Author Topic: You Can't Handle the Truth  (Read 297 times)

Offline Eino

  • Lurker
  • Posts: 2
    • View Profile
You Can't Handle the Truth
« on: July 28, 2018, 05:20:54 PM »
I sent this to my brother and he suggested I post it.  I'd be interested in the reaction.

I was drinking tea in my new lair and having a conversation with Bob.  It was a Chicago overcast day in the early afternoon.

An urgent knock came on the door.  I wasn’t sure how I knew it was urgent, but being a wizard, I have certain abilities even I don’t understand.  I opened the door and two nondescript men entered.  One showed me a Homeland Security badge.  The other just looked around at my lodgings.  I’ve managed to collect some new tapestries, various unusual antiques and other assorted items not normally found in an apartment.

“Are you Harry Dresden?”  The first man asked.

“Who wants to know? I replied.

The second man gave the first man a shrug and a nod.  To which the first man asked, “Mr Dresden, Could I see your driver’s license?”

I didn’t want trouble so I pulled out my driver’s license and showed it to him.  He nodded.  They responded by showing me official looking badges.

“Mr. Dresden, as agents of Homeland Security, we’ve come to ask for your help.”

I replied, “Sir, you’ve probably got 75-80 percent of the people in the US monitored by your sophisticated electronics.  Why would you need my help?”

I think he knew that I was in the 20 percent not monitored.  Electronic equipment doesn’t like me and people who have planted bugs on me to monitor my movements have been disappointed in the past.

He went on, “Have you ever heard of a place called the Never-Never?”

He was looking straight into my eyes and I knew I wouldn’t get away with lies with guys like them.

“Yes, I know of the Never-Never, but am not supposed to talk about it.”

The second turned back to the first and stated, “He’s our man.”

I offered these guys some tea and we all sat down to talk.  Oddly, these guys completely ignored Bob who had not gone back into his skull. 

“Mr Dresden, we monitor the Never - Never interface insomuch as we are capable of it.  We’ve learned that about 70 years ago there was a breach and several deities of a sort came through.  One of which is giving us a lot of trouble and we hope that you could help us deal with it.  We are here on an unofficial capacity and would like to fill you in.”

“OK, fill me in.”  This type of language coming from these guys sent a little chill up the back of my spine.

The second said to the first, “Cut to the chase.”

The first Fed nodded.  “Mr Dresden, We’ve determined Donald Trump is from the Never Never and are hoping you can help us with this issue.  It wasn’t the Russians that affected our election, it was others.”

Offline wardenferry419

  • Posty McPostington
  • ***
  • Posts: 5048
  • Can I get a Hells Bells !!!!
    • View Profile
Re: You Can't Handle the Truth
« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2018, 01:06:26 AM »
Okay...amusing but spidey-sense is tingliing.
Make Mine Butcher!
Who do I have to turn to ice to get a whiskey on the rocks?

Offline Otlan

  • Seriously?
  • ***
  • Posts: 19330
  • Tempus Narrabo
    • View Profile
Re: You Can't Handle the Truth
« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2018, 06:27:49 PM »
*Falls over laughing* XD !!
Rest Well Mdodd, and Please Watch over Us...

Relinquo spes totus ye quisnam penetro hic...

Strong like bull, smart like tractor, smooth like brick - smell like goat!

Offline Fcrate

  • Conversationalist
  • **
  • Posts: 529
    • View Profile
Re: You Can't Handle the Truth
« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2018, 06:52:17 PM »
Umm. Men's intuition?
Okay, I liked it, and maybe a couple more would go down well.
هل أخذت الغاب مثلي منزلاً دون القصور
فتتبعت السواقي وتسلقت الصخور
هل تحممت بعطره وتنشفت بنور
وشربت الفجر خمراً من كؤوس من أثير

Offline Dina

  • Has Collapsed Into a Singularity of Posts (a.k.a, "The Dina")
  • ***
  • Posts: 102220
    • View Profile
Re: You Can't Handle the Truth
« Reply #4 on: July 31, 2018, 07:57:29 PM »
Okay...amusing but spidey-sense is tingliing.

Well, this is a new forum...
Missing you, Md 

There are many horrible sights in the multiverse. Somehow, though, to a soul attuned to the subtle rhythms of a library, there are few worse sights than a hole where a book ought to be. Someone has stolen a book (Terry Pratchett)