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Messages - seradhe

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16
Author Craft / Re: Give me your opinion on this
« on: January 03, 2008, 02:42:16 PM »
I feel bad that I put off reading this for so long! loved it

needs a little editing (but that's already been stated). And it's very much your own style. I admit the first few paragraphs I was like "this is very dresden files-y" but you broke away from that fast

17
Author Craft / Re: The first line
« on: January 03, 2008, 02:29:51 PM »
Oh, and for favourite first lines, why hasn't this one appeared yet?

"The building was on fire, and it wasn't my fault."

I think because we're all on the same page that Dresden Files books all have great opening lines. though that one does rock.


18
Author Craft / newest project (comments? suggestions?)
« on: December 31, 2007, 05:36:43 PM »
Here's my latest project. I'm having a lot of fun writing this, so I feel it's going to be my big work for some time, just making random short stories adding to this universe. This was the first, and it came to me (ironically enough) while working the 3rd shift at work.

   One AM. In any big city, or even some of the more rowdy small towns, Life could still be found up and about. The nightlife could be found bustling and moving about until the sun rises and the nine-to-five crowd gets up again. But in the suburbs, the stretch of the world between the city and the Farm, the world sleeps.
   The streets were empty. Without the array of Car headlamps or reflective surface of their hoods, the streetlights shone glumly like a string of Christmas lights, the space between each of them dark as the night…
   … Except on the corner of Vista and Elloy. There the light shone brightly like a beacon. A close-knit array of fluorescent lights kept the otherwise empty-looking lot under a hefty glow. The lights hung in rows leading up to the glass front of the local Gas station. Open 24 hours, the giant red square with the letter C inside it was a notice of availability for any night shopper.
   This is my job. From ten PM to six AM I run the store. I Clean, stock, sign in the night shipments, and otherwise get the store ready for the next day.
   Oh, and help the occasional customer.
   Sure enough, on any given night I’ll have a random assortment of customers. Most of them are harmless; people about to leave on vacations buying last minute supplies, College students making one last beer purchase before alcohol sale close, things like that.
   Of course, it’s the other customers that really garner my attention. Everyone has heard the Phrase “they only come out at night”. Well, for well over half of my regulars no truer words have been spoken.
   Tonight was going like any other night so far. As usual I had all the petty chores done within the first 30 minutes of the night, and had the store stocked and ready for the morning coffee rush before midnight.
   As is my custom during these nights, I settled myself back against the cigarette case with a soda and a good book, and got into reading. The downside to the night shifts, you go through books fast, and my collection at home is a testament to that.
   A little after one the doorbell chimed. I broke my trance from the current book I was reading to greet a rather hurried-looking man. He barely acknowledged my greeting before he rushed over to the beer cooler, stopping only once to look back at me and ask, “Is there still time?”
   I winced; a late-night beer purchase. I nodded to him with a false smile and pointed to the clock. “Still have 45 minutes”.
   He sighed in relief and began to scan through the beer shelves, sometimes reaching in to grab a 40oz and set it into a growing stack. I stood by my register, keeping a careful eye on how much he was purchasing, and at the same time deciding how much I exactly wanted to sell to him.
   The door chime brought my attention back to the front, and I barely managed to hide my scowl at having two customers so close to one another this time of night. Luckily, the sight of the couple entering swiftly erased all emotion from my face.
   The man and the woman who entered looked like they were maybe in their early 30’s at most, and even then they were downright attractive as hell. They were clad in an evening gown and tuxedo, respectively. Though the air of confidence they had around them, as well as the cut of his suit, gave the two of them a very old-world style.
   And did I mention how attractive the woman is? Full chest, slender hips, and long legs. And the dress hugged to her figure in such a way as to preserve modesty, but it seemed to threaten to just slide right off of her sometime soon. The guy at the beer cooler just stared, mouth agape. I had the courtesy to smile and nod to them both, while subtly hunching as to hide from my waist down behind the counter. I didn’t have to, they were regulars and I was more casual with them, but it was a courtesy.
   The man made his way straight to the bagged chips, grabbing several bags before turning towards the cooler. The woman, however, seemed interested in spending as much time as possible examining items which required her to bend down or reach high up. Both the guy and I were hard pressed not to watch her every movement.
   “Ahem”, the cough brought my eyes back to the counter. The man was standing their, regarding me with one brow raised. “Enjoying the view?” he asked me with a slight smirk, his European accent hiding any signs of amusement.
   I smiled back and bowed my head slightly. “My apologies, Balthazaar. But you know exactly how... alluring your wife can be.” I kept my tone respectful, but casual enough to know I meant it. After all, these two were regulars.
   Both our eyes went back to the woman. It was just in time, for she had moved right up next to the younger man and had him pinned to the cooler door. His eyes were rolled back in such a way I knew her gyrating hips were hitting all the right spots.
   Balthazaars smile perfectly complimented my frown. Well, except for the two rather pronounced canines, which stuck out just a bit, their points hitting his lower lip. “My Alexandra hasn’t fed in some time. After so long it becomes hard to… hinder ourselves as much.” His gaze never left the two of them, watching as she began to kiss and lightly nibble along the guys neck.
   I slapped my palm on the counter just enough to get his attention. Balthazaar faced me again, his silly grin never fading. “I’m going to have to ask that your wife control herself while in the store” I said calmly at him.
“Come on, Matthew. She hasn’t fed in days, and I’m a bit parched myself,” Balthazaar licked his lips, “They’re always so receptive to a drink after she’s had her fill of them, and I’m good enough to leave them alive, if a little drained.”
   My face didn’t betray anything. “I’m asking you politely. If Alexandra doesn’t stop, then I’ll be forced to ban you two from the store.” That got the mans attention, I smiled. “And then where will you go get your pretzels at one o’clock in the morning? The Wall-Mart?”
   The mere mention of that place made him shudder visibly. His gaze dropped to the small pile of rolled-gold pretzels on the countertop. I had to chuckle a bit; How often do you get to see a being that has lived for hundreds of years on the blood of others, struggle with deciding on a good meal, or a bag of pretzels?
   Finally, after a tense moment, Balthazaar spoke sternly towards his wife. I don’t know the language, but the meaning was clear enough. Alexandra pulled back from the guys neck and pouted, making small whimpering noises as she rubbed him through his pants. Balthazaar barked another order, and she reluctantly slinked away and to his side.
   The younger guy slid into a heap against the cooler. I let him be; he’ll wake up in a few moments and I’ll send him on his way with a story about passing out and his (more than I wanted to sell) beer.
   Balthazaar pulled out a billfold and set a $20 on the counter for me. “We will find another more… available participant between here and home, I am sure of it. But for now, Matthew, I feel that this good behavior has earned me some dip for my pretzels.” I could practically feel his wolfish grin against my neck as I counted out his change.
   I nodded and set his change on the counter, ducking down to grab a small thermos from the storage Shelves. I found that by draining less than half a liter every 4-5 days, and keeping it free from outside air, I could harvest a good portion of my own blood, which Balthazaar and his kin took as bribes from me often. I’ve been told the act has put me on good terms with many of them, but I don’t hold any faith in it.
   The thermos was yanked from my hands, and Alexandra grabbed up her husbands chips. Whether or not he actually did dip his pretzels in my blood or not was not something I had any inclination to find out, though I had one thing on my mind that I had to ask.
   “Balthazaar…”
   He stopped and turned, regarding me evenly as I gave him my best ‘curious’ face. “How do you do it? I mean, married to a succubus and all”.
   Balthazaar answered by grinning widely, the arm about Alexandra squeezing more (making her squeak out in surprise).
   “It’s the twentieth century. Everyone’s in open marriages now”.
   I could only stare as the two of them walked out into the night, disappearing once they left the light of the lampposts. I helped the other guy up and got him to his car in silence, before returning to my perch to sit and read my book.
   This I my job…
   And I wouldn’t have any other.


They say write what you know. I'll be posting subsequent chapters on Deviantart as I write them (and on here too, depending on the popular review of this one)

19
Author Craft / Re: Great, its Ruined!
« on: December 31, 2007, 02:11:54 PM »
That is the bane of my writing existence.

... and that's all I have to say on the subject

20
Author Craft / Re: The first line
« on: December 25, 2007, 07:45:23 AM »
Please, God, do serial killers drive Fords after midnight?

Just when you think the thread's gonna die...

21
Author Craft / Re: The value of different medium
« on: December 17, 2007, 01:36:09 PM »
Gosh.  That would be totally impossible for me, it would completely break my concentration.  But then, I generally do not take coffee breaks or lunch breaks at work, because working a day straight is about four times as productive as breaking the day up every time I get some flow going.

I think it works for me because I cannot do any one thing for so long. I naturally multitask (probably ADD or something, never got tested as a kid, never gonna be). If I sit to work on a novel and do nothing else, eventually I'll drift off mentally and not go back, self-imposed writers laze. When given something equally engaging to focus on from time to time, I go back to my story with a fresh mentality every couple of minutes.

.... I feel I should also mention the TV runs in the background so I don't miss my favorite shows

22
Author Craft / Re: The value of different medium
« on: December 16, 2007, 07:10:05 AM »
throw my two cents in as of late.

I actually Play some random Text-based RPG while writing on a story. I'll load up word and just start working, and I'll write as much as I can before whomever I am RPing with replies.

I don't know exactly why this works for me, but having a "second Story" being made where I am only responsible for half the action keeps my mind working fresh on my main tale. Provided I have a good partner in the RP, I can write for a good 7-8 hours (though it might be more like 5-6 if you subtract time spent on the RP and not the story)

23
I'd be happy to give it a read. if you are cool with it I'll pass the papers on to my wife (self published author) and brother in law (Published and somewhat known author)

24
Author Craft / Re: thoughts/comments?
« on: November 13, 2007, 12:30:54 AM »
it could end up that way. truth be told I have no clue how my stories will read until about two weeks after I finish writing them. I'll read it again and be like "wow..."


.. of course this discussion inspires me to link such..

http://seradhe.deviantart.com/art/Impressionable-children-45549960


25
Author Craft / Re: thoughts/comments?
« on: November 10, 2007, 01:39:03 AM »
One question though, It is supposed to be a humorus story correct?

well, I am sort of writing it like the narrator is watching events with a sort of mild amusement.

.. or do you mean humorous like haha funny?

26
Author Craft / thoughts/comments?
« on: November 07, 2007, 07:58:42 PM »
a kind of "prelude of things to come" writing I did (on the back of a deposit envelope at work no less  ::) ) felt like sharing it.

Mankind is Naive.

Sure, they're advanced, their culture civilized to a degree. but it's all based old, archaic ideals. Generations of teachers, leaders, philosophers, inventors, doctors... all living an illusion.

They think they know evil, can give it a label. since their ancestors first huddled around fires, they strained to peer into the darkness and give a name to what hid there. even with candles, lamps, lightbulps, and flashlights. People gazed just beyond the lights reach. Their minds gave it names. "Cthulhu, Lilith, Kubera, the devil". They prided themselves on making names for these things, and calling them evil, feeling superior. Even though "evil" has been around long before any smaller race had given it a name.

Mankind lives on, blind behind their names and labels. These create assumptions, and errors.

They would see a book, bound in flesh and written in blood, and label it evil. Yet no one would think twice of the light blue spiral notebook with the odd stain on the corner...



May actually make a story off of this later on, I like it

27
Author Craft / Re: Dunno if this has been linked before
« on: October 29, 2007, 01:36:26 PM »
Interesting. The idea of the author doing a self-portrait (be it consciously or unconsciously) or a picture of himself as he'd LIKE to be is an old one; I'd just never heard a name given to this. Anyone have any idea where the term came from? Doesn't seem immediately evident.

I never heard of it myself until I came across this test. A short sacrifice to the wiki gods later, I had this.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_sue

While I agree with a good portion of the definition (a characters merits greatly outweighing their flaws, etc..). I personally believe there's a little bit of the author in every main character they write.

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Author Craft / Re: Dunno if this has been linked before
« on: October 28, 2007, 06:57:45 AM »
funny replies  :P

I actually find the test a little fun. I spent the better part of my time online running through it with various lead characters from my stories (best was a 12, worst was a 97)

makes me want to know how other literary characters stack up, just for kicks of course.

Pendergast, Max Ride, even Harry come to mind

29
Author Craft / Dunno if this has been linked before
« on: October 27, 2007, 11:52:05 AM »
I found this through a Deviant art link and I think it's kinda fun.

http://www.onlyfiction.net/marysue2.html

as long as you don't take the results like some standardized test score, it's kinda fun.

30
Author Craft / Re: Dresden vs everyone in the Genre
« on: October 25, 2007, 03:46:17 PM »
Slight is kind of the point.  If there's any systemic difference between how men and women think, it's invisible behind the scale of the differences between expected social roles and between individuals, and if you've not had the occasion to see firm evidence of that, I can only suggest travelling more, reading more widely, and getting to know more cultures and more people, where the expected social roles are different or who just don't actually think those social roles worth accepting.  The "there are ways all women think alike and different ways all men think alike" argument dismisses the reality of far too many of the real people I know and care about, women and men, for me to accept it for a moment; that there are ways in which mainstream Western society expects and wants all women to think alike and different ways in which it expects and wants all men to think alike, sure, but so many of these ways seem deeply harmful to me that I'm entirely unwilling to accept them, and will oppose them wherever I can.

That is a completely Valid and personal rational for your beliefs, and I respect that.

It is also Valid to point out that these expectations are not enforced in any way other than the individuals desire/lack thereof to conform. The ubiquitous urge to "fit in" is a far worse prison for the mind than any standards or regulations on thought. It has been my experience that most people in the creative fields (artists, writers, architects etc...) are more often than not free thinkers above these standards.

This is more and more looking not like an argument between Male and Female perspectives, rather between Masculine and Feminine.

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