Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do

[LordDresden]

When summoning the Za-Lord's guard for a review when Murphy is around, I am not allowed to tell them that isn't nice to tease Muirph about her height.

I am not allowed to send the Za-Lord's guard to drive Rudolph insane with noises in the night.

I am not allowed to insult the Merlin during White Council meetings.  That's Ebenezar's place.

When introducing Murphy and Ivy to others at the same time, I am not allowed to tell people that the short one is the cop.  Even if it might soon be true.

I am not allowed to tell Murphy, Elaine, Lash, Susan, or any of the other Harry-ettes that I'd sell the lot of them if it would bring a smile to Ivy's face.  Even though that just might be the truth.

It's OK for Mouse to give Ivy pony rides.  However I am no longer allowed to permit this with Murphy, people are starting to talk.

I am not allowed to remind the White Council that my execution might make Ivy unhappy.  They don't need reminding, they already know it...and I get a little giggle out of that every night before I go to sleep.

[Tempus Corvus]

The diagram "Wound Man" is not allowed in my office. Especially not if there's a serial killer on the loose.

I will not ask Mavra to show Stephanie Meyer what REAL vampires are like.
-Well, maybe.
-On second thought, no. I don't want to know what she'd want in return.
-I am, however, allowed to send out copies of Twilight to the Red Court and Black court, and then just see what happens.

I will keep Thomas away from any Twilight fan gatherings, especially if  I see him with blonde hair dye and some sort of 'Sparkling' enchantment.

"FOR PONY!" Is not my battle cry.

[Uilos]

The diagram "Wound Man" is not allowed in my office. Especially not if there's a serial killer on the loose.

I will not ask Mavra to show Stephanie Meyer what REAL vampires are like.
-Well, maybe.
-On second thought, no. I don't want to know what she'd want in return.
-I am, however, allowed to send out copies of Twilight to the Red Court and Black court, and then just see what happens.

I will keep Thomas away from any Twilight fan gatherings, especially if  I see him with blonde hair dye and some sort of 'Sparkling' enchantment.

"FOR PONY!" Is not my battle cry.

You are gonna feel right at home here

[Raestlin]

I am not allowed to place a call to Butters and disguise my voice pretending to be from the Oktoberfest committee, telling him that he is going to be very famous......however should Bob be inhabiting any telephones in the recent future........

[Maltese Falcon]

I am not allowed to get drunk, call up Titania at 3:00 am, and ask her, "It's 3:00 am, do you know where your daughter is?"

I am not allowed to call Kincaid at 3am and ask him if he knows where Ivy is.
I really am not allowed to call Kincaid when he is on vacation with Murphy at 3am and ask him if he knows where Ivy is.

[Murphy's Stunt Double]

I really am not allowed to call Kincaid when he is on vacation with Murphy at 3am and ask him if he knows where Ivy is.

Au Contraire! I think Harry should DEFINITELY be allowed to do that! LOL

[Gallowglass]

I may not get the 'Book of Tantric Sex' and have Ivy correct it and send it to Kincaid and/or Murphy.

I may not keep the corrected book for myself either.

I am not allowed to ask Ivy, when she is older of course to make it legal, to respond to any of Lash's comments about Lara.  Come on, if it hasn't been written about, it isn't worth doing.

The same as above except with the Kama Sutra or any other pillow book.

I am not allowed to play 'Girls just want to have Fun," for Kincaid when Ivy goes out on her first date.  I am allowed to chain him in the cellar though.

I am not allowed to talk Mouse on walks and let him play with cars illegally parked in handicapped zones.  But I can sit on the hood of the really expensive ones and screw their electronics and accidents do happen with mouse and fancy interiors.

I may not start humming ride of the valkyrie when Charity meets Ms Gard for the first time.  Of course I am not sure who I would be humming for.

[LordDresden]

I may not start humming ride of the valkyrie when Charity meets Ms Gard for the first time.  Of course I am not sure who I would be humming for.

If I catch a male White Court vampire eyeing Charity, I am not allowed to casually mention how wimpy her husband is.  While it's true that removing incubi from circulation is usually desirable, there's a right way and a wrong way to go about it...

When the time comes for Molly to learn electricity magic, I am not allowed to 'forget' to remind her to leave the piercings at home.  That would be just cruel...

When the time comes for Maeve to meet Molly, I am not allowed to gag if they start oohing and aahing over each other's outfits and exchanging fashion comments...

I am not allowed to invite Mother Summer and Mother Winter to tea, just to make Mab nuts...wait, it's too late for that, isn't it?

If I ever decide to let Lara get that close to me again, I am not allowed to 'accidentally' call her by one of her sisters' names in the heat of the moment.  While this might well breed dissension amid the White Court, it could also get my spine broken.  Bad risk/return ratio there...

When the time comes for Luccio, Murphy, or Elaine to meet Tera West, I am not allowed to whisper to them, "Yeah, she looks relaxed, but she's actually kind of wild."  I am, however, allowed to introduce Tera to Lara, just to see the two predators interact...

Also, when that time comes, it would really be small of me to tell Murph, "You remember, the one who helped me get loose back when you decided it would be a keen idea to arrest me in the middle of a loup-garou rampage?"  So I'm not allowed to do that.  On the other hand, I don't have to contradict Tera if she asks whether Murphy is still stupid.  (Come on, can't you hear Tera asking that?)

I am not allowed to put out 'the word' that the Za-Lord's guard has their orders in the event of anything bad happening to me...although come to think of it, that's not a bad idea...

[Ms Duck]

I shall not make a giant flamin sign " Fear the Za Lord"

...

on the white councils front lawn

...


with chimes..


again.

[Gallowglass]

When the time comes for Molly to learn electricity magic, I am not allowed to 'forget' to remind her to leave the piercings at home.  That would be just cruel...

No Pain, No Gain

When the time comes for Maeve to meet Molly, I am not allowed to gag if they start oohing and aahing over each other's outfits and exchanging fashion comments...

But I am allowed to put earplugs in, start talking to mouse about his next vet's appointment or mention a B-A-T-H for Mister. 

[Maltese Falcon]

I shall not make a giant flamin sign " Fear the Za Lord"

...

on the white councils front lawn

...


with chimes..


again.

Wait why not they know not who the za lord is or know of his power.
It will be fun to watch them squirm too.

[Dragonblood309]

The next time one of the Fae queens does something I find particularly objectionable, I am not allowed to threaten to call and tell their mothers on them.

Although that would be funny to see Mother Winter decend on Mab and Maeve scolding them for being so bad and such lose skanks to the nice wizard who was kind enough to vist her in the woods when her own family doesnt even bother to call. 

[LordDresden]

When the time comes for Molly to learn electricity magic, I am not allowed to 'forget' to remind her to leave the piercings at home.  That would be just cruel...

No Pain, No Gain

Would Charity get mad at Harry if he did that...or would she grin when Molly turned her back and wink and thumbs up? 

I am not allowed to permit Bob to possess Mister and send them over to Raith Manor with carte blanche for both of them...unless Lara really pisses me off. 

(I have the mental image of Lara ringing up Harry sometime in the wee hours and wearily asking for terms...)

[LordDresden]

The next time one of the Fae queens does something I find particularly objectionable, I am not allowed to threaten to call and tell their mothers on them.

Although that would be funny to see Mother Winter decend on Mab and Maeve scolding them for being so bad and such lose skanks to the nice wizard who was kind enough to vist her in the woods when her own family doesnt even bother to call. 

Maeve and Mab just know all their fun is going down the tubes when they hear the phrase 'nice wizard' from Mother Winter. 


"And as for you, granddaughter, you might remember that you're not getting any younger, you're almost 10,000 and you're getting a bad reputation!  You could do worse than a nice, loyal, kind wizard like that, you know!  Do you want him to think you're some kind of slut with a brain smaller than your boobs?"

[Dragonblood309]

I will not attempt to hook up the Earlking with Mab or Maeve. Or my Godmother. Or anyone else for that matter.

No matter how much little Harry begs, I will not take him to meet the real Santa Clause. Nor will I take any of the other kids. Although I might take Ivy. She would prolly like that.