Dark prisons were a universal constant.

Of all the worlds he'd been to, of all the universes he'd visited, of all the kingdoms that had condemned him for various reasons, they had all been extremely dark prisons. In general they had also been unsanitary, uncomfortable, and the guards had always eaten his designated last meal (usually slop anyway).

This wasn't like the other prisons Andre had been in.

As a matter of fact, it was downright nice.

The Emperor himself sat across from Andre, at the end of a long table, an almost pleased expression on the sovreign's face. He calmly sipped a glass of wine that had been waiting for almost a hundred years for this moment. Andre had his own glass of wine and a meal consisting of the finest food in the empire. Despite the fact that he was desperately hungry, and the Emperor was unlikely to poison him when a public execution was more showy, he still refused to eat. Just being in the presence of the other man was enough to make him ill. He drank the wine though, maybe death wouldn't be so bad if he could somehow manage to be incredibly drunk on the way up the gallows.

Andre had no fantastical ideas about living through this. Because out of all those who had imprisoned him, none but the man across from him truly had the power to end him.

"So," He said after a long while of staring at the man across from him, "You look smug."

"I'm just pondering your complete and total defeat," The Emperor said with glee, "A century, Andre, a century we have been at this game. Surely you tire of it as I do?"

Andre shrugged nonchalantly, "I'll admit I was getting tired of the same old mind games...although honestly I planned on it ending differently. It's the funniest thing, in my version: you die, I live to get the girl, and happily ever after, that kind of thing."

The Emperor did something unexpected: he laughed. A truly jovial laugh from the most sadistic man in seven worlds send shivers down Andre's spine, and left him dumbfounded for a moment. When the laughs settled down the Emperor kept smiling, "Oh yes, dear Yamila...I sometimes made the mistake of considering you a driven genius, when really you are just a love-sick fool, ammusing but non-threatening." He leaned further onto the table, the vicious smile never leaving, "Andre, did you honestly believe that after a century as my consort she would still want a worthless vagabond like you? She was in rags, now she's in silks and lace. As a criminal she never had the freedom she has as a member of my court. And...as soon as she gives me my heir, she will be given a place of honor, and her own land." The smile widened, "What? You didn't know?"

Andre sat there, hazel eyes widened in shock at what he was hearing. Surely it couldn't be coming from Yamila...This was a trick, a way to gain a complete defeat. While it was true she hadn't dressed in the best clothes, they had more freedom than anyone.

And her being pregnant...that had to be a lie. She would have faught any such attempt. "No," He said with finality, he couldn't allow himself to be sucked into the lie, "I want to hear it from her."

"I expected such denial - Reza! Bring her out."

Reza entered the room...and following her was Yamila. The two women looked very much alike. With light chocolate skin and dark hair. Yamila's face was softer, her golden eyes looking less likely to snog or stab you without a moment's notice than Reza's. Also, where Reza was dressed in sharp, skintight leathers, Yamila had the most beautiful Chinese-style silks he had ever seen, all red and orange colors adorned with a pheonix and dragon. She looked regal. "Andre..." she said, the slightest shock on her voice, the recognition on her face made his heart flitter.

It was crushed again moments later when she turned to the Emperor and said, "You said I didn't have to see him."

The Emperor shrugged, "I'll make it up to you later."

"Yamila," Andre lost control and threw himself up from his seat, it should have been a hint when nobody made a move to stop him. He walked up to her and stopped just short of touching her, "Yamila..."

"Don't," She said harshly as she shrank away from his touch. "Just...don't...I have so much with him, more than I ever had. More than I ever dreamed of."

Her words were like a vice on his heart, "Are you happy?" he asked, staring at her under his hat.

With a tight voice, she responded, "...Yes. I am happy."

Andre forced a smile, even though he felt more like crying. Everything he'd lived for, everything he'd sacrificed. He'd relinquished raising their daughter, almost destroyed himself learning spells that should have taken thousands of years, learned dozens of languages, stolen the Wildflower...

...and she was happy with his mortal enemy. "Well then," in barely above a whisper he added, "I'm glad..." He flicked his hat down over his eyes, a nervous attempt to cover his absolute desire to die right then, "If you'll excuse me, I believe I have a date with the angel of death, you know, now that I'm single again and everything..."

Yamila bit her lip before bringing a hand up to his face, "I never stopped loving you. But you know how it is as well as anybody, when you grow up a thief it is with a mentality that you will risk, and sacrifice, everything for a better life," her hand briefly touched her stomach, "A child of my bloodline will one day rule this world. That, Andre, is a better life. I'm so sorry that your chosen path has led you here." Her hand reached behind his head and pulled him close, he didn't have the strength to fight her. She laid a kiss on his hat and he inhaled her scent for the last time.

Nothing else was said before the guards came to escort him to a fate that no longer mattered to him.

(AN: I didn't know what happened with the third person v. first person thing, but I just really wanted to write this. Sorry.)

“Who is Incredible Hulk?” asked the Incredible Hulk. “My name Humbert!” he laughed.[/QUOTE}

I stood there for a moment in absolute shock at the man with a laugh jollier than that of Santa Claus, "Debbie, who is this guy? Who are the dwarfs?"

She snorted, "That's, actually, exactly what they are."

My day just kept getting better and better and freaking better. "Yeah," I growled back, "Where's Snow White?"

She gulped, looked at Humbert, then looked back at me, then back at him, "Joey! Show some respect!"

"Why?" I whispered back.

"They're the Crane's Guild." As if that explained everything, "They're a secret guild of magic users that have pledged to only use good magic. They sprung up not too long after the Emperor conquered Wildfire and started enlisting all magic users into his corps. They...refused to fight, among other things..."

Humbert's great booming voice entered the conversation. He wasn't angry, I just assumed this was the natural state of his voice, whether he was happy, sad, angry. Right about then I would have gone with sad more than anything else. "Emperor is a terrible leader of men. He forces people to serve him, and then changes their shapes. Turns them to monsters that should not tread anything, not air or water, earth or sky."

My heart skipped a beat as my mind made a connection, "Like, Farts in the Wind? The...that Gascious Cloud of Evil, that's what he turned the magic users into?"

Debbie shook her head, "No...his kind existed long before sentient beings walked this world. He's talking about the spider warriors that attacked us. They are the Emperor's army. All magic users were ordered to report for duty...and forced to change the shape of their body and heart to best fit the needs of the Empire..." She spoke with pain in her voice, like the very thought disgusted her, and I suspected she had some personal connection to the atrocity.

But...the spider-folk had been scary enough when I thought they were just your plain ol' generic monster. But the thought that those things were once people gave me goosebumps. Would this guy stop at nothing?

Before I could ask anything else, Debbie rose to her feet only to abruptly drop back down onto her hands and feet and bow a moment later. "Great Sage Humbert. My name is Debyone Ursula, and you have my greatest thanks to you for healing my arm...If I may beg one more thing of you. I cannot help but feel there is some sort of fate involved in our meeting here. My...father," She seemed to struggle with the word, "has been taken by the King and his men, he awaits execution in the dungeons for the thievery of the Wildflower. I beg of you to help me free him."

More sadness crossed across Humbert's face, it had never occured to me that a man like THAT could be sad about anything, ever. But it seemed as though he was a perfect example of the gentle giant. He placed a large hand on Debbie's shoulder, gently, reassuringly, "Rise. I do not like people to bow before me. I have done nothing deserving." Debbie slowly rose to her feet, and Humbert continued, "Child, I understand your plight. But cannot help. If all who attained power such as mine used it simply at his own will to change fates of men then the world would be filled with tyrants like the Emperor."

Wow...Incredible Hulk, Santa Claus, and Buddha all wrapped into one ginormous package.

"Please," She begged, "You're the only one with the power."

Oh yeah, I was suddenly overcome with an overwhelming feeling of her absolute faith in me.

He took his large eyes off of her and looked straight at me. I could have sworn he was staring right through the layers of pasty skin, thin covering of muscles, guts, cells, atoms, and looked into my very soul. It wasn't unpleasant like all the movies suggested such an intrusion would be. He just calmly looked through me and seemed to instantly have a grasp of everything from my history to the nature of my being. It was an interesting experience, I knew the importance of what just happened, but my emotions just couldn't seem to register it to form any kind of an emotion around it. "It seems," he said in a deep voice, "That I am not."

It burned its way down my throat as I lay convulsing on the table, and then the world dimmed, went dark, and the sound of the healer’s chanting slowly faded away as I passed out.

I woke up to see the beautiful Reza by my bedside, reading an old book in a text I didn't recognize. "Hey," I said through a dry mouth, "How did you survive the fall?"

She didn't look up from the book right away, she read until the end of the paragraph before putting it down and adressing me, "The pilot caught me as we fell. You're very lucky to be alive, it's good you made it here on time."

"Yep, that's me Lukcy McLuckster." I replied with something short of lightning intelligence.

Reza smiled, for the first time he noticed clusters of small scratches on her face and hands. Clearly from trapsing around the jungle. "You are very fortunate. You've slept for two of your days, the healers feared you might not waken. But they were...you know, encouraged by the King."

"You mean threatened."

"That too. But now that you live them and their families will be showered with riches and praises." She shifted from her seat and moved over to the bed I lay in. She sat on the edge and purposely placed a hand at a place high enough on the thigh to effect subconcious, but low enough to appear friendly, "As soon as you are well you will begin your service of the King. You will hold a most honorable position in his court." She scooched up towards me just a little bit further, so did the hand. "However, if you want to gain his favor immediately I want you to tell us something that will help the King secure his power against the Emperor."

I tried not to focus on her coveiniently placed hand. "Yeah, what would that be?"

She leaned in close, really close. So that I could have tilted my head and kissed her. Her lips came right next to my ear as the grip on my thigh tightened.

"I want you to tell me where Andre and Debyone Ursula are."

Her words sent chills down my spine that quelled the rising heat south of the equator.

Then, well frankly, I fainted and the pain did stop.  At least I hoped I fainted, as I slipped into unconsciousness I had the unpleasant thought that maybe I was dying.  'Great' twice in one day.  That's probably a record.

I drifted in that haze for a while. When I finally came back to reality everything, and I mean everything hurt. I hurt in places that I didn't even know could hurt. My hurts had hurts. I dragged in a few shaky breaths and tried to open my eyes. This time they both opened. It seemed as though someone had been nice enough to release the pressure in my swollen eye.

A fire was cracking at the air not too far from me. Beyond that Andre was leaning against a large tree trunk. He might have been sleeping, but based off what I'd seen the last 24 hours I doubted he ever slept. "Andre...Hey! Andre." The words came out of my sore throat and brought with them their own discomforts. "Andre?"

"Don't move," He commanded lazily from under his hat. "The poison will spread quicker."

My heart rate quickened, "WHAT!!!"

"You've been poisoned. Don't move.  Is that a hard concept for you to grasp?" He sat up and one of his bones popped. "A Wraith Spider attacked you because you have higher levels of spiritual energy than I do. It poisoned you to break down the bonds between body and soul."

At my questioning look he continued.

"It means 'kill you' in dummy talk. Essencially...only worse then death. The spider eats your soul after the deterioration of your body, so you don't have to worry about the afterlife."

Upon hearing this I forced myself perfectly still, "So what do we do?"

He grabbed a stick and poked the fire. A log fell from the top, sending a flurry of sparks into the dark sky. "We, or more acurately, I have two choices. I could either make the one-day trek to the King's palace," he motioned with his hand, "That way. Which would provide you with immediate healer attention, but not so healthy for me. Or I could make a break for the small town of Marshwood in that direction. It's four days away and by then your brain would be equal to swiss cheese or you'd be dead. Their healer isn't worth much either. But my life would extend beyond the next couple of days."

A classic him or me situation, huh? I had no illusions of surviving on my own in this forest in my current state, and from the way he was talking it seemed it was only going to get worse. I couldn't navigate this place for the life of me. My survival depended almost entirely on him and whether or not he wanted to take the plunge. Literally. "Can't you just drop me off?" I asked, "You have some magic. Can't you just...fly away?"

He pulled back his sleeve. A ruby bracelette glinted in the firelight. "Because of this. Once I get within 30 feet our dear friend Reza or the King's guards it activates and my magic is useless."

So that's why he hadn't lifted a metaphysical finger to stop me when I tried to kill him. So, that wasn't an option for him either. He sat there, on the other side of our make-shift camp and I couldn't tell which direction the gears in that blond head were turning. It seemed as though he was actually considering both options. Why? How could my survival be more beneficial to him than his own survival? Did it have to do with his wife? The Emporor's New Concubine? Then again, who knew except Andre and the hat?

“Could you please be a little more cryptic, this is all way too straight forward for me.” Again, my withering stare and rapier wit was lost on present company. Well, maybe not the wit part, since they all laughed hysterically

While their laughter at my perfectly reasonable question died down I was busy pondering the insane series of occurances that led to this. I was trying to consider whether I was incredibly unlucky or incredibly lucky, or some odd combination of the both. It had afterall seemed a completely random occurance that first brought me to Debbie. And I was assuming it was a similar random occurance that had caused her to stand me up, thereby maintaining my flower-ness. So had that all just been incredibly unlucky? Then again...I was alive so far. There had to be some element of good luck too.

On the other hand, if Debbie hadn't stood me up, she wouldn't have come to me to hide the Wildflower. But in a moment a thought came to me. Debbie had moved from her position, and she was leaning against Andre with her eyes closed. I felt a tug of jealousy, but it was quickly thrust aside in favor of my need to know, "Hey. If only a virgin can use it then why did you take it?"

Debbie snapped awake at the question, but didn't answer. Andre remained quiet before using his index finger to tap up the brim of his hat and look at me with evergreen eyes, "While I'll admit the knowledge of the Wildflower is important to your current situation, I fail to see how my personal motives are relevant."

I was annoyed. He knew damn well how his personal motives were relevant, "If you want me to help you then you're going to have to tell me why you dragged me and Debbie-"

"He didn't drag me into this," She said defensively.

"-Okay. Just me. Tell me why you stole it and put my life and the lives of a lot of different people in danger."

"If that's the case then it's only nessessary for my survival, not yours, and according to the lady here," he motioned to Reza, "I'm worm food anyway. So I'm keeping my secrets with me all the way up those damn gallows step-"

Debbie sighed in frustration. I knew that sigh. It usually meant she was fed up with stubborness of the male variety, "His wife is a concubine of the emperor. He could never buy her back so he desided to steal the Wildflower for blackmail."

Andre bristled, and showed the first real signs of anger. He didn't do anything. Didn't yell, didn't scream, didn't make any violent movments, didn't even push her away from him. He just sat there with a scowl crossing his face, and the muscles all over his body tensed. But it was gone in moments, he just flicked the had back down over his eyes and leaned against Debbie. It was a toss up whether it was to annoy me or because she provided a nice pillow.

No one seemed to notice the shaking blood drenched captive from below as I stumbled up to the ground level and scrambled on all fours toward the first shelter I could see.  People of all shapes, planes, and nightmares were moving toward the battle zone arming themselves in various ways. Wheather it was to help the spiders or Mr Fart-In-The-Wind with an attitude, I didn't know or care.

I found my haven in an overturned vegitable wagon. I crawled under it and hoped none of them would notice me. Something resembling a tomato squished underneath my hand. It was odd, it seemed as though crawling under it had forced me into the fetal position...and based off of the quick, ragged breaths, the fear in my chest, and how the sounds of clattering steel and screaming seemed to just be banging around inside my head it didn't seem as though I would be coming out of that shape any time soon. Oh, and my heart was trying to blast it's way out of my rib cage. So now, I was going to be regressing for a while. There was a point I found myself so out of it that when a large arachnid appendage popped a hole through the top of my shelter, barely missing breaking my neck. I didn't scream, only curled deeper into my position.

Then something even more terrible happened. I don't know how long after the battle started, or how long I stayed there before it happened. The sounds of battle halted. Silence. Just silence. And it was so much worse than the chaos. Somehow, I managed to pry my white knuckled grip from my shoulder and rearrange my spine into a flexible state. After a few moments of phyching myself up I jerkily clawed my way through the loose dirt under my hands. A quick glance around told me that Mr. Ring Wraith had lost, apparently that severed arachnid claw had impaled him in it's way through the cart. The invading monsters had made a circle around the prison entrance.  I couldn't see what they were looking at...but I could guess before I was able to see.

Andre and Debbie. Two of the monsters dragged them along by their hair. I don't know how Andre managed it, but the hat remained on his head. Perhaps it was super-glued. I dared to crawl closer, hiding behind some crushed barrels and another dead bear guard. I was close enough so that I could hear Debbie's, "Hey! There is no need to push. I'm coming!"

A man-spider came out of the circle to meet them, "Andre Ursula...you have taken something from the Emperor. He does not have patience for petty thieves."

"Yeah, well, I can't be that petty of a thief. I did manage to break into the Imperial Palace and steal it right out from under his pointed, arrogant nose." The man was smiling, he had to be mad.

The lead spider didn't do or say anything. There was a jerk of his head. Two more arachnids brought out blocks of wood, placing it before the theives. Those same two started wiping the blood from their large battle axes. The head honcho gave the command, in classic emotionless villain tones, "You have been charged with thievery of the Wildflower. Do you have last words, so that the emporor may spare your immortal souls?"

"The emperor isn't a god," Debbie snarled defiantly. She was ignored.

Andre answered the leader, "Mmm...nah. I'd do it again and that bastard knows it."

The spider, I kid you not, sighed, "So be it." And as he raised his hand my heart lept to my throat.

"Yes, that's what it was" I said patienty as if I was talking to a child, then it dawned on me what she had just implied, "What was it really?"

She was gorgeous, smooth black hair and dark chocolate skin. Her tight, leather outfit made dark of her skin stand out. If it wasn't for the fact that my situation was clearly one of intense physical endangerment I might have been very attracted...which I wasn't. Not in the least. She opened her mouth to speak, then stopped, coming up with an alternative course of action. As if it would be more ammusing to leave me in the dark. "Oh...It doesn't matter much at this point. Your trial's scheduled for tommorow. And your execution is sheduled for the day after." Good god, at least innocent until proven guilty was an interdimensional constant. Like rats or flesh eating bacteria.

"As a matter of fact," She continued, "you'll be going at the same time as this poor bastard." She motioned to the cell across the hall from mine.

A man lay against the wall, either sleeping, dying or both, hard to tell due to his face being obstructed by a hat pulled down around his eyes. He was probably a little bit older than me with feathery blond hair that severely needed a combing. Almost like my own hair with the exception of color. He also needed a shave. It was one of those situations where he hadn't gone long enough for it to look good.

I blinked up at her, more people than just Debbie? I wondered if he was as innocent as I was. She hadn't acted alone, "How many?"

She sighed tiredly and shrugged, "Enough so that the blocks are busy."

"Yeah, and who are you? The secretary?" I was feeling beligerant.

She gave another, sweet smile, "No, I'm your Guardian..." And my questioning glance she continued, "I believe you would refer to me as a lawyer."

If she'd left the lightsabre as a decoy to get them to come after me, she was on the run with something even more valuable, something that this Knight knew nothing about. SomeONE probably bigger and meaner than these two was watching and waiting.  I swore that this time, I'd hand them Debbie's head on a platter and hightail it out of Dodge

It was a great plan. In theory. First I needed to get away from the neanderthall and his pooch. Which, in and of itself was going to be difficult. I may have had a wicked powerful weapon that could slice through that chain mail, but really my only experience with swords of any kind was a fencing class I took in fifth grade. But it would cut through anything, and that sounded like a winning-

...What the hell? Before my very eyes, the THING stalked over to the severed hand that lay on the soaking concrete. It stared at it for a moment of hesitation, before picking it up viciously in it's mouth and swallowing it whole like a bird, mail and all. I was pondering how painful it must have been as the streetlight above flickered. Something warm and prickly brushed against my cold skin. Like a balmy breeze. The streetlight reluctantly flickered back to life...and the knight's hand was back...Right where it should have been. Not even the armor showed the signs of melting off.

"It is in your possession, you are guilty despite your involvement in the theft." He said in that same monotonous voice, "You shall face your punishment. Now, will you lay down your weapon and ride on the Messenger Hound, or shall you insist on loss and ride in it?"