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McAnally's (The Community Pub) => Author Craft => Topic started by: meg_evonne on April 06, 2010, 04:36:40 PM
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I'm needing assistance from those in the know on the following two topics. If you can assist, thank you!
1. Taking a cave with only one entrance, guarded by armed soldiers, with a hostage inside... (I have one idea already, but would like to hear some other advice, especially from trained military if possible. ALL ideas are welcome!)
2. At the intro I will focus on a special unit ground force. I want it to look like a typical unit, but one is actually female, which is not revealed until after the first scrap. (yes, I know women aren't used technically in combat, but this is sci fi.)
What I'm looking for are physical, behavioral hints to implant so when it is revealed it isn't a complete---WTF for the reader. Yes, the bathroom call--or I guess her pack of supplies might be less heavy (I personally hate this one!) or the physical size of her shoes or boobs for example, but I'm looking for behavioral less obvious details. Such as: Would a woman carry her rifle or handle it in a slightly different way? Would a woman's uniform chafe or irritate her differently than a man's on a man? Would a woman have a characteristic something that might raise the question in a reader's mind? Would a woman have something that she carries that might be noticeable that a man wouldn't?
Again, thanks in advance for your suggestions. I'm putting in a call in the military thread too, so be nice to the visitors! LOL
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For two, soap. It sounds silly, but honest to god, most of the other guys who work in my office know when a female sailor has come through within the previous few minutes. My sense of smell is shot, otherwise I'd be in the same camp. For whatever reason, anecdotal information seems to suggest that women use different soap, or that the smell lingers on their skin more.
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Ahh! This is perfect. Exactly what I'm looking for, subtle but accurate.
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I'm needing assistance from those in the know on the following two topics. If you can assist, thank you!
1. Taking a cave with only one entrance, guarded by armed soldiers, with a hostage inside... (I have one idea already, but would like to hear some other advice, especially from trained military if possible. ALL ideas are welcome!)
2. At the intro I will focus on a special unit ground force. I want it to look like a typical unit, but one is actually female, which is not revealed until after the first scrap. (yes, I know women aren't used technically in combat, but this is sci fi.)
What I'm looking for are physical, behavioral hints to implant so when it is revealed it isn't a complete---WTF for the reader. Yes, the bathroom call--or I guess her pack of supplies might be less heavy (I personally hate this one!) or the physical size of her shoes or boobs for example, but I'm looking for behavioral less obvious details. Such as: Would a woman carry her rifle or handle it in a slightly different way? Would a woman's uniform chafe or irritate her differently than a man's on a man? Would a woman have a characteristic something that might raise the question in a reader's mind? Would a woman have something that she carries that might be noticeable that a man wouldn't?
Again, thanks in advance for your suggestions. I'm putting in a call in the military thread too, so be nice to the visitors! LOL
1. Depend on the type of cave and the disposion of the guards as it relates to the prisioner. Different types of caves in certian parts of the world have certian advanatages and drawbacks.
2. Women smell different during thier time of the month ans men who are trained to be aware of their surrondings would note some thing different. Have your woman be an obsesive shaver as well, chalk it up as a nervious habit because being in the field, you get to know very well what your teammates smell like. Use an electric shaver?
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Thanks Cephis... For concern one. Afghan mountains, desert terrain, steep and rocky. Entrance about 8 high by 4 wide... kidnapped victim is a child from a neighborhood village and is probably just tossed into the back. Inside I'm seeing about 20 by 14...so not too big. It's about 45 to 50 down from a cliff top overhead. Access is going to be visual from the cave entry. Uphill climb to reach them, but only about 25 feet or so. My present idea draws them out--which makes them dumb ass idiot men, but if that's all I can use I'll have to take it and run. Wait, just what would a gas container tossed in do to a four your old boy? I'd hate to think...
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For #1: are the soldiers wearing gas masks? If not, gas 'em - light enough dose as not to overwhelm the hostage, but enough to cause uncontrollable coughing/vomiting/etc. Keeps the hostage alive and incapacitates the opposition long and well enough for snipers or up-close knife work. Better a live, weak, puking FORMER hostage than a hostage.
PS: Gas delivery systems aren't all explosive, so there isn't necessarily a risk of a small explosion killing the hostage.
Oh - where are the soldiers? Outside? Right at the entrance? Inside? Mixed?
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For two, soap. It sounds silly, but honest to god, most of the other guys who work in my office know when a female sailor has come through within the previous few minutes. My sense of smell is shot, otherwise I'd be in the same camp. For whatever reason, anecdotal information seems to suggest that women use different soap, or that the smell lingers on their skin more.
Are we assuming that the SFnal setting is such that whatever social issue, if this is a social issue, is relevant still applies ? I mean, are an all-female special forces unit in meg_evonne's social context actually going to approach soap in ways that contemporary female sailors do, and is so why ?
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1) Since it's a SciFi setting, teleport a stasis bomb inside :)
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For item #1: a flash-bang, or the settings' version of one, could go in first, followed immediately by an incapacitating gas grenade. If the unit comes down the slope via rope, grav belt, whatever, the grenades can be fired/launched into the opening just before the entry team reaches the tunnel mouth.
For item #2: I agree with the comment about scent. Even if she's not wearing perfume, many guys can tell a woman has been in the area recently by the scent. The only way to cover it could be the use of a soap aimed towards guys. Think Gillette instead of Dove.
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For item #1: a flash-bang, or the settings' version of one, could go in first, followed immediately by an incapacitating gas grenade. If the unit comes down the slope via rope, grav belt, whatever, the grenades can be fired/launched into the opening just before the entry team reaches the tunnel mouth.
For item #2: I agree with the comment about scent. Even if she's not wearing perfume, many guys can tell a woman has been in the area recently by the scent. The only way to cover it could be the use of a soap aimed towards guys. Think Gillette instead of Dove.
Hey!! I use Dove, it makes my skin feel great! Have her wear too much old spice
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Assault team moves as close as they can without being spotted.
When they're in position, snipers who've hung back pot the guards. Snipers then act as rear security as any unexpected reinforcements that show up would take the assault team like the monkey took the miller's wife.
Team moves in, using whatever equivalent of flash/bangs or stun grenades. In the future, they can probably fix the hostage's ruptured eardrums. At least easier than fixing an executed hostage, anyway.
The level and type of tech will really be the deciding factor for how you want your team to perform. Powered assault zoots? Can't tell from the outside if they're male or female. Gender doesn't make a difference when one's driving a few hundred pounds of angry alloy. Nonpowered armor? Could still be sealed and self contained, the tech keeping bio/chemical agents out will also keep girlsmell in.
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Mmm, battle suits. Tasty. A half dozen Heinleinian cap troopers dropping from orbit could headshot the lot, walk in and waltz out with the hostage. *reverie*
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Ever read John Ringo's Posleen books, Shecky? I think you'd like them. Starship Troopers meets Tom Clancy.
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Ever read John Ringo's Posleen books, Shecky? I think you'd like them. Starship Troopers meets Tom Clancy.
Clancy never caught hold of me, to be honest, but help me remember those books so I can give them a try once I'm done with my current LotR readthrough and Changes.
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"A Hymn Before Battle" is the first one, followed by "Gust Front", which is IMHO the best of the lot. Several more follow, including a couple collaborations. Hard military SciFi, current day setting. The Clancy is in the level of military detail and knowledge. Basically, "What if SciFi came to the earth today and had a war? In our laps?" Witty and snarky dialogue, brutal gut clenching events, nobility and sacrifice, and Bun Bun.
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1 - Time of Day & Terrain on Approach would have to determine tactics. What works in daylight might/probably won't cut it at night & vice/versa. Approaching uphill or downhill?
2 - Good luck writing this up, but in my eleven years in the US Army the closest I ever saw a woman come to scratching an itchy crotch was to complain about having an itchy crotch.
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Thanks all. Since you all added to my collective thoughts I'll post more that Mickey's preferred 250 or less intro. Then next flashback or the next scene will use part two suggestions... Thank you all. It's only a rough first draft, but you get the idea and no it's not a Heinleinian masterpiece of brain blowing cool!! Probably blew the main character's sex out of the water with the last line.
“Status on my mark.” I whispered their code names from Alpha to Eppy like an elementary teacher with little emotion. They each replied a whispered, “Set.” I couldn’t see them, but I knew where they were and I felt them. Alpha and Beta stretched out on the dirt and sand on the far cliff wall to my back; their hands relaxed and ready on their sniper long-range rifles, targets in their scopes. Gamma and Delta crouched in rock shadows over my head on the cliff on this side of the desert mountain valley, rappelling ropes and harnesses in place, the metal hooks secured to keep noise at a minimum; their long pig stickers sheathed within easy reach once their way was clear. Across the way from me at the base of the same cliff, Gamma and Delta waited as did Eppy and I on this side.
I had my own pig sticker out and clasped in my left hand, a pistol in my right. How many times had we been poised just like this? How many more before we finally headed home for good? “Alpha, Beta.” I let everyone take another moment to get their heads in the right place, “Go.”
The guards on the cliff above me fell in unison to the ground dead from clean hits I hoped. Alpha and Beta’ would be packing up their rifles for the stealth climb back to the valley floor. Over the gentle sage filled breeze, the call of a disturbed bird, the scurry of an animal in the dried grasses, I heard the slice of knives pulled across the guards’ throats in the microphone and waited. Even with their throats slit, the enemies in these mountains occasionally rose to battle again. Then Gamma said, “Zeta, we’re clear.”
“Copy.” I said. The sole enemy guard stood outside the cave on the narrow edge and lit a cigarette, unaware of the death above his head and sealed his fate and those within. I said with my voice a study in pretended indifference—my team knew that. It was part of the routine by now. “On your mark Gamma.” Gamma would speak for himself and for Delta. Again, I heard them moving in the grass, sand, and rock as they set up their rappelling gear, the quiet pounding of climbing pegs along the top of the cliff, ropes unwound and readied for the descent. Against the moon, I saw their bodies lean out from the drop off, ropes holding them firm.
I’d left Gamma and Delta to decide how best to dispatch the remaining guard at the cave entrance. They were quite capable, but the collective breathing tensed and increased over the microphone—a bit heavy. The others had gambled on the method. I’d pretended not to notice and knew it for the stress reliever it was. Gamma and Delta’s pig stickers glinted in the moonlight, but it was the play of the thin metal strand catching a silver glimmer that broke their anticipation. A disappointed Vance (Alpha) said over the microphone, “Shit.”
I repeated the word and let my disapproval of the bet bark out in the whisper. There had to be a way to darken those metals. In a different situation, the glint off weapons would pinpoint my team to an enemy’s rifle fire. Next time, I’d grease smear the metal down myself—no matter how the team grumbled cleaning up afterward.
I heard the sigh, saw the nod from Delta to Gamma, and then Gamma’s whispered, “Go.” They dropped from the edge of the cliff soundless and lethal. I imagined Delta as he would have flipped a small rock or something, the guard distracted would toss out his cig, turn to the sound with gun ready, but unaware of Gamma above him perpendicular to the cliff, feet firmly planted, ropes holding him securely as his arms snaked out and wrapped the garrote about the man’s neck. I imagined because Eppy and I were sprinting up the two sloping paths to the cave above to join them. The guard’s body teetered and swung as he struggled for a full minute,then ceased moving. I grabbed it and then dragged it back from a noisy drop to the valley floor while Gamma and Delta shed their ropes.
I pulled out the gas canister with Gamma and Eppy poised for action on the far side, Delta and me on this side—all of us in gas masks. A nod this time—no chance for those inside to hear a whispered, “Go.” Then I popped the can and rolled it into the cave entrance and prayed the cave didn’t open up to such a gigantic room that the gas didn’t hit all the enemy inside. Hand to hand was a bitch in dark wide-open unknown spaces. The sharp bitter smell drifted out, screams, and bodies scrambled. How many?
I leaned tight against the rock as Delta with a grin passed me and joined Gamma and Eppy to breach the cave, while I mentally bitched out their protective asses. It was my concession to their wishes, when they all knew I could take out as many inside as they did.
The gas was thick, the sounds of life turned to gurgles of death. I put away my pig sticker and then shifted my pistol to my left hand and picked up a lit torch with my right, holding it high overhead. Eppy saw the small-terrified four-year-old boy first, huddled in the corner too tired or maybe too drugged out to keep him from screaming, and approached him. The kid's eyes swept the giant who reached for him, pulled him up, locked him to his chest, and then Eppy’s slipped his pig sticker slipped back into its sheath. The gurgling sounds had faded, but dead as they may look there was no way I going to let these things get back out to kidnap or worse again—not on my watch.
Eppy carried the kid down to the valley floor while I dragged the guard outside back into the cave and set the C4 charges. Gamma and Delta returned to the top of the cliff and then lowered the two dead guards, where I again dragged the bodies inside. Then I stepped out on the narrow ledge and started down, asking, “Status?”
Eppy was first, “Good.” Then Delta and Gamma, “We’ve got our gear and are on our way down the long route. You're good to go, Captain.” No need to wait for Alpha and Beta, but I was a stickler. When they didn’t reply—on purpose probably, now that the excitement was over, I said their names.
Vance’s Irish brogue rang out like the start of one of his ballads, “Oh, yeah. We’re gooood Captain.” Followed by Beta’s deep baritone, “Aye, aye Capt’n.” Halfway down and out of the blast range, I pressed the switch of the remote radio control. The mountain blew out, lighting up the night sky. It was the best pyrotechnic show I’d staged so far. There must have been some gases built up somewhere underneath the cave because it lit up in pinks, reds, oranges, but it also had that unique green tint and that disgusting tart, nose crinkling grease fire smell of demon ass burned to a crisp.
Vance’s humming stopped at the explosion and then he sucked in his breath over the microphone to say, “Lucyyy burned dinner again?”
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Probably blew the main character's sex out of the water with the last line.
Actually, no. I called guys 'Clarice' all the time after I saw Silence of the Lambs. They called me Ripley.
The guards on the cliff above me fell to the ground; their bodies forced backward by the assassin's bullets. Alpha and
I'd change 'assassin' to 'sniper'. Assassin (usually)= bad guy; Sniper = Professional.
I would like to see more. Very evocative of place/mood, typo's be damned.
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Good point. Just like "We" have "intelligence officers", and "They" have "spies."
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I'd change 'assassin' to 'sniper'. Assassin (usually)= bad guy; Sniper = Professional.
Personally, I'd love to see a sniper character hear that and then say, "Fuck that. I'm an assassin and a damn good one. Don't you forget it." :D
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"Because I AM the baddest motherfucker in this here Valley of Death."
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"Because I AM the baddest motherfucker in this here Valley of Death."
Ah, an old classic. :)
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Personally, I'd love to see a sniper character hear that and then say, "Fuck that. I'm an assassin and a damn good one. Don't you forget it." :D
thanks Shecky. That was what I was going for... It's gone through three revisions since then and actually is pretty good. I beefed up the visceral stuff to give it a hard, sharp edge of violence. Corrected having Gamma and Delta be in two place, other inconsistencies, etc. Thank you all again.