Author Topic: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do  (Read 250937 times)

Offline Ms Duck

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Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
« Reply #45 on: April 10, 2008, 12:28:31 AM »
I will not dose the fruit punch at council meetings with ex lax
1) even if the merlin is full of crap
Yeah, but Germans and Hungarians don't pull people's theories out of their sockets when they're challenged.  Ducks are known to do that.


That's been disabled. But I can still CALL you Fup Duck. -Shecky

Offline cassandra

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Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
« Reply #46 on: April 10, 2008, 12:40:09 AM »
-Now that there is a woman in my life again, I will never ever clean my gun in the living room...
a) unless she is out of town
b) or at least in the other room...

codicil: the same goes for "polishing my staff"

Offline Albino_Raven

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Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
« Reply #47 on: April 10, 2008, 12:41:40 AM »
When in Summer’s company, I am not to refer to Titania as “The Great Tit.”

I am not to ask Kincaid if he taught Dick Cheney how to shoot a gun…

I am not to send the Evil Overlord list to the Merlin and say “Some serious shit here, boss… pip-pip, tally-ho”
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Offline Soulless Mystic5523

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Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
« Reply #48 on: April 10, 2008, 12:52:33 AM »
I am not to send the Evil Overlord list to the Merlin and say “Some serious shit here, boss… pip-pip, tally-ho”

Nor am I to send the Evil Overlord list to Nicodemus, while circling all the things he's done wrong.
WHAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, IF NOT FOR THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN.

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Offline Purpura

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Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
« Reply #49 on: April 10, 2008, 04:50:44 AM »
Things not to Sing/Do around Murphy:

Sing "Short People Got No Reason" by Randy Newman
Do Not Order Short Stacks of Pancakes.
Do not Talk about Martin Short's works referring to them with his last name only.
Do not call her Tiny, Shorty, Wee One, Lil One, Small Fry...

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Offline Lady Knight Ignus

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Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
« Reply #50 on: April 10, 2008, 05:07:37 AM »
Things not to Sing/Do around Murphy:

Sing "Short People Got No Reason" by Randy Newman
Do Not Order Short Stacks of Pancakes.
Do not Talk about Martin Short's works referring to them with his last name only.
Do not call her Tiny, Shorty, Wee One, Lil One, Small Fry...
Furthermore, do not comment upon even one of the numerous similarities between Murphy and elf captain Holly Short (of Artemis Fowl fame) in Murphy's presence. 
"So we get a plan," I said. "Any suggestions?"
"Blow up the building," Kincaid said without looking up. "That works good for vampires. Then soak what's left in gasoline. Set it on fire. Then blow it all up again."

Offline Blitz

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Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
« Reply #51 on: April 10, 2008, 06:31:27 AM »
BEWARE: SmF spoilers in post!

I am not to urge people to use my shower in the hopes someone else will bathe naked in front of me.
a) Because with my luck, 9 times out of 10 it will be a man.  An extremely unattractive man.
b) And when Molly uses my shower, Charity kicks my ass.

When Thomas asks to borrow my alarm clock, I am not to give him Mouse.
a) Even if his apartment security will ask him, "How's the baby doing?"

I will not allow Ivy to pet Mab's fuzzy kitty.
a) It is also probably not a good idea to convince Mister to make friends with said kitty.  The Za-Lord's guard has enough problems protecting the brownies as it is.

I will not publish my own book of faerie tales; kids like the cute version of the Billy Goats Gruff better.
a) Me too.
b) Except when I get doughnuts.

I am no longer permitted to brandish both Fidelacchias and Amoracchias before the Merlin shouting, "Who's the real Merlin now, sucka?!"

It is not okay to make up imaginary friends to replace Lash.
a) My subconscious is scary enough without giving him more people to chat with.

I am not to go around assaulting random janitors demanding they take their possessed copy of "The Two Towers" back.

It is not okay to go around hexing the cell phones of people chatting on them in their cars.
a) With my luck, I will screw up their cars instead of the phones.
b) And Helsinki, while it might sound funny, is not the secret wizard name for Chicago.

I am not to don glasses and paint a scar upon my forehead.
a) Or tell people I had my name legally changed from Potter to Dresden to avoid the paparazzi.


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Offline Lady Knight Ignus

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Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
« Reply #52 on: April 10, 2008, 07:03:53 AM »
I am not allowed to date any redhead named Ginevra.
"So we get a plan," I said. "Any suggestions?"
"Blow up the building," Kincaid said without looking up. "That works good for vampires. Then soak what's left in gasoline. Set it on fire. Then blow it all up again."

Offline Fuego!

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Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
« Reply #53 on: April 10, 2008, 09:24:20 AM »
I will not offer opinion in the Morgan vs. Chuck Norris debate
a) Unless Morgan can hear me, or...
b) I'm asleep

Marcone does not employ anyone by the names of "Guido" or "Vinny", and I should stop calling all of his goons by those names.
a) Ditto for "Thumbs"

Calling Mab a frigid bitch has painful consequences...

I will stop waving my hands over Molly saying "The force is strong with this one..."

"Ja, mein fuhrer" is not a proper response to anything a Senior Council member asks me.

You will do fine if you rememember 3 things: 1) I don't like anyone, this includes you. 2) The only person I trust is me, everyone else is suspect. And 3) I am not here to judge...but I will.

Offline Delarith

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Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
« Reply #54 on: April 10, 2008, 09:41:57 AM »
This is an Ebenezer one instead of a Harry one but it came to mind.

I will not preface the next Krackatoa by first saying, "Hey y'all!  Watch this!"

Offline Sorryman105

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Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
« Reply #55 on: April 10, 2008, 11:43:30 AM »
LMELAO god dammit, I think i spewed coffee all over my clothes lol
Forevermore we shall giggle and snicker in our rightful place, this place, OUR BAR!

Offline KalanF

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Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
« Reply #56 on: April 10, 2008, 11:59:18 AM »
I will no longer take Mouse on walks near Larry Fowler's studio and try to look confused when the fire department shows up interrupting his show.

Offline Quantus

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Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
« Reply #57 on: April 10, 2008, 12:46:53 PM »
I will never again use Mac's brew as a base for potions.  I cant stand him yelling at me.  And by yelling I mean looking at me with slightly narrowed eyes.
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Offline Spectacular Sameth

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Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
« Reply #58 on: April 10, 2008, 01:48:39 PM »
-I will not threaten Mab with getting Aslan to deal with her.
a) No matter how funny I think it is.

-I will not snort at Voldemort's death curse and say "That's not how I'd do it."
a) especially not in a crowded theater.
b) especially not in the presence of anyone from the White Council

-I will not bewitch my 20 sided dice to roll 20s every time.
a) even when I'm in trouble.

-I will not threaten LA with a virus.
a) Nor will I ask for Jack Bauer dead.

-I will not set Bob loose at a seance
a) even if the last people thought he was their Uncle Earl.

-I will no longer refer to the Carpenters as the Weasleys, no matter how many kids they have.

-I do not have the Philosopher's Stone.
a) It wasn't funny the first five times I said it.

-I will not roll my 20 sided dice when I want to do a spell.
a) nor will I refuse to do said spell if I roll a 2.
b) nor will I assume the spell will be super effective if it's a high roll.

Offline tabonga

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Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
« Reply #59 on: April 10, 2008, 02:21:04 PM »
- "Shout at the devil" is the only song I am allowed to sing from now on when i encounter Denarians running amok...
dumm dum... dumm dum...dum dum dumdumdumddum dummdumdum...salsa snark!!