Here's some stuff that hit me as I read the first draft:
- Shakespeare-nerd alert: We barely have any examples of Billy Shakes's handwriting. An entire play in his hand would be absolutely priceless/impossible/something people would murder small cities over.
- English-nerd alert: A couple...
- Prospero worshipping Sycorax seems off, given their characterization in the play. (There's a reason the casefile recommends checking out Wikipedia on this.)
- The characterization of proto-Sycorax as a demon of disease is odd, because in the play she's a powerful chaotic witch (exiled to the island for that reason).
- In the play, Prospero uses magic to restore his place in the world (with little destruction or harm), then lays magic down; in the first draft of the casefile, proto-Prospero uses magic to destroy and harm to get a leg up on his place in the world; these themes seemed to jar.
- There didn't seem to be any taking advantage of the theater setting, and there were some dangling plot threads on how proto-Prospero could pull this "one night only" performance as an out-of-towner -- mostly involving the scope of the thing, and the sheer number of people that'd have to be mind-whammied to pull it off.
- Gamer-nerd alert: A couple...
- It was tough for me to imagine the PCs working together, other than by meta-fiat ("you all went to high school together...").
- I was having problems seeing how PCs would connect the clues from A to B to C.
- The actual performance of the ritual seemed to be a lot of the GM reading boxed text to the players.
Now, I want to be perfectly clear: the first draft was a
perfectly serviceable and entertaining investigative RPG scenario.
But it didn't feel to me like it could be all it could be, especially as regards Shakespearean drama,
The Tempest, and the Dresdenverse.
I asked Fred if I could take a whack at doing just that, and he agreed.
So, what I did in my rewrite of the casefile was something along these lines:
- Rethought the themes and plot to parallel the play.
- Pondered how the play's themes and plot resonate with the themes and plot of the Dresdenverse.
- Cleaned-up some rules and setting inconsistencies between the draft and the DFRPG.
- Rethought the NPCs' motivations, history, and details.
- Rethought the PCs' motivations, history, and details.
- Did some NPC/PC switcheroo-ing.
- Changed the basic concept of the scenario from meta-fiat ("we're all investigating...") to in-character-fiat ("we're all putting on a show...").
- Shifted the focus from investigation to interaction (the Unknown Armies one-shot Jailbreak was an inspiration here).
- Made sure there was a shared (between the PCs) inciting action for each scene in the scenario.
- Considered as many likely end-states for each scene in the scenario as possible, and tried to support them.
- Added some theater-style details to represent the work necessary to pull off a show and center the scenario (yay, Aristotelian Unities! -- though that of time got muffed).
- Added some drama-focused rules tweaks and suggestions.
- Filled in plot holes caused by all of my above actions.
- Sent it to my editors for editing, proofing, statblocking, and heartache.
- Lather, rinse, repeat on that last step a couple times.
- My editor sends casefile to layout.
- Publication!
I'm happy to go into more detail on any of the above alterations.