Chuck Wendig was preaching some straight up gospel when he advised printing and then reading your work out loud. I could have saved my betas sooooo much needless work if I'd been doing so from day one.
You spot not just clunky, unnatural language, but typoooos two. I think what happens when we read silently to ourselves is that our brain's will auto-correct for us, skimming over the missing words or wrong words to focus on the meaning. But when you read your material aloud, you're bringing more parts of your brain into play, to convert thought to speech.
Also, I had a number of lines in this last bit that just didn't quite sing. Not clunky, not bad, just not great. But when I was doing an actual reading, better ways of saying them just tumbled right out of my mouth.
So.
Read. Your. Shit. Out. Loud.
You'll be amazed at the mistakes you find, the improvements you'll make.
And I cannot recommend strongly enough his blogs on writing or his books, which are compilations of his writing blogs with additional thoughts, notes, sarcasm, vulgarity, and tequila thrown in.