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McAnally's (The Community Pub) => The Bar => Display Case => Topic started by: Tech L. Me on September 22, 2007, 11:37:47 PM

Title: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Tech L. Me on September 22, 2007, 11:37:47 PM

Wish Granted!

Here's the bad poetry thread, whether you write it yourself or find it online, show us the worst of the worst. :)

Attempted Assassination of the Queen
William McGonagall (yes, an actual poet)

God prosper long our noble Queen,
      And long may she reign!
Maclean he tried to shoot her,
      But it was all in vain.

For God He turned the ball aside
      Maclean aimed at her head;
And he felt very angry
      Because he didn't shoot her dead.

There's a divinity that hedges a king,
      And so it does seem,
And my opinion is, it has hedged
      Our most gracious Queen.

Maclean must be a madman,
      Which is obvious to be seen,
Or else he wouldn't have tried to shoot
      Our most beloved Queen.

Victoria is a good Queen,
      Which all her subjects know,
And for that God has protected her
      From all her deadly foes.

She is noble and generous,
      Her subjects must confess;
There hasn't been her equal
      Since the days of good Queen Bess.

Long may she be spared to roam
      Among the bonnie Highland floral,
And spend many a happy day
      In the palace of Balmoral.

Because she is very kind
      To the old women there,
And allows them bread, tea, and sugar,
      And each one get a share.

And when they know of her coming,
      Their hearts feel overjoy'd,
Because, in general, she finds work
      For men that's unemploy'd.

And she also gives the gipsies money
      While at Balmoral, I've been told,
And, mind ye, seldom silver,
      But very often gold.

I hope God will protect her
      By night and by day,
At home and abroad,
      When she's far away.

May He be as a hedge around her,
      As he's been all along,
And let her live and die in peace
      Is the end of my song.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on September 22, 2007, 11:59:54 PM

O' moose so furry and so brown,
Knobby kneed, came in to town,
Came in to town during a blizzard.
Came in to see the Dresden Wizard.

O' moose, he shook his head wide antled
Wizard with his duster mantled
At McNally's they hoisted beer
Discussing matters very deer.

A sorcerer had met the moose
Telling him he had to choose
Whether he or his sweet wife
Would be losing moosely life.

Moose came to seek sweet reason
From the Wizard, in winter season
Moose he wanted both life and love
And help from he who wore one glove.

"I did not know a moose could marry,
No evil sorcerer," quoth Harry
"Will end you or your moosely spouse.
Take me north to smite the louse."

So, north they went, by train caboose,
Harry Dresden and hairy Moose,
Rode in the last car not to drain
Or blow up technology on the train.

In the north the Missus Moose
Held by the sorcerer in a noose,
Wept until her nose, it ran.
Green and slimy on that man.

The sorcerer so evil with wards all around
had not a tissue to be found.
He caught moose mucus in a pail
and left green mounds along his trail.

"Which is worser?" Moose asked Harry.
"I find boogers pretty scary.
"A sorcerer, push to shove, is just a guy
"And I am fast, and smart and spry."

Sorcerer in his hide out planned and plotted
Over the cow moose which he'd gotted.
His evil mind began to churn
"You, my deer, I'll taxiderm."

He hoisted cloven hoofs aloft,
While the moose sneezed and coughed,
And while it caused her some back pain,
It also helped her sinuses drain.

That is when the moose espied
The evil mage and moosely bride.
Harry on the moose back mounted
The sorcerer had not upon counted.

Blasting rod and and glowing staff,
Shield bracelet and raucous laugh.
Mighty moose with heart so large
Courage pair prepared to charge.

Mrs. Moose, she gave a sneeze,
That knocked the sorcerer to his knees.
Harry followed with a spell
That sent him running back to hell.

Moose wife lowered to the ground,
Gratitude flowed all around,
As she thanked him for her life,
as Moose thanked him for his wife.

Happy Harry home did head,
To cuddle into his own bed,
To be inside his own house,
With Mister, Bob and his dog, Mouse.

_{To Jim Butcher, with love from Pam}

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: val on September 23, 2007, 12:20:29 AM

Ok.  This one is in honor of Rob MacDonald...


THE TALE OF McMORRIN
                  -or-
MERRY WIDOW’S DELIGHT

By Morgan Bloodaxe

This is the Tale of McMorrin.
   Whose fortune was lost in the war, and
Lacking money for plaid, he spent all that he had
   To purchase an extra large sporran.

Now, regimentally clad, he wasn’t half bad,
   And the fair ladies’ hearts were set pounding.
But the gents were aghast at the shadow he cast,
   Which, even at noon, was astounding.

He made churchmen and husbands uneasy;
   So, in an honest effort to please, he
wore his sporran just right, at the most modest height,
   Which was somewhere down under his kneesies.

Yes, this is the Tale of McMorrin;
   And lucky the day he was bornin’.
For the fates gave him then somewhat more than most men,
   And ever since then he’s been growin’.

Now, with poverty comes great despair;
   Almost more than McMorrin could bear.
But he girded his loins, for though lacking in coins,
   He still had some valuables there.

Then he called on the Widow Felicity,
   Who was as merry as a widow could wish to be;
And after six nights of carnal delights
   He put her in charge of publicity.

Soon all the merry young widows, adorin’.
   Were heaping praise on the peerless McMorrin—
And more gold in his purse than a dry man has thirst,’
   For it’s that kind of fame that makes fortunes.

So the years flickered past, all a-fleeting.
   For McMorrin all good years, exceeding.
For the Scotsman had found Endless Wealth and Renown
Are merely a matter of breeding.

Then, to the Tale of McMorrin, an ending:
He died.  Elderly, wealthy, and grinning.
Yes, he died in the night with his pride at its height,
And broke three widow’s hearts beyond mending.

At his funeral the tears fell in showers,
And he lay in a forest of flowers.
All the widows so grieved, yet could hardly believe
Even death could have toppled his tower.

On his coffin of marble and slate,
The Great McMorrin was sculptured in state.
Then they dug him right down to six feet under ground.
And on second thought took him to eight…

Since the loss of the peerless McMorrin,
Those merry widows just aren’t, anymore, and
They keep watch at his grave, and they endlessly pray
   The Resurrection will quickly restore him.

(How sad!)

Now, ladies, put an ending to all your distress!
   A modest secret I’m bound to confess:
I’m like my Uncle McMorrin, (only a little bit more), and
   …I’m sure we can work out the rest!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Yeratel on September 23, 2007, 02:17:54 AM

Topping even Vogon poetry, the title of Worst Poem Of All Time has been conferred upon William Topaz McGonagall's The Tay Bridge Disaster.
Follow the link,
And see what you think.
http://poetry.about.com/od/19thcpoets/a/mcgonagall.htm

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: LizW65 on September 23, 2007, 01:36:55 PM

Follow this link to read some of Julia A. Moore, AKA "The Sweet Singer of Michigan":
http://www.wmich.edu/english/txt/Moore/
Mark Twain, among others, found her stuff hysterically bad.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Yeratel on September 23, 2007, 05:09:10 PM

Quote from: LizW65 on September 23, 2007, 01:36:55 PM

Follow this link to read some of Julia A. Moore, AKA "The Sweet Singer of Michigan":
http://www.wmich.edu/english/txt/Moore/
Mark Twain, among others, found her stuff hysterically bad.

Julia Moore is definitely right up there with the worst of the worst that managed to actually get into print and sell books. To quote from the reviewers: "The Sweet Singer's verse is concerned to a large extent with total abstinence and violent death -- the great Chicago fire, the railway disaster of Ashtabula, the Civil War, the yellow fever epidemic in the South. She sings death by drowning, by smallpox, by fits, accidents by lightning-stroke and sleigh. "Julia is worse than a Gatling gun," wrote Bill Nye; "I have counted twenty-one killed and nine wounded, in the small volume she has given to the public." She also greatly relishes normal infant mortality, especially in cases where the little victim possesses blue eyes and curling golden hair; but in her celebrations of the centenary of American independence she strikes the sterner Kipling note more than once. "

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on June 24, 2008, 07:34:54 AM

Toe Weasels
by: Blaze

Toe Weasels are
the worst by far
when they infest your brand new car.

Toe Weasels can
by fate or plan
make shadow shapes in your tan.

Toe Weasels stalk
you when you talk
on your cell and make it squawk.

Toe Weasels dance
in your pants
giving you a funny prance.

There may be other vermin
For example, the ermine,
That can make you go a squirmin’

But far worse than having measles
Worse by far than sneezles,
are the dread Toe Weasels.

Ms Linsenmayer knows
All about the woes
Of dread Weasel Toes.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on June 25, 2008, 02:44:48 AM

I could never match
such glorious prose
with hand on my breast
or finger up my nose
I can but vainly reply
with old classic I knows

the was a haut lady Rian
Who hypnotized Vor scion
the little deffective
thinks hes a detective
he shall soon be fed to the lion

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Bob on June 25, 2008, 03:31:53 AM

Erato, lounging by a spring in her Olympic splendor
Received a message from Azan, by turtle dove he sent her
A most heartfelt entreaty, in which he wrote “Dear Mother,
They are abusing your great gift to outdo one another.

For Poetry the times are bad, the standards all have fallen
And angsty black-clothed teenagers now claim it is their callin’
As well as those who foreign are to rules of rhyme and meter,
So please descend and set them straight.” Thuswise he did entreat her.

“Surely he does overstate”, said she, the poet’s Muse
“There’s always been bad poetry—that’s hardly even news”
Still from her spring she stirred herself to see if he spoke sooth,
She cloaked herself from mortal eyes and sought to find the truth.

No sooner from Olympus onto earth had she arrived
Than torrents of bad poetry into her spirit knived.
Omphaloskepsis by the ton from self-obsessive twits
And random words passed off as verse by self-deluded gits.

Amidst the flood there were, she found, a few real poets there
Who battled ‘gainst the rising tide despite growing despair
Immovable as Spartans, they weathered fashion’s scorn
Treasuring Erato’s gift, bestowed when they were born.

“My faithful few, my champions, you will be well rewarded
And honors denied unto you now will one day be accorded.
As for the rest, such logorrhea makes my spirit woozy
But modern tech has just the cure.  Someone hand me an Uzi.”

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on June 25, 2008, 03:50:21 AM

I wouldlike to award Bob a ribbon for using the word Logorrhea.  Thank you, Bob.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Sorryman105 on June 25, 2008, 09:28:28 PM

I refuse to attend the award I know will show up for this thread for the best bad poetry. I'd probably pee a little for laughing to much.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Bob on June 25, 2008, 10:27:40 PM

Quote from: Blaze on June 25, 2008, 03:50:21 AM

I wouldlike to award Bob a ribbon for using the word Logorrhea.  Thank you, Bob.

Thank you.  While it's easy to write mediocre poetry, writing bad stuff is much harder.  Finding just the right pretentious term, forcing rhymes, inappropriate subject matter, incongruity, and insipid meter are difficult to bundle up into one work.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on June 26, 2008, 08:36:14 AM

Yes, I know.  My business card actually lists Bad Poetry on it as one of my specialties.  It is a rare and wondrous thing to Muse Ick and dance.   ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Purpura on June 26, 2008, 05:52:06 PM

I'm a bit of a poet, but I've forgotten the correct Iambic Pentameter beat so this poem goes here... It's not too bad, just sad...

The hands of my grandmother

When they were young they felt different things
Ribbons bows clothes and strings
The feel of tree bark
Toys, maybe a Noah's ark

When they were older they knew
the weight of a wedding band, clothes of blue
and other colors. Diapers, baby clothes for three
The touch of my grandfather's hands, Car and house key...

They aged more, and soon a baby girl was held
and eventually my brother. She changed diapers that smelled
Or at least my mom did. Her hands lost plumpness and became bonier
and in 1980, with the love of her life passing away became a little lonelier

She moved from Florida to Washington DC,
Hands of her children helping far from Atlantic sea.
She decided not to cook very much
but her hands still loved with every touch

Her children, her grandchildren and a great granddaughter
I am far from these loving hands across many miles of land and water
 These hands now lie still, though they helped her eat, and wipe away tears of joy and grief,
 and put shoes on her feet. Now they hold a handkerchief.

These hands once so active lying still
Me, forget her hands, I never will.
Time wore them out, with wrinkles and spots,
knuckles more visible, and arthritic knots

May my hands be just as loving as hers
for the children - my darling daughter's
When She has grown up and gotten married
As time sails on and never has tarried.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on June 26, 2008, 08:27:37 PM

 :'(
Sniffle....
sniffle...
Wahhhhhhhhhhh.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Bob on June 26, 2008, 11:44:32 PM

<Gives Purpura a hand>

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on July 13, 2008, 02:31:08 AM

In WOW tonite someone regaled me with a seranade ...

" I like to go swimmin
with bowlegged wimmin.."

etc..

therefore, I composed a rejoinder:

Id be ever quite so glad
to swim with a bonny lad
were in not the day
my clock gave way
hand me that damn pad

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on July 13, 2008, 04:56:20 AM

Ode to a Hysterectomy:

I reached the point in my life
Where female organs
Gave me strife.
Gave me pain.
Made me slow.

It was time for them to go.

I had upon my gut a scar,
from navel to pubic arch
pretty far,
didn't like it much.
wished it wasn't done.

But each time I got a son.

Now I have not one but two
Gristled scars, long ones too.
From hip to hip
from stem to stern
an "X" outcome

Marks the spot on my tum.

Yet all three times what came out
Brought forth a happy shout.
One dark blond
One blue eyed
one with tumors

Out helped my humors.

Now no moon hut
do I need.
I don't bloat
I don't bleed
Happier I couldn't be
Unless they had
thought to
zipper me.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 20, 2008, 06:30:28 AM

Gawd, here I am double posting, and I hope others will post as well.  This thred needed to be reawakened.

This is a poem I wrote for Yessungee when he was in a bridge battle -- but not for very long.  He hurt himself on the way down.

Anyway it is by me:

The corpse’s lament

The displeasure of dysplasia
When someone comes and slays ya
Then carelessly displays ya
on the field.

When the Marshals, at their leisure
come, much to your displeasure,
To drag you for good measure
on your shield.

To them you are just slaughter
The will dump you in the water
Without the respect they oughta
feel.

After brief inspection
They’ll deny you resurrection
Due to your pallid complexion
Or your body’s misdirection
(plus there’s no appeal.)

Just because you’re dead
they will cart yu off like lead
Not caring how they tread,
or how you’ll deal.

The humiliation does not stop
While you’re the grim reaper’s crop
So just lie there, do not flop
It’s tough luck you had to drop
Just be grateful it’s not real

~Alayne

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 23, 2008, 03:12:16 PM

there once was a duck out of her luck
bill needed a tuck her feathers all pluck
on  corrupt a wish
asked for a delish
a brawny buck but got a shut the f_ck.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 23, 2008, 03:14:54 PM

Poor little quack,
give the granter
the sack
let him/her
bags pack
tell em never come back.

S.W.A.K.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Wizwad on December 23, 2008, 03:53:47 PM

Quote from: Blaze on June 26, 2008, 08:27:37 PM

:'(
Sniffle....
sniffle...
Wahhhhhhhhhhh.

Agreed!

 :'(

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Lady Silver: Serenity on December 23, 2008, 05:09:16 PM

wow...um...well...um...um...gotta go! good bye!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 24, 2008, 04:52:51 AM

A poet and an avain marine
were critiqued by a lady serene
she said she had to flee
the end its plain to see
...
...
um..

what the f_ck rimes with silver, anyaway ???

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 24, 2008, 06:47:26 AM

The 47^th element
is too hard to rhyme,
had you used argentite
twould be an easier time.

Your poetry would
gain momentum
had you called her
say... Argentum.

The meter could
be in fine fettle
adding epithets
like white metal.

Somewhere between
Gold and copper,
is the name of Lady
Serenity, proper.

Allusion in the place of fact
Keeps the rhyming scheme intact.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Wizwad on December 24, 2008, 10:33:20 AM

*applauds, cheers*

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Da-wild-gerbil on December 24, 2008, 02:57:26 PM

My cat...
...I have no cat
Cats go *meow*
Or *fart*
But I hear no sound
For I have no cat
Catty catty meow meow
Any cat that has worms is not nice
Woe is me

Written by Da-wild-gerbil sometime before dawn 25/12/08

*Ta-dah*

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 04, 2009, 01:58:11 AM

this thread
full of awe and wonder
of poems
so bad and blunder
of moose
parts under yunder
their bowels
sound and thunder
to life

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 04, 2009, 03:57:56 AM

Time and tide for men don't wait.
But a cougar wants to mate
So for the male she will spend
A little while her trap to tend.

The feminine feline longs
To frolic in romantic throngs
To revel as with catnip's high
Pounce then ravage some young guy.

A sated cougar well will sleep
Contented her mate she'll keep
While satisfying every whim,
She'll still manage to  pleasure him.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 05, 2009, 02:31:46 PM

that ridiculous thang
up in thread with a dash
quite the challenge
far too much too flash

i have to wonder
bout that bonny boy
dont really wanna ride
can i pet the toy ?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 05, 2009, 02:49:49 PM

Boy toy, boy toy,
Pat his head
the real McCoy,
Whose splendor
Experience will destroy.

Pat that bunny.
Boy Toy.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 09, 2009, 02:15:10 AM

the gauntlet was thrown
the wager was made
bring it on dear Blaze
by rhyme youre laid

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 10, 2009, 03:39:20 PM

O! Duckie, is this gauntlet yours?
This puny glove, Duckie dear?
You'll need it for your rhyming chores.
All comers?  Pwned? Bring it, here.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 10, 2009, 04:07:50 PM

I must compose
a mighty crack
in poetic prose
fiendish kvack

with gasps and weezes
rhymes and lies
of moosely sneezes
and dread googly eyes

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 10, 2009, 04:15:42 PM

im off for chinese
to fill me tummies
then to borders
"poetry for dummies"

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 11, 2009, 07:37:13 PM

Poetry for Dummies,
Will avail thee not.
In conquest of this 'verse.
Come with everything you've got
but you'll go from bad to worse.

I'll dance a poetic gavotte
around you with my rhyme
and leave you in a tongue tie knot
with iambic metery divine.

Look look look
in any book
for inspirational spark
when the dust does settle
you will be in the dark
and I in fine full fettle.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: One Duck on January 11, 2009, 10:19:59 PM

A flea and a fly in a flue

Were caught, so what could they do?

Said the fly, "Let us flee."

"Let us fly," said the flea.

So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: One Duck on January 11, 2009, 10:36:53 PM

Ha ha ha ha ha
Here is a funny Haiku
I just made it up

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 11, 2009, 10:54:30 PM

O! High coups, high coups
It's what the fae nobles do
When Queens tell them to.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 12, 2009, 03:31:07 AM

to hide behind baby Kooos
or make puns on high coups
gives no recuse
you will still loose
Im a ducktor damnit, not a goose

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 12, 2009, 04:30:13 AM

You may be the ducktor, but I'm the real McCoy
The rhyme is the reason, not the squeaky toy
It isn't ducky season, and I am not a shill
I'm ordering the l'orange, and you will get the bill.

Rather than just banter,
not to make you scream,
nudist colonies in Florida,
have just become the theme.

So sharpen up your pencil,
and whet your  wit a whit,
For when next we compose
In the catbird's seat I'll sit.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 12, 2009, 05:45:33 AM

there was a lassy duck in Hudson port
who went to file this here nudist report
all the boys were a bit over eighty
and while testes still quite weighty
I regret tis not so much long but short

of our laddie boy dear OE
the cause of our soliloquy
that hes here
have no fear
just not much left to see

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 12, 2009, 05:52:25 AM

Now that we are come
Under Florida's warm sun
Down along the coast
Inundated by a host
Skin showing not a stitch
To cover them, I twitch.

Color me less intrigued
Over such exposure
Let alone my thoughts
Over lack of hose-ure
Need to comprehend:
You'll see the bitter end.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 12, 2009, 06:24:36 PM

A nudist and a nudibranch
Were off the a Florida Coast
Both common in those waters
Warm weather was their host.

The nudist had a pickle,
“Sea cucumber,” said he,
“a Tubifex like a T rex
Is what you get with me.”

The nudibranch was rankled,
Competitive, enraged
“Do you often boast so.
When socially engaged?”

“You misapprehend me,”
The unclad man replied,
“For I thought we were brothers,
When compared side by side.”

With languid strokes he stiffened,
The nudibranch, erect did look
The floater in his eye,
“I ‘ve a crab lodged in my anus

“And he itches by and by,
So you must forgive me,
For such things are a pain
And make me  testy, see?”

“I once had crabs a plenty,
bad company I kept,
but now that I’m a nudist
of these I have been swept.

“Lest you get too jealous,
Lest I hurt your pride,
even me, a nudist
up my anus give a ride.

“There is a agent of the
Service Revenue
who took the term internal
and decided it meant screw.

“He took advantage of
My assets, and left me
As you see, so now
I am a nudist in a nudist colony.”

The nudibranch, he nodded
Though he hadn’t any head.
“That is a sad, sad story
and I understand your dread.

“We don’t pay any taxes,
on the bottom of the sea
My butt crab keeps a look out
for the loan sharks after me.”

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 13, 2009, 04:31:46 AM

shocked by prose the duck said
you have won the nudist thread
now for some pancakes
and eggs and bakes
for nutella snacks and bread

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 13, 2009, 04:33:13 AM

I thank thee for concession,
and join thee in procession,
a food thread sounds just keen,
Nutella and ice cream!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Torvaldr on January 13, 2009, 04:41:11 AM

There once was a duck from nantucket........

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 13, 2009, 04:50:41 AM

All sing Hallelujah!
For pasta gianduja,
and for that happy fella
Who invented sweet Nutella.

When chocolate was a ration
during times of dearth
to fill his client's passion
he looked to the good earth.

Hazelnuts a plenty fell
from the trees around
Quoth he, "what the hell
They are easily ground."

So he added them to cocoa
A taste pasty treat
It made the folks go loco
and the profits too, were sweet.

Nutella on a cookie
Nuttella on a cake
Nuttella on some whole wheat,
You sweet tooth for to slake.
 

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 13, 2009, 04:51:41 AM

*Looks at Torvaldr expectantly*  Go on....  c'mon you can do it!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Torvaldr on January 13, 2009, 04:57:16 AM

This was one of those esoteric poems that is meant to inspire others to complete the verse in a way meaningful to them and allow it to flow within to grant them greater awareness and focus within their lives.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 13, 2009, 04:58:25 AM

Yeah yeah, and Vikings were peaceful explorers.  ;)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 13, 2009, 05:00:21 AM

Quote from: Torvaldr/The Morning Ogre on January 13, 2009, 04:41:11 AM

There once was a duck from nantucket........

There once was a duck from Nantucket
Who carried around a large bucket
With nutella inside,
to spread on the hide
Of a duck fella so she could lickit and suckette,

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Torvaldr on January 13, 2009, 05:06:17 AM

Quote

Yeah yeah, and Vikings were peaceful explorers.  Wink

But we were! Honest!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 13, 2009, 05:26:04 AM

I fled my cold maiden bed
and dreams of long lost love
not his thighs i missed
or the fair bird nested above

the feel of his hands
the gentle strong grip
memmory of his finger
a provoking firm slip

but he left me for her
the whore ! the slut!
with her barren heart
and teenage boy butt

i had the very tools
to take back whats mine
my ancient studies
art dread and sublime

I reach for favorite toy
hid behind necromatic books
and have to fondly wonder
does she like his metal hooks ?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 13, 2009, 05:28:41 AM

Applause!!!!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 13, 2009, 10:47:16 PM

Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It hurts.  It hurts so
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
Like a slug.  From a chainmail glove.
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It can make you bleed.  Just from the need.
Bad. Love.
*guitar rip*

I had a bad love,
I mean I loved  him, bad...
But he didn't notice.
Man it made me sad.

It was torture.  Torture and more.
To be ignored, by the man you adore.

Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It hurts.  It hurts so
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
Like a slug.  From a chainmail glove.
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It can make you bleed.  Just from the need.
Bad. Love.
*guitar rip*

He was a senior guy.
I was a freshman.
He made me want to die.
He had red hair

Like the sun did rise.
He was gorgeous, he nearly hurt my eyes.

Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It hurts.  It hurts so
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
Like a slug.  From a chainmail glove.
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It can make you bleed.  Just from the need.
Bad. Love.
*guitar rip*

Everyday, up the sun came .
Everyday the sun did rise.
Then bus came, just the same.
I was the first pick up, surprise

I had to wait for the sixth stop
Where my heart did drop.

Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It hurts.  It hurts so
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
Like a slug.  From a chainmail glove.
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It can make you bleed.  Just from the need.
Bad. Love.
*guitar rip*

He had a brother.
They shared a seat
With each other
I looked at my feet.

Every day, just the same.
Ever knowing, he didn't know my name.

Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It hurts.  It hurts so
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
Like a slug.  From a chainmail glove.
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It can make you bleed.  Just from the need.
Bad. Love.
*guitar rip*

I've  been married.
Since 1982.
Happily married.
So what can I do?

But explain bad love, and how
That bad love, even hurts right now.

Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It hurts.  It hurts so
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
Like a slug.  From a chainmail glove.
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It can make you bleed.  Just from the need.
Bad. Love.
*guitar rip*

A year of sorrow, rejection, pain
A year of feeling, like I'd go insane.
A year of trying, to speak and fail,
A year of being wan and pale....

I but  have to say here, there was irony,
Cause the guy I married, felt that way about me....

Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It hurts.  It hurts so
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
Like a slug.  From a chainmail glove.
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It can make you bleed.  Just from the need.
Bad. Love.
*guitar rip*

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 13, 2009, 11:11:06 PM

bravo !

lets get Tor the Viking to do a drum solo ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 14, 2009, 01:36:04 AM

When I was but a pretty chile
tossed all in frilly pink
my mama came and sat awhile
said with a kiss an wink

she sang

all love is gods love
there aint no shame
shined down from up above
all love is the same

I broke my heart
on my first pretty boy
learned of my part
with a vibratin toy

I heard her sing

all love is gods love
there aint no shame
shined down from up above
all love is the same

ran wild in high school
kissed my first saucy girl
had a drink, lost my cool
danced with two a twirl

 heard her sing

all love is gods love
there aint no shame
shined down from up above
all love is the same

Ive pet a wild beast
starred in my own stag blue
main course at feast
learned poetry an high coup

 heard her sing

all love is gods love
there aint no shame
shined down from up above
all love is the same

Now here i rest
writ on prison page
as teacher i was best
he was underage

 heard her sing

all love is gods love
there aint no shame
shined down from up above
all love is the same

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 14, 2009, 04:38:19 AM

Brava!  Brava!  *hugs*  that was great. 

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 14, 2009, 05:04:03 AM

(click to show/hide)

Failed.  I've failed those things I love.  No matter how I tied.
And when you fail the things you love, you shrivel up inside.

I tried, I tried to make her quit all those cigarettes
But nothing worked, I must have shirked and I have regrets.

I hid the packs, I made red lines, halfway down
I labeled them as poison, I badgered with a frown.

But she still died of cancer.  Cancer everywhere.
My efforts were too clumsy to make her care.

Failed.  I've failed those things I love.  No matter how I tied.
And when you fail the things you love, you shrivel up inside.

The turtles up at Kingman Park had nowhere to flee.
Turtles move so very slow, and they relied on me.

But biologists are costly, and environmental causes
Fall on deaf governmental ears, they bull doze without pause.

Now where once stood Kingman Park a highway
Blazes through, the park is gone forever and the turtles too.

Failed.  I've failed those things I love.  No matter how I tied.
And when you fail the things you love, you shrivel up inside.

I've campaigned for mother earth, since I was a child.
Doing all the right things, when other kids ran wild.

Recycling, conserving, unswerving in my quest
Riding on a bicycle or walking, as you've guessed.

Reminding folks our planet is the only one we've got.
The oil and coal are burning still, the environment is shot.

Failed.  I've failed those things I love.  No matter how I tied.
And when you fail the things you love, you shrivel up inside.

I love my sons, my darling ones, and want for them the best
I worked until I could no more, to gather their behest.

I wish to pay for college, for educational trips
For all the things which would give them benefits.

But I barely pay my bills now, and they both have to work
I've saved up no inheritance, and their cousins like to smirk.

Failed.  I've failed those things I love.  No matter how I tied.
And when you fail the things you love, you shrivel up inside.

My love's vision is fading.  He works hard as can be
When he comes home, he has to care for me.

He does it uncomplaining, he does it with a grin,
and yet I can't help feeling I've disappointed him.

It should have been our turn, to have fun at this age,
But my health faltered and my guilt I can't assuage.

Failed.  I've failed those things I love.  No matter how I tied.
And when you fail the things you love, you shrivel up inside.

Edited to add the spoiler tag, not because of spoilers, but because the poem is depressing.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 14, 2009, 03:21:46 PM

OMG --  I have to declare MSL the winner of this round!  I posted something too depressing.  *GONG*

Who shall choose the next theme?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: One Duck on January 14, 2009, 03:28:57 PM

Can I choose?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Lisa™ on January 14, 2009, 03:35:24 PM

Quote from: Blaze on January 13, 2009, 10:47:16 PM

Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It hurts.  It hurts so
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
Like a slug.  From a chainmail glove.
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It can make you bleed.  Just from the need.
Bad. Love.
*guitar rip*

I had a bad love,
I mean I loved  him, bad...
But he didn't notice.
Man it made me sad.

It was torture.  Torture and more.
To be ignored, by the man you adore.

Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It hurts.  It hurts so
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
Like a slug.  From a chainmail glove.
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It can make you bleed.  Just from the need.
Bad. Love.
*guitar rip*

He was a senior guy.
I was a freshman.
He made me want to die.
He had red hair

Like the sun did rise.
He was gorgeous, he nearly hurt my eyes.

Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It hurts.  It hurts so
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
Like a slug.  From a chainmail glove.
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It can make you bleed.  Just from the need.
Bad. Love.
*guitar rip*

Everyday, up the sun came .
Everyday the sun did rise.
Then bus came, just the same.
I was the first pick up, surprise

I had to wait for the sixth stop
Where my heart did drop.

Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It hurts.  It hurts so
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
Like a slug.  From a chainmail glove.
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It can make you bleed.  Just from the need.
Bad. Love.
*guitar rip*

He had a brother.
They shared a seat
With each other
I looked at my feet.

Every day, just the same.
Ever knowing, he didn't know my name.

Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It hurts.  It hurts so
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
Like a slug.  From a chainmail glove.
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It can make you bleed.  Just from the need.
Bad. Love.
*guitar rip*

I've  been married.
Since 1982.
Happily married.
So what can I do?

But explain bad love, and how
That bad love, even hurts right now.

Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It hurts.  It hurts so
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
Like a slug.  From a chainmail glove.
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It can make you bleed.  Just from the need.
Bad. Love.
*guitar rip*

A year of sorrow, rejection, pain
A year of feeling, like I'd go insane.
A year of trying, to speak and fail,
A year of being wan and pale....

I but  have to say here, there was irony,
Cause the guy I married, felt that way about me....

Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It hurts.  It hurts so
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
Like a slug.  From a chainmail glove.
Bad Love
*guitar rip*
It can make you bleed.  Just from the need.
Bad. Love.
*guitar rip*

*Laughs 'til she cries*

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 14, 2009, 05:34:58 PM

 i was trying to think of a response but that last poem wassssss toooooooo deeeeeeeeeep.

Oo
-

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 14, 2009, 06:26:36 PM

Yeah, That is why I gonged myself.  Like being asked to bring dessert to a party and bringing something made of whole grain.   :P

I have no problem with OE naming a theme, Hows abouts you MSL?

Lisa -- Thanks! My homage to Adventures in Baby Sitting!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 14, 2009, 07:10:11 PM

one the offer of One Eye
no scoffer, no jest nor lie
he picks or loose
a joke to choose
id toffer he rhymed a try

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 14, 2009, 10:55:51 PM

so old bear, whats the chance ?
a murderous halfling ? perhaps romance ?
give us a hint, toss us a clue ?
whats the rhyme, a lonely ewe ?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 14, 2009, 10:57:57 PM

yoooo hooo one eyyye !
you begged to voulnteer
now rhyme us a subject
or well stick in your rear !

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 15, 2009, 01:38:33 AM

OE I poke-eth thee,
I poke-eth thee again..

Give to me the theme
Or be poke-ethed in the end.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Katty on January 15, 2009, 01:47:48 AM

I'm not OE, but I has an idea!

Poultry!  Since MSL is a duck, and I call Blaze a chicken on a regular basis....

 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 15, 2009, 02:03:39 AM

LOL  Poultry.  Hrm...

Mehmeht wanted for a wife,
To help him with the farm,
To bear him sons, share his life
and fill his life with charm.

Aya was sweet and lithe
The youngest girl of ten,
Her parents owed the yearly tithe
To tax collecting men.

Mehmeht said, "I'll barter
for your daughter's hand
Ten chickens is my starter
offering, these hens are grand."

Aya's parents pondered
Aya's family thought
Aya's eyes had wandered
at the farmer as they aught.

Om Aya said, "never shall I
Sell my daughter short."
Abba Aya said, "there's a guy
Offering more at port."

Mehmet said, "then a dozen.
A dozen laying hens
And a peacock from my cousin
And a goose who defends.

"The gander is protective
The peacock is selective
The hens are procreative
May I have her for my Mate-ive?"

Aya then got married,
Started a new life,
She found life quite harried
And she felt the strife.

"Mehmeht, undervalues me."
So she told her Mum.
"How else could it ever be?
"He got you for a poultry sum."

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 15, 2009, 02:42:12 AM

AWESOME

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 15, 2009, 03:02:13 AM

Once upon a rosy dawn
walked a naive duck chick
met upon a bragging swan
claimed he a mighty prick

"I was Leda's lust
she swoon neath my wing
I tasted virgins bust
sampled Ganymedes ring

I comforted fair Isodole
when the Lance was lost
she screamed on my pole
just like old man Faust

a legend is my mighty wand
no need to get tackey
been mentioned far and yond
even in Mercedes Lackey

It was I taught Anita Blake
to forget wolf and vamp
for my mighty members sake
shes no longer a tramp

So what say you
cute little missy duck
never will she rue
who tries me for a f_ck"

the little duck thought long
the little duck thought hard
would it be so truly wrong
to have a quick roll in yard ?

the duck spake "No, Dove
your brags are  but a test
after all those other loves
youve got herpes, at best "

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 15, 2009, 04:03:11 AM

*Stomps and whistles*  Hooray!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 15, 2009, 05:43:45 AM

I really know Poultry
My knowledge is quite deep
I can pluck and clean  them,
Almost in my sleep.

I can do six and hour,
Six and maybe more
Depending on the weather
the feathers and the gore.

I really know poultry,
Such knowledge do I keep
That I can tell a rooster
Even as a peep.

It's all in the wing feathers
Don't you laugh, it's true
Go ask a chicken sexer
That's what he will tell you.

I really know Poultry,
they come in shades (like gray)
they lay eggs like crazy
One each every day.

Chickens need no rooster
To pump out eggs most hale;
Only if its hatchlings
you want you need a male.

I really know poultry
With names like Araucana
Barnevelder, and  Crevecoeur,
Dominiker, Faverolles , Havana,

Jersey Giant and LeFleche
Minorca and New Hampshire,
Or Orpington, Penedesenca,
And the Redcap  Derbyshire.

I really know my Poultry,
and chicken love is swift,
Slam bam comes the rooster
then leaves the hens all miffed.

No stately peacock dances
No courtly crane cavorts
Their hit and run romances
End with partners out of sorts.

I really know my poultry
My parents had a farm,
I gathered eggs on weekends
It had a sort of charm.

I got to know the chickens,
They're cannibals, you see?
So I didn't mind when time came
To make them fricassee.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 15, 2009, 01:50:28 PM

ROFLOL

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Yeratel on January 16, 2009, 11:33:46 PM

I found a little ditty in another forum, written by CC Desan, that I thought was worth sharing, particularly with other Tolkien fans.

THE CYBER TROLL
(with sincerest apologies to J.R.R. Tolkien)
 
Troll sat alone in his filthy home,
He had no reason outside to roam;
His pimply face was a sore disgrace
And friends were hard to come by.
Done by! Gum by!
In a filthy home he dwelt alone,
And friends were hard to come by.
 
He’d surf the net, always on the watch
For nasty pictures that would tickle his crotch
But the thing he loved best was to curse and swear
And act like a total retard.
Bombard! Blackguard!
He’d yank people’s chains for laughs and lulz
And act like a total retard!
 
‘Ha ha!’, said Troll, ‘I pwn your soul.
So why don’t you shut your old cake hole?
Your posts are lame and I take control
Of your blog, you stupid loser!
Boozer! Schmoozer!
I can drool and spit and you can’t do squat
‘Cuz I’m safe from poor old loser!
 
But the folks whose paths he tends to cross
Have naught but contempt for this pile of dross
So they simply pretend that he isn’t there
And Troll gets all the madder.
Sadder! Adder!
When poor old Troll doesn’t get results
He just gets all the madder.
 
‘For a couple o’ pins’, says Troll, and grins,
‘I’ll swear so much you’ll think I’m twins.
I’ll make you see you’ve got nothing on me
And your base belong to me now!
Hee now! See now!
I’m king of the world, bow down to me,
All your base belong to me now!
 
But just as he thought his victim was caught,
He found his hands had hold of naught.
The blogs were locked, and Troll was shocked
That everyone ignored him!
Bored him! Floored him!
He’d been dismissed, and was mighty pissed
That everyone ignored him!
 
But blacker than coal is the heart of Troll
Whose life is as barren as the Kansas dust bowl.
He’ll just move on to greener fields
Where folks will rise to his baiting.
Hating! Grating!
Old Troll laughs, when he hears folks groan,
And he thinks he’s won with his baiting.
 
But the folks who win, to Troll’s chagrin
Are the ones who learn the rule herein;
Ignore the Troll with the heart of coal
And he’ll quickly travel elsewhere!
Nose hair! Hot air!
His world’s so sad, but we don’t care
As long as he’s flaming elsewhere!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 17, 2009, 02:19:38 AM

not poultry, but tastes simmilar..

" Tap Tap
goes the octopus
tentacle
on the glass
tap tap tap

 Tap Tap
goes the octopus
tentacle
on the glass
tap tap tap

 Tap Tap
goes the octopus
tentacle
on the glass
tap tap tap"

--random text sent by me to Dizzy, just cause thats what BFFs are for


"Toss Toss
goes the toaster
into
the water thrown
ZAP ! ZAP ! ZAP!"

-- Dizzy's reply, about 2 seconds later

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 17, 2009, 02:27:51 AM

and for more tolkein fun..

http://lfgcomic.com/page/218 (http://lfgcomic.com/page/218)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 17, 2009, 04:30:55 AM

To me, from my husband:

a one "r" pero, that's a "but".

a two "r" perro, that's a "mutt".

but i'll bet a big straw sombrero,

that there ain't no three "r" perrro!!!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 19, 2009, 06:32:51 AM

Its sunday nite
stayed up late
lonely again
isnt this great

lookin for love
got no hot date
just me an myself
geus ill _______

whered i put
my fave rate
out of batteries
just my fate

nothing left..
but wait ! but wait!
got a new phone
an htc touchmate  ;D

rest right there
against my gate
text me soon yall
its set to vibrate


 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Themostocles on January 19, 2009, 06:35:33 AM

I am up all night if you want me to keep texting you  ;)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 19, 2009, 06:37:45 AM

I have a spouse.
He is right here
In our house
laying near.

The vibration
That I hear
Sleep's salutation
Snoring clear.

Rumble rumble
Like a quake
Toss and tumble
The bed will shake.

But not from frolic
Not from fun
From nasal colic
Rattling like a snare drum.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Themostocles on January 19, 2009, 06:40:42 AM

I am feeling an extreme lack of talent right now  :-\

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 19, 2009, 06:43:07 AM

You do not lack
Talent
Dear Themostocles
Just because
Bad poems
You can't make with ease.

You may not
lack talent
You may just have taste
Your mind might
find
making bad poetry a waste.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 19, 2009, 06:44:44 AM

and your dear spouse
the nasal chosen one
does it sound of thunder?
or kerbang of shotgun ?

it could be much worse
your nosy nocturnal fun
you could have loved moose
then snored boogers by ton


MOOSE BOOOGERS

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 19, 2009, 06:52:21 AM

"Strawberry salads, strawberry drink, strawberry in every mode I can think.
Strawberry dipped in chocolate dark, strawberry dipped in chocolate white.
Strawberry strawberry all day and night.  Strawberry treacle, such a delight." - Blaze

"Strawberry anime, is boys dressed in sailor skirt
Strawberry manga, shots of girls knickers
Strawberry panic, mercenary and teenie girl flirt
posted in reply, to make Blaze snicker" -the duck

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 19, 2009, 06:54:31 AM

Funny you should say that,
About my snoring spouse,
He could have been a moose,
Or he could have been a mouse.

He could have been a dachshund
A leopard or a shark. He could
have been a great ape an eland
or a grouse, but fate would

Chose for me a mate
who went by the name Bear
Long before we had a date,
Due to his ample body hair.

The Bear, they'd call him
The Bear will play ball
On the shirtless skin
Team, so they'd call.

He doesn't need much
Clothing to keep him warm
you see, and in a clutch
he barely exhibits any charm.

I guess I am his Honey.
As every bear is wont
To have if he's the money
Or the bees will taunt

Him to their combs
and sting him on the nose.
So being my bears honey
Eases all his woes.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 19, 2009, 06:59:59 AM

I looked for a reply
and geus what duck saw?
a warm snuggly blaze
to make me say "awwwww"

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 19, 2009, 07:07:25 AM

I really am quite saccharine.
I really am you know.
The sort of sickly happiness
In which the mold can grow.

I am warm and fuzzy,
Like a heman's unshaved pits.
And I have a sort of patience
Which sits and sits and sits.

Most find it nauseating.
Although I don't impose
The warm and fuzzy feeling
It just seems it always grows.

I wish I could be snarky
I wish I could be dark
I wish I could stay angry
Or bite more than I bark.

But Blaze just isn't that way
She'd rather just play nice
Especially in Wee hours
When our eyes feel full of rice.

So hugs for you, Ducky
and hugs for all the rest
I feel so darn lucky
Cause you're the very best.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 20, 2009, 03:36:31 AM

sniffffff awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww huuuuuuuuugs

gong!

you win the deep feelings round.

next topic ?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 21, 2009, 04:22:11 AM

its the force , of course,
its the force , of course,
everyone knows its the force
its the force , of course,
its the force , of course,
everyone knows its the force

when luke has got
to hit exaust ports
or rescue princesses
from space moon forts

its the force , of course,
its the force , of course,
everyone knows its the force
its the force , of course,
its the force , of course,
everyone knows its the force

 what Han and Chewie
do in kinky gay resorts
Leia will soon find out
she reads Boba Fetts reports

its the force , of course,
its the force , of course,
everyone knows its the force
its the force , of course,
its the force , of course,
everyone knows its the force

Luke finaly gets laid
Empires Hand of sorts
shes just annother sister
this will end in family courts

its the force , of course,
its the force , of course,
everyone knows its the force
its the force , of course,
its the force , of course,
everyone knows its the force

Now Hand is dead, Leia wed,
where will Luke find support ?
R2 is a lesbian, mommy dead
the ghost of Yoda is too short


its the force , of course,
its the force , of course,
everyone knows its the force
its the force , of course,
its the force , of course,
everyone knows its the force

--off to yall..keep adding lyrics !

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Chianacat on January 21, 2009, 12:27:37 PM

I love myself,
I think I'm grand,
When I go out,
I hold my hand.
I slip my arm,
around my waist,
when I get fresh,
I slap my face.

thank you *takes deep curtsy*

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 22, 2009, 01:09:44 AM

and in the eve
i do deduce
do you yourself
possibly seduce ?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 23, 2009, 05:17:52 AM

Those are the lyrics to the Acorn song!  I know that one!

Spock is in shock
It is a quirk
When he sees a naked Kirk
Laying there himself to jerk,
Or with the crewman Fred.

He went to Scott
to share the cot
found there was a
big wet spot
DNA said Crewman Fred.

Crewman Fred wears a red shirt
He sure does get around
Where he stops he makes a squirt
and a guttural sound.

So Spock is in shock
and Kirk must hock
his favorite clock
with a big tick tock
to buy some batteries to stock
All for Crewman Fred.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 23, 2009, 09:09:58 PM

out in space
was crewman Fred
jolly and gay
the life he led.

"this is illogical"
Mr Spock dryly said
"He cant be happy
His shirt is quite red"

so they beamed him
down to an alien club med
but he was gaurding mccoy
so now our Fred is bled dead.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 23, 2009, 10:21:25 PM

Leonard said, "Dead, Jim,
"dead, is Crewman Fred.
"You know it's him.
You know he's dead.
Send some gold shirt down instead."

The ghost of Fred
Flew up and said,
"I'm dead Kirk,
you super-jerk,
because my shirt was red."

Kirk was sad.
He felt quite bad,
until Spock-o spake:
"If death was caused
by shirts of red
Mr. Scott would be quite dead."

Then Uhuru stood,
Her legs looked good
from beneath her mini.
"Scotty has died,"
She said and sighed.

"Ye canae keep me dune,
Ay'm nae buffoon,"
The engineer up-piped.
"Ay'll ne'r die lake same
aither guy
Because Ay'm tae well liked."

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: One Duck on January 24, 2009, 04:46:23 AM

All that doth flow we cannot liquid name
Or else would fire and water be the same;
But that is liquid which is moist and wet
Fire that property can never get.
Then 'tis not cold that doth the fire put out
But 'tis the wet that makes it die, no doubt.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 24, 2009, 04:49:43 AM

Is it the nature or the zen?
What douses fire best?
Absence of oxygen.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: One Duck on January 24, 2009, 04:52:22 AM

Brava! That was good Blaze!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 24, 2009, 04:57:56 AM

*Dips a curtsy*

Thank you.  I was going to go on, but I liked it that short.   ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: One Duck on January 24, 2009, 04:59:20 AM

'Twas perfect as it was

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 24, 2009, 04:59:48 AM

:|blush|:

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: One Duck on January 24, 2009, 05:03:14 AM

Sorry if I was too effusive

:P

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 24, 2009, 05:04:38 AM

Not at all.  I am a praise junky.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Wizrd01 on January 24, 2009, 03:17:59 PM

Here's one i made up a while ago.. haven't been creative for a long time... been on poetry.com
Winds of Change:
Shifting thoughts, winds of change
strength within has grown
truths untold, life on hold
unable to go forward.
Open skies call, but sight is fixed
the heart so far away
losing all yet gaining more
the soul goes on its way.
A door is opened for two to go
but slammed before ones face
heart break eternal, hope is gone
removed from beyond lifes race.
The pain cuts deep, tears open the soul
seeking healing solace
life goes on, yet winds of change
forever will keep blowing.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 27, 2009, 03:43:02 AM

staying up late
on neverwinter nights
no longer my fate
ive won all the fights

morrowind, tribunal,
and werwolves too
Oblivion no renewal
can never leave you

Civilization! Civilization!
one, two or four
no matter situation
addicted to more

I tried Starfleet command
and world of warcraft
played guitar rock band
total war till im daft

but poor woe is me
my old recreation
to playing history
time for civilization

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 27, 2009, 04:13:02 AM

Daggerfall is my lament
For that is where my gold was spent.
I owned a house, a cart a horse,
I even owned a boat, of course.

In Daggerfall I wore cool clothes
The ugly outfits were my loathes
Worse than liche or giant rat
Were fashions which made me look fat.

I saved the King, I saved the child.
I turned into a werewolf wild.
I made a pact, I was redeemed
Temples weren't what they seemed.

Armor, I loved the bright red,
The orcish stuff was my dread.
I had a sword which with one swing
Could slay the worst of anything.

I helped out peasants, nobles too,
I save a villagers spouse, and knew
That word fame would about me spread.
But I didn't let it swell my head.

I travelled far, I travelled near
Alleviating Vengeance, Fear
I read the books, I read them all
and I was loved in Daggerfall.

You had to have the patch you see,
To let the old King's ghost be free.
Then you could find the cheats
That helped you map all the streets.

But Daggerfall and XP
were a match not meant to be.
And so, my favorite game is gone.
I no longer hear, "It's my turn, Mom."

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on February 19, 2009, 04:14:54 AM

tossed on a writers block
no more witts to sell them
not even a pithy mock
or recipee for cerebellum

i have lost my inspiration
deep in the florida nite
no matter the perspiration
nothing rhymes quite right

Oh goddess Priscellie
descend from your henge
cure this poor nellie
....

ok, what scans with henge ?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Torvaldr on February 19, 2009, 05:39:19 AM

Revenge?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Priscellie on February 21, 2009, 06:45:06 AM

I haven't been watching this thread, so I'm not sure what all you've done, but the first topic to come to mind is veganism.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on February 21, 2009, 07:06:46 AM

Hannibal the Cannibal
Found humans a treat
But most us get stuffed
Simply eating meat
Yet, I know some people
Get by with none of that,
Ingesting naught but tofu
Or things grown in a vat.
Not even cheese crosses
their lips, nor milk nor eggs
What exactly do they eat
So the question begs.

Vegans will eat nothing
That might a death cause
Thereby, they shun proteins
from fur and fins and claws.

Like the Jains of the east
Like a Buddhist Priest
Like a peaceful hippie
They won't even kill yeast.

They shun the use of leather
Even for their shoes
Even if by natural death
The cattle lost their moos.

The feed their dogs
Rice kibble and keep cats
Who gnaw on greens,
But never mice or rats.

Veganism, is the lifestyle
Veganism is the creed
They who eat what
Food eats, leaf and seed.

I don't know how they do it.
I don't think that I could.
But like the Dalai Lama,
They all must be so good.

So never knock a vegan,
Lest you come back as a bull,
Destined for a roadhouse,
Or a pig for a pork pull.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on February 21, 2009, 02:39:23 PM

there twas a filly in kent
her love of veggies was bent
for a bliss slumber
a giant cucumber
in her other lips it went

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Torvaldr on February 21, 2009, 02:54:09 PM

OMG! ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!

There was a girl that loved a banana
that was a nice gift from her nana
what the nana didn't know
was the banana did go
in a place not approved by the nana.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on February 21, 2009, 03:20:39 PM

MSL had a filly whose dream
Could cause your windows to steam.
But both cucumber and hole
Ignored the topic and extole
Meat in a tubular extreme. 

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on February 22, 2009, 12:55:45 AM

in honor of a goddess
and to please her many peeps
the duck studied bobby flay
and made great culinary leaps
grabbed many bad guys
ignored their feeble weeps
carefully checked naughty bits
syringed them till they seeps
fryed things golden brown
humbly offered nutella creeps

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Torvaldr on February 22, 2009, 02:06:56 AM

Nutella smooth and slick it spreads
as fun to eat as it is in bed
playful touches here and there
Nutella Nutella everywhere

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: One Duck on February 23, 2009, 03:14:46 AM

Did you say Vegan Poetry or Vogon Poetry?
:D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Torvaldr on February 23, 2009, 03:17:49 AM

Is there a difference?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: One Duck on February 23, 2009, 03:32:13 AM

Well after googling samples of both I find myself thinking there isn't. :P

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on February 23, 2009, 03:15:17 PM

paens for goddess the duck wrote

trembles in fear of divine brow smote

offers humbly treats nutella

and tastefull pics of nude fella

so high one might post more turn coat

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Priscellie on February 23, 2009, 03:22:56 PM

You'll get your wish for more Turn Coat tonight at 2AM EST!

Also, you people are demented. :D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Shecky on February 23, 2009, 03:38:35 PM

Quote from: Priscellie on February 23, 2009, 03:22:56 PM

You'll get your wish for more Turn Coat tonight at 2AM EST!

Also, you people are demented. :D

Pot kettle black much? ;)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on February 23, 2009, 04:35:44 PM

Waldo Butters
better than
Doctor G.
A Medicine Man
Who dances
to the tune
of Polka prances.

Waldo waltzes
with wild hunt
Big ol Sue
Who zombies punt
with her tail
Harry astride
a whooping wail!

Modest Waldo,
says, doctor? No.
Although an ME
must farther go
in studies of anatomy
the tale of woe
and doom to see.

Spry, and smart
Bespectacled man
Heals the Harry
Like no one can.

In the know,
yet unseen
Dr. Butters
whose keen
mind lurks
below the radar
of evil jerks.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on February 23, 2009, 06:30:46 PM

twas one young sage ms molly
built up stage like ol lass dolly
the boys did care
bout her shower there
but 47 pages ? oh good golly !

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on February 23, 2009, 07:55:26 PM

Harry thought, "that girl looks fine."
But he knew to draw the line,
at the daughter of the Fist of God,
Who might put him under the sod.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Torvaldr on February 23, 2009, 08:29:06 PM

Harry Harry quite contrary
never gets enough
but with a young wizard
who wanted his lizard
his brain told his lizard that's tough

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on February 23, 2009, 11:04:02 PM

Love is a prickly pear
for a poor wizard
like Harry to bear,
especially when so
much danger is near.

Harry's a glutton,
but doesn't seek pain.
He learned his lesson
when he loved Elaine.
He learned his lesson
that love was in vain.

Harry again learned
His lesson with Susan
He loved her well,
and then took the bruisin'
she went away but
come back with tattoosin'.

Luccio!  Luccio!
Ever so hot.
'Specially with that
new body she's got.
They'll go a ridin'
and it'll hit the spot.

You know that,
being Harry, and all,
the other shoe
Will certainly fall.
So we hope
as romantics do,
That Luccio won't
be under that shoe.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on February 24, 2009, 03:10:29 AM

and all quite wit writ list of Harrys  lost loves
to add might fit a bit missed one tost dove
allas beautifull toe mass
so dutifull, but no lass
still hopes mitt is get, Harry wears but one glove

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on February 24, 2009, 03:39:11 AM

Thomas loves unwisely and too well
His heart in sister Lara's clutches does dwell.
Her name and being are Justine and just.
For her life to him she's given and her trust.

Wife, did Harry say, of this sweet lass,
White tressed, blessed with white Vampire's love. 
Redemption shall it come to pass?
Can Thomas be her knight, shining from above
Will grace bequeath to him a sword (not cutlass?)

How can love be without the briefest touch?
How can love last with such a pain filled past?
Thomas, can a brother's deep care be such
Revelation that a demon might be surpassed?
Harry defeated his evil Lash, the power no crutch.
Are you, as well, in such strong forging cast?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on February 24, 2009, 03:46:04 AM

re :http://www.jimbutcheronline.com/bb/index.php/topic,10909.20.html (http://www.jimbutcheronline.com/bb/index.php/topic,10909.20.html)

a scent of war, a whiff of danger
a smell of gore, a colden stranger
nothing says n00b
dashed on a boob
then amore of a dark elven ranger

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on February 25, 2009, 02:34:59 AM

to sing at sorrow of woe
id wing to borrow of Poe
from bed I said
"this thread is dead
lets bring tommorow a go"

 

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: One Duck on February 25, 2009, 03:15:48 AM

Robert Herrick

To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,

Old time is still a-flying
And this same flower that smiles today
Tomorrow will be dying.
The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,

The higher he's a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he's to setting.
That age is best which is the first,

When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.
Then be not coy, but use your time,

And, while ye may, go marry;
For, having lost but once your prime,
You may forever tarry.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on February 25, 2009, 04:53:29 AM

From a Virgin, Once upon a Time

I never gathered rosebuds, nay


Nor feared the coming of age.
For with age there comes a wisdom great
Tomorrow maketh me a sage
And though the Sun does race across the sky

Her slip neath the horizon
Brings visions of a farther shore
What we miss not truly gone
But rises again come morning.

Experience lets us know
Those things which youth from us conceal;
Time ages wine and knowledge
Then set firm a pace thats real

And, while you may, go follow
Both sun and moon and every dream
For, having lost but once your prime,
Chances lost come not again
Experience life's sweet cream.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on June 07, 2009, 08:09:18 PM

There are no weasels
Like toe weasels
Like no weasels
I know.

They find the scent
of toe jam so appealing.
The shoe vents
send them squealing.
Their teeth rents
send you to the ceiling.

They bite onto your toe.
They fight over your toe.

-- take it away, Ms Duck!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Yeratel on June 07, 2009, 10:55:25 PM

Though long with the Dead,
Mordant, yet now it rises,
Ancient zombie Thread.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Otlan on June 07, 2009, 11:17:40 PM

Roger Rabbit.

"Dear Jessica,
I Do I love thee,
Let me count the ways,
One-One Thousend,
Two-One Thousend,
Three-One Thousend,
Fore-One Thousend,
Five-One Thousend,
Six-One Thousend,
Seven-One Thousend..."

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on June 08, 2009, 04:10:00 AM

Quote from: Blaze on June 07, 2009, 08:09:18 PM

There are no weasels
Like toe weasels
Like no weasels
I know.

They find the scent
of toe jam so appealing.
The shoe vents
send them squealing.
Their teeth rents
send you to the ceiling.

They bite onto your toe.
They fight over your toe.

-- take it away, Ms Duck!

Wow... im honoured

ahem..kaf kaf...



with cries and chants
for things Phil Phoglio
I raves and rants
an sings my Sol ee oo..

Agatha Heterodyne,
shes a genius girl
Krop of the Kats
no humble churl

for its Phil and Dixe
tried out Sex and DND
to see the nude pix ie
gots to pay a small fee

He had toe weasals!
min mamoths airships galore !
mad sparks flying arks
and silly monsters and more !

Vampires with waffles !
purple dragons with flagons
first i know was buck Godot!
(aint braggin Trixe aint saggin)

But we may never Know..
of our master Mr Phoglio..
how many xp gets to go..
when i slay this type IV gazebo :)



Bonus geek points to whoever get all the references.

http://www.airshipentertainment.com/index.php4 (http://www.airshipentertainment.com/index.php4)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on June 08, 2009, 04:15:39 AM

ROTFLMOL -- I know all those references.

But you for the Weasel Queen
The hottest chick Othar
Tryggvassen has ever seen
He wants to peek
Behind her dressing Screen!

Are there Weasel on her toes?
Will those Weasels bring him woes?
Or will he find romantic throes?
Let's go one with the shows.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on October 27, 2009, 01:39:44 PM

Bob wrote:

Quote

While it's easy to write mediocre poetry, writing bad stuff is much harder.  Finding just the right pretentious term, forcing rhymes, inappropriate subject matter, incongruity, and insipid meter are difficult to bundle up into one work.

This is for you Bob, and my friend Dresden.  Please, everyone, read it out loud in a cheesy Italian accent.

I once heard a fable
from a drunk at a table
a drunk named Giotto
in an Inn called La Grotto.

He had had too much grappe
So the tale is not proppa
For a Doge or Il Papa
Or anyone dappa.

In Cappanori
A castratti Signori
He was most demurra.
in his brocade gamurra

Singing his falsetto
in a silk farsaletto.
By Signoras adored
They hung on to each chord.

Jocopo's beginning
Started with much sinning
When a great King
did a miserly thing.

His Mama, Gionna
was home alla lone
and the Germani Soldati
Did something naughty.

They came into Roma,
at the mouth they did foama
They had notta been paid
So they staged this raid.¹

Such was the setting
Of angry armed vetting
that there was much blood letting
and unfortunate begetting.

In her deep shame
she changed her name
and pretended that she
was a widowed lady.



Still she loved her blond boy,
And he brought her much joy,
with a face cherubino,
and a voice multi-fino!

He grew big, near rotundo
But no basso profundo
Would earn him his keep
(since his tastes were not cheap.)

Away to Salerno,
With a note most materno
He was sent with a mission
Castration to commission.²

His mama she loved him
but she was no fool
A man can't get buy
with only one tool.

Bella linguatori
This handsome signori
Sang for the Duke of Ferrara
In a velvet zimarra.

As he got older
his charms became bolder
With the wives of  doges,
and divas and drudges.

His voice like Orpheus
Rang out from the dais.
And his passion at night
gave them equal delight.

Nor did their lords
Reach for their swords
(Had they known he could mate
They might have been irate.)³

In fair Florenza
and affair intenza
was had with Hortenza
Daughter of Szforenza.

In dramatic expression
he sang out confession,
inspiring Camerattas
In inventing the Operas.⁴

The tale has no moral
Or theme allegoral
Unless it might be
Pomodore don't fall far from the tree.

___________________
1 -- 5 May 1527  – always pay your German mercenaries, especially if they know where you live.
2 -- Salerno was known as the place for a successful castration.  Long a confluence of Arabic, classic and European medicine, castrations in Salerno were done without the total removal of testicles, but were more like todays vasectomy.  While in general one could not expect a surgery of any success in the 1500s, you hedged your bets by going to Salerno.
3 -- Ladies found it convenient to take Castrati lovers.  Their sexual prowess was not curbed, only their reproductive prowess.  Also, they tended to take better care of themselves, dress well and stink less.
4 -- The Camerata: a group of Florentine noblemen who in the late 1500s created the stil rappresentativo, which became the earliest form of opera.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Yeratel on October 27, 2009, 02:11:57 PM

This thread is Undead,
Near Halloween, it rises.
How creepy is that?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 14, 2009, 08:54:10 AM

To create and share.
The cold drives us to our fires
No season matters.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on November 14, 2009, 04:53:21 PM

Harry fights with same passion,
that fuels our creation,
Soulfire into words.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 14, 2009, 08:47:13 PM

rhyme far too deep in ernest
grins grown sadly sparse
with lube and wit turn 'est
unlcogs ernies arse

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 14, 2009, 10:06:58 PM

Angel Relic brag to me a curse
my quixotic verse made him gag
"Duck you hag, youve wrote worse
Then Kemmler with purse and in drag"

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on November 14, 2009, 10:38:11 PM

Quote from: Ms. Duck on November 14, 2009, 10:06:58 PM

Angel Relic brag to me a curse
my quixotic verse made him gag
"Duck you hag, youve wrote worse
Then Kemmler with purse and in drag"

You know what?

Ducks are cool. 8)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 14, 2009, 11:34:36 PM

The Duck a feathered gauntlet gave,
Angelic Relic, thought not you knave;
Her fault found of thee was this:
Bad poetry is needed here, not iambic bliss!

Such was your rhyme that for shame
Brought, bad to verse this thread inane,
Cries she: Fowl!  Your words uplift!
Here, logorrhea must, in posts, be sniffed!
 

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 15, 2009, 05:15:36 AM

Quote from: angel relic on November 14, 2009, 10:38:11 PM

You know what?

Ducks are cool. 8)

thank you

((HUGS))

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on November 15, 2009, 04:09:55 PM

I never thought I'd see the day
when Duck would turn and flap away
And give me proof of her retort
a glimpse of tail and quacking snort

She told me then, how eyes could spy
and see the truth behind Moose lie
"This is this and that is that...
bad form only, no Soul crap!"

Blaze doth know the truth of it
she PMed me too and cursed the Wit
Told me why and spake decree
"Write and suck, be true to thee" 

So then I know the truth of all
think not of pride, purposely fall
Seek no Wit inside your verse
lest it jests and mocks the Worse.

 ;) :D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Quantus on November 15, 2009, 04:13:10 PM

Haiku's are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 17, 2009, 03:55:04 PM

There once was one from an Angelic Clan
Rhymed with wit as only our chum Relic can
spake with Blaze bout Duck
but curse his lout luck
the fowl she led him too was a dumb Pelican

(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/2c/Pelican_lakes_entrance02.jpg/240px-Pelican_lakes_entrance02.jpg)<-- despire similarities, not a Duck   ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on November 17, 2009, 04:25:13 PM

Behold the Duck whilst in flight
flaps it's wings, try as might
cannot ever rise to sun
or ever retire a quacky pun.

Wise is Duck, deep and wide
but try as might, she fights the tide
and pokes her winged cousin Relic
not knowing her prey has stache like Selleck.
 
She commits the sin that cannot abide
and losses chance for mustache ride
And so sad Duck is forced to nest
all alone...for solo fest.

 ;D ;D ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 17, 2009, 04:45:13 PM

I gigled myself sick :)

this is insired by recent events in poke:
http://www.jimbutcheronline.com/bb/index.php/topic,14637.msg677357.html#new (http://www.jimbutcheronline.com/bb/index.php/topic,14637.msg677357.html#new)

The townsfolk cried against the gathering gloom
a zillion Blazes blasted from her Zombie tomb
the wept and cried
lost hope and died
till Duck flew down with her trusty vacuum

they went to thank their stoic schollar
but then let out most heroic  holler
shed give them the bill
pay a hero? but still
"sucky sucky still five dollar"

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on November 17, 2009, 05:29:51 PM

Again and again and again and again
I see the Duck and begin to grin
One moment she quacks, another she sings
Behold Duck lands with vacuum in wings
To and fro she sucks about
but fowl humor follows no question or doubt
I'd pay a kings ransom to settle the bill
No matter the cost, whom ever to kill

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 17, 2009, 05:56:55 PM

the geek chorus soars for their star wars
witty repate zings for lord of the rings;
pirates some adores; ninjas the rest implores
DF held for buggy wings; Duck argued fury things

rock from the sky? or vord ship on sly?
I try this to see tis come clear to me
Lara Raith ally? Did Gaius realy fry?
well argue annything wont we  ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on November 17, 2009, 06:18:28 PM

The place where we post
is full of smart peoples
though at times we tolerate
some trolling, mean bleep holes. ;)

We match the Author
and also his issue
we strive to create
understanding of situ.

Hew and cry,
back and forth
in this we find
our truest north.

Watch now then
a Mod spring soon
and deliver all
a Board-wide gloom.

 :D :D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 17, 2009, 08:38:34 PM

O Priscellie!  In her Mod
Go go boots and lissome bod
and Iago in his evil hat
a white council cool cat,

and Mickey Finn -- you know about him
an Apocalypticdisestamblishmentaricalifragiliticexpialidocious ism!

Three whom no gloom would truck
Three who fight to boot each schmuck
Who might this forum subvert, subsume
Turn from the light and into gloom.

So is it safe from those we dread
due to Mickey, Cellie and Fred.
Allowing me, the grateful undead,
To poke a relic, duck, redhead.

Now poetic combat with aplomb
is engaged each verbal bomb
launched with bungee and pluck
toward the Angel or the Duck

One thing I wish to straighten
while I can...
This poet is in deed
a Pelican (http://cunnan.sca.org.au/wiki/Order_of_the_Pelican)!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 18, 2009, 04:26:53 AM

there once was a Blaze, an enobled bird
in questions of rhyme ive off confered
ive heard Relic a raven?
count they now engraven
would make of Blaze Fowl the third

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 18, 2009, 05:42:26 AM

Flying together
Like those of a Feather
In syncronous wing
Gathering
High shall we go it
Together, all poets.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on November 18, 2009, 01:02:30 PM

Off in the land of Mooseburger
deep in the thread of rhyme
lived a colony of fluffy hero's
all commited to stanza'd crime.

Each in turn, they mucked about
and sought a lower path
crapulence and debasement
served as guideposts to a laugh.

So nom de plume and satire
reigned supreme amongst the lines
trumped only by innuendo...
the refuge of deviant minds.

With heavy heart I end this farce
and troubled spirit too,
I present a silly limerick,
composed for winged friends anew.

-------------------------------------

A duck, a relic, a pelican
all waddled into a tavern
each ordered their drinks
and started, me thinks
driving posters to flappy distraction.

 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 18, 2009, 03:20:15 PM

in this place, a tavern called Mac's
dwelled a base of poets eating snacks
a wizard name Harry
chose not to tarry
yelling "what next, a penguin playing sax?!"

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 18, 2009, 03:24:45 PM

In this game, we must get more involve'
for this truth, our sacred selves resolve
weird is on part one eighty
our thread a bit less weighty
a problem only more poets will solve

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: LavinChen on November 18, 2009, 04:21:08 PM

To a Young Ass
by Samuel Taylor Coleridge


Poor little foal of an oppressèd race!
I love the languid patience of thy face:
And oft with gentle hand I give thee bread,
And clap thy ragged coat, and pat thy head.
But what thy dulled spirits hath dismayed,
That never thou dost sport along the glade?
And (most unlike the nature of things young)
That earthward still thy moveless head is hung?
Do thy prophetic fears anticipate,
Meek Child of Misery! thy future fate?
The starving meal, and all the thousand aches
"Which patient Merit of the Unworthy takes"?
Or is thy sad heart thrilled with filial pain
To see thy wretched mother's shortened chain?
And truly, very piteous is her lot --
Chained to a log within a narrow spot,
Where the close-eaten grass is scarcely seen,
While sweet around her waves the tempting green!

Poor Ass! they master should have learnt to show
Pity -- best taught by fellowship of Woe!
For much I fear me that He lives like thee,
Half famished in a land of Luxury!
How askingly its footsteps hither bend!
It seems to say, "And have I then one friend?"
Innocent foal! thou poor despised forlorn!
I hail thee Brother -- spite of the fool's scorn!
And fain would take thee with me, in the Dell
Of Peace and mild Equality to dwell,
Where Toil shall call the charmer Health his bride,
And Laughter tickle Plenty's ribless side!
How thou wouldst toss thy heels in gamesome play,
And frisk about, as lamb or kitten gay!
Yea! and more musically sweet to me
Thy dissonant harsh bray of joy would be,
Than warbled melodies that soothe to rest
The aching of pale Fashion's vacant breast!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 18, 2009, 05:44:03 PM

The few the proud
The poetic'ly inclined
Doom'd not to be read out loud
Tho' intricately rhymed.

Whose world sense be skew'd
Who would rather
Be kind than feud
and see more poets gather

(The Duck wants me to draw a nude,
and so would Ol' Dan Rather.)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 18, 2009, 05:45:20 PM

The above poem is called:  Ode to a Derailed Plot Rhyme, and is dedicated to my kitten, and her need to run across my keyboard.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on November 20, 2009, 02:45:06 AM

I thought this poem thing over
I thought this poem thing through
Then Blaze started in with Dan Rather
And lunch was tasted anew.

I wished sucrease from torment
I wished for agonies lax
But The Duck then called it wisdom
to entreat me with penguin sax.

I never wished for harm
I never thought to tempt
the muses of ryhme and meter
to destroy my intellect.

But here I stand in rebellion
And here I stand corrected
I still spit in the face of Dante,
fine poetry remaines unmolested.

 :P :D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 20, 2009, 02:50:06 AM

No Molestar!
No Polestar!
The Starnosed Mole
She shuns the cold
When traveling afar.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 20, 2009, 05:23:09 AM

payday has finnaly come
can at last pay my bills
drink some coke and rum
enjoy MMO thrills

the money is now all gone
wasted it all on frills
geus im off to pawn
my drugs, meds and pills

feds got too much guile
time to write my wills
young pretty ducks get trial
old ones they shoots to kills

from all my friends a toast
and say we miss her still
ducks make a tasty roast
quick fire up the bbq grill

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 20, 2009, 06:50:57 AM

The menfolks they line up
Ready as they are to sup
Lick their lips and smacker
It's time to eat the quacker.

O! would that she were quick
Now that the men are thick
around her breast and thighs
chests heaving with sighs.

Nor will she be pleased at
the sausage stuffing that
from her tail to her crop
Is packed in so that she'd pop.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 20, 2009, 05:00:10 PM

Blaze our lithsome ghoul
in a most unkind hour
finds no brians to drool
no matter how she scour

oh with orrible dread
she lurched to her tower
be a vegetarian undead
 have to dine on caulifower

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 20, 2009, 11:35:34 PM

Best
Run
Away
I'm
Noshing
Soon!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 21, 2009, 03:44:30 AM

let loose by ancient gypsy curse
driving fast in her dragula hearse
all rhodes to roam
S car go foam
Ducks' puns run from bad to verse

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 23, 2009, 04:30:10 AM

oh to compose
a lovely prose
but too tired
to be inspired
off to graze
your turn blaze

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on November 23, 2009, 03:58:18 PM

Gonna try, a new thing
going to go a'caroling
it'll be great, and not to cold
On next Tues, ain't I bold?

Kahki shorts, t-shirt too
78 and warm, no Achooo!
In AZ, we have no frost
lest it forms with AC's cost.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 26, 2009, 03:06:10 AM

there once twas a lady quite quirky
her thighs sweet and breasts perky
she toasted her friends with wine
they reached for their knives to dine
"No you fools im a duck not a trukey!"


Happy Other- Fowl then me day  ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: j3nnee on November 26, 2009, 03:19:41 AM

Harry came a wizarding and he did "foraze"
Uh huh... Uh huh...

Harry came a wizarding an he did "foraze"
Uh huh... Uh huh...

Harry came a wizarding and he did "foraze"
Mouse and Molly by his sides
Uh huh... uh huh... uh huh

(runs and hides)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 26, 2009, 03:33:44 AM

j3nnee:

welcome, my young one
welcome to the pun fun
with rhymes or meter
sometimes we cheat 'er
welcome, tis now begun
for
the
duck
says
moose booger

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Yeratel on November 26, 2009, 04:39:21 AM

Moose burger haiku
Is not much of a challenge,
It's easy to do.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 26, 2009, 11:46:13 AM

At dawn
on Thanksgiving
I yawn
Barely living
The day is gray
The day is gravy

I wish you adieu
With my fingers all wavy.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on November 26, 2009, 04:24:03 PM

What a nobel bird, the turkey!
ignores it's lack of soaring ability
knowing it's future is all to murky
submits to desires, culinary
gives us stuffing and giblet gravy
What a noble bird, the turkey!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 26, 2009, 04:55:42 PM

this poem does not quite worky
so please pass the cranberry jam
cant rhyme anymore with turkey
murky, quirky, lurkey used they am

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 26, 2009, 05:04:36 PM

ahem:
http://www.jimbutcheronline.com/bb/index.php/topic,14748.70.html (http://www.jimbutcheronline.com/bb/index.php/topic,14748.70.html)

so friends draw forth a drink or tipple
I compose a prose to make Shecky ripple
please hum along
ease out a song
the ballad of the crispy lesbian nipple

(MSD, you might want to Flee)

Ohhhh for saphic love
(boobs well cooked)
sweet as a dove
(crunchy overlooked)

take it away, Blaze or Relic  ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on November 26, 2009, 05:13:33 PM

forbidden tasty sup
(crunchy peaks)
burnt-ass cups
(tasty treats)
 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 26, 2009, 09:36:27 PM

Sappho, Sappho,
where oh where
Did you go?

Sappho, Sappho,
searched high
Searched low.

Multitudinous gay guys
when I look
do I espies

But though
I look both
High and low

I have not found
dear Sappho
of double mound.

Should I land
on Lesbos
Island

Should I find
women
on my mind.

I won't do
the trick
for you.

I long for stick
and wurst
make it thick.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 26, 2009, 10:46:21 PM

(cue country music..badly)

I aint got cares
for my fried eggs
mostly guys stares
at my long legs

it's All JB's fault
a orrible waste
his books exalt
crispy tit's taste

But MSD has gotta run
thats all I tell you
boobs as big as the sun
made for barbi que

it's All JB's fault
a orrible waste
his books exalt
crispy tit's taste

she was his fan
so brave and loyal
now we wrap her cans
in aluminum foil

it's All JB's fault
a orrible waste
his books exalt
crispy tit's taste

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 26, 2009, 11:34:05 PM

Thomas shirtless, nekkid Harry
These images
Make me tarry.

Kincaid when Murphy's pants
he's grabbing
also my entrance.

Author, author, some for each!
Leaves us all lost for speech!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Shecky on November 27, 2009, 12:05:33 AM

*shudder*

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 27, 2009, 01:45:11 AM

Shecky shudders
Shecky sputters
Eye wash me!
Shecky stutters.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 27, 2009, 01:48:30 AM

Thunder roll!
Dwarf shudder!
Grassy Gnoll!
Fried Udder!

Rhodes to roam!
S cars Go !
Fish filet groan!
Baby G blow!

Dalek with wings!
seasoning the witch!
these are things!
make Shecky twitch!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Shecky on November 27, 2009, 03:35:18 AM

Which reminds me of the dwarves' dishwashing song in The Hobbit...

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 27, 2009, 03:36:30 AM

Me, too!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Piotr1600 on November 27, 2009, 04:39:14 AM

Our Dear disturbed Ms. Duck
In another thread she's shipping
Potential Sapphic escapades
"HIB and Invidia du Barbeque"

Barbequed boobs, oh luck (say's Duck)
with nipple-flakes a-dripping
Happily Tavi applies fury(ous) Raid
before the scene provides more "EEEEEWWWWW"

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 27, 2009, 04:46:37 AM

Bravo!  Bravo!  *throws Piotr a rose*

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: j3nnee on November 27, 2009, 06:23:27 AM

this place it rocks
and has a duck
this forum I have joined
you all are kindred
spirits me thinks
so on me have a drink
I hope your holidays
were wonderful plays
of eating and enjoying
family and friendships sowing
forever and a day

(or something like that)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Shecky on November 27, 2009, 05:36:33 PM

You people are all Sick™. Which explains why I'm uncannily comfortable here.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh on November 27, 2009, 05:39:46 PM

Quote from: Shecky on November 27, 2009, 05:36:33 PM

You people are all Sick™. Which explains why I'm uncannily comfortable here.

Sick transit gloria, but it's Friday so that doesn't work either.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Piotr1600 on November 27, 2009, 07:56:51 PM

Quote from: Blaze on November 27, 2009, 04:46:37 AM

Bravo!  Bravo!  *throws Piotr a rose*

With a girlish giggle, surprising in a man that large
Piotr gives a wiggle, and moving somewhat like a barge

Gratefully attempts, both a pirouette, and curtsey
Physics he laments, rose between his teeth, kinda hurtsey

Undaunted by his gracelessness, however did his bald head shine
He extricates himself from his mess - he thinks your rose divine!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 27, 2009, 08:16:02 PM

In a rush to save the day,
I'll change the thorns to pycopay,
Not only will it hurt much less,
but practice excellent dentifrice!

Skinny guys, I need to feed,
it takes some beef to feed my need
in a partner terpsicorchean
a Cadillac, not a delorean.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 28, 2009, 02:02:46 AM

Blaze's scansion i would applaud
her accenuation condems me a clod
my lexicon contorted,  a perplexed peon
so what the fuck is tersicorchean???

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 28, 2009, 02:41:06 AM

What the fukka does it mean
to call someone a chorine?
What is with the focken word
Does it not sound too absurd?

Damn that woman, what the fokken
Can't she just be more plain spoken?
While she poetry abuses.
must she drag in all nine Muses?

Could it be? O! Perchance
Was she trying to say: DANCE?
Ficken be, just like a goat
To make clear what she wrote!

In this thread Calliope
Muse of Epic Poetry
Will not even show her face
She eschews the very place.

Clio knows we must repeat
Every single human feat
It is just no mystery
we do not learn from History.

Euterpe will always play
Music night and music day.
Polyhymnia's lyric swims
as she belts forth her hymns.

Erato says no mistake
when Cupid shoots a stake
Love poetry must be spake
If her pleasure you would make.

Urania seeks the stars,
higher than the cable cars
Farther than Hubble can see
as she serves astronomy.

Thaleia will make us chortle
She tickles every mortal
Comedy is her art
From the high to belch and fart.

Melpomene will disabuse
You of your happy, this grim muse
Favors she the tragic tales
deep and gray her heavy veils.

But feats of feet do soar
on the wings of Terpsichore.
Dancing shoes her favored wear
Ginger Rogers, Fred Astaire

Paula Abdul, Chubby Checker
Maksim Chmerkovskiy (the rhyme wrecker)
Gene Kelly, and Sammy Davis,
Baryshnikov and Staines, Mavis.

Worship her in toe tap'd clutters.
Not to mention, Waldo Butters.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Katty on November 28, 2009, 02:46:09 AM

*smooches Blaze, still giggling*

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 28, 2009, 02:47:54 AM

:| Blushes and dips a curtsy|:

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 28, 2009, 04:32:15 AM

bravo, bravo !

 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 28, 2009, 04:51:47 AM

BTW -- those are all actual root words from which THE F WORD was generated.  It is an ancient and eternal word, long shunned and feared.  Personally, I fear the word Audit far more.  No one ever gets a good audit.

LOL

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on November 28, 2009, 01:55:36 PM

Blaze, in the immortal words of Inigo Montoya... "I admit it, you are better than I am". :D

*bows*

Bellisisma!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on November 28, 2009, 04:18:45 PM

Awww, Thanks AR.  You know, sometimes the muse just hits you.   ;)  Besides, I am old, so I know a lot of words.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 28, 2009, 08:46:58 PM

so whats my excuse?

My car, My car, my poor automobile
it shuffled, it wuffled, it puffled round the bend
My feet, My feet, they never do heal
they waddled, they doddled, they twaddled their end

oh woe, oh woe, how much farther to go
the duck, no luck, must truck her own arse home
flashed toe, offered a blow, but so, no free tow
no chuck, no schmuck, what the fluck, must roam

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Shecky on November 29, 2009, 06:14:48 AM

Ode to a Dead Jalopy?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: j3nnee on November 29, 2009, 07:11:44 AM

Volkswagen bugs
For Wizards are won
In multicolored fun
If they would only run
Regularly fixed by one
Named Mike, son of a gun

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 29, 2009, 03:47:27 PM

Quote from: Shecky on November 29, 2009, 06:14:48 AM

Ode to a Dead Jalopy?

oh there was a Shecky did morph
once a witch cat , now but a dwarf
I miss fell Greebo
(not a grebe tho)
waxed a poem or an opera for Worf

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on November 29, 2009, 04:08:40 PM

Sleep, O Sleep, where did thy flap?
gone south for the winter
to nest in Chilean lap?

Rest, O Rest, how can you betray?
a stressed out Angel
with no paid holiday.

Dormius Dorme, bonk me now
send me a wizard
to smooth furrowed brow.

Dreams, O dreams, where do thy lay
if not in my head,
then where do you stay?

Pickles O Pickles, and rocky road delight,
why do you fight
and bring sleepless night!

 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on November 29, 2009, 04:18:00 PM

for sleep, to sleep, young boys, need a good fap
search now, the web, for boobs, arse and crap
it is ninety, per cent,
so search the interntet
and now, truth told, Auntie Duck shall flap

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNARJPNz2CA (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNARJPNz2CA)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on November 29, 2009, 04:32:01 PM

Crappy porn and Sesame skit
have robbed my senses
of reasonable wit.

I sought a balm for troubled luck
Instead I get
flapped by Duck.

Help me! Help me! and so I go
Online to see
a donkey show.

Disturbed but inspired by Duck's sage advice
I seduce my pillow
and think "Feathers....nice!" ;)
 

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 01, 2009, 12:34:52 AM

bumpity bump, bumpity bump
duck bumps thump thump thump
a lil push
kick da tush
ewww wipe after you dump

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Piotr1600 on December 01, 2009, 02:43:28 AM

I write my wretched poetry in the little black book of my brain
whist washing the dishes and cleaning the drain

So, when my little grey kitty jumps up and bawls for TREATS
in the middle of my cleaning, scrubbing, and rinsing feats

I must quickly answer her summoning of de-lish-us-ness
Or bright and early - in my shoe - I find a gooey mess

She loves me, I try to convince myself, frequently
by gifting me with hairballs from her collection, see?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: j3nnee on December 01, 2009, 03:12:35 AM

(stolen from a book I like)

Ruth and Johnny Side by Side
Went out for an auto ride

They hit a bump Ruth hit a tree
and John kept rolling ruthlessly

(also stolen from said book)

It isn't the cough
that carries you off
It's the coffin
They carry you off in

;)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 02, 2009, 01:27:43 AM

"cats they land on their feet" did duck mutter
"and toast allways on the side with the butter"
so she glued A to the B
tosssed up great glee
and the motion device did perpetually flutter

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 02, 2009, 02:32:33 AM

If only it could be that
buttered toast and falling cat
were hooked to Robert's Van de Graaf
We'd all be charged, with a good laugh.

Spinning cat with cooling bread
In Schrodinger's box, alive and dead!
Vortex feline so sublime
outside of both space and time.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Piotr1600 on December 02, 2009, 02:57:07 AM

Wearing lenses of protective glass
and a protective Nomex wrap for their ass

Researchers, some cackling with glee
push buttons and throw switches willy-nilly

The LHC buzzes and groans
in the distance krell metal moans

Targeted beams soon clash at 7 TeV levels
making quite a racket - loud as the devil!

But scientists, technicians, and engineers too
suddenly stop to ponder - well, some go to the loo

"If Duck and Blaze's box-bound, spinning buttered toast cat
is creating juice outside of time and space - then where the hell is it at?"

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: KarlTenBrew on December 02, 2009, 03:09:52 AM

(I have actually used this or a variation thereof in multiple places as an example of 'bad' [annoying] peotry)

What would you do,
if for a time:
you were forced!
to speak...in rhyme?

Not poetic and
flowing verse,
just rhyming stanzas
unrehearsed.

'Tis enough
to drive one mad,
nay: to death!
(for which those near be glad)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: j3nnee on December 02, 2009, 03:23:38 AM

It's really cold
This Tuesday eve
Here in the state of Texas

Mother Nature is bold
Father Winter has nerve
And snow may fall soon after

brrr!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 04, 2009, 06:19:21 PM

I'm a Duck
here me quack
 send the Daleks
to Aaaa Tack !

we're being silly on Butcher dot coooom !

This is Angel
He's a Relic
with a stash
like Tom Sellic

we're being silly on Butcher dot coooom !

weve got divine
named Priscellie
like a crepes
fills her belly

we're being silly on Butcher dot coooom !

As for Blaze
our own Bard
thread bout p3^!$
long and hard

we're being silly on Butcher dot coooom !

(c'mon yall join in)  ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 04, 2009, 09:02:00 PM

Ms Duck makes a splash where the water is fine,
Evoking with names like Relic's, and mine,
Hey, y'all come on in, join me for a nice swim
Here at the dot com of Butcher comma Jim.

Sing hey-o Sing hey-o pass the mustard and mayo
Sing hee-o Sing hee-o time for frivolity-o.

There's J3nnee, and Piotr and who else do I see?
A poet named KarlTen, our snark meister Shecky.
Sporadically Yeratel's sparsely spits out haiku
Sort of like Quantus, and quotes that Lavin Chen will do.

Sing Hi-o Sing hi-o and please pass me a pun,
Sing me-o Sing my-o you son of a gun.

Frogge and Katty both sweet lurkers can be
Reading and plotting when a posting we'll see
From the fan base of base ganglial rhyme
Will on the page appear from time to time.

Sing Kee-o Sing kee-o when will that be so
we know that aren't a self serving lot?

Sing Kai-o Sing Kai-o and dance low heel and high toe
from Shikkago to Kyoto where all bad poets stop.



 

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on December 06, 2009, 05:12:42 PM

*fights against writers block*

DAMNIT!...

Nope...got nuthin. :(

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 06, 2009, 05:14:31 PM

angel relic fights
against his writers block
damnit, got nothing.   ;)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on December 06, 2009, 05:21:41 PM

Quote from: Blaze on December 06, 2009, 05:14:31 PM

angel relic fights
against his writers block
damnit, got nothing.   ;)

 :-* :-* :-*

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Fox on December 06, 2009, 05:29:52 PM

True evil, this is
To make all things haiku
Beware, Mooseburger!


(ugh, poetry.  I feel dirty. :-[     ;)  ;D )

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 06, 2009, 05:34:02 PM

of this thread of poems we do sing
of J3nnee, Piotir, and Ducks Peking
Hark! our angel light
stuck in rhyme's blight
"DAMNIT! Nope, got ... nothing "

...

from teacher Blaze
Duck does enquire
what rhymes J3nnee ?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 06, 2009, 05:39:40 PM

Quote from: Fox on December 06, 2009, 05:29:52 PM

True evil, this is
To make all things haiku
Beware, Mooseburger!


(ugh, poetry.  I feel dirty. :-[ )

Tis a dirty fox, a dirty fox, a dirty fox
(oH Fox!)
wash the fox, wash the fox, into the washing box
(oH Fox!)
wash the fox, wash the fox, dont forget the socks
(oH Fox!)
wash the fox, wash the fox, set the wash box locks
(oH Fox!)
wash the fox, wash the fox, ready the wash box shocks
(oH Fox!)
wash the fox, wash the fox, if he rocks, if he knocks
(oH Fox!)
dont forget the socks ! dont forget the socks!

OOOOOh a clean fox !

Hold still dear, now its time for the dryer!

 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 06, 2009, 07:51:37 PM

Evil way to avoid Heaven?
Duck Blows Fox
Film at Eleven

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 06, 2009, 07:55:44 PM

Now a Duck asks me,
What rhymes with J3nnee
Don't she sp33k l33t, any?

If she wants that rhyme
She must pay me a p3nny
Don't she sp33k l33t, any?

Tain't hard like orange
ends sounds there are many
Don't she sp33k l33t, any?

I think I have killed it
Like on South Park, with Kenny
Don't she sp33k l33t, any?

They call Robert the Bruce
and Kravitz is Lenny
Don't she sp33k l33t, any?

If I think of a poem
with an end rhyme for J3nnee
I will sp33k l33t.  Any?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: j3nnee on December 06, 2009, 08:48:16 PM

Sp33k "733t" with my f33t
P1g7/-\t1|\| t00 s0 sw33t
fr0m my s33t

t0uch3'
3n c0ntr3'
a5 th3y say...

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 06, 2009, 09:17:29 PM

|\|0\/\/ 4 dU(|< 45|<5 /\/\3,
\/\/|-|@ r|-|'//\/\35 \/\/17|-| j3|\||\|33
 d0|\|'7 5|-|3 5P33|< L337, 4|\|'/?

1Ph 5|-|3 \/\/4|\|75 7|-|@ r|-|'//\/\3
5|-|3 /\/\U57 p4'/ /\/\3 4 p3|\||\|'/
d0|\|'7 5|-|3 5P33|< L337, 4|\|'/?

741|\|'7 |-|4RD L1|<3 0R4|\|93
3|\|D5 50U|\|D5 7|-|3R3 r /\/\4|\|'/
 d0|\|'7 5|-|3 5P33|< L337, 4|\|'/?

1 7|-|1|\||< 1 |-|4\/3 |<1LL3D 17
 L1|<3 0|\| 50U7|-| p4R|<, \/\/17|-| |<3|\||\|'/
 d0|\|'7 5|-|3 5P33|< L337, 4|\|'/?

7|-|3'/ (4LL r0B3R7 7|-|3 bRU(3
4|\|D |<R4\/17Z 15 L3|\||\|'/
 d0|\|'7 5|-|3 5P33|< L337, 4|\|'/?

1Ph 1 7|-|1|\||< 0Ph 4 p03/\/\
\/\/17|-| 4|\| 3|\|D r|-|'//\/\3 Ph0R j3|\||\|33
1 \/\/1LL 5P33|< L337. 4|\|'/?

_{*Passes out*}

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: KarlTenBrew on December 06, 2009, 09:39:55 PM

Lord, 1337 has failed them,
Please help them to see the light,
My haiku sucks, no?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 06, 2009, 09:42:34 PM

Haiku socks like subs,
Sinking in the shoes of life,
Bunching by my toes.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 06, 2009, 10:47:17 PM

in response to all this text speek, (wich i dont understand at all), i respond with stuff yall prob wont understand. from the bad c contest, 1993's winner:

 G   int i,j
  K   case
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  S(   x,y) for(x=0; x<y; x++)
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  t   (X[m].b.i+g)
  u   (X[m].b.j+l)
  M(   x,y) XFillRectangles(D,p,x,a,y);
  s   B[j
  W   =XCreateGC(D,p,4,L)
  E(   W,_) k=0; I)S(j,22)if(W s]){ a[k].x=i*20; a[k].y=j*20+30; a[k].w=a[k].h=_; k++; }M(
  A(   W,_) &&!B[W]; if(!j){ z]=1; R; } else{ N(m); _; v(0); }
  Q   ]=0; I-6&&j)j=
  F   I-6)B[X[w].b.i+g][X[w].b.j+l
  e(   x) break; K x:q(c,j,x);
  H   (m){ G; I-6){ a.x=t*20; a.y=u*20+30; a.w=a.h=
  v(   _) d(m); z+_]=1; R+1;
struct{
   short x,y,w,h;
} a[220],C;
struct{
   struct{
      G;
   } b[4];
} X[99];
G,l,g=3,p,B[10][22],L[99],o[99],n,r,h,_[4],D,J,T;
f(){
   *L=2;
   n||XSendEvent(D,p,n=1,0,L),XFlush(D);
   P();
}
Z(){
   _[1]=_[3]=(9-h)*40000;
   setitimer(0,_,0);
}
main(){
   G,*_=(int*)X;
   char*c=
"*{{{ {}{{*{{{ {}* {    {{*{{{   *{{{ {* {* * {  {{ {  { *{* {   {* *{{{ *{{{ {   * {  { *{{{ {{  *{{ {  {{* {   {*{{ {{ {{ {* { {*{{ {  *{{{{    *{{ {{ ";
   for(; *c; )
      *_++=(unsigned)(*c+++2)%4;
   srand(time(0));
   L[10]=32769;
   D=XOpenDisplay(0);
   L[1]=L[2]=XWhitePixel(D,j=XDefaultScreen(D));
   XMap@p=XCreate@XRoot@j),0,0,200,470,2,0,1,0,2056,L));
   T W;
   L[2]=XBlackPixel(D,j);
   J W;{
      G,O=0,c=0;
      Z(P());
      q(c,c,1);
      for(; ; ){
         i=lK();
         j=c;
         switch(i){
            K 'k':c=q(c="$#&'(%)+,-*/01.3254"[c]-35,j,4)?c:j;
            e('j')e('l')e(32)}
         if(n){
            if(!q(c,j,2)){
               G,n;
               for(j=21;j-1;j--){
                  n=1;
                  I&&n)n=s];
                  n&&(X9(j++),O++);
               }
               n=0;
               I&&!n)n=B[21];
               Y();
               r++;
               c=rand()%19;
               if(!q(c,c,3))
                  R+puts(L);
                  U(Z(h=O/9));
               }
            n=0;
         }
      }
   }
}
Y(){
   G,E(,19)J,k)E(!,20)T,k)U();
}
lK(){
   XNextEvent(D,o);
   switch(*o){
      K 2:R+o[2]?0:XX k){
         G=1;switch(k){
            K 1:z+l]=1;
            d(m);R+1;
            K 'j':z Q t A(t-1][u,g--)K 'l':z Q t<9
            A(1+t][u,g++)K 4:F Q
            u<22&&t>=0&&t<10&&!B[t][u ];
            if(!j){
               F]=1;
               R;
            }
         N(w);
      v(0)K 32:for(;
   q(m,m,2);
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   R+1;
   K 3:l=0;
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   v(l)K 2:z Q(u+1)<22 A(t][u+1,l++)}
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X9(_){
   G;
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U(){
   void*a=&C;
   C.w=200;
   C.h=30;
   M(T,1);
   sprintf(L,"Score%9d Level%9d",r,h);
   XDrawString(D,p,J,7,15,L,29);}
P(){
   signal(14,f);
}

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: KarlTenBrew on December 06, 2009, 11:02:39 PM

Quote from: Ms. Duck on December 06, 2009, 10:47:17 PM

in response to all this text speek, (wich i dont understand at all

It's simple visual
Substitution, what is so:
hard to understand?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 06, 2009, 11:19:10 PM

Try to think of Sherlock Holmes and the Dancing Men
Whose shapes did letter forms compose,
A cypher, think of that and those
as one in the same ken.

My sons who at romance language balked
at speaking in a formal setting
was akin to a blood letting
as while a tygre  stalked,

Have found that ease of type and read
Elite as hackers are known to do
their programs to pursue
with every bit of speed.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: j3nnee on December 07, 2009, 04:33:36 AM

Watashi no tanjobi wa ichigatsu desu ka
If you can guess this then HA
If not then HA HA HA ... HA! ;)

(and I like meijii chocolates :D )

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 07, 2009, 05:19:32 AM

Is your birthday in January?
February is mine....

but the one birthday
that makes a sentence is...

March 4th.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: j3nnee on December 07, 2009, 07:38:10 AM

My penpal online from Japan
Who's a slightly older man
Taught me that phrase
one of these past days

He's been too busy to chat
So, I miss helping with his English at that
He was doing really well
Till my change in schedu-el ;)

I hope he will chat with me soon
Before the next blue moon
As I liked to learn about Asian culture
Like roadkill is interesting to a vulture ;)

*bows* MUUSU BUUGARUU ;)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 11, 2009, 05:13:23 PM

there was a little thread quite mired
to win free some wit is mite required
so dust off your arse
send in poetic farce
with as much humor as can conspired

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: KarlTenBrew on December 11, 2009, 06:01:18 PM

For me to compare thee to moose burger,
Inspiration limitless bounds to me.
Yet sonnets are hard, my trouble you see?
Bemoan! Wail!  Toil!  Sorrow for writer!
Yet toil worthy is sonnet moose burger,
A goal so few attain, but glory be!
For if easy such worth is lost to he
Whom such a task undertakes as writer.
Inspired forthwith do I labor, Love,
Till thy completion nary shall I rest!
For sonnet sounds born of man fly above
All other forms of poetry as best.
So I present you a ditty, by shove,
As off through the sunset I ride, the West!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 11, 2009, 06:06:45 PM

*golf claps*  Bravo Bravo

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: KarlTenBrew on December 11, 2009, 06:45:06 PM

That's just the Italian sonnet, I'm still working on the Shakespearian one ::)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on December 12, 2009, 07:14:46 PM

I'm Baaaaaaaack!  ;D ;D ;D

Quick, hide the kids. :P

Okay...let's see...hmmm...how do I do this again?

Ahhhh, got it!


If I thought about the time
I've spent in this here thread, divine
I'd cast a glance in Duck's flight path
and watch her founder and take a bath. ;)

If I saw and read the whole
of Blaze's entire works ensouled
I'd see a scribe, bent and leaned
over a bench of prose unseen. 8)

If I looked and saw again
my posts in here before the spin
I'd see the less of all here spoke
and still count myself a lucky bloke. 8)

Moose O' Moose, welcome the new
rhymers and lovers of crappiest Muse
KTB and J3 lighteth the way
For 'Burgers dawning of brighter new day! ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: j3nnee on December 12, 2009, 10:22:55 PM

The moose got loose
And fell into a noose
Where it couldn't vamoose
So we called it Luce
But it died, boo hoos
So we cut it up like a goose
And made burgers, uh uhms

*bows*

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Piotr1600 on December 13, 2009, 01:20:25 AM

There was a Germanic Moose-Burgher
That is - a four footed Alpine denizen
Whose randy hobbies preferred Cougars
You know, attractive females older than him
These ladies - With a lusty Teutonic fervor
They repeatedly ate up all his love-venison
When sated for now, they were heard to murmur
Tomorrow, yah, yah, we do this again?
I'll bring my friend Helga with some Limburger
And we'll make a sandwich of friends...

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 13, 2009, 04:15:20 AM

Bravo, folks, one and all

and Piortr, bonus points for a new definition of moose booger

 ;D

I need a deep breath
been talking to Sameth
in verse quite eldreth
the gender of the zilla

quoted things to death
argued how eggs do geth
for times quite umptieth
the gender of the zilla

a poem this aint macbeth
for art not andrew wyeth
He says Steve I say Lizbeth
the gender of the zilla

 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 13, 2009, 07:47:11 PM

couldnt sleep last nite, so logged on to COV and was playing until around 4am

a duck, on a task force, at 4am, is a terrible thing

this was my battle sonnet, improvved during the assult on lord recluse's base:

Our lady leader forgot to type
"plan is, lets just dont wipe"
so we charged ahead
cried 'leeroy', now dead
made into tasty  spider tripe

we came on, fought and died
all bled for our leader's pride
shot off my boobs
yelled 'you n00bs'
'debt is a badge' we cried

 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 13, 2009, 08:04:03 PM

I am working on my Star Trek Story
Want it to be fun and a little bit gory...
Don't really know if it will get too far,
Who ever thinks about the Jem'Hadar...

No canon characters, cause I don't care
about the main fleet or what's happening there
This takes place on the fleet's underside
Where the non-type-As all have to go and hide

Where they're allowed to have an opinion
about politics and even the Dominion
In older ships and with many a quirk
You disable the holodeck or you're a jerk...

I am working on my Star Trek Story
Want it to be funny, and also gory
A little more real and little bit crazy
No time travel or plots that are lazy...

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Arkteia on December 13, 2009, 11:40:18 PM

Disclaimer: Anything I post in here is entirely due to Angelrelic  ::) :P ;)


I like poetry
It gives me a thrill
til I found Mosseburger
Now it gives me a chill

AR gave me
a link to this
shouldda listened to my momma
and gave this thread a miss

I look again
it makes me laugh
seeing you all rhyme
in wit and mirth and gaff

I like wit
and happy places
with stuff from AR
Duck, everyone! and of course Blazes

I hope this
little rhyme of mine
has a place in this thread
cos lets face it,its not divine

thank you guys
I get a thrill
from really bad witty rhymes
I'm laughing my socks of still

Anyone want a spare stocking?  ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 13, 2009, 11:48:44 PM

Welcome to the thread,
Barefoot Arkteia
Even it the tread
Started as a lark to ya.

We love your rhyme
We love a gaff
We want the time
spent here to be a laugh.

*HUGS*

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Arkteia on December 14, 2009, 12:07:38 AM

((Blaze))

thank you Blaze
thats really sweet
no-way on earth
can I compete

My wit is stale
it's such a crime
I just can't write
in witty rhyme

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Piotr1600 on December 14, 2009, 12:56:18 AM

My poets skills are fairly pathetic
And my wits are sadly, arthritic
It slows nor stops me - not a bit
this evident lack of rhyming wit
Where the mooseburger poetry is bad
"That's the worst thing I've ever had"
is something of a target see?
For depositing dyspeptic poetry

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 14, 2009, 01:50:19 AM

woot!

go folks and hello new poet!

I let out a cry, confess to shudders
Blaze Trek lore, writ in canon?
red shirts die, green giant udders?
Datas sib Lore, Kirk gets bangin' ?

tis easy to say
wont write this way
But in Staaaaaar Treeeek
Reeed Shiiirrrrts must fryyyy!

*cue music, spotlight on dancind duck

the red shirts, gonna kill the red shirts, we gotta kill all the red shirsttttuuuuurk...

* Duck exits stage left, possibly involving hook around neck

 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 14, 2009, 04:32:45 AM

In my story (guitar riff) the Klingon's gay.
In my story (Guitar riff) the Vulcan's the same way...

The Klingon's the ship counselor, he's really deep
The Vulcan's into him, and where they sleep
(Guitar rip)
It's don't ask don't tell
It's the Captain's hell.

In my story (guitar riff) the ship has a ghost
In my story (guitar riff) he bugs the Captain the most...

The captain, you see, she is a dame
In his day and age, that was a shame
(guitar riff)
It's don't ask don't tell
It's the Captain's hell.

(Vulcan Harp interlude)
What...
What can you do?
What...
What can you do?
The Federation
Is in a stew...

In my story (guitar riff) high command's in a state
In my story (guitar riff) it's already too late
(Guitar Riff)
It's don't ask don't tell
It's the Captain's hell.

So they send in a ship full of what may be fools
So they send in a ship that they think of as tools.

No there's no Kirk.
No there's no Spock
Although there's a Vulcan
He'd be a great shock...
(Vulcan harp riff)
It's don't ask don't tell
It's the Captain's hell. (fades out)
_{It's don't ask don't tell
It's the Captain's hell.}

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 14, 2009, 04:36:20 AM

Quote from: Arkteia on December 14, 2009, 12:07:38 AM

((Blaze))

thank you Blaze
thats really sweet
no-way on earth
can I compete

My wit is stale
it's such a crime
I just can't write
in witty rhyme

I think that you, dear
Have nothing at all to fear
Will fit right in here!

*HUGS*

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 14, 2009, 07:07:42 AM

Blaze,my dearest friend
have you ever done read
ive got this book to lend
of when Aral and Cor wed

when shards of honor was writ
a Trek novel first, Lois did say
bout a bi klingon, a romantic bit
lady vulcan captain saves' day

Book was submited, reviews good
publishes pinked out, said nay
"rewrite, resubmit, if you could
Klingon captains are never ever gay"

So Lois had enough, said heck you
Klingons to Vor, Vulacans to Beta
added more drama, plot twist or two
super smart spies staid of andy Data

well if youre to write Star Trek
least stand in good staid
 before you hope for that check
perhaps lesbian romulan maid?

(http://books.rocketgranny.com/bujold/images/cover/vs_cordeliashonor.jpg)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 14, 2009, 07:21:32 AM

Ahhhhhhh!  I have never seen
I have never read
I have never heard of
Until dear Duck had said...

Now I need to find,
after mine is complete
rotgut for my mind
upon the toilet seat.

A new Trek Fiction
Is a welcome affliction.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 14, 2009, 07:52:39 AM

sorry if this aint poetry but youve never read that ???

OMG!!!

Blaze honey, go to the bookstore or library like now.

Lois McMaster Bujold is americas most honored living writer. More Hugos, Nebulas, etc,etc,etc..she once won , for the same book:

Best Novel (Hugo)
Best Sci Fi ( Nebula)
Best Romance ( Rose )

in chrono order:

The Codelia Books:
Shards Of Honor
Baryar
(often combined as Cordelias Honor)


The mIles books:

Warriors Apprentice
The Vor Game
Ceteganda
Mirror Mirror
Memmory
Kommar
Civil Campaign
Diplomatic immunity

http://www.dendarii.com/ (http://www.dendarii.com/)



and here is the first half of her first book, free from the publisher:

http://www.baen.com/chapters/W200307/0743436164.htm?blurb (http://www.baen.com/chapters/W200307/0743436164.htm?blurb)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 14, 2009, 04:46:58 PM

allright, this thread being what it is, Ill have to rhyme that.

Oo

He wouldnt be our Harry
without some Spider-Man
Marcones not as scary
without a gargoyles plan

But then do you recall
most famous homage of all..

Octavin and Max the boys
fought long in many wars
without Miles and Ivan
wouldve been vord gores

Count Bernard and Count Aral
sat down and had them a beer
and they discussed they must
Cordelia or Amara they fear

 

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 14, 2009, 05:06:29 PM

LOL

Okay, okay, on my reading list are they

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on December 14, 2009, 05:44:01 PM

Duck O Duck, these books you so speak
are they as good and fashionably geek?
What genre are they, dominantly
Sy fi, romance or rare comedy?
The prose, does it flow, the plot does it spark?
Has it great bite, or only some bark?
These things I must know, before I commit
To dealing with my local library twit.

 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 15, 2009, 05:04:42 AM

Of Hugos she has four,
The Locus I count three
Nebula is six or more
many counts for nominee

shes got the romance award,
the mystery that is E A Poe
wrote scifi and magic sword
renisance religion and low

she allways makes me giggle
no matter how many times read
after divorce, cried much a wiggle
without 'memory' Id be dead

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on December 15, 2009, 03:02:26 PM

Duck speaks!
Amazon's truth
Library card tingles

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on December 15, 2009, 07:14:03 PM

Or

Like winter snow
Angel floats
On foul wings...

 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Quantus on December 15, 2009, 07:47:22 PM

Fowl Wisdom has come
To Guide us to the Author
That will blow our Minds

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on December 15, 2009, 07:57:52 PM

Ohhhhhmmm

I hear the Duck calls...

Ohhhhhmmm

Her words are like a balm...

Ohhhhmmm

Better prose than Psalms...

Ohhhmmmm

I now have feathery palms...

Ohhhmmmm.

 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Shecky on December 15, 2009, 07:58:55 PM

Check out the song in this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcbazH6aE2g

The part I like best?

Nowhere to hide,
Nowhere to run,
Your village will burn
Like the heart of the sun,
With infinite glee
It will be me
Who slaughters your world...

:D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 16, 2009, 07:40:40 PM

The scene: During the funeral for the empress LIsabet of Cetaganda, Mother of the ruler of 8 worlds, and arch enemy (of sorts) of the Barryans, Each high Lord recited an elegiac poem to her honor, each longer, more poetic, and more rarefied then the last. These men would rather die (in utter aganoy) then get one syllable wrong.

Miles adds his homolies:

A Detigar empress named Lisbet
Trapped a satrap lord neatly in his net
Enticed into treason
For all the wrong reason
He'll soon have a meeting with his kismet

A beuatifull lady Named Rian
Hypnotized a Vor scion
the little defective
thinks hes a detective
but instead will be fed to the lion...

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Piotr1600 on December 17, 2009, 03:56:48 AM

Dear Blaze and others et al, un-Bujolded
Lois-es works are wonders beholded
Though the Barrayar world is science fiction
The storys & characters lack nothing in depiction
The series is a first class read
most all have completely agreed
Miles is a mutant but a groovy guy
eccentric intelligence and sometimes sly
Like Duck, I would not have survived the "D"
But for me it was "Kommar" to heavily re-read
Like a singer always hitting a perfect note
As with Butcher, I read all she has wrote



(Seriously folks, Lois is a fantastic writer! If you like fantasy, I would also highly recommend the other two series, and standalone novel "The Spirit Ring")

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 19, 2009, 03:46:52 AM

to arise again this unhaven thread
crawled it back from rotten dead
rhyme with me
in all symphony
follow she said, foul a duck lead

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 19, 2009, 04:31:12 PM

I want to write something cheery
But I am quite leery
because, O! My! O! deary,
Today I am quite weary.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: KarlTenBrew on December 19, 2009, 05:13:04 PM

This Monty Python moment brought to you by Karl TenBrew and Mt. Dew ((they didn't pay me a cent for the advertising, cheapskates)):

((Moosey-moose Mooseburger))
I’m made of moose,
I have a bun,
Mayonnaise and mustard too-oo,
Lettuce and tomato,
But never will I Moo-oo.

((Lusty chorus singers))
He’s made of moose,
He has a bun,
Mayonnaise and mustard too-oo,
Lettuce and tomato,
But never will we Moo-oo.

He’s a Mooseburger and he’s alright,
Being eaten is his plight!

((Encouraged Moosey-moose Mooseburger))
I tired to get
Some special sauce,
But then I was deny-ied.
I’m still just a mooseburger,
So through the night I cry-ied.

((Lusty chorus singers, a bit hesitant))
He tired to get
Some special sauce,
But then he was deny-ied.
He’s still just a mooseburger,
So through… the night we… cry-ied.

He’s a Mooseburger and he’s alright,
Being eaten is his plight!

((Emotional Moosey-moose Mooseburger))
I always was
So lonely
Before I was a gui-uy.
I wish I was a pastry,
Just like my dear Pa-py!

((Lusty chorus singers, confused and skeered))
He always was
So lonely,
Before he was…a gui-uy…
We wish that we… were….pastries?
*Chorus is unstead-dy!*

((Me))
So the chorus was afraid,
The mooseburger they left.
And as they ran, he cried and cried,
Of friends he was bereft!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 19, 2009, 06:11:10 PM

{{Braaaaaaapppppp}}  Good Poem.  *wopes corners of her mouth*

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 22, 2009, 07:52:28 AM

a criminal there was a Moose named Bob the Bruce
the judge set a date to dance a duce with a noose
hed paid pluck a buck
to rear f*ck a  duck
why? oh why ?  "the goose caboose was just too loose"

 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 22, 2009, 07:55:02 AM

The Bruce should have gone
Wi' a bonnie Lass
But he din'nae wanna be
a pain in the ass!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Piotr1600 on December 22, 2009, 03:32:10 PM

**claps** Well done!
Amusing poetry about inter-species anal bestiality!

I had to wipe the monitor from the tea that I sprayed on it when I started laughing...

So - Would either of you consider writing awful lyrics (about whatever subject tickles your fancy, of course!) for me to use in my various music projects?
The "awfuller the better", so to speak...  I'll even throw in a "Pretty please?"

We've previously done songs about Dr. Kevorkian, Russian prostitutes, lawyers, crazy street people, the wizard of Oz, the Pope, Zombies, Bernie Madoff, Nazi's, Aliens, "Nazi Aliens", sex change surgery, orbital death rays (controlled by Sam Walton's brain, in a jar), and oh so many more...

I would love some new collaborators...  ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 22, 2009, 04:50:11 PM

Poems on commission?
I feel like I'm on a mission!

And if they ever make a hit,
will I get money out of it?

No, not avarice or greed.
Monetaries' pinching need,

Having hungry mouths to feed
living indoors, that's my speed.

And if it only amounts to fun?
I will say, what's done is done.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: j3nnee on December 22, 2009, 05:29:49 PM

to the people who slashed my tires

I wish that I could know
Why you did this act
So that I could find you
And kick your ass

I really feel alot of ire
that I had to spend cash
to get new tires
and I still want to kick your ass

If only I could track
who you were and why
I'd kick your ass
And not even sigh

I hope you're hit
by a bus or a truck
cause if you had any wit
if I find you, you're f---ed

MOOSEBURGERS!!!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 22, 2009, 06:44:27 PM

there twas a lass with slash wheels
she hunted the stunted without appeals
she took out her axe
and with many whacks
made her keels into fine cannibal meals

 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: j3nnee on December 22, 2009, 10:29:40 PM

Quote from: Ms. Duck on December 22, 2009, 06:44:27 PM

there twas a lass with slash wheels
she hunted the stunted without appeals
she took out her axe
and with many whacks
made her keels into fine cannibal meals

 ;D

*huggles the ducky* Such a beautiful poem.
I will treasure it always. :D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 24, 2009, 02:43:04 AM

theres a duck who went to labor
lost her sanity, drew her sabre
chopped up her boss
roasted him with sauce
now shes got a lecter for a neighbor

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: KarlTenBrew on December 25, 2009, 03:18:55 PM

To do a thing like slashing tires,
so stupid and clearly drawing ire,
such spite I find infuriating,
only the mooseburger can restrain.

For to rampage around and knock em down
is a sure enough way to gget taken downtown,
but by surrendering to the moosey bliss,
I am saved through the burgeryness.

 ;)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 25, 2009, 07:07:48 PM

after a hot nite slashing rubber
villain soaked in tub rub a dubber
ninja fowl snuck in
used elec for da win
now the clubber is hot blubber

 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: j3nnee on December 25, 2009, 10:20:33 PM

thanks each and every friend
till the very very end
for revenging upon her foes
who for all we knows
are now buried in holes

MUUSU BUGARU!!!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: angel relic on December 26, 2009, 10:25:37 PM

Love is an Eclair.
A warm taste,
everything's fine.

 ::) :-*

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 26, 2009, 10:59:26 PM

Stephan's Feast is Boxing Day
When all the cats come to play
In boxes left from Christmas stash
While humans wish they'd asked for cash.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: j3nnee on December 26, 2009, 11:57:33 PM

Quote from: Blaze on December 26, 2009, 10:59:26 PM

Stephan's Feast is Boxing Day
When all the cats come to play
In boxes left from Christmas stash
While humans wish they'd asked for cash.

I didn't ask for cash but got it yes
And a new digital camera, aren't I blessed?
Today spent dollars on memory
and also a sack for said new camera, see?
Otherwise I got lots of cash
And a record player with cd recorder (bad ass!)

MUUSU BUGARU!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 27, 2009, 01:56:01 AM

into the boxes
the cats shall play
struck by science
the Duck did sway

Fowl closed box
on Blaze' furry vermin
muttered quantum
quoted mad german

is the furroid live?
or is it now dead?
Blaze aimed her guns
right for feather head

free my meows!
from your science
i will accept
only compliance!

But dear Blaze!
we cant open locks!
think of truth!
and solve paradox!

Blam! Blam!
Blaze did fire
now for Duck
a funeral pyre

the cops did come
there was no defense
in jail she went
just recompense

now her pussy is
in this prison boxy
stuck right between
a jail pair o' doxy

 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 27, 2009, 02:13:01 AM

Kitty condo to jail house rock.
Pointed ears like Mr. Spock.
If Duck had shot my little cat,
I would have had no ire at that!

I did reap as I was sowing,
With the doxies much rough going.
I was paradox that irked, not knowing
If the box was a coffin or a form of stowing.

Some rose' and some apricot glaze
with restore this Duck to her glory days!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: OnlyElise on December 27, 2009, 04:42:52 AM

If inability to decide seems bad now,
imagine the mess that will inevitably happen
a few years down the road when it is easier to
shut up, tamp the spirit down, and watch
as one becomes nothing.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 27, 2009, 05:42:44 AM

Not never nothing, no how.
Not never nothing, no how.

I was where you are now.
When I was there, holy cow!
I was the horse who pulled the plow.

Not never nothing, no how.
Not never nothing, no how.

There were thoroughbreds, say Wow!
Ran in circles around me, I'd allow,
Made me feel like tamping dow'

Not never nothing, no how.
Not never nothing, no how.

You can do without the track, I vow;
You need the wheat, to fill the trough,
So to that harness, we all kowtow.

Not never nothing, no how.
Not never nothing, no how.

A shoulder to the plow
Pruning to the bough
The bacon from the sow...

Not never nothing, no how.
Not never nothing, no how.

It's you who matter now,
Onlyelise, quality endow,
from here to far Macao.

Not never nothing, no how.
Not never nothing, no how.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 27, 2009, 05:18:06 PM

tis indeed of science boasted
of boxed cats, justly a'coasted
now comes onlyelise
in time moosy sneeze
with sauce duck toasted and roasted

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 27, 2009, 06:39:09 PM

If, with luck,
our own Ms Duck
on a beach in tropics struck
a pose in sunlit truck
all dipped in gold
tanning to behold

Would any blink
or even pause think
to put it down in ink
that she should drink
in the sun all but plucked?
To pinfeathers shucked?

On the beach all naked and displayed
Would she atoll regret Bikini browning made?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 27, 2009, 06:49:57 PM

Setting a' blaze, duck nude in the burning sun
badly craze, the eager beaver beachgoers run
screaming out of synch
without even a wink
"gods be praised! rescue beached whale we come!"

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: OnlyElise on December 27, 2009, 08:59:55 PM

LOL  ok, I laughed at those, Blaze and Ms. Duck.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 27, 2009, 09:08:52 PM

*Hugs* for you Onlyelise.
Stick to your guns, now
If you please.
When you get to be old
What wonders shall
you see unfold.
You will find opinionation,
Sets your jaw,
In determination.
Old like me you'll stand firm,
Best guess or belief
while youngsters squirm.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 27, 2009, 09:15:18 PM

No one ever looked for a duck
and chose the scrawny one
Nor ever anorectic whale
was thought of as being luck!

Ms. Duck, a peach is never thin
and a bony hog to roast
never has been invited.
Juice we want dribbling down out chin!

Beluga, Beluga!  Caviar!
And cheese, not of skim milk!
And cream is best of all by far,
Strawberries shun Soy Silk.


 

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 27, 2009, 09:19:46 PM

alas, alas, if only to be a winner
in war of love gots to be thinner
no man cries
for huge thighs
i want 'pin her' not 'oooh dinner'

 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 27, 2009, 09:24:22 PM

It is not your thighs
It is not your size
Many slender friends
Utter the same sighs.

It is your brilliant mind
Men just seem to find
Most intimidating the
Intellectually left behind.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Piotr1600 on December 28, 2009, 03:52:10 AM

An Horrible* Poem-ish to a love-frustrated Ms. Duck


To the ones who would say your thighs are too big,
don't reply with a furious "Fuck off, dick like a twig!"
Whip out your spyglass and take a look around
Are you sure you're in a good hunting ground?
There certainly are men aplenty - I bet I know twenty!
who like some meat on them bones - they do not prefer skinny!
but you must also need reciprocate
And accept perhaps, a flaw like a bald pate
Or at least not cause hypocritical issues
if he too has excess adipose tissues

An example I'll give you from my own life
the son of a previous marriage from my wife
He's a genuinely clever, good souled sort
respectful and caring and (very nearly!) pure of heart
So shy - the embarrassment & fear of rejection often preys
deeply on his mind when he considers how much he weighs
So sits he at home, by default living the life of a geek
but his non-stellar looks hide a true man underneath
So, you kind ladies are unduly worried of being alone
I say "Cast your nets further, errr... turn over a different stone!"

Besides if guys are such dummies as it often seems...
Have you considered possibly switching teams?   ;D




*because I suck at writing any/all poetry. About the best I've ever managed is "mildly humorous"!  ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 28, 2009, 03:57:53 AM

(mwaaa and hugs to you both)

tried it once, i must confess
a little game of lesbian chess
lubed all in hot grease
but now is lost a piece
is that a bishop under your dress?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 28, 2009, 05:55:20 AM

Boobs have I, and to spare,
So I have no interest there
In any sort of orbule pair.
So those leanings were never there.
Which should come as no big shocker
From a door with Frankensteinian knocker.

And I also have a curse
of loyalty, couldn't be worse.
One man I'll have until my herse.
In this whole wide universe.
My sons would not have come along
If I hadn't danced to their father's song.

Square, I guess, is what I seem
No racy flirting do I deem
Nor any need to scheme
As just one sight can make me gleam.
And though in this I may seem tame.
My ardor burns with blue-white flame.

I sought the sight of that inside
Where candles under bushels hide
And found a love in whom my pride
No living being can deride.
I am so happy with what I've got.
Plus I find him still quite hot.

Other say don't ask don't tell
On their preference I don't dwell.
If both are happy, I think it's swell.
Great sex isn't why you go to hell.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on December 29, 2009, 12:17:28 AM

and just cause im unoriginal...my two from other threads today..

"for certain i cry with ducky blaise
i start to scry with my magic gaze
ring the bells, light the candle
for it tells, pull the handle
watch 'amaze , as Duck conjours Blaze!!"

"alas, alas, my dear lord's buns
hurt, they hurt, too much funs
you dirty hairy ape
turned em to grape
next time i sees you, runs "

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on December 29, 2009, 01:34:21 AM

It makes me want to curse and spit,
that a man can stand and hit
another with a rattan yard
and think it's fun to hit him hard.

And yet, the same male folk
get a boo-boo and whine and choke
and if a splinter they should take
can wake the dead with the fuss they make.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 02, 2010, 12:30:39 AM

Thunder thighs.  Hips and Rolls.
Love handles at the Bikini atolls.

Wrinkles here  and age spots there
No sign of  perfection anywhere...

Too tall to short, too thin too stout
How does anyone figure it out?

It's not that outside shell's amount
Take in the soul for full account.

And judge not by a credit score
Is he too rich or she too poor?

Is her wardrobe just a mess?
Did he dress for his success?

Can we as a culture be
So biased by what we see

With our eyes and not our hearts?
Look to the sum, and not the parts!

Look at the person who is inside
The transient trappings of the hide.

Look at the spirit and the mind
If happiness you seek to find.

Who cares if Duck's butt's painted blue?
If in her breast her heart beats true!

Who cares if this ones thick or stout
If his hand is always helping out?

If love's true nature is your prize
Than get off the wagon seeking size

If long term loyalty you seek
Worry less for what is sleek.

Get off the page where skinny reigns
If you want someone who has brains.

See with better eyes than those
who measure merit by the clothes.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: KarlTenBrew on January 02, 2010, 08:55:06 PM

Quote from: Blaze on December 29, 2009, 01:34:21 AM

It makes me want to curse and spit,
that a man can stand and hit
another with a rattan yard
and think it's fun to hit him hard.

And yet, the same male folk
get a boo-boo and whine and choke
and if a splinter they should take
can wake the dead with the fuss they make.

To think that men extol the manly
only to turn out quite pansy
hit for hit is turnabout
yet oh so many choose to pout
instead of thinking to fight fair
they bitch for being inferior
seems they forgot the cardinal rule
when stricken do not be a tool!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 03, 2010, 06:12:11 AM

I must lighten this thread
but lacking inspiration
searching the web
with all perspiration
what weird al said
shall be my salvation

"It's All About The Pentiums"

It's all about the Pentiums, baby
Uhh, uh-huh, yeah
Uhh, uh-huh, yeah
It's all about the Pentiums, baby
It's all about the Pentiums, baby
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
Yeah

What y'all wanna do?
Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers
Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers?
9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard?
Workin' at a desk with a dumb little placard?
Yeah, payin' the bills with my mad programming skills
Defraggin' my hard drive for thrills
I got me a hundred gigabytes of RAM
I never feed trolls and I don't read spam
Installed a T1 line in my house
Always at my PC, double-clickin' on my mizouse
Upgrade my system at least twice a day
I'm strictly plug-and-play, I ain't afraid of Y2K
I'm down with Bill Gates, I call him "Money" for short
I phone him up at home and I make him do my tech support
It's all about the Pentiums, what?
You've gotta be the dumbest newbie I've ever seen
You've got white-out all over your screen
You think your Commodore 64 is really neato
What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito?
You're usin' a 286? Don't make me laugh
Your Windows boots up in what, a day and a half?
You could back up your whole hard drive on a floppy diskette
You're the biggest joke on the Internet
Your database is a disaster
You're waxin' your modem, tryin' to make it go faster
Hey fella, I bet you're still livin' in your parents' cellar
Downloadin' pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar
And postin' "Me too!" like some brain-dead AOL-er
I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller
You're just about as useless as jpegs to Hellen Keller

It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)

Now, what y'all wanna do?
Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers
Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers?
9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard?

Uh, uh, loggin' in now
Wanna run wit my crew, hah?
Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do?
They call me the king of the spreadsheets
Got 'em printed out on my bedsheets
My new computer's got the clocks, it rocks
But it was obsolete before I opened the box
You say you've had your desktop for over a week?
Throw that junk away, man, it's an antique
Your laptop is a month old? Well that's great
If you could use a nice, heavy paperweight
My digital media is write-protected
Every file inspected, no viruses detected
I beta tested every operation system
Gave props to some, and others? I dissed 'em
While your computer's crashin', mine's multitaskin'
It does all my work without me even askin'
Got a flat-screen monitor forty inches wide wide
I believe that your says "Etch-A-Sketch" on the side
In a 32-bit world, you're a 2-bit user
You've got your own newsgroup, "alt.total-loser"
Your motherboard melts when you try to send a fax
Where'd you get your CPU, in a box of Cracker Jacks?
Play me online? Well, you know that I'll beat you
If I ever meet you I'll control-alt-delete you
What? What? What? What? What?

It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
Now, what y'all wanna do?
Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers
Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers?
9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard?
What??

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: j3nnee on January 03, 2010, 01:44:39 PM

is sort of ticked
that she was tricked
into thinking that
the frozen screen
that evil thing
was the episode she sought

But alas and alack
the channel was hacked
and she finally realized
that the local affiliate
is full of idiots
and the channel was fried

So she only saw
A frozen maw
Of someone she really liked
And not the part
she wanted to start
and now she gripes!

MUUSU BUGARU

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 03, 2010, 08:34:41 PM

what once was funny
is now quite dumb
say that my honey
ducks rule of thumb

if its http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crasher_Squirrel (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crasher_Squirrel)
or http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keyboard_Cat (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keyboard_Cat) bowling
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loituma_Girl  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loituma_Girl) on twirl
or just damn http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rickrolling (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rickrolling)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_your_base_are_belong_to_us (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_your_base_are_belong_to_us)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goatse.cxis  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goatse.cxis) , the fool
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saugeen-Maitland_Hall#The_Saugeen_stripper  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saugeen-Maitland_Hall#The_Saugeen_stripper) rode short bus
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2_Girls_1_Cup  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2_Girls_1_Cup) is uncool

(proof is in the pudding
 orignal girls ate fudge
10,000 flowers a budding
used real arse sludge)


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diet_Coke_and_Mentos (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diet_Coke_and_Mentos) shower
it was only once amusing
the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Real_Ultimate_Power (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Real_Ultimate_Power)
now causes much boozing

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leeroy_Jenkins (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leeroy_Jenkins) should die
the interwebs full of crap
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FreeCreditReport.com (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FreeCreditReport.com) lies
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/300_(film) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/300_(film)) only good for fap

 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Yeratel on January 04, 2010, 03:28:28 AM

Duck Season Open!
Fudd finds ducks now habitate
Wikipedia!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 05, 2010, 02:17:19 AM

http://www.jimbutcheronline.com/bb/index.php/topic,14826.190.html

krwack quack
kzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzz

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: OnlyElise on January 05, 2010, 04:41:32 AM

I find this thread amusing,
but I am forced to admit
that compared to Blaze
and the great Ms. Duck,
my rhymes just sound like sh*t.

:D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 05, 2010, 04:44:08 AM

Have no fear,
To my Ear
your rhyme
is fine.

Do not stop
let them drop
there is no plop.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 05, 2010, 06:40:33 AM

have no fear, do not gripe
Elise m'dear fire when ripe
if the rhyme plop
like my sody pop
your tight rear we shall wipe

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 05, 2010, 06:46:00 AM

((What mean "we" white duck?   ;D))

this is the place for cheese
in rhyme, so please
be at ease
every
time

a friendly place for you to post
no hostile host
banquo's ghost
writer
mime.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Piotr1600 on January 05, 2010, 03:22:00 PM

I sit here completely unamused
beside my heaping pile of tissues
Invisible demons of corruption
cause involuntary nasal eruptions
and while my body temp is now growing hot
My mind snickers "Thinks it's butter - but its snot!"

Stoopid head cold - changes my speaking voice
And the sounds that I make, I have little choice!
Disgusting stuff, trying manfully to clear it out
Hacking, and snorting and honking my snout
Hopefully things will improve, not too much later
But for now I sound like Darth Fudd or Elmer Vader!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 05, 2010, 03:27:08 PM

*Applauds*  *Sprays disinfectant*  *Applauss some more*

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Yeratel on January 05, 2010, 07:05:16 PM

Viral poetry
Spreading through the Internet!
Use anti-virus. 
 :)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: KarlTenBrew on January 05, 2010, 11:00:20 PM

McAfee cannot
hope to match the awesome p'wer
of bad haiku here
 ;)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: j3nnee on January 05, 2010, 11:05:51 PM

Harry Dresden is
wears a cool leather duster
and kicks monster butt

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 05, 2010, 11:43:32 PM

Chlorofiend so green
By mighty Murphy pruned back
In Autumn leaves drop.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: KarlTenBrew on January 05, 2010, 11:46:37 PM

Inspiration flees.
Writing becomes a chore, so:
How can I o'ercome?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 05, 2010, 11:52:02 PM

If writing seems to be a chore,
You should go and scrub a floor,
If your genius is in a quandry,
I suggest you do the laundry.
Cannot find the right bon mot?
chuck some chickens in a pot.
Is that wording still unclear?
Go and wash the Frigidaire.

If your writing you might shirk
come and do some nice housework.

If that doesn't prick your muse
get another, she's too obtuse.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: KarlTenBrew on January 06, 2010, 12:08:13 AM

A muse can be a fickle sprite,
the hint of genius but no full light,
which leaves one in the quandry of filling in the gaps.

A labour of love and of desire,
to write is like a burning fire,
but flame can't fully stem the darkness, chaps.

And so one labors in repetition,
Insanity of one's own volition,
for ideas bright can't fight the night without the artist's labour.

Like any deed of any size,
a point reached is tiring and truly tries
even the dedicated and lover through the trials of love's favor.

So like tasks necessary but menial,
One forces oneself to work and label
such deeds as salaried time in the business of the writing.

But lo! It needs to be chosen,
Lest in one mind it is frozen,
and denied the further readership and thereby lack in citing.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Yeratel on January 06, 2010, 04:36:12 PM

Quote from: Blaze on January 05, 2010, 11:52:02 PM

If writing seems to be a chore,
You should go and scrub a floor,
If your genius is in a quandry,
I suggest you do the laundry.
Cannot find the right bon mot?
chuck some chickens in a pot.
Is that wording still unclear?
Go and wash the Frigidaire.

If your writing you might shirk
come and do some nice housework.

If that doesn't prick your muse
get another, she's too obtuse.

That's also the kind of response I'd get if I ever complained to my Mom, "I'm bored, there's nothing to do."  ;)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 06, 2010, 05:34:49 PM

I have two sons.  It is in the Mom handbook.  ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 07, 2010, 03:45:38 PM

Battle this fiend or the other
fight your evil twin brother
but let duck be clear
you must ever fear
the dread handbook of the mother

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: j3nnee on January 07, 2010, 04:35:06 PM

Although I live in the South
It's colder than Mab's house
It's icier than Maeve's stare
And frostier than Lea's hair

It's dropped some odd degrees
And everything feels a freeze
I don't want to go forth
in this weather for what it's worth

No snow like the Yanks
But we still shiver and shake
Mab's on the scene
and being mean :P

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 09, 2010, 05:39:06 AM

when dancing wicca in the snow
i learned things were good to know
frozen toes slipped a splits
icicle up  my naughty bits
cold as witch's teats still will grow

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 09, 2010, 06:39:30 AM

Buddhist Monks and I
Can chant away the cold
and raise a sort of steam
with brains believing bold
thoughts of hearts afire
whose kindlings unfold
creating credence spire
of radiant degree untold.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 09, 2010, 06:40:38 PM

On wintery night date
Blaze warmed by a monk
steam from his bald pate
she stoked his firey junk

snow melted round them
the went for ol sixty nine
unwise, I must condemn
yell forth a warning sign

listen now oh young ladies
spare your thighs the burning fits
a monks head hot as hades
keep them from your naughty bits

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 09, 2010, 08:56:59 PM

coast to coast
warm as toast
existentialisms boast.

Haste is post
molecules roast
balding pates are the most!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 10, 2010, 05:55:02 PM

our angel relic has bid  goodbye
off he goes in the clouds to fly
wave to our friend,
good wishes we send
now ill waddle off to cry  :'(

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 11, 2010, 12:04:47 AM

angel relic we will miss
but as ever the choice
to leave was his
I'm hoping for his bliss
his joy and rejoice
at knowing this.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 11, 2010, 08:38:20 PM

for neuro:

an ode to our dear Marquis
just wanted hisself a piece
cracked his whips
sciscors snips snips
but alas forgot the ky grease

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 14, 2010, 03:19:06 AM

I shall quack forth my command
and draw my land in the dusty sand
bring forth some rhymes
bout moossey sex crimes
and best be grand not bland or canned

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 19, 2010, 10:58:42 PM

of what we once boasted
now has not been posted
cept by duck
so well fuck
post poems or ill see YOU roasted

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 19, 2010, 11:39:57 PM

Tough luck
Ms Duck
Brains stuck
No rhyme
no time
just grime
and chaff
don't laugh
distaff.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: j3nnee on January 20, 2010, 02:48:59 AM

roof was leaking
light fixture reeking
as water dripped through
into tupperware below

No one came to look
at my soggy nook
pissed at stupidity
of front staff at apts, see?

Still no contact
wish I had an axe
to hit them on the back
like the reeking sacks
they are :OP

MUUSURU BUGARU ;)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Chuck Chuck Razool on January 21, 2010, 01:12:10 AM

Putrid drool-soaked fangs.
A single bite and it's over.
Komodo dragon.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on January 21, 2010, 01:27:14 AM

there once was a Duck drank many a flagon
went a huntin dinner, with guns and a wagon
after lickin their pickins
Blaze quip 'was chicken?'
"nope" duck said braggin' "was a komodo dragon"

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Chuck Chuck Razool on January 21, 2010, 01:37:57 AM

These ones aren't mine, but they're classics and my two favorite limericks.

There once was a man from Madras
whose bollocks were made out of brass.
When he'd bang 'em together
they'd play stormy weather
and lightning'd shoot out his ass.

---------------and

There was an old man with a poker
who covered his face with red ochre.
When they said "You're a guy!"
He made no reply,
but knocked them all down with his poker.

That one was in a book of Edward Lear poems accompanied by a very funny illustration of an old man in a dress with blush on brandishing a fireplace poker.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: KarlTenBrew on January 21, 2010, 02:42:49 AM

Here I am seeking a name
for a form of poetry
which has been unknownst, for lame
to be seven squared.
Seven lines of just seven
syllables, so iambic?
Perhaps.  Rhyming? Still unkown.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 21, 2010, 03:57:45 AM

The closest I can think of off hand is the Septolet is a poem consisting of seven lines containing fourteen words with a break in between the two parts.  Both parts deal with the same thought and create a picture.  Oh and the Rhyme Royal A consisting of stanzas having seven lines in iambic pentameter.
   

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: KarlTenBrew on January 21, 2010, 09:14:35 PM

Iambic pentameter
does not quite work for this here
idea.  For seven lines
of fourteen syllables does
not seven by seven make.
So if only fourty-nine,
free flowing or strict line time?



Really, I think of the form like a sonnet: the syllabic structure is always the same, but the rhyming requirements change [see the difference between a Shakesperean and Italian sonnet].  Potential schemes:
a-b-c-d-e-f-g
a-b-c-d-c-b-a
a-a-b-b-b-c-c [c could also be a]
a-a-a-b-c-c-c [where c is neither a nor b]
a-b-a-b-a-b-a
a-b-b-a-b-b-a
etc.  So many possibilties!  That also leads to the question: you could define it by flow instead of rhyme.  Or simply be like haiku: a picture-thought that simply has the number of lines with their number of syllables.  I'd name them 'septic', but that's been taken and has a rather negative connotation ;)  I think I'll refer to them as septisyllabic septets for strict accuracy of defining the form for now.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Yeratel on January 22, 2010, 02:30:53 PM

Quote from: Chuck Chuck Razool on January 21, 2010, 01:37:57 AM

"There once was a man from Madras"

The word "Madras" has so many possibilities in limericks.

There is a young girl in Madras,
Who has a magnificent ass.
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think,
But gray, with long ears, and eats grass.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on January 22, 2010, 04:34:05 PM

lol

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on February 04, 2010, 03:06:37 AM

for far far too long
this threads been quiet
so ill hum up a song
ya want it? Buy it!

for a sow's ear
old man cursed
shall never make
a silk lined purse

but look, Duck said
youll never ever finda
better leather sleepy bed
then from elephants vagina

 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on February 04, 2010, 02:34:43 PM

ther once was a Ducky rump
that gave this thread a bump
now do the time
post out a rhyme
or ill pound you all into a lump

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: j3nnee on February 04, 2010, 09:40:40 PM

I've said it before
I'll say it again
Don't live in my apts
They're not a bargain

They leak and they groan
The floor boards are weak
The lights oft go out
And light dost thou seek

It's cold and it's drafty
The neighbors are loud
And if you're not careful
Your sanity is cowed

So don't come this way
Go live somewhere else
Don't be my neighbor
Cause this place won't sell

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on February 04, 2010, 11:05:21 PM

J3nnee perk up your jowls
dont throw in your towels
if they leaks and groans
have peaks and moans
Rejoice! you dwell in Fowl's Bowells

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on February 21, 2010, 06:32:10 AM

with anguish, I have cogitate
done with which, I aggravate
"SAM does suck"
screams out duck
damn witch bitch I acriminate!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on February 21, 2010, 09:19:56 AM

O!  J3nnee dear,
O!  J3nnee sweet,
Homeowners often
Have no heat.

O! J3nnee smile,
O! J3nne chile'
crashing down
came my ceiling tile.

My hubby glanced and what did he say?
"Load the car and let's run away...

I don't think workin' on the house is groovie,
So my sons and I are going to a movie.

I'll  give him a smack
Just as soon as he's back
but he won't take a whack
At that stack of tile!

At lest you can rail at your Mr. Hooper
I can't hate my hubby like some building super!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on February 21, 2010, 09:37:43 AM

Ms Duck asked me to Post my Entries for Bardic Competition somewhere, and since this the only poetry thread...  But there is a caveat!

It doesn't really meet our criterion for BAD POETRY.  So, I apologize in advance. 

East Kingdom Bardic Champions is held once a year, it is an SCA event.  When it is held close enough to where I live and if I am in the mood (or crazy enough) I enter.  I have even won.  But not this year.  This year's winners were so mind blowingly fabulous that I am glad that they beat me.  (We East Kingdom Bards are like that, a victory for one is really a victory for all!)

The topics were:  Round One:  Love.  Round Two: War  Round Three: A random request by the King and Queen off of your Bardic Resume. (Which I submitted under the title:  Bardic Resume 10WD40, the short form.)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on February 21, 2010, 09:40:52 AM

Mutable
_{By Alayne all right reserved ad inifinitum}

Love is transient, love remains
Love is losses, love is gains
Love comes softly, love grows loud
Love is single, love's a crowd.


When I was small and skinned my knee
My mother's love would comfort me.
When I was frightened or unsure
My mother's love for me was cure.


Love is transient, love remains
Love is losses, love is gains
Love comes softly, love grows loud
Love is single, love's a crowd.

When I reached an awkward age
Not unknowing, not quite sage
Love came to me leaps and bounds
In romping with my favorite hounds.

Love is transient, love remains
Love is losses, love is gains
Love comes softly, love grows loud
Love is single, love's a crowd.

As a maiden in flush first bud,
Love would boil in my blood,
For a handsome curve of thigh,
Who did not notice me pass by.

Love is transient, love remains
Love is losses, love is gains
Love comes softly, love grows loud
Love is single, love's a crowd.

So inward did my passions flow
And sought a deeper sort of glow
Flirting with staunch piety
Passion pure, was not for me.

Love is transient, love remains
Love is losses, love is gains
Love comes softly, love grows loud
Love is single, love's a crowd.

First in friendship, then in love
I found a hand slip in my glove
Staunch support, and ardent lips
And something magic at the hips.

Love is transient, love remains
Love is losses, love is gains
Love comes softly, love grows loud
Love is single, love's a crowd.

Then one day life within
A new love's chapter did begin
Someone helpless, someone small
Taught me the greatest love of all.

Love is transient, love remains
Love is losses love is gains
Love comes softly, love grows loud
Love is single, love's a crowd.

Here I stand, of love well versed,
Of love been vexed, of love been cursed.
Had love swell up within my breast,
Of love been filled, of love been blessed.

Love is transient, love remains
Love is losses, love is gains
Love comes softly, love grows loud
Love is single, love's a crowd.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on February 21, 2010, 09:42:52 AM

now the sad (war is sad always) poem:

the Ground
_{By Alayne all right reserved ad inifinitum}

The earth springs hard against my back,
The sky above me, is turning black,
Bright and brittle the stars they shine,
Will my sweetheart know to pine?
Will she miss me as she ought?
Where is the glory that once I sought?

I heard my horse, he charged away,
I heard the close and fervent fray,
I smelled the blood and felt the fear
And how I miss my mother, dear.
Will she miss me, as she ought?
Where is the glory that once I sought?

My brothers by my side that rode
Who honored, too chivalric code,
If only I could could turn my head
To see if they, like me, lay dead.
Will they miss me as they ought?
Where is the glory that once I sought?

My King, I hope my King still stands
To return from these foreign lands.
To go to where his people wait
I pray he does not share my fate.
Will he miss me as he ought?
Where is the glory that once I sought?

The coldness gathers and the dark
The fading of my once bright spark
All that I might, or could ever be
Has, with my blood, abandoned me.
Will they miss me as they ought?
Where is the glory that once I sought?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on February 26, 2010, 04:32:07 AM

wow! bravo! bravo!

what was the 10wd40 poem?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on February 26, 2010, 11:02:18 AM

10wd40 as my resume, the short form...   ;D  Both of those poems were submitted with the resume.  Now that I think of it, the resume should have been a poem.  *Sigh*  Maybe then I would have won!  (J/K --  I am just as happy that I didn't win.  Being a Champion is hard work...  Last time I was champion I never stopped doing stuff and had to travel, which ate a lot of money.  Money I don't have right now!)

*HUGS*

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Der Sturmbrecher on March 21, 2010, 03:33:13 AM

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust,
grime and decay, corroding and rust.
The portcullis closes and seals inside
A plethera of fools with no place to hide.
Pain from above is rained down in a mist,
scarring, and lacerating, you get the gist.
Thunder and lightning, Sturm und Drang
Bite at the heel with a sharpened fang.
Now that you've wasted some time with a look,
Perhaps you should read a more pleasant book.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on April 26, 2010, 03:31:07 PM

by the darkest of dark arts
this dead thread will dance
now hark best by fowl tarts
and cue the necromance

arise bad poems and rhymes
crawl up from risen grave
shake off loem and slimes
there are whales to shave

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Purple on April 26, 2010, 04:26:59 PM

Hail to all from Bubdreg the Folkmanis Troll
He has but one single goal
He wishes to on a forum go
And this poem to him a bridge to make it so.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Otlan on April 26, 2010, 04:58:02 PM

Momento Morie,
Remeber you are Mortal,
Die Someday, you will,
Your time though, has not yet come,
But when the Bells toll, Ask not for Whom They Toll,
They Toll for Thee.

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: shades of grey on April 26, 2010, 06:23:31 PM

when posting on a forum
one should choose an approproate thread
to spend their waking hours
and the ones they should have been in bed
they should choose a likely picture
they should choose their name with care
they should avoid adding personal details
if theyre not up for a scare
they should post with gay abandon
they should post with literary might
they should post with wit and wisdom
they should never post with spite
and when the day arises
that their posting time is done
they should check their posting status
to see how well theyve done
are they casual conversationalist
are they posty mc posterpants
are they posting more than neurovore
are they ever? not a chance!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Otlan on April 26, 2010, 06:29:44 PM

Quote from: shades of grey on April 26, 2010, 06:23:31 PM

when posting on a forum
one should choose an approproate thread
to spend their waking hours
and the ones they should have been in bed
they should choose a likely picture
they should choose their name with care
they should avoid adding personal details
if theyre not up for a scare
they should post with gay abandon
they should post with literary might
they should post with wit and wisdom
they should never post with spite
and when the day arises
that their posting time is done
they should check their posting status
to see how well theyve done
are they casual conversationalist
are they posty mc posterpants
are they posting more than neurovore
are they ever? not a chance!

*Aplauds*

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: LordMelvin on April 26, 2010, 07:43:31 PM

I present, a brief lament for my favorite beverage:

Alack a day
Oh, woe is me
For Knudsen changed
Their recipe...

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Otlan on April 26, 2010, 07:47:51 PM

Quote from: LordMelvin on April 26, 2010, 07:43:31 PM

I present, a brief lament for my favorite beverage:

Alack a day
Oh, woe is me
For Knudsen changed
Their recipe...

Knu-What?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on April 26, 2010, 09:21:26 PM

O! shades of grey O thee salute with verve and abandon gay,
for in your poem you have extolled a message I take home
And in word and deed all whom would take pride should heed
In heart and head, in work or bed, from McMurdo Base to Nome.

Applause, applause
there is no clause
This plaudit is pure
I can say no more!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on April 27, 2010, 04:26:00 PM

with loud and quite nasty snickers
i read a webmail by standing brass lamp
bout a site for MILFs with no knickers
the add model once called me a tramp


 ;D

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on May 01, 2010, 08:30:01 PM

there once was a Duck on a quest
To found an SG that is the best
Met pretty Elise and her old PG
Apocrypha, Hoyled, Grey and JT
Dizzy got lost, now wheres the rest?

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: shades of grey on May 01, 2010, 09:10:29 PM

hello guys, am back again
to visit forum and old friends
and to submit bad poetry
(possibly a verse or three)
i see today i have the luck
to follow the musings of ms duck
who has the rhythm (and also rhyme)
to offer different ideas each time
and as for me, i shall just say
anon and be off upon my way :)

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Blaze on May 09, 2010, 11:58:43 PM

My husband wrote an Ironman theme song, I need to share it.  Now you all will know why we have been happily married for almost 28 years!



   Ironman, Ironman,
   Does whatever an iron can.
   Irons shirts, irons pants,
   Even designer scarves made in France.
   Look out! Here comes the Ironman.

   Is he strong? He’s the best!
   Got a glowy thing in his chest.
   Can he add in some starch?
   Got the time? Just look at your wartch.
   Hey there! There goes the Ironman.

   In the chill of the night,
   At the dry cleaning place,
   Like a streak of light,
   With a smile on his face!

   Ironman, Ironman,
   Friendly neighborhood Ironman.
   Wealth and fame, made his mark—
   Surely you’ve hearda that Tony Stark.
   To him,
   Life is a great big party—
   Where people party hearty,
   You'll find the Ironman!

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: Ms Duck on May 10, 2010, 12:14:32 AM

bravo ! bravo!

send it to marvel

Title: Re: Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread
Post by: shades of grey on May 10, 2010, 02:35:36 PM

marvel-ous!