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Messages - kero319

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1
Author Craft / Re: New Storyline... authors wanted
« on: June 20, 2009, 06:15:28 AM »
The playground had an eerie halo of light, created by chance through various intersections of the skyscrapers overhead. She continued to lead him towards the swings, their footsteps echoing in the silence. As the mounted the seats, a gentle creak resonated from the time-worn metal. As the rose higher and higher, it became a game, each one trying to get higher than the other. But as the boy reached the pinacle of his swing, one of the chainlinks snapped, sending him flying at an angle into the darkness.

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Author Craft / Re: Poetry Feedback?
« on: March 14, 2009, 11:40:54 PM »
Thanks for taking the time to look at them, guys, I appreciate it. I never really thought about using white space and my spacing, so I'll be sure to look into all that. I've read the Road Not Taken, its heavily emphasized in schools, so I see where your going. I'll continue to work on my poems, as well as my stories. Thanks guys.

-Alex

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Author Craft / Poetry Feedback?
« on: March 06, 2009, 03:47:00 AM »
Hey guys, I'm a member over here at voicesnet.org and I was wondering if you guys wouldn't mind stopping by and giving your two cents. I've recently submitted two poems to different magazines, but before I spend more time doing that, I could use a little extra criticism. So feel free to check out any of my poems here:

http://www.voicesnet.org/allpoemsoneauthor.aspx?memberid=103447

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Author Craft / Re: Point of View Question
« on: February 27, 2009, 01:13:56 AM »
Books i would suggest to you while your writing would be
Nick Sagan's series starting with Idlewild
and Ender's Game
Idlewild series has the switch in first person between 3 or 4 characters and indicates which is speaking by a symbol for each at the beginning of the chapter (very good read from a fairly low profile author) and Ender's Game kinda-sort of has a italics thing going at each start of the chapter. its more just because its my favorite book lol.

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Author Craft / Re: Comments on my short story series
« on: January 21, 2009, 11:07:35 PM »
I read part one

Not bad

The background is given a little...strangely? Like your not doing anything crazy, but something about the waythe background info is given makes it hard to get into it? Idk if that makes sense, but just me.

Also, try and find a way to describe the character without listing

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Author Craft / Re: This is seriously ****ed up
« on: January 21, 2009, 11:05:00 PM »
at least he won't get anymore bad reviews...since he will have no more books

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Author Craft / Re: Authors and Procrastination
« on: January 19, 2009, 07:58:13 PM »
Haha good, so I'm not alone
I've been setting aside a certain time everyday to do at least one hour of writing during that time, but I don't let myself do anything else during that time

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Author Craft / Authors and Procrastination
« on: January 19, 2009, 04:26:55 AM »
Hey Guys, long time, no see.

So I was just wondering how many of you authors/authors-in-training procrastinate, and how much and to what degree?

What are ways you fix this?

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Author Craft / Re: Developing a magic system
« on: October 31, 2008, 01:27:34 AM »
heres a really good link for this

http://www.writing-world.com/sf/magic.shtml


i glanced over it recently while doing research
good things to look at

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Author Craft / Re: Werewolves and pregnancy
« on: October 28, 2008, 01:59:58 AM »
does the girl become a werewolf after she's pregnant?
or does she stay human?

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Author Craft / Re: A question on prologues
« on: October 17, 2008, 02:07:17 AM »
well the prologue i was thinking about would introduce a character, in a different time period, that would come up later in the story, but I couldn't really think of a way to introduce his backstory without it being weird.

Basically
The Prologue would be about character B, 1000 years before the story. My actual story is in 1st person, so I thought it might be confusing if the prologue was 1st person but with a different character.

Ill write up the prologue and ask some people, and maybe post it

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Author Craft / Re: My first books prologue, What do you think?
« on: October 16, 2008, 05:30:56 PM »
well it's not so much that it was too much information, just that it leaves little to be revealed later on, though in this case, there was a tad too much info (i know i just contradicted myself, but i think you get what im saying)

how long is the book?
pages?
word count?
etc?

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Author Craft / A question on prologues
« on: October 16, 2008, 05:28:29 PM »
Would it work for the prologue of the book to be in a different point of view than the rest of the book?
For instance, a book that is 1st person POV has a 3rd person POV prologue?

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Author Craft / Re: New/Old Story Aspiring writer
« on: October 13, 2008, 09:31:39 PM »
Here's my last draft that I'll be posting for awhile. It includes my second chapter and the beginning of the third chapter:


Chapter 1

Echoes of footsteps bounced off the walls as we walked down the subway.  The concrete floor was covered in grime, and the whitewashed walls were covered in layers of graffiti. The glare of the fluorescent lights did nothing to make me more comfortable, in fact, they gave the subway a certain alien feel to it.

My hair whispered in the wind of a passing train as it sped down the tracks further off. Tori walked in silence beside me, wearing her usual  attire of jean shorts and tank top, despite the cold weather we’d had. I wore a more appropriate dark jacket, with a green shirt underneath, along with jeans.

We passed through and archway and started walking down the stairs towards the platforms. At the bottom of the stairs, there was a scruffy looking old man, leaning against the wall, a trash bag full of who knows what sat beside him. We passed him, and continued on.

Past the booths, a bunch of wannabe toughs, that could have been no more than 25 years old each, leaned against some railing, trying to look intimidating. They watched as we walked by, noticeably turning there heads as we passed them. Tori subtly picked up her pace as we passed, and I hurried to keep step with her. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw some movement behind us. More footsteps soon joined ours, and I knew that they had started to follow.

We came to the right station, but the railcar wasn’t there yet, so we took our place near the edge of the tracks. The footsteps behind me had ceased a few yards back, with the exception of one set that had continued approaching.

“Ahem,” said a voice that I could barely hear over the din of the trains in the background.

I turned around to face the speaker, only to be met with a brass knuckle covered fist. I flew to the floor, and the remaining punks surrounded Tori. They must have been after her purse, or maybe her jewelry.

“Back off!” she cried as they encircled her. None of the onlookers in the station were about to do anything, and I don’t blame them, they probably had a gun.

The kid who had knocked me down stood over me.

“Don’t get up, we don’t kill you,” he muttered.
“Kid, let’s not do this today,” I said, glaring at him.
“Really? Why not?”
“Because, I’m not in the mood,” I replied. “And because you might get hurt!”

With that I swung out my legs, and caught him right behind his left knee, bringing him down. The sickly crack of bones, and his cries, caused the others to turn their attention to me. A knife slid out of a switchblade, and a gun clicked behind me. Tori used this time to slip away from the men, and went to the stairs, presumably for a quick getaway.

I know I should avoid things like this, but then that would be boring, wouldn’t it?

“Come on guys, we don’t wanna fight, do we?” I said, putting on my best fake smile.
“Yeah, we do.” said the oldest, presumably the leader. Cliché.

Without hesitation, one charged me. He was pretty tall, so I ducked into his legs, flipping him over onto his back. He reached out to grab my legs, but I brought down my foot onto his fingers.

I saw a blur to the side of me, and quickly sidestepped to avoid another blow to the head. Another punk had circled around to my blindside while I was dispatching the first. I used my momentum to spin around on my heel and swung my arm up in an uppercut to his chin. He flew up. Quite literally. His backed crashed into the ceiling, and then he fell back down to the ground, unconscious. I saw the look on the other guys’ faces, the only 3 left standing, and saw an all too familiar expression.

“Shit!” The one with the broken leg shouted
“What the hell, Tyrael, lets get out of here!” Another cried
“Quiet! Marcus, get him,” said the oldest, Tyrael.
“Got it!” Shouted the youngest, Marcus.

The kid ran at me, a switchblade in his hand. He closed the distance and began slashing the air aimlessly, the flailing motion all to easy to dodge. Without particular effort I grabbed his wrist, holding it in place,  and swung my other fist into his gut. He flew back. All the way back. His body slammed into the far wall, about 20 yards away, and his head snapped back into the wall with a pronounced clap. He slid down into an unnatural sitting position, a comical look on his face.

"Christ, man! We can't take this guy." The last man said as he grabbed Marcus off the ground.
"Y-you’re right, let's get out of here!" Tyrael said as he slowly backed up. He turned around quickly and ran up the stairs, the man with the broken leg hobbling after him, supporting himself on the railing. The last mugger hauled the teen onto his shoulders, and as he stumbled away, the kid looked right at me, wonder in his eyes. Or maybe it was the concussion.

"Kail, let's go!" Tori was over by the tracks, and the subway started to roll in. We quickly climbed aboard, pushing through the crowd, before any of the passengers could get off and see what mayhem we had caused.

We came to another car just in time, and we sat down. The other passengers in the car hadn't seen what happened, so they didn't pay any attention to us. We sat down, and catching our breaths, Tori laying her head on my shoulder. We stayed that way for several minutes until Tori broke the silence.

"Kail, you did it again." Tori whispered to me.
"I can't help it, you know that." I whispered back
"Listen, you have to be more car-"

Just then, the drifter we had seen earlier came into our section. He quickly spotted us and shoved his way through the people standing up.

"Son! How'd you do that out there!?!" That was AMAZING!" He said, much too loudly.
"Umm...sir..."
"What was that kid? Some kind of  martial arts I reckon. I mean wow! How'd you do it?"
"Sir, I don't know what your talking about,” I lied, wanting attention off of me.
He frowned at me for a moment. Just then the train stopped at our station, and I grabbed Tori and pulled her off the train before the man could ask anymore questions. Tori gave me a gloomy look, knowing what I was feeling.

The sad thing was, I couldn’t answer his question.

Chapter 2

Father "Don" Matthias was sitting at his desk. The dim lighting, along with the red and white candles gave the room a serene mood. Don sat diligently studying the Bible, no surprise there. His short salt and pepper hair was perfectly neat, and his sharp jaw was set in concentration. He was only 30, but wise beyond his years. Ever since I've known him, he has had this...aura about him. Holy almost. I'm not a real religious guy, but I know holy when I see it. Solemnly, he continued to read the Holy Book, but no doubt he knew I was there. Without looking up, he said:

"Kail, how nice to see you."
"Hello, Father." I replied quietly.
"How was you're trip over here?"
"It was...different."
"Really?" He looked up from his reading, his dark eyes watching mine. "It happened again, didn't it son?"
"Yes."
"Kail, how many times must I tell you, you must be careful when displaying your...abilities."
"Father," I replied. "They were hurting Tori. I don’t care who see’s me, no one is going to hurt her!"
"Ah. Well, I certainly can not stop you, but be careful. I trust that you saw Tori home?”
“Of course.”
“Ah, good. Now have a seat.”

I walked forward and sat down in an ancient wooden chair.

"Have you found anything yet?"
He remained silent.
"Don," I urged. "I've been here for two years. I need to know who I am. I need to know why I can do what I do."
"Patience’s, Kail, God gave us long lives for a reason."
"I'm sorry, its just,...Everyone knows who they are. I'm the exception."
"God reveals all at the appropriate time. Patience.
"Father, I don't know my own damn identity!"
"Language! Listen son, the only identity you need to know is that you are God's Child."
"I know, I know."
"By the way, Riel was looking for you."
"Riel? I'll call him whenever I can get around to it. Father, please, keep on looking."
"Sure, I'll call you when I find something out, go on home."
"God be with you Father."
"And with you."

I left the chapel and walked towards the street. My black truck was parked near the street, and I got in and started the engine. It took me almost a year to learn how to drive, and now that I can, I do it as much as possible.

 Don had known me for two years. To me, I have known him my entire life. He seemed a bit distracted tonight. He may be a religious man, but he was a bit more religious today than usual. He must of found something.

I pulled up to a particularly long red light. Soon I started to think of Tori. Next to Don, she's the most important person in my life. Her laugh always brightened my day. Tori Gabriella. What a girl. Her skin, so tan, and smooth. Her smile, with perfect teeth was Heaven. Her Eyes. Her legs. Her ....

"HEY BUDDY! GET A MOVE ON!" A taxi driver yelled. The light had turned green.

I quickly sped up and got a move on. I drove down to my apartments, and went upstairs. I always liked being high up. Never knew why. I walked down the dirty hall, unlocked the door, and strolled on in to my not-so-great apartment. Clothes were all over the floor, dishes weren’t washed. Still, it had pictures of my friends. Tori, Don, Riel. It was home.

I went to the bathroom to wash my face. I looked into the mirror and saw my reflection in the cracked mirror. My long dark hair covered one eye. The other eye stood out. It was Gold with a halo of red next to the pupil. No one had eyes like mine...no one. My skin was slightly pale, not too much, but I could use a trip to the beach. The small scar on my chin stood out. More so, however, was the tip of the large tattoo of a wing on the left of my back. The tattoo was very intricate, and went from my spine and up to the top of my left arm. I hadn't shaved for a couple days, and I knew I looked grizzly. I better clean up.

Tonight was the second anniversary of my meeting up with Don and Tori. That night, two years ago, changed my life. Well, really, it started it. I remember that night so clearly. Raining. Empty streets. Lightning. Wind strong enough to break a tree. A flash. And a Wing. Perhaps, the reason I remember it so clearly, is because I don’t remember anything before it.

Chapter 3



Rain. It can mean a lot of things. It can mean rebirth, life. It can mean death, final moments. It’s amazing what omens one thing can represent. For me it represents both. That night was both my death, and my rebirth. I found my way out of oblivion that day, only to be lost in this metropolis.

Lightning lit the darkened sky, bringing the foreboding silence before the thunder strike. No moon was to be seen that night, only clouds and the occasional bolt.  Rain, long and thin bullets, fell down around me. I was on my back, a tree to the left of my vision. I couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. I felt a large cut on the left of my back, in between my shoulder blades. My knees were cut up, my hands covered in road burn. I couldn’t see out of one eye, soaked hair blinding me. I realized I was naked except for the rain, nature’s cold blanket. My whole body ached, almost as if I had fallen from the tree above me. Had I?

The only sounds were of rain and thunder.  I struggled to lift my body up. The cold rain, almost sleet, were like tiny daggers against my bare back. I managed to roll over and life myself up on all fours. On the wet cobblestones, I saw puddles of not only water, but blood. My blood.

For some reason the thought of me bleeding struck me as insane.  In fact, in the back of my mind, this whole situation was insane. Well…of course it was. But it was stranger in the fact that I was experiencing it. If there was one thing I knew, it was that this should not be happening to me.

But what was happening to me?

I fought the stiffness and cold, and brought myself up on one knee, as if I was proposing to the darkness. In the distance, the orange glow of streetlights  gleamed in the shadows of the storm. Even farther were tall masses. Skyscrapers of some city. What city? I had no idea.

I staggered up, and limped down to a pond to my right. I looked into the black water, its surface disturbed by the continuous rain. My reflection, anything but clear, showed me one thing.  A blue in yellow glow extended to the left of my reflection, but as I looked behind me, nothing was there to generate it. That was when the rain stopped.

Lightning struck the tree behind me, thunder boomed in unison with the cracking trunk, but it didn’t distract me. I was unable to look away from my now-clear reflection. What I saw changed my life. Because extending from my right shoulder, there was a great, glowing, transparent wing.



Let me know what you think

Thanks again, for the support  ;D
 

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Author Craft / Re: Murder at the Masquerade-short story
« on: October 13, 2008, 07:15:27 PM »
I like it alot
Gave me chills at the end  :o

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