It could be that your phone just thinks Shecky is very loud.

I rather like the term "nosferotica' Neuro. 
Maybe it's too high class for those who like that kind of thing.

I'm reminded of hearing the cockpit recording of a pilot trying to bring in a damaged plane.
The plane's complete hydraulics system messed up and he could only turn the plane in right hand
circles.  Traffic control told him that they'd cleared one of the runways for him.
This calm voice from the plane - "Oh you want me on a specific runway - I was hoping just to
hit Kansas."  Side note - they brought the plane down in a crash that looks horrific but a vast majority
of those on board, including the cockpit crew, survived.  Further note: - in every test simulation
they've done of that particular crash - NOT ONE PERSON SURVIVED.

• Unwanted romance. Not just sex, romance. When I read a book with a strong character, be they male or female, they don't necessarily need a significant other for the story to progress. And even if they did have a romantic partner, that relationship doesn't need a front and center description all the time. It's like in real life, how often do you go on and on about your amazzinnnnnnnnnng relationship at work? Because in an urban fantasy story, whatever the character is doing (fighting bad guys or hunting down clues to something that the bad guys did) it's all "work".
• Detailed descriptions of sex. Accepted that sex is something authors like to write about and people like to read about, but not in urban fantasy. Given the number of books out there with such scenes, we almost need a new sub-genre "Erotica with urban fantasy elements".
• Predictable use of other author's ideas. Let's talk about sparkly vampires for a minute. Those books have sub-par writing and a very horrible story line, but that aside, at least there's a different reason for vampires not going out in the sunlight. Take also for example, the Toby Daye books by Seanan McGuire. There's a whole dark side to the older Fae myths that is just fascinating. The stories are different and that's what makes the books so awesome. If the author has taken a species or a myth that has been done a million times before and changed nothing about it, I lose interest in the books.
• Lack of a sense of humour. I don't expect all books to be funny. Far from it. But I do expect at least the main character to have a sense of humour. Twisted jokes? Perfect. Silly jokes? Wonderful! After all, we read to get away from the humdrum reality of life. What better way than if you can chuckle at something?