention. I just mentioned it because its a common theme between men and women and could provide for some funny dialoge that wouldn't make a reader dislike a character, just seem kinda quirky. If its the man not listening to the woman, its not so funny. Women not listening to men, funny. Go figure.
Also pointing to something out the window while one person is driving and saying "look at that!". Or pointing to a map while driving through the middle of Atlanta and saying "We're should be here. I think if we keep going in this direction..." Like I can see the map in the dark while I'm trying to not commit vehicular homicide. (My dad did that to me last week). It might actually be funny if we were driving through a zombie infested landscape ala I am Legend or Resident Evil, etc.. He'd totally do that to me to.
"Ohh no don't take this road Ricky. Its a toll road" (from TN where there aren't any and we consider them an abomination)
"we've got a human corpse on the hood. well, half a human corpse. I'm pretty sure they'll let us through the smart tag section with that"
"Ok, but I'm not sure I've got exact change if your wrong"
"I've got an idea, lets ask Stumpy if hes got any. Oh wait, he doesn't have pockets.. or legs."
Ok no more caffeine for me tonight. ;)
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I just mentioned it because its a common theme between men and women and could provide for some funny dialoge that wouldn't make a reader dislike a character, just seem kinda quirky. If its the man not listening to the woman, its not so funny. Women not listening to men, funny. Go figure.
Cliches about what "men" and "women" are like in place of characterising them as individuals won't make me dislike a character, necessarily, but it will make me dislike the author and most likely never read anything else of theirs again.
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my wife always makes up something that she wanted to happen (putting the laundry in the dryer)...sets the event at a time that I would not have a clear memory of it...waking up or perhaps post coitally and then sets up an ambush. The upshot is I feel used and dirty and she gets out of some house hold task she hates
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Cliches about what "men" and "women" are like in place of characterising them as individuals won't make me dislike a character, necessarily, but it will make me dislike the author and most likely never read anything else of theirs again.
I wasn't suggesting not developing characters... chill out. I could walk up to nearly any man and tell him that story about my wife and, unless he was psychotic or had never dated in his life, chanced are that he would laugh. He wouldn't laugh because he knows me as an individual but because he's probably been through the same thing to some degree. Notice the Jeff Foxworthy quote above. Theres a reason its funny. Theres a reason Foxworthy can deliver that line with a crowd of men and women and get a laugh. Because the audience can relate it to their lives and experiences.
Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with cliches so long as they're interesting. Without the magic and monsters Harry would be just another gumshoe. Its boring work (my dad's a PI so I know). A down on his luck gumshoe, can't get much more cliche than that. Through in the magic, its gets more interesting. A few character faults, a series of events, a vampire or two, next thing you know I can't put the book down.
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my wife always makes up something that she wanted to happen (putting the laundry in the dryer)...sets the event at a time that I would not have a clear memory of it...waking up or perhaps post coitally and then sets up an ambush. The upshot is I feel used and dirty and she gets out of some house hold task she hates
I hear ya. I suggest a voice recorder. It won't help (will probably make her madder, women hate facts :P), but you'll feel better deep down knowing you were right. Even if you're right, sleeping on the couch. ;D
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After
I hear ya. I suggest a voice recorder. It won't help (will probably make her madder, women hate facts :P), but you'll feel better deep down knowing you were right. Even if you're right, sleeping on the couch. ;D
10 years of marriage has taught me that their are very few things it is critical to feel right about on the couch
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I wasn't suggesting not developing characters... chill out. I could walk up to nearly any man and tell him that story about my wife and, unless he was psychotic or had never dated in his life, chanced are that he would laugh. He wouldn't laugh because he knows me as an individual but because he's probably been through the same thing to some degree. Notice the Jeff Foxworthy quote above. Theres a reason its funny. Theres a reason Foxworthy can deliver that line with a crowd of men and women and get a laugh. Because the audience can relate it to their lives and experiences.
Try it in Ireland, in Germany and in Indonesia and it won't get the same response. Social consturcts, nothing more, and social constructs are our choices and therefore our responsibilities, which is why I get a bit hot under the collar to see the ones we happen to have now reinforced as if they were a) unalterable and b) positive.
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women hate facts That don't serve their side of the argument :P),
Fixed it for ya.
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Who doesn't hate that, on some level, when they're having an argument?
I know I do. *Shrug*
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True, Lisa...I'z jus workin' inside the confines of the comment... ;D
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Try it in Ireland, in Germany and in Indonesia and it won't get the same response. Social consturcts, nothing more, and social constructs are our choices and therefore our responsibilities, which is why I get a bit hot under the collar to see the ones we happen to have now reinforced as if they were a) unalterable and b) positive.
Theres a joke in Chinese about a man who goes to a noodle shop in a neighboring province and asks for a bowl of soup. The words for sex and soup sound alike in Cantonise and Mandarin so Chinese people laugh when they hear it. I didn't laugh because I don't speak Chinese (till it was translated for me anyway). Thats ok because the audience at the time did speak Chinese (one or the other). You could get upset because the woman was working as a waitress instead of being a CEO somewhere else. You can get upset because the guy wasn't sensitive enough to know what he was asking was inappropiate. Or, like us, you could just laugh because life is short and the point of the story wasn't the predefined roles (if there are any left) that we find ourselves in, but how misunderstanding or lack of good communication can in fact be funny.
I hope you find something to laugh about in life, but I'm beginning to think you don't.
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Another fun but annoying trick that is gender related is when your wife or girlfriend uses your razor on her legs and doesn't tell you until she hears you screaming as the whiskers are being pulled out of your face one at a time by the mysteriously dull blade.
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Another fun but annoying trick that is gender related is when your wife or girlfriend uses your razor on her legs and doesn't tell you until she hears you screaming as the whiskers are being pulled out of your face one at a time by the mysteriously dull blade.
I like most women have my own razor. Are you sure you didn't just pick up the wrong one? Or forget to change the blade?
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Yeah I use and electric dude and my wife has her own trimmer...that is kinda wierd
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I am sure. This is not an everyday occurence (or of course I not fall for it). It is more of an "Oh I forgot to get new razors so I used yours. Hope you don't mind."
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I am sure. This is not an everyday occurence (or of course I not fall for it). It is more of an "Oh I forgot to get new razors so I used yours. Hope you don't mind."
How does it make a difference? Hair is hair, isn't it?
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Mostly, but different hair has different texture, coarse, fine, etc, which wear a blade differently. And a razor blade can only be used so many times before it gets dulled to where it's painful to use.
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And in most cases a razor that has been used even once for shaving someone's legs is no longer sharp enough to shave someone's face. It is not only a matter of coarseness but also of the total area shaved. Most people have more surface area on their legs than on their face. It's the surprise factor that makes it annoying though. I was just trying to think of things that are a petty annoyance but not deadly to a relationship. The expectation that the man should be able to read his girlfriend/spouse's mind is probably the one I find most annoying. Yes this works both ways but I find the expectation much more common among females.
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Yeah I used to hate that one.
Especially because she would be upset, and I'd be trying to find out what's wrong, but she wouldn't tell, yet was upset cuase I didn't know.
Confusing as hell.
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Men should come with a tag attached when they begin to co-habitate with a female. Women are ALWAYS behind the learning curve on this until they've lived with a man. A man doesn't understand that a woman doesn't have a clue about this problem. A woman can use the same blasted razor for a week or two and if she forgets to shop when she runs out, she can make that same razor go a month. We have no concept of the pain this causes a man, after even one secretive leg shaving.
So, we aren't doing it to be mean. We just don't understand until we see your red, scraped face and then we feel awful. I'm divorced and I still would say I was sorry for doing that to the X....
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I think that this should be filed under the, first year of marriage syndrome, I think that if you are really learning about a partner you work through the removal of hair issue. I bought a safety razor...the old fashioned kind that you have to put a straight razor blade into. My wife never borrowed it, it takes a lot more control use one of those on your legs. I also usually have a bag of disposable razors around the house for emergencies, now of course I use an electric razor, so she could use it and I would never know. I think that setting your partner up for success is the best way to deal with it. if you can accept who they are and apply that to every thing not just razors, you can deal with a scraped up face every now and again
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Men should come with a tag attached when they begin to co-habitate with a female. Women are ALWAYS behind the learning curve on this until they've lived with a man. A man doesn't understand that a woman doesn't have a clue about this problem. A woman can use the same blasted razor for a week or two and if she forgets to shop when she runs out, she can make that same razor go a month. We have no concept of the pain this causes a man, after even one secretive leg shaving.
So, we aren't doing it to be mean. We just don't understand until we see your red, scraped face and then we feel awful. I'm divorced and I still would say I was sorry for doing that to the X....
Ah but they don't, that's the problem!!
When my ex did it, if I got upset, she'd just say 'I only used it once, what's the problem' or 'Just use a new one'.
Not once did she say 'oh sorry, I didn't know' or 'jeez, that looks really painful.'
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One thing my wife has taught me, is that when a woman says something, it usually means that the words are not as important as the situation that they are said in and the body language that she is using while saying them...I have also learned not to get my feelings hurt so easily
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The expectation that the man should be able to read his girlfriend/spouse's mind is probably the one I find most annoying. Yes this works both ways but I find the expectation much more common among females.
The problem with this is that my boyfriend says: "You should have said something" or "You should have mentioned it before." AND I HAVE. I don't expect mind reading but I do expect consideration when I HAVE said something.
The razor thing is something else, he doesn't shave and I don't shave, so I never understood the "borrowed my razor" thing.
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I don't think it comes down to mind reading...just different communication styles. ;)
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One thing my wife has taught me, is that when a woman says something, it usually means that the words are not as important as the situation that they are said in and the body language that she is using while saying them...I have also learned not to get my feelings hurt so easily
Yes, but it would be nice if it worked both ways.
I've found with my ex's (and I'm not saying all women do this, or that men don't. I sure men do do this, I've just never dated any), that most arguments come from her point of view, and anything that doesn't agree, like my point of view, is irrelevant.
Hence, it leaves me, often, feeling like my feelings and thoughts have no validity, and that tends to make me angry and arguments escalate.
I honestly don't see how it's that difficult to say 'sorry I did a thoughtless thing, caused by my own forgetfullness, and it caused you some minor pain and irratiation'.
Again, I'm not saying all women do this, or that men don't.
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*okay, I started this thread and I (and many authors) have gotten a lot of great material. Please keep it coming. I do think though that a side-by-side thread would be a good idea at this point for writers as well... Check out--Back from the edge, turning on your partner.
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Well, i'll just be severe on my own sex. I see so many girls do this it's insane.
-Getting too personal too quick. Guys really don't want to hear about how your sister's having problems with your mom's new boyfriend who she recently found out has been in a gay relationship.
Man, i can't stand when other girls whine to me and i'm sure most guys don't either unless you get one of those "need to be needed" guys.
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-Getting too personal too quick. Guys really don't want to hear about how your sister's having problems with your mom's new boyfriend who she recently found out has been in a gay relationship.
This is not a gender thing, IME; some people open up fast, others slowly, pretty much regardless.
Oh, and tell your sister to stop being silly.
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This is not a gender thing, IME; some people open up fast, others slowly, pretty much regardless.
Oh, and tell your sister to stop being silly.
Ah, i suppose i'm only speaking on a high school level basis. Guys just don't share their personal lives because of the whole "masculinity" thing and general teenage apathy too. It also has to deal with teenage need to separate themselves from their families.
Sister? I dunno if you were being literal (i was just trying to go for the crazy, insane soap opera-esque web of family problems). But yes, i if there was a person who existed like this, they would be awfully silly.