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McAnally's (The Community Pub) => The Bar => Display Case => Topic started by: Priscellie on April 09, 2008, 03:52:26 AM

Title: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on April 09, 2008, 03:52:26 AM

A long time ago, some friends and I put together a list of "Things Harry Dresden is No Longer Allowed to Do," based on the famous Skippy's List (http://skippyslist.com/list/).  The original postings, with attributions, are here (http://gypsyjr.livejournal.com/834979.html) and here (http://community.livejournal.com/dresden_files/44374.html#cutid1).  Let's see if we can't add to it!

Things Harry Dresden is No Longer Allowed to Do

- I am not allowed to ask elder Council members if they've ever parted the Red Sea.

- I will never label another bottle "Love Potion #9," even if it is factually accurate.

- I am not allowed to get drunk and serenade the entire tavern with a rousing rendition of "A Wizard's Staff Has A Knob On The End (http://www.lspace.org/fandom/songs/wizards-staff-2.html)."
a) Or Murphy.
b) Or anyone.
c) Especially Murphy. She can hurt me.

- Bob's skull is not to be used to practice ventriloquism.
a) or to re-enact scenes from Hamlet.

- Under no circumstances am I to even contemplate asking the faeries if they offer a dating service as well.

- I am not allowed to attend a vampire ball dressed as movie Dracula ever again, no matter how funny it seems at the time

- I will never let Amanda Carpenter talk me into being her Show and Tell project again, no matter how cute her puppy-dog eyes are.

- Just because something is bleeping disturbing doesn't mean it's a bad idea.

- Fideliacchius is not a letter opener.

- I am not allowed to "correct" Harry Potter books.
a) From the library.
b) In red pen.

- Twice-divorced women are not wooed by the mantra "Third time's the charm!"

- My hand may eventually heal. I am not allowed to consider prosthetic chainsaw attachments.

- My blasting rod is not my "boomstick."

- "Klaatu barada nikto!" is not an appropriate spell.
a) Regardless of whether or not I say it correctly.
b) Even though it did work.

- Similarly, "Eta Kooram Nah Smech" will not make an enraged Murphy fall asleep.

- Referring to Lasciel's coin as "My Precious" in Michael's presence is not funny and will probably only get me killed.

- I may not make "your mom" jokes to Thomas. It only encourages him and is counterproductive.

- I may not tell the Merlin to pull the sword out of his stone.
a) I may not tell this to Morgan either.

- Whether or not I had any intention of following up on them, trying bad pickup lines on Murphy will get me shot.
a) Likewise Lara.
b) Also Miss Gard.

- I may not call Marcone "Scarface."

- I may no longer lurk around elementary schools, even if there are monsters on the playground.
a) Having lurked, I will not laugh at the cop who's come to 'talk' to me.
b) Having laughed, I will not suggest he call Murphy.
c) Having suggested, I will at least be glad that I brightened her day, judging from the hysterical laughter.

- I may no longer tell vampires to "bite me," as that joke is dead and rotting.
a) Similarly, if I say "fuck you" to a White Court vampire, I deserve what I get.

- Quoting Labyrinth at the faeries is just asking for trouble.

- A flea collar is not an appropriate gift for a werewolf.
a) Unless I've suddenly developed a death wish.

- I will not use my pentacle amulet to ward off Jehovah's Witnesses.

- I can no longer tell impressionable young children that my dog is part wolf.
a) Or Sirius Black.

- Changing the tagline on my ad to read "Who ya gonna call?" is a violation of good taste as well as copyright laws.

- The Dresden Dolls were not named after me.
a) Nor are they my personal fan club.

- I am not permitted to address the Council in Pig Latin.
a) Even if it is easier than real Latin. Stupid correspondence course.

I will not pitch my life story to Peter Jackson.
a) Viggo Mortensen isn't nearly tall enough to play me, anyway.

-It is culturally insensitive to refer to the incident that maimed my hand as "the firebombing of Dresden."
a) Nor should I respond to condolences by commenting "So it goes. Po-tee-weet?"

-I will not poke people with my stick.
a) If I must poke people with my stick, it will in fact be my stick, and not my...stick.

- I must no longer answer questions I don't know the answer to with "A wizard did it". It was not funny the first time, nor was it funny the subsequent seventeen times.
a) Even if a wizard did do it.
b) Especially if it was me.

- While wearing my wizard robes, I must not Jedi wave 'this is not the house you are looking for' at visiting Mormons, vacuume-cleaner salesmen or Avon ladies.
a) Or Jedi wave 'These cookies are free' as visiting Girl Scouts.

- As tempting as it might be to show off, I must not demonstrate 'Jedi powers' to the geeks at the gaming shop.
a) Or as Sci-Fi conventions.
b) Especially not to prove Star Wars over Star Trek to Trekkers.
c) My sword cane is NOT a lightsaber. Even with the noises.

- I will not attempt to break Mister of his Cola addiction.
a.1) without sufficient protection.
a.2) ever

- It is never a good idea to refer to Murph as "Sweetcheeks".
a) Even if she did land butt first on the Sugar Plum Fairy.
b) Blaming the fact that I landed on my head, will only get me hit on the head harder.
c) Alcohol isn't an excuse either.

- Stercus Caput is not a valid title of address at council meetings.
a) Even if it did make Ebenezer shoot whisky out his nose.

- Asking Billy and Georgia "When is the litter due?" will not get me out of any future babysitting duty.

- I will not encourage the other pixies to sing "Don't mess with my Toot Toot" if Toot doesn't come through with the information. It only gives him a swelled head.

- I will not borrow Mac's Car....

- I will not open doors of Big Jim's door with my staff

- I will not refer to Marcone as Padrino.  I will not refer to Lea as fairy Padrina.  And I will never, ever, introduce them.

- I may not introduce myself as Gandalf the White, Radagast the Brown, or Manfred the Slightly Ecru.

-I will not shout "Fire!" in a crowded White Council meeting. Or in a crowded theatre, for that matter.

-I will not mop the White Council HQ's floor with Morgan's grey cloak.
a) Even if it won't leave a stain. It's the principle of the thing, I suppose.

- I am not to let Bob out anywhere near Butters' Accordian;
a) No matter how much he whines about his Kielbasa Sausage (http://www.seeklyrics.com/lyrics/Tenacious-D/Kielbasa.html) and it's need to perform.
b) Again.

-When asked my name, I will not answer "There are some who call me... Tim?"

- I must not ask Murphy to "Sit on my Magic lap" Again.

- Under no circumstances am I to make any references to performing spells "skyclad."
a) Especially if Morgan is within earshot.
b) Yes, it's funny to watch his head explode. It is still Wrong.
c) Anyway, he who makes the Warden's head explode cleans up debris from said explosion, and blood is so hard to get out of carpet.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on April 09, 2008, 04:08:19 AM

Harry Dresden is not allowed to tell nursery stories to some kinds of Faeries.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on April 09, 2008, 04:18:16 AM

- I REALLY shouldn't compliment Mab on her great ass
- Selling the swords on Ebay is not a good way to raise money
- Likewise for selling Bob

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Stag.S on April 09, 2008, 04:50:45 AM

 - I am not allowed to piss of magical beings that can crush me with a thought
a) Unless I'm well prepared
b) Or just plain suicidal
c) Or I'm really really angry

 - I am not allowed to martyr myself while uttering the lines "Thall Shall Not Pass"
a) No matter how apt
b) Or the fact that they would have to sue my corpse

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: cassandra on April 09, 2008, 04:55:37 AM

- I am not allowed to sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" when it's time to go to a council meeting.
- I am not allowed to ask Ancient Mai if a house ever fell on her sister.
- I am not allowed to call the Merlin "Professor Dumbledore"
 a) or Gandalf
- I will not send in photos of creatures from the Nevernever to the National Enquirer, no matter how much money it can make me
 a) not even when the rent is due
- I will not attempt to enchant a vacuum cleaner to fly
 a) not even while drunk
 b) no, I did not almost succeed with a broom that one time
- I will never again wear in public the t-shirt that says "Save a broomstick; Ride a Wizard!"
- Pig Latin will not suffice as a substitute for actual Latin

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Hopefire on April 09, 2008, 05:21:04 AM

-I will not sing along to "Invisible Touch" when Michael is around.
a) It takes control and slowly tears you apart. And though she will mess up your life, you want her just the same.

-I will not ask a Denarian for change.

-I will not do magic shows for kids.
a) Unless of course Ivy wants to see me pull a bunny out of a hat.

-I will not go drinking with Sanya and try to use magic the next day.
a) Or to do anything else.

-I will not try to eBay my new copy of The Two Towers.
a) In general, I think it best I try to avoid eBay altogether.

-I will not tell Luccio that she looks pretty good for two hundred.
a) On a similar note, if she has trouble getting into bars, I will not laugh at her.
b) No matter how long the argument with the bouncer goes.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: firesaynt on April 09, 2008, 05:43:55 AM

- i will not use Denarian coins in the parking meter
 a) even if the meter does think they're nickles


-I will not hum "Bark at the Moon" when the Alphas are around

-i will not ask Molly about the recreational use of Whartonburg Pinwheels before my date with Luccio
 a) even if it seems a good idea
 b) ESPECIALLY if it seems like a good idea

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: panic686 on April 09, 2008, 05:47:11 AM

I will not complement Cowl on his choice of a black robe
-even if it is rather trendy for a wizard
-and it makes sorting laundry easier


(first attempt, not great but go easy on me  :))

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: firesaynt on April 09, 2008, 05:48:46 AM

- I may no longer tell vampires to "bite me," as that joke is dead and rotting.
a) Similarly, if I say "fuck you" to a White Court vampire, I deserve what I get.


BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH...............

Jeez somebody call an ambulance.....! :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: MonaLS on April 09, 2008, 07:05:49 AM

I'm dying laughing here, those are GREAT! What a great post to end on for the evening. :) :) :)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Grotms on April 09, 2008, 07:18:35 AM

-No matter how much Bob begs, I will never take bob to an adult Novelty store again. Ever.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Miharu on April 09, 2008, 07:20:13 AM

I will not make hissing sounds or Lord Voldemort jokes to Cowl's back anymore
a) Only to his front
b) when I am ready to dodge the incoming flying projectiles

I will never make jokes about a possible online fan base someday, who knows? Stranger things have happened.

I will not ever turn my back on Michael's Tree House again unless I am the one up there
a) Its just so damn popular

I will not ever make comments about Tinkerbell, you never know, size is often disceptive. Yoda for instance.

I will not ever let anyone borrow my coat again, no matter how short term. Bad shit happens to me.

I will avoid riding in Murphy's car as much as possible. Her car insurance premiums cannot take much more.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Valorclast on April 09, 2008, 08:48:50 AM

I am not allowed to quote Shakespeare while around Mab.
a) or Titania
b) or while in the NeverNever
c) or in the proximity of any fae bigger than Toot Toot

I will not answer any more questions from the pizza delivery boys no matter where I'm having it delivered.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on April 09, 2008, 11:27:17 AM

*laughs* These are fantastic, guys!  Keep 'em coming!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Kali on April 09, 2008, 11:51:50 AM

I am no longer permitted to convince new wizards that "Charmed" DVDs are really tutorials.

The Blue Man Group is not "The Blue Court", and I will stop phoning in "tips" to the Warden hotline about their activities.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Elanel on April 09, 2008, 12:25:40 PM

I am not to refer to my car as the ’Bug of Love’ when in female company

Mouse is not a footrest
a)   Or a pillow
b)   Or a draught excluder

I am not to order Morgan the Funtastic Goofy-sized Happy Meal when I go to Burger King with him.

When greeting Murphy, it’s “Hey Murphy,” and not “Hey Smurfy.” My poor shins.

I am not to attend an NRA meeting and declare “Guns don’t kill people, magic missiles do!”

When in Summer’s company, I am not to refer to Titania as “The Great Tit.”
a) Likewise, Mab is not “Scabby Mabby.”

I am not to end each conversation with the Merlin with “Pip-pip, tally-ho.”

I am not to arrange a birthday party for Thomas at the local gay bar.
a) Even though I really want to… *evil*

I am not to call myself the “Supreme Fire Bender” when in the company of Avatar Fans and then demonstrate my fire skills.
a) At least everyone escaped the building this time…

I am not to call Luccio “Captain Hotstuff” in front of the trainees!

I am not to ask Kincaid if he taught Dick Cheney how to shoot a gun…

I am not to send the Evil Overlord list to the Merlin and say “Some serious shit here, boss… pip-pip, tally-ho”

I am not to raise Sue up and take her to the Jurassic Park 4 auditions.

I am not to sneak up to Bob’s skull and go “Kemmler’s here, ooga booga! ooga booga!”

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: JRBobC on April 09, 2008, 12:40:39 PM

I am no longer allowed to make "Pull My Finger" jokes around Toot-toot.  It was funny until he started adding in sound effects.

Pre-SmF:
I will not go to the front of the Raith mansion singing MC Hammers "Can't Touch This".
Post-SmF:
I will definitely not do it.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on April 09, 2008, 03:38:02 PM

I REALLY better not tell the other morgue staff that I'm the one who got Butters to switch from the accordion to bagpipes.
I should stop humming "Like A Virgin" whenever Ramirez is around
I should stop trying to see if LonelyPlanet makes a guide to the NeverNever

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on April 09, 2008, 03:58:55 PM

I may not tell the Erlking, the Goblin King, that David Bowie's codpiece is bigger.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Hopefire on April 09, 2008, 04:04:44 PM

-No matter how much they deserve it, I am not allowed to take Murphy's bosses for a scenic trip to Arctis Tor.

-I am not allowed to tell religious children that Santa exists is a Faerie. There's no right interpretation with that crowd.

-I will not sign Mavra up for Cosmopolitan magazine. No one likes to see a Blampire cry.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Half man-half amazing on April 09, 2008, 04:05:52 PM

I really shouldn't have Murphy and Luccio in a room together along...
a) no matter how much I want to see a cat fight
b) in the end ill get my ass kicked.

No makeing Virgin jokes around Ramirez

No telling Mac that he should serve his beer cold
a)he might refuse service to me
b)i could get killed

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: KalanF on April 09, 2008, 04:58:22 PM

I will not use Little Chicago to decimate every parking meter in Big Chicago.
* even if I've just gotten a parking ticket
* well, maybe on April Fools' Day

I will not use powers to affect sporting events.
* Even for the Cubs

I will not ask Bob to help me with a spell to put Ammorachius in a rock until the proper wielder comes along.
* Nor will I ask Arthur Langtree if any of his predecessors left any notes about it either

I will not make any "Sith" references about myself and Molly ...
* Especially around Morgan
* Mostly because he probably wouldn't get my humor
* Especially because Molly my start with the Nimue comments again ...

I will not cackle madly and say "its time to make the donuts" in a sleepy voice whenever I see a Summer Court Fey from now on...
* Especially if Thomas is with me

I will not make any more comments about Wizards, secrets and heroin when meeting with members of the white council
* Especially after Ramirez was felony-stopped when someone overheard me the last time I said it

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: JRBobC on April 09, 2008, 05:13:24 PM

I will not use my Sight to sneak a pick of Murphy in the locker room. 

I will not use my Sight to get my own private Porno's at the Execute Priority.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on April 09, 2008, 05:19:33 PM

I will not go to the Execute Priority for a workout, no matter how well comped the membership.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Jessica on April 09, 2008, 05:30:07 PM

Rameriz does not need me to send him sex-ed pamphlets.

Pretending to be blinded by holy light every time I see Murphy will probably get me hit.

I am not allowed to get Bob an eyepatch and set of crossbones.
 - no matter how much he begs.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Marquis on April 09, 2008, 05:40:57 PM

I will not give Lara the Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVD box set for Christmas.

Nor will I give her any similarly titled ponorgraphic spoof movie.

Especially if she was the star.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: tabonga on April 09, 2008, 05:55:55 PM

I will no longer allow Thomas to use my apartment for his "magic carpet rides"...
a) even though there is some magic going on
b) even though he had the carpet dry-cleaned the last time

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on April 09, 2008, 06:00:44 PM

I will not snicker when Charity refers to Molly as an "Innocent Flower"

I will not let Bob talk me into a Monkey Island Con dressed as Guybrush Threepwood, Mighty Pirate, and The Demon Skull Murray

I will not animate a Barbie doll to give Toot Toot and the Za Guard a Damsel to rescue, no matter how much they beg.

I will not make jokes about Dating an older woman to Luccio's face.

I will not make jokes to Kincaid about eating at Subway. 

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Wolfhowls on April 09, 2008, 06:08:28 PM

OMG OMG OMG...Laughing so hard....the pain OW OW OW the pain HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: JRBobC on April 09, 2008, 06:57:14 PM

When Luccio comes over for dates I will not end the evening by saying "All Aboard".

When standing next to Luccio during White Council meetings I will not start humming "Blow the Man Down".

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: tabonga on April 09, 2008, 07:01:00 PM

-I will no longer refer to Mab's kingdom as her "winter wonderland"
a) but I can still sing the song when I am there...

-I will stop trying to use the pickup line "hey, I'm a magician"
a.1) its just plain creepy
a.2) everyone knows chicks dig mimes better, anyways...
b) the extra income from parties help, but the kids keep getiing cake stuck in my robes...

-I will stop making fun of stupid looking barn animals... they might have family...

-I will refrain from telling people that I "know" magic at conventions from now on
a) if I have to tell another kid that I don't actually have a Mox emerald again, I'm gonna scream...
b) i hate getting into philosophical discussions as to whether timewalk and timetwister would actually constitute a violation of the laws of magic or not...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: tabonga on April 09, 2008, 07:03:27 PM

I will no longer use Dungeons and Dragons sourcebooks as inspiration for spells and items...
a) For God's sakes, man, I am a real wizard... and I don't think the coast includes Chicago

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Kali on April 09, 2008, 07:07:18 PM

I will no longer refer to Mouse and Bob as "a real dog and bony show".

I am no longer permitted to stand next to Morgan while he attempts to drink from a water fountain.
a: or while he tries to make microwave popcorn
b: or at all

I will no longer refer to Thomas as "The Winter Queen"
a: Especially while he's cutting my hair

I will stop asking Ancient Mai if she remembers Thousand-Year-Old Eggs when they were just laid.
a: and I certainly won't imply that she's the one who laid them.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: tabonga on April 09, 2008, 07:08:36 PM

- I will stop telling jokes where "ancient, mai ass" is the punchline...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: JRBobC on April 09, 2008, 07:25:22 PM

I will stop using I.C. Weiner at 69 W. Anal Str. as my return address on official White Council Communiques.

I will not tell the Merlin that my favorite radio station is 99.9 KMA Fm.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Bookboym on April 09, 2008, 07:29:27 PM

Wal-mart may be a great place for the thrifty wizard but I should realize people will stare at you if you buy large amounts of salt, play-do, markers, rope, chalk, dogfood, pirate items, and lots of romance books at the same time.People seem to be wierded out by that.
* Molly may buy this for me instead, part of her greater teaching.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on April 09, 2008, 08:10:12 PM

- I will not flood Wizards of the Coast with extensive errata for the Spell Compendium and Monster Manual.

- I will never try the pity approach with Luccio again by saying, "Y'know, Bob is the closest thing in years I've had to getting a little head."

- Any time the Alphas come by my place, I will not set out Milk-Bones as hors-d'œuvres, nor will I tell them, "Help yourselves to the toilet," when they ask for something to drink.

- Calling Cowl "Dork Vader" would be a waste of perfectly good snark.

- I will never, ever again tell guests to get out when Luccio drops in by saying, "Fly, you fools!"

- "Rectocranium" is NOT an acceptable honorific for the Senior Council.

- I will not punish Murphy for talking computer jargon by taking a close look at her computer.

- As much as it never gets old, I will not address Charity and Michael as "Velma and Fred" while calling Mouse "Scoob".
  a. And painting their family van with "Mystery Machine" simply does not go with the "53" on the Blue Beetle.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Soulless Mystic5523 on April 09, 2008, 08:36:08 PM

Quote from: tabonga on April 09, 2008, 05:55:55 PM

I will no longer allow Thomas to use my apartment for his "magic carpet rides"...
a) even though there is some magic going on
b) even though he had the carpet dry-cleaned the last time

I will not offer to take Luccio or Murphy back to my place for a Magic Carpet ride.
a) Even if Bob offers to teach me how to make the carpet fly.
b) No matter ho well it might work.

I will not talk about getting tag teamed by the Billy Goats Gruff in public.
a) People look at you funny.
b) It gives people the wrong idea about wizards and why they wear robes.
c) again

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: JRBobC on April 09, 2008, 08:39:52 PM

I will not emulate Kevin Sorbo and ask women, "Have you seen my 'Staff'?". 

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: tabonga on April 09, 2008, 08:59:16 PM

-Now that there is a woman in my life again, I will never ever clean my gun in the living room...
a) unless she is out of town
b) or at least in the other room...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on April 09, 2008, 09:14:24 PM

Remember to tag your SmF spoilers, folks!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: JRBobC on April 09, 2008, 09:30:38 PM

The next time I fight Chimpanzee Demons I will not break into a rousing chorus of "I love the Species that Flings its own Feces" sung to "I overlooked a four leaf clover that I'd overlooked before" curtisy of Bugs Bunny.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on April 09, 2008, 09:46:50 PM

-I must stop referring to Charity as Michael's Babymama
   (at least not when she can overhear)
-I must stop sending Botox ads to Ancient Mai
-I must stop trying to switch Toot Toot and the rest of the Guard to a low-carb diet
-I must not let Mouse run loose outside where he might end up eating a dogcatcher
   (again)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tempus Corvus on April 09, 2008, 10:53:24 PM

-I will not refer to Ozzy Osbourne as "The True Prince of Darkness". I don't know if any Denarians are in town, but it's best to just play it safe.
-a.) This also applies to Gannondorf.

-I will not tell Cowl to "fall back into the nothingness that awaits you and your master". If he replaced his head with a crown floating above a flame, I don't want to know.

-I am not allowed to ask Ivy for the winning lottery number.

-Songs that should not be sung, hummed, whistled, etc. around certain people.
--"Sympathy for the Devil" around any Denarians.
--Ditto for "Highway to Hell", "Hell's Bells", "Hell Ain't A Bad Place To Be" (AC/DC), or "Friend of the Devil".
--"Phantom Lord" is off limits around the Erlking.
--"Of Wolf and Man" and "Werewolves of London" around Billy and the Alphas.
--"Killer Queen" around Mab.
--The Merlin is not allowed to hear "The Trial", or to read the illustrated screenplay of The Wall.
--"Pretty Fly For a White Guy" is a no-no around Thomas
--I will NEVER let Uriel read the lyrics of, or listen to, "Creeping Death".

-I will not attach Bob's skull to a headless skeleton.
-a.)No matter how awesome a Halloween prop it is
-b.)If I do, I will not let him have a black robe and a scythe. EVER.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Lady Knight Ignus on April 09, 2008, 11:15:18 PM

Quote from: Elanel on April 09, 2008, 12:25:40 PM

I am not to call Luccio “Captain Hotstuff” in front of the trainees!

Neither am I allowed to refer to Luccio as "Captain Tightpants" in front of the trainees.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Ms Duck on April 10, 2008, 12:28:31 AM

I will not dose the fruit punch at council meetings with ex lax
1) even if the merlin is full of crap

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: cassandra on April 10, 2008, 12:40:09 AM

Quote from: tabonga on April 09, 2008, 08:59:16 PM

-Now that there is a woman in my life again, I will never ever clean my gun in the living room...
a) unless she is out of town
b) or at least in the other room...

codicil: the same goes for "polishing my staff"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Albino_Raven on April 10, 2008, 12:41:40 AM

Quote from: Elanel on April 09, 2008, 12:25:40 PM

When in Summer’s company, I am not to refer to Titania as “The Great Tit.”

I am not to ask Kincaid if he taught Dick Cheney how to shoot a gun…

I am not to send the Evil Overlord list to the Merlin and say “Some serious shit here, boss… pip-pip, tally-ho”

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Greatest thing ever!!
 
                        Raven  8)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Soulless Mystic5523 on April 10, 2008, 12:52:33 AM

Quote from: Elanel on April 09, 2008, 12:25:40 PM

I am not to send the Evil Overlord list to the Merlin and say “Some serious shit here, boss… pip-pip, tally-ho”

Nor am I to send the Evil Overlord list to Nicodemus, while circling all the things he's done wrong.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on April 10, 2008, 04:50:44 AM

Things not to Sing/Do around Murphy:

Sing "Short People Got No Reason" by Randy Newman
Do Not Order Short Stacks of Pancakes.
Do not Talk about Martin Short's works referring to them with his last name only.
Do not call her Tiny, Shorty, Wee One, Lil One, Small Fry...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Lady Knight Ignus on April 10, 2008, 05:07:37 AM

Quote from: Purpura on April 10, 2008, 04:50:44 AM

Things not to Sing/Do around Murphy:

Sing "Short People Got No Reason" by Randy Newman
Do Not Order Short Stacks of Pancakes.
Do not Talk about Martin Short's works referring to them with his last name only.
Do not call her Tiny, Shorty, Wee One, Lil One, Small Fry...

Furthermore, do not comment upon even one of the numerous similarities between Murphy and elf captain Holly Short (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holly_Short) (of Artemis Fowl fame) in Murphy's presence. 

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Blitz on April 10, 2008, 06:31:27 AM

BEWARE: SmF spoilers in post!

I am not to urge people to use my shower in the hopes someone else will bathe naked in front of me.
a) Because with my luck, 9 times out of 10 it will be a man.  An extremely unattractive man.
b) And when Molly uses my shower, Charity kicks my ass.

When Thomas asks to borrow my alarm clock, I am not to give him Mouse.
a) Even if his apartment security will ask him, "How's the baby doing?"

I will not allow Ivy to pet Mab's fuzzy kitty.
a) It is also probably not a good idea to convince Mister to make friends with said kitty.  The Za-Lord's guard has enough problems protecting the brownies as it is.

I will not publish my own book of faerie tales; kids like the cute version of the Billy Goats Gruff better.
a) Me too.
b) Except when I get doughnuts.

I am no longer permitted to brandish both Fidelacchias and Amoracchias before the Merlin shouting, "Who's the real Merlin now, sucka?!"

It is not okay to make up imaginary friends to replace Lash.
a) My subconscious is scary enough without giving him more people to chat with.

I am not to go around assaulting random janitors demanding they take their possessed copy of "The Two Towers" back.

It is not okay to go around hexing the cell phones of people chatting on them in their cars.
a) With my luck, I will screw up their cars instead of the phones.
b) And Helsinki, while it might sound funny, is not the secret wizard name for Chicago.

I am not to don glasses and paint a scar upon my forehead.
a) Or tell people I had my name legally changed from Potter to Dresden to avoid the paparazzi.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Lady Knight Ignus on April 10, 2008, 07:03:53 AM

I am not allowed to date any redhead named Ginevra.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Fuego! on April 10, 2008, 09:24:20 AM

I will not offer opinion in the Morgan vs. Chuck Norris debate
a) Unless Morgan can hear me, or...
b) I'm asleep

Marcone does not employ anyone by the names of "Guido" or "Vinny", and I should stop calling all of his goons by those names.
a) Ditto for "Thumbs"

Calling Mab a frigid bitch has painful consequences...

I will stop waving my hands over Molly saying "The force is strong with this one..."

"Ja, mein fuhrer" is not a proper response to anything a Senior Council member asks me.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Delarith on April 10, 2008, 09:41:57 AM

This is an Ebenezer one instead of a Harry one but it came to mind.

I will not preface the next Krackatoa by first saying, "Hey y'all!  Watch this!"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Sorryman105 on April 10, 2008, 11:43:30 AM

LMELAO god dammit, I think i spewed coffee all over my clothes lol

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: KalanF on April 10, 2008, 11:59:18 AM

I will no longer take Mouse on walks near Larry Fowler's studio and try to look confused when the fire department shows up interrupting his show.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on April 10, 2008, 12:46:53 PM

I will never again use Mac's brew as a base for potions.  I cant stand him yelling at me.  And by yelling I mean looking at me with slightly narrowed eyes.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Spectacular Sameth on April 10, 2008, 01:48:39 PM

-I will not threaten Mab with getting Aslan to deal with her.
a) No matter how funny I think it is.

-I will not snort at Voldemort's death curse and say "That's not how I'd do it."
a) especially not in a crowded theater.
b) especially not in the presence of anyone from the White Council

-I will not bewitch my 20 sided dice to roll 20s every time.
a) even when I'm in trouble.

-I will not threaten LA with a virus.
a) Nor will I ask for Jack Bauer dead.

-I will not set Bob loose at a seance
a) even if the last people thought he was their Uncle Earl.

-I will no longer refer to the Carpenters as the Weasleys, no matter how many kids they have.

-I do not have the Philosopher's Stone.
a) It wasn't funny the first five times I said it.

-I will not roll my 20 sided dice when I want to do a spell.
a) nor will I refuse to do said spell if I roll a 2.
b) nor will I assume the spell will be super effective if it's a high roll.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: tabonga on April 10, 2008, 02:21:04 PM

- "Shout at the devil" is the only song I am allowed to sing from now on when i encounter Denarians running amok...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Hasufin on April 10, 2008, 02:43:05 PM

(click to show/hide)

I will not sell my copy of The Two Towers as a holy relic.
a) Even though it is...

I will not go to a Best Buy and see how many electronic devices I can hex at once.
a) Okay, never again. No matter how funny.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: irshlas on April 10, 2008, 04:22:20 PM

Quote from: Blitz on April 10, 2008, 06:31:27 AM

BEWARE: SmF spoilers in post!

I am no longer permitted to brandish both Fidelacchias and Amoracchias before the Merlin shouting, "Who's the real Merlin now, sucka?!"

 ;D I just spit my tea all over my computer!!!!  LMAO!!!  :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Spectacular Sameth on April 10, 2008, 04:49:46 PM

-I will not tell the Denarians that the devil made me do it.
a) or to anyone else for that matter.
b) especially not Michael.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Mrs Geek on April 10, 2008, 05:23:31 PM

Quote from: Lady Knight Ignus on April 09, 2008, 11:15:18 PM

Neither am I allowed to refer to Luccio as "Captain Tightpants" in front of the trainees.

All I can think when I see these is of the several scenes in M.A.S.H. where Major Houlihan is refered to as "Hot Lips".

I am under NO circumstances allowed to refer to Luccio or Murphy as "Hot Lips"
a. no matter how hot the lip lock
b. because I like my shins
c. because I'd like the lip locks to continue!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Spectacular Sameth on April 10, 2008, 05:45:44 PM

-I will not insinuate that Murphy is the one who made the law.
a) and I will not blame her when something bad happens. (Because I like my shins.)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: molten_dragon on April 10, 2008, 05:46:15 PM

Making an oversized novelty hand at a Chicago Bulls game is not an appropriate use for Soulfire.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: DwellerOnTheThreshold on April 10, 2008, 06:08:54 PM

While I recognize the danger in speaking the names of beings of power I will stop referring to Mab as 'Scary Fairy'
 -Likewise I will stop referring to my godmother Lea as 'Harry's Fairy' and Titania as the 'Berry Fairy'.

I will not under any circumstance while in the presence of Michael refer to the Holy Trinity as 'the Dad, the Lad, and the Spook'.

I will not read through any book written by Tolkien looking for ideas for new spells.
 -Nor will I use Rowling.
 -Prachett is right out.

Having already ruled out 'bite me' and 'fuck me' as inappropriate comebacks to certain parties I will also be careful about who I say 'eat me' to.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Corvidian on April 10, 2008, 06:40:27 PM

I will not attempt a "Warp Spasm" in the presence of the Erlking.

I will not attempt to build a motorcycle, with wheels of flame, again.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on April 10, 2008, 08:42:55 PM

Harry says this to my husband's uncle:
I promise never ever to unhinge Sue again

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: scurv on April 10, 2008, 09:31:38 PM

-I will not refer to Mouse as Lassie
a)or Billy for that matter
-I will not take Toot to baby GAP
-I will not recreate Godzilla movies using Little Chicago

(click to show/hide)

-When asked about Luccio, I will not say she blinded me with magic

-I will not ask the Gatekeeper if The Time Warp breaks the laws of magic
-I will stop using a Scottish accent when opening portals
a)nor shall I mention cake
-I will not use magic to change the names of places. Like changing Wrigley Field to Wiggly Field or the Sears Tower to the Roebuck Tower

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Spectacular Sameth on April 10, 2008, 09:42:36 PM

-I did not attend Hogwarts, nor should I continue to claim I did.
a) And I should quit telling Molly that she missed the boat on it.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Corvidian on April 10, 2008, 11:22:36 PM

I will never utter "Cower now brief mortals...", while attempting a vocal impersonation of Christopher Lee, wearing a long black cloak, and carrying a scythe, at Mac's.
a) Even if it was on Halloween.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on April 10, 2008, 11:24:54 PM

I will never recreate Pirate movies, or Jaws at the Shedd Aquarium.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Vigor on April 11, 2008, 12:19:29 AM

Quote from: cassandra on April 09, 2008, 04:55:37 AM

- I am not allowed to call the Merlin "Professor Dumbledore"

I certainly hope not.  If Harry did, I'm certain it would cause me to do a spit-take with whatever I was drinking, and ruin my book.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Soulless Mystic5523 on April 11, 2008, 12:22:11 AM

Quote from: Vigor on April 11, 2008, 12:19:29 AM

I certainly hope not.  If Harry did, I'm certain it would cause me to do a spit-take with whatever I was drinking, and ruin my book.

You are obviously an amateur at reading The Dresden Files. Us pro's learned a long time ago to avoid food and liquids while reading just to prevent that from happening.  ;D  ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: blackwolf on April 11, 2008, 01:41:14 AM

(click to show/hide)

I will Never again sing "who's that knocking at my door, Lord its the Devil Should I let him In." when Nic is Knocking at Michael's door.

While practicing staff with Murph I will never say "Get Shorty" as I am going in for an attack.
a) Hurts my head too much
b) Hospital's are Expensive

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: blackwolf on April 11, 2008, 01:51:05 AM

I will never tell Mab to 'Be Cool'

I will not refer to Marva as Queen of the Damned

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: scurv on April 11, 2008, 03:02:19 AM

-I will try to stop hexing the Cubs

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Spectacular Sameth on April 11, 2008, 04:50:22 AM

-I will not ask what happened to Morgan's blackness.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Phane on April 11, 2008, 03:06:48 PM

1. I will no longer underestimate Nursery Rhymes or Fairy Tales.
A. Subsequently, I will chop down any beanstalk I find that's taller than me.

2. When I seek a peaceful audience with the Summer Court, I will never be without a dozen of Chicago's finest... doughnuts.
A. With the meeting taking place at Uno's, to make sure all junk food is represented.

2.5. And I will hold off on my issues with the fae's ability to devour such delights with reckless abandon.
A. Despite that they've never had to spend a minute on a treadmill... ever.
B. Jenny Craig must be a fae from the Winter Court.

3. I will no longer hang out with Sanya.
A. I'm not trying to collect them all, folks.
B. For his safety, he should really avoid me all together until I can at least dump Excalibur on some poor deluded fool, with a king some where in his bloodline, and head over heels in love.
a. Hey, Thomas.

4. I will no longer read the other books from Tolkien.
A. Uriel might get a bit chatty.
B. And Peter Jackson is a sadist.

5. I will no longer order any pizza for the Little Folk with anchovies on it.
A. Apparently, I discovered the other bane to all faerie folk.
B. The whole label-change-bit on my potion ingredients wasn't very nice.
C. The catnip spread throughout Little Chicago was just mean.
D. As was the new stain that I'm betting will never come out, even if the place burned down.
a. Don't look at me like that.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Corvidian on April 11, 2008, 04:41:56 PM

I will get the words "Born to Rune" removed from the back of by duster.
a)So what if it pisses off the Merlin.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Lady Knight Ignus on April 11, 2008, 07:52:33 PM

Quote from: Phane on April 11, 2008, 03:06:48 PM

3. I will no longer hang out with Sanya.
A. I'm not trying to collect them all, folks.
B. For his safety, he should really avoid me all together until I can at least dump Excalibur on some poor deluded fool, with a king some where in his bloodline, and head over heels in love.
a. Hey, Thomas.

*ROFL* :D

C. In the interest of keeping myself from having a hat trick of swords, I will no longer wonder if Sanya knows about Michael's kevlar-reinforced armor or not.  I will ask Sanya myself.  Over the phone.  Then, I shall suggest that he consult Charity regarding what her asking price for Sanya-sized kevlarized armor is these days.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on April 11, 2008, 09:21:59 PM

Quote from: Lady Knight Ignus on April 11, 2008, 07:52:33 PM

*ROFL* :D

C. In the interest of keeping myself from having a hat trick of swords, I will no longer wonder if Sanya knows about Michael's kevlar-reinforced armor or not.  I will ask Sanya myself.  Over the phone.  Then, I shall suggest that he consult Charity regarding what her asking price for Sanya-sized kevlarized armor is these days.

Not to derail the light mood, but

(click to show/hide)

that didn't work out so well with Michael, since it kept the bullet in and ricochet it back into him a few times.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: sayyadina on April 11, 2008, 11:36:42 PM

Next time I see Mavra, I will not walk with my legs stiff and arms out in front of me. "BRAAAAAIIINNSS!!"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on April 12, 2008, 12:58:15 AM

Quote from: sayyadina on April 11, 2008, 11:36:42 PM

Next time I see Mavra, I will not walk with my legs stiff and arms out in front of me. "BRAAAAAIIINNSS!!"

- I will quit having Butters try to send Cowl bootlegs of the "Thriller" video.

- I will not keep trying to convince the DMV that the Blue Beetle needs a handicapped tag for ITSELF because of permanent damage from fungus demons.

- I will stop attempting to teach Mister to spray Thomas' Hummer.

- This is definitely the last year I send the Nickelheads Christmas cards that say "PWNED!" out loud when opened.

- I will no longer pretend "Vaarsuvius" is Latin for "Harry Dresden" at Council shindigs.

- I will stop telling the female Alphas that Mouse is hot for them.

- You'd think I would've learned my lesson by now about pointing my blasting rod at Marcone and saying, "Say hallo to my li'l fren'!"

- Catnip is NOT a fun diversion while trying to speak to Mab through Puss-in-Boots.

- Trying to make my sword-cane look like a lightsaber is just asking for trouble.

- I promise to stop showing around the voodoo doll of Merlin that's kissing its own ass.
   a. And the one of Morgan with a giant stick up his.
   b. And the one of Luccio with the...

- Playing dolls with Ivy is just wrong. Especially for the people she made them to resemble.

- Explaining my rune-covered duster followed by saying, "You oughta see the matching codpiece," will never get me anywhere.
   a. Except deeper into the rumors about Thomas and me.
   b. And except on Fire Island.
       1. On second thought, it won't even work there.

- Telling Molly her next homework is to learn how to turn her clothes invisible will get me killed so hard, I'll never have been born.

- Hexing traffic lights never works out right. Never.

- Though it break my heart, telling Murphy that my source of information is WZRD Radio is now a no-go.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Murphy's Stunt Double on April 12, 2008, 02:21:44 AM

- Though it break my heart, telling Murphy that my source of information is WZRD Radio is now a no-go.


If Jim doesn't swipe that one and actually use it, he's missing out! That's freaking hilarious!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Spectacular Sameth on April 12, 2008, 05:28:08 AM

-I will stop telling Yakov Smirnoff jokes around Sanya
-(During Death Masks): I will stop saying "Ohhhh...me so sowwy" around Shiro.
-I will not rent out Bob's skull when he's out.
-I am NOT Rincewind and I DO know more than one spell.
-I can't actually see the color Octarine and should quit saying things like "could you hand me that octarine cup," etc.
-My job is not appropriate dinner conversation with anyone not involved in it.
-I should stop telling people my life goal is to find out what gender  The Great A'Tuin is.
-Tavi and I are not drinking buddies.
a) And I do not possess a fury.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on April 12, 2008, 04:09:46 PM

Under no circumstances am I allowed to threaten Mouse with Neutering.  Lets just say he doesn't think its funny.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: netwyrm on April 12, 2008, 06:46:16 PM

I will not offer to buy Murphy a dwarven waraxe
a)even if it's the right size

I will not refer to Lash as "number 6"
a)or Caprica 6

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: firesaynt on April 12, 2008, 07:56:19 PM

Quote from: netwyrm on April 12, 2008, 06:46:16 PM

I will not offer to buy Murphy a dwarven waraxe
a)even if it's the right size

I will not refer to Lash as "number 6"
a)or Caprica 6

I will not refer to any Denarian shadows as "Harveys".......lol :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Wolf formerly known as Shadow on April 12, 2008, 08:30:05 PM

- I will not hang out with Michael just to get better parking spaces
- I will not go to Church just to see Lash cry
- I will not plant fungus demons in Murphy's bosses' cars
  A) Or Butters' Boss's Car
  B) Or Morgan's
  C) Or the Merlin's
  D) the list goes on
    a) am I sure I'm not allowed?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on April 12, 2008, 09:25:23 PM

Quote

Under no circumstances am I allowed to threaten Mouse with Neutering.  Lets just say he doesn't think its funny.

Plus, he'd return the favor.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on April 13, 2008, 01:42:58 AM

Quote from: netwyrm on April 12, 2008, 06:46:16 PM

I will not offer to buy Murphy a dwarven waraxe
a)even if it's the right size

I will not refer to Lash as "number 6"
a)or Caprica 6

LOL!

I will not go around telling people I am Gaius Baltar for Halloween, either

I will not compare Murphy to Doc, Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Bashful and Dopey. 
I will not insult Butters' love for the Polka, or put down Weird Al Yankovic.
I will not confuse Titania with Tito Puente.
I will not say I will put a joke "Oberon" Titania either.

I will not confuse Marva Maid Milk, with Mavra either.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: hassman on April 13, 2008, 02:37:22 AM

I will not try to hook Thomas up with Mavra to see if I can breed the new Gray vampires.

Life is too short to make puns about Murphy's height
   a.  heck, did it again.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Miharu on April 13, 2008, 03:16:22 AM

Quote from: hassman on April 13, 2008, 02:37:22 AM

I will not try to hook Thomas up with Mavra to see if I can breed the new Gray vampires.

Correct me if I am wrong but wouldn't that be Pink Vampires, not Grey?

 :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: MonaLS on April 13, 2008, 03:18:38 AM

Quote from: Miharu on April 13, 2008, 03:16:22 AM

Correct me if I am wrong but wouldn't that be Pink Vampires, not Grey?

 :D

As long as they aren't lavender.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Helen™ on April 13, 2008, 03:19:28 AM

I want a lavendar vampire. 

Pretty.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Murphy's Stunt Double on April 13, 2008, 03:21:30 AM

Heh
Sorryman wants a vampire named Lavender.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on April 13, 2008, 03:36:18 AM

Miharu -- Mavra is Black Court.  White + Black = Grey. :D

Though the Thomas/Susan ship is referred to as "Pink Court" by my friends. :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Wolf formerly known as Shadow on April 13, 2008, 03:44:58 AM

- I am no longer allowed to set Thomas up on blind dates
  a) and if I do I can't schedule them at gay bars.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: FarHorizon on April 13, 2008, 04:20:30 AM

- Due to impending litigation, I am no longer allowed to make any claims of being "magically delicious"
- I have also been informed that Fidelacchius is not a toy, I am not of the Clan MacLeod, and that my Scottish accent is atrocious.
- I have been asked to stop telling newbie Wardens that most warlocks "just need a hug"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Mrs Geek on April 13, 2008, 04:22:03 AM

Quote from: FarHorizon on April 13, 2008, 04:20:30 AM

- I have also been informed that Fidelacchius is not a toy, I am not of the Clan MacLeod, and that my Scottish accent is atrocious.

Oh the Highlander!  Wow, haven't thought about that in ages.  Thanks  :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Wolf formerly known as Shadow on April 13, 2008, 04:24:46 AM

Only the strongest can survive! In the end there can be only one!

- I am no longer allowed to make pop culture references that are too out of date for Molly to understand.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Sorryman105 on April 13, 2008, 04:25:21 AM

Quote from: Murphy's Stunt Double on April 13, 2008, 03:21:30 AM

Heh
Sorryman wants a vampire named Lavender.

No i do not, I want one named (insert suitable romance goth name). I'll think of one later.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Murphy's Stunt Double on April 13, 2008, 04:28:20 AM

ok, keep me posted. Christmas is coming you know...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: GnosisRoads on April 13, 2008, 06:42:24 AM

-I will not ask Muprhy to go to Six Flags Great America with me as she is too short to go on the fun rides.

-I will not point at the Elder Gruff's crotch and say,"' isn't it so small and cute."

-I will not play "Hide the Staff" with Molly again.

-I will not refer to Thomas as my "boy-toy" ever again.
a) Even if it outs Thomas as a straight guy.
b) Unless Thomas puts out.(slash fan fic, ewwww)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on April 13, 2008, 11:23:56 AM

Quote from: Priscellie on April 13, 2008, 03:36:18 AM

Though the Thomas/Susan ship is referred to as "Pink Court" by my friends. :D

*cringes as big-eyed kittens and puppies spontaneously combust at that blatant 'shipping*

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Miharu on April 13, 2008, 06:44:33 PM

Quote from: Priscellie on April 13, 2008, 03:36:18 AM

Miharu -- Mavra is Black Court.  White + Black = Grey. :D

Though the Thomas/Susan ship is referred to as "Pink Court" by my friends. :D

Ooops. Forgot. Thought Mavra was red.

Oh... need to keep this thread on track. Uh lets see.....

Upon learning that Santa is a fairy, I will be careful of making negative references to the Easter Bunny, the Great Pumpkin, or Elvis. You just never know.  ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on April 14, 2008, 05:21:49 PM

Hey, I never thought about it, But I guess Santa is Winter, isn't he?  I want to meet thins Dresdenverse Santa!   8)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: rtag on April 14, 2008, 05:23:33 PM

Quote from: Quantus347 on April 14, 2008, 05:21:49 PM

Hey, I never thought about it, But I guess Santa is Winter, isn't he?  I want to meet thins Dresdenverse Santa!   8)

I'd think he'd be a bit less cuddly than our image of Santa... I wouldn't want to meet him.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Mrs Geek on April 14, 2008, 05:51:53 PM

more akin to the Futurama Santa maybe...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on April 14, 2008, 05:54:15 PM

STAY ON TOPIC, GUYS!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on April 14, 2008, 06:12:18 PM

Just because one girl thanked me once after doesn't mean Im allowed to just go magically tying up women to have my way with them.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on April 14, 2008, 06:20:01 PM

Quote from: Priscellie on April 14, 2008, 05:54:15 PM

STAY ON TOPIC, GUYS!

... says the 'shipper. *ducks*

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: AgtEeyore on April 14, 2008, 07:25:43 PM

It is an abuse of my power to use Little Chicago to make it rain Guiness on St Patricks Day.
-or any other day

I won't take the newbie Wardens at Training Camp on any more Snipe Hunts.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Kuroko on April 14, 2008, 07:26:20 PM

Quote from: Miharu on April 09, 2008, 07:20:13 AM

I will not ever make comments about Tinkerbell, you never know, size is often disceptive. Yoda for instance.

a) Murphy also.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Soulless Mystic5523 on April 14, 2008, 08:48:47 PM

Quote from: AgtEeyore on April 14, 2008, 07:25:43 PM

I won't take the newbie Wardens at Training Camp on any more Snipe Hunts.

-Nor will I send them to the Merlin asking for a left-handed smoke shifter.
--Even if he doesn't know what they are either.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: panic686 on April 15, 2008, 12:11:46 AM

(click to show/hide)

I will not refer to my soulfire constructs by any of the variation's of the Bigsby's spell names

Nor will I allow my opponents  a saving throw to deflect this spell's effects.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: scurv on April 15, 2008, 12:38:15 AM

(click to show/hide)

I will not ask if Toot is on Fae Growth Hormone, steroids, or any other Fae enhancement drugs.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Soulless Mystic5523 on April 15, 2008, 12:40:19 AM

Quote from: scurv on April 15, 2008, 12:38:15 AM

(click to show/hide)

I will not ask if Toot is on Fae Growth Hormone, steroids, or any other Fae enhancement drugs.

--

(click to show/hide)

Nor will I offer him any if he says 'No."

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on April 15, 2008, 02:48:58 AM

I will not ask the Merlin if he is planning to come out of the closet now that Dumbledore has.
   Or Morgan.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: AgtEeyore on April 15, 2008, 02:58:37 AM

Quote from: nanuq on April 15, 2008, 02:48:58 AM

I will not ask the Merlin if he is planning to come out of the closet now that Dumbledore has.
   Or Morgan.

Ha!  Nice!

-because this might elicit a reply of "You first, 'Ah-ree'."
   - or a butt-kicking.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Mrs Geek on April 15, 2008, 03:02:48 AM

I will not refer to the Merlin as "Lord Voldemort"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Wolf formerly known as Shadow on April 15, 2008, 03:03:55 AM

- Likewise Cowl

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tech L. Me on April 15, 2008, 03:15:06 AM

I shall not ask anybody if they have seen my staff
    a) Or my blasting rod
    b) Especially when wearing shorts under my closed duster

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: scurv on April 15, 2008, 03:23:55 AM

-I will not chew bubble gum during council meetings, unless I have enough for everyone
a)I will not chew bubble gum during council meetings, even if I have enough for everyone
b)I will not stuck said bubble gum on the Merlin's robe

-I will not ask Ebenezer for kilt advice
a)or advice on how to hurl a log

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tech L. Me on April 15, 2008, 03:40:31 AM

Not allowed to play “Pulp Fiction” with a suction-cup dart pistol and any member of the White Council.
   a) Or a squirt gun
   b) Or a nerf gun
   c) Any weapon, toy or otherwise.

Not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophesy” to the end of answers I give to a question another warden asks me.

Not allowed to add pictures of wardens I don’t like to War Criminal posters.
    a) Or of Merlin

Not allowed to train Mouse to “Sic Morgan!”
    a) Or Merlin
    b) Or anybody who disagrees with me
    c) Except blampires, rampires or wampires
    d) Make that anybody who tries to kill me.

Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my “Samson like powers”.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Wolfeyes on April 15, 2008, 03:53:31 AM

Quote from: The Mrs Geek on April 15, 2008, 03:02:48 AM

I will not refer to the Merlin as "Lord Voldemort"

a) Or Prime Minister Fudge.

-I am not allowed to say "opps" while working potentially explosive magic just to be funny.
-Not allowed to offer the magic stone dogs outside the council room a milk bone.
a) Definitely not allowed to teach them to "leave their mark" on Morgan.
b) Or anyone else I hate.
c) Even if it's Merlin.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Wolf formerly known as Shadow on April 15, 2008, 04:00:23 AM

Mouse can though

- I'm not allowed to try and set Mouse up with one of the Alphas
 A) Likewise Tera

- I am not allowed to suggest that the Council start sending warlocks to Azgaban as punishment

- I am not allowed to take "Injun Joe" Listens-to-Wind to a wild west show

- Or Ebenezer to a Scottish Games

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Spectacular Sameth on April 15, 2008, 04:51:40 AM

-I will not tell a newbie that a potion requires "elbow grease."
a) Or "headlight fluid."

-I will stop telling Molly that "boil, boil, toil and trouble" is required for every potion making.
a) Or any for that matter.

-Promises of more visits to Mister is not a proper way to get the Archive's attention.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Mrs Geek on April 15, 2008, 04:55:00 AM

I will stop trying to bribe the Archive
-she knows I am and it doesn't work

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Spectacular Sameth on April 15, 2008, 06:13:57 AM

-Just because I can, doesn't mean I SHOULD.
-If it makes me giggle for over a minute, it'll probably get me beheaded.
-The council telling me I can't do something is NOT a dare.
-A mu mu is not a proper substitute for a wizard robe.
-My staff does not make a "WHOOSH"ing noise when I move it.
-Chia Pet seeds will not grow on Bob's skull.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: drache on April 15, 2008, 08:34:05 AM

-I will not make reference the Sith or the Jedi or pop culture in generla when talking to the Council
a) even if it's really funny
b) i will also not imply that they 'get with it' when i envietably make a reference and they don't get it

-I will not attempt to prove to Mouse that Mister is all hiss and no bite
a at least not without protection
b on second thought there isn't enough protection for that

(click to show/hide)

-asking Mab how her pussy cat is doing is just a bad idea

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Levi on April 15, 2008, 06:07:37 PM

"A Penny for your thoughts" is not a clever solution for getting rid of the Fallen coins.
- Especially to Michael's family.

(click to show/hide)

Or my head wouldn't have been detached from my body

.


"The Blue Beetle is in for repairs" is not a good excuse for reanimating Sue.
- And not when going to council meetings. There is limited parking space.
- Plus Sue likes to eat the guard dogs.


I will not try to set up Murphy with Toot Toot.
-

(click to show/hide)

Even though they are almost of the same height

.


I will not say "Say Hello to my little friend" while introducing Murphy.
- Even though it is true.
- Even though she has the same nature as that of a gun.


I will not make Bob watch "Bob the Builder" series so as to make him work more.
He refuses to help. I had to spend an entire week at Victoria's Secret to convince him to change his mind.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on April 15, 2008, 06:18:48 PM

Quote from: Levi on April 15, 2008, 06:07:37 PM

*SNIPPED*
I will not try to set up Murphy with Toot Toot.
-

(click to show/hide)

Even though they are almost of the same height

.


I will not say "Say Hello to my little friend" while introducing Murphy.
- Even though it is true.
- Even though she has the same nature as that of a gun.

Heheheh Those are funny!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Phane on April 15, 2008, 06:57:24 PM

1. I will no longer let Thomas take Bob to work with him.
A. Apparently, there's no heckling in a hair salon, no matter how encouraging it was meant to be.
B. And I thought Thomas was the sexual predator.

2. I will never, EVER ask Ivy if she has change for a dollar.
A. And no giving her milk money for quite some time.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Levi on April 15, 2008, 07:00:49 PM

Quote from: Phane on April 15, 2008, 06:57:24 PM

2. I will never, EVER ask Ivy if she has change for a dollar.

Continuing with my earlier post.

I will not give the Fallen coins as change either.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Elanel on April 15, 2008, 07:38:53 PM

I will not break into "Me & My Shadow" when meeting Nicodemus

I will not charge into battle screaming "LEEERRRROOOYYY JENKINS!"

I will not snicker every time I ask Molly to polish my blasting rod

I will not rename Michael's sword 'Glamdring'

I will not let Bob make the Archive copy down every romance novel ever written

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: tabonga on April 15, 2008, 07:41:24 PM

Regardless of how cool it sounds, and how badly i want to, I will no longer force the fairies to follow me around town singing my own personal theme song everywhere I go...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Wolf formerly known as Shadow on April 15, 2008, 07:42:40 PM

Quote from: Elanel on April 15, 2008, 07:38:53 PM

I will not snicker every time I ask Molly to polish my blasting rod

a) nor will I allow Bob to watch

- I will not let let Mister/Bob have his way with the female members of the Za Lord's Guard.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on April 15, 2008, 09:28:02 PM

I will not order Pizza, and have the faeries pick it up at Lara's house.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: drache on April 15, 2008, 09:45:04 PM

(click to show/hide)

I will not annony Mac by insistently asking for the name of that beer he gave me and Murph
a I will not annony Mac in general

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on April 15, 2008, 09:52:07 PM

(click to show/hide)

I will not write notes to Ivy, explaining about things she'd not understand, or have Harry Carpenter write to her too.

Thanks for adding that Priscellie. Sorry I forgot to put it in the spoiler bar.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: vague111 on April 15, 2008, 09:58:12 PM

Quote from: Purpura on April 15, 2008, 09:52:07 PM

(click to show/hide)

I will not write notes to Ivy, explaining about things she'd not understand, or have Harry Carpenter write to her too.

Oh God.......I think I know how the next archive will come about........

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on April 15, 2008, 09:58:44 PM

I will not engage in firefights that destroy public buildings without getting a permit from City Hall first

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Mrs Geek on April 15, 2008, 10:01:39 PM

Quote from: vague111 on April 15, 2008, 09:58:12 PM

Oh God.......I think I know how the next archive will come about........

oh just wrong!

I will not put an add in the paper advertising Mouse as a pony for birthday parties.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: bleet08 on April 15, 2008, 10:26:35 PM

I will not call Ebenezer uncle Jed anymore.

I will not shoot Mister with the paint ball gun filled with holy water. 

I will stop having the apprentice use the disillusionment charm on the pizza guys pizza when it is time to pay.

however, playing kickball with a ghouls head, is still not out of the question.   ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Noey on April 16, 2008, 01:38:35 PM

1. I will stop greeting Ms. Demeter as Carmela.
  a. Likewise, I will stop referring to Gard and Hendricks as Meadow and AJ.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Spectacular Sameth on April 16, 2008, 04:49:56 PM

-Mac should not get a partner named Cheese.
a) and he probably WILL kill me the next time I say that.

-"FRAG OUT!" is not a proper thing to shout when throwing a grenade at the Red Court. (My friend was joking that he was going to shout that when throwing grenades. He went into basic training not too long ago.)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: scurv on April 16, 2008, 09:06:00 PM

It's a dinosaur special

I will not tell Sue that she doesn't handle as well as a Velociraptor
a) or a Utahraptor
b) or a Gigantoraptor

I do not require Sue to see Dr. McNinja

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Wolf formerly known as Shadow on April 16, 2008, 09:14:35 PM

I will not try to hook Sue up with Mouse in an attempt to create a true "West Highlands Dogasaurus"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Homer on April 16, 2008, 09:30:22 PM

Quote from: Elanel on April 15, 2008, 07:38:53 PM

I will not let Bob make the Archive copy down every romance novel ever written

or recite them out loud.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Wolf formerly known as Shadow on April 16, 2008, 09:36:09 PM

(im pretty sure that would be illegal)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Levi on April 16, 2008, 10:46:48 PM

I will not steal Morgan's Order of the Silver Oak Leaf to get another doughnut with white frostings and sprinkles.
- Or any other thing for that matter.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: JRBobC on April 17, 2008, 02:19:44 AM

The next time Morgan is unconscious I will not tattoo the words "I am a dick" onto his forehead.
a) Though I might consider doing it across his neck.  The hair would hide it *shifty look*, until I use wind magic on him from behind.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on April 17, 2008, 06:30:01 AM

I will not have Pizza delivered to Michael's for the faerie cleaning squad... I might for Charity, Michael and the kids though

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: dumblegirl on April 17, 2008, 07:12:14 AM

whhoooo hooo hahahahahah!  Been laughin for twenty minutes reading this and I must say...you guys are FUNNY!!  I especially like the Harry Potter ones!  Thank you!!!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: dumblegirl on April 17, 2008, 07:21:48 AM

I must not shout "Expecto patronum" whenever I see Cowl
-that little silver bunny just doesn't scare him

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on April 17, 2008, 11:50:24 AM

Hey, bunnies can be mean.  Check out "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" sometime.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Noey on April 17, 2008, 11:52:19 AM

I will stop asking Nicodemus if the devil really did go down to Georgia.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on April 17, 2008, 01:10:55 PM

I can never again try to Challenge Nic to a Guitar Duel at the Crossroads.
-Even if its sanctioned under the Accords.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: drache on April 17, 2008, 03:25:05 PM

I will not hum 'Red Right Hand' everytime I see Nicodemus

I will not imply that the reason Crowl completely covers himself is he's too ugly to be seen
a or state it
b at least I won't again

I will not call Maeve a crazy bloodthirsty bitch to her face, it's not an insult.....it's a turn on

I will not begin my next conversation with Nicodemus with 'Hey Nic how's the family?"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Noey on April 17, 2008, 03:32:32 PM

I will not buy Cowl a pink Hello Kitty sun parasol like the monster in the box has in the Order Of The Stick comic.
- Nor will I get him a matching cardboard box.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on April 17, 2008, 06:44:33 PM

No matter how well I sell the idea to Titania, no amount of clapping will bring Aurora back, and so it will not "get Summer of my freakin' back"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on April 17, 2008, 07:06:45 PM

Quote from: Noey on April 17, 2008, 03:32:32 PM

I will not buy Cowl a pink Hello Kitty sun parasol like the monster in the box has in the Order Of The Stick comic.
- Nor will I get him a matching cardboard box.

- Nor will I call myself "Mr. Stiffly" in hopes of getting him to bet on me.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Delarith on April 17, 2008, 08:24:58 PM

I will not ask any woman in my life to rip off her clothes, jump on top of me shimmying saying "Do me baby!" no matter how much I want to.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on April 18, 2008, 12:54:18 PM

Quote from: Delarith on April 17, 2008, 08:24:58 PM

I will not ask any woman in my life to rip off her clothes, jump on top of me shimmying saying "Do me baby!" no matter how much I want to.

-And I will be properly suspicious of any woman who does, rather than thinking of how many years it been sinc-  Stop it Harry!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Half man-half amazing on April 18, 2008, 04:11:34 PM

I will not take Thomas with me when I go see Maeve... Things might get really weird.

Bob and Thomas are not allowed to be in the same room together w/o my knowlege.

Murphy is not small.... she is travel size.(ouch damnit Murph I was kidding)

Will not challenge McCoy or Rwalings to a drinking contest with Mac's ale.
  -or Rameriz
  -or Murphy
     -she gets mean when she is drunk and she is a sore loser

Will not say"ooh baby toy!!" when Murphy bust out her hand cuffs.

Not allowed to go see Lara anymore
  Luccio might not like that
  Lara might try to eat me

Never introduce Lara and Luccio on a personal level
-cat fight might follow
-second though that might not be such a bad idea

Dont leave Murphy alone with Luccio for any length of time
 -They may be shairing storys about me
 -I might miss a cat fight and after wards they both might tag team me.
 -They might just tag team me anyway.

Bob is not allowed to be in my head when Luccio is over
-or anyother time
-and is not allowed to meet luccio at all.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Lady Knight Ignus on April 18, 2008, 06:57:31 PM

In the event that Ivy, Murphy, any Carpenter kid, any other children, or some combination thereof are kidnapped, upon learning the news I am absolutely forbidden from breaking out in a chorus of They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uE-1RPDqJAY).

Especially if Arctis Tor figures into the picture in any way.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on April 18, 2008, 07:06:53 PM

Quote from: Lady Knight Ignus on April 18, 2008, 06:57:31 PM

In the event that Ivy, Murphy, any Carpenter kid, any other children, or some combination thereof are kidnapped, upon learning the news I am absolutely forbidden from breaking out in a chorus of They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uE-1RPDqJAY).

Especially if Arctis Tor figures into the picture in any way.

I think I hurt something laughing at that...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: bleet08 on April 18, 2008, 09:13:43 PM

"I can not use any spells to go around blowing skirts up, regardless of how much the woman looks like Marylin Monroe."

"I need to remember to not sing 'Were off to see the wonderful wizard of Oz' next time I ride with Ebeneezer.  The Merlin hears it."

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: drache on April 18, 2008, 09:41:34 PM

I am forbidden from making Denarian Candy coins and passing them out on Halloween to trick or treaters.

I will not walk around city hall as 'stress relief.....again
a) even though it was funny watching Rudolph and his boss ran around with thier pants on fire due to cell phone explosion

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Cbarrett on April 18, 2008, 11:16:46 PM

When visiting the summer fae, june is NOT busting out all over.
    (Wonders if anyone will get the ref)

Mab is not the official spokeswoman for Dentyne Ice.
      -Nor should I ask her for some refreshing flavor

Just because I painted a phonebooth blue doesn't give me permission to break the law of time.
      -Nor should I enchant my trash can to say "EX-TEEERMIINAAATE!"
             -Giving my elderly neighbors a heart attack isn't terribly nice
      -In a similar vein, Thomas is not to be referred to as Captain Jack

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: rtag on April 19, 2008, 12:18:23 AM

Quote from: Cbarrett on April 18, 2008, 11:16:46 PM

Just because I painted a phonebooth blue doesn't give me permission to break the law of time.
      -Nor should I enchant my trash can to say "EX-TEEERMIINAAATE!"
             -Giving my elderly neighbors a heart attack isn't terribly nice
      -In a similar vein, Thomas is not to be referred to as Captain Jack

I think I'll never be able to think of Captain Jack without thinking of Thomas now. That is so perfect.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on April 19, 2008, 11:46:04 AM

Quote from: rtag on April 19, 2008, 12:18:23 AM

I think I'll never be able to think of Captain Jack without thinking of Thomas now. That is so perfect.

Why is the *um always gone?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: tacomamafia on April 19, 2008, 01:40:19 PM

I will not point at the Gatekeeper and yell, "We've found Osama!" in the middle of council meetings.
a.) Again.
b.) Even though seeing the ultimate smackdown between Uncle Eb and the Gatekeeper was pretty awesome.


I will not allow Toot-Toot and Za Guard to play among Little Chicago.
a.) Not after the "sighting of the 100-foot tooth fairy" attacking Uno's.
b.) And I thought the lawsuit from the producers was bad....

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Noey on April 19, 2008, 04:33:10 PM

I will not stare intently at Little Chicago and yell, 'Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!'
- Nor can Molly float in the air while singing and dancing to Calypso songs.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Spectacular Sameth on April 19, 2008, 08:30:52 PM

-I'm not allowed to refer to Butters are my comic relief.
a) Nor am I Murphy's comic relief.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Cbarrett on April 19, 2008, 11:09:15 PM

Quote from: Shecky on April 19, 2008, 11:46:04 AM

Why is the *um always gone?

Different Captain Jack, but still funny.

OT:

The Chicago Marina is not an appropriate place to re-enact Pirates of the Carribean
              -Or that movie that I accidentally grabbed rated 18+
             

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Levi on April 19, 2008, 11:28:04 PM

I will not suggest to Mab that Vanilla Ice would make a great Winter Knight.
- Nor to make Ice, Ice baby the default theme song for Winter.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: scurv on April 20, 2008, 03:13:21 AM

This might be relevant at a later date, when Harry starts calling the Denarians boss (good ol' Satan/the Wicked One/the Old Serpent/the Prince of the Air/Azazel/the Devil/the Tempter/the Dragon/the Prince of Darkness/Lucifer) Louie
-I won't start singing Louie Louie when around Louie
a)Even it it makes Louie's face turn really red

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: cornyphil on April 20, 2008, 03:22:17 AM

I will no longer threaten people with my Hippogryph.... no matter how much i wish i had one.

I will no longer order Murphy a Kids Meal at Buger King... I still can't feel my toes

I will NEVER attempt to slap Mab's, Titiana's, Lily's or Lara's ass. Or any other female being powerful enough to squash me like a bug... or eat me... and Luccio will kill me
A) That goes double for Luccio... she's had several hundred years to practice her throwing techniques
B) Same for Murphy... i still can't feel my legs

Avada Kendvra is not a killing curse.

Ordering a bunch of Pizza and then sending the Za Guard after City Hall is just wrong... no matter how much they deserve it

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Kali on April 20, 2008, 05:25:06 AM

I will stop referring to Denarius coins as "Armageddon gelt".

For the CoH fans:
Just because I have two swords now does not mean I am "a dual-swords scrapper".

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Spectacular Sameth on April 20, 2008, 08:53:45 AM

I will not perform Necromancy just to reenact the Thriller music video.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Homer on April 25, 2008, 05:48:29 AM

Bob is not a Halloween decoration.
  he's not allowed to randomly yell Boo at Trick or treaters

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Darklost76 on April 25, 2008, 03:57:39 PM

I will not sing Blue Moon around the Alphas.
a) Nor shall I moon them in the process.
b) Even if it really is a blue moon.

I will not offer to give Luccio a sponge bath.
a) Even though I really want to.
b) Especially if she wants me to.
c) Unless she gives me one in return. [[Hey, I'm a man with needs!]]

I will not do any rendition of Papa Don't Preach in the presence of Father Forthill.
a) Or Michael.
b) And definitely not with Charity within listening range.

I will not compliment Charity on her great legs.
a) Nor will I suggest the similarities between her and Molly after said compliment.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Blaze on April 26, 2008, 11:43:59 AM

I am not allowed to sell my autobiography to the Sci-Fi channel
-no matter how much they pay me
-even if I tell them that Murphy is Hispanic

Introducing Cesar Milan to Mouse was just a bad idea
-likewise Billy
 (I should have guessed that they'd gang up on me.)

Singing "Ease on Down" when entering to the presence of the Merlin is inappropriate
-so is calling Morgan "Tin Man"
-even if I wear one glove.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Torvaldr on April 26, 2008, 04:19:26 PM

I will stop sending Murphy copies of the pictures of her under cover at the Playboy Mansion, and burn the negatives.
     a. Someday

I will never use the phrase, "I've got a bad feeling about this." I am too tall to do a convincing Harrison Ford.

I will stop telling people, "I learned it from Mr. Wizard."
   a. No one who can watch TV is old enough to get the joke.
   b. Besides, it's true. Sort of.

I will never use the phrase, "Excuse me while I whip this out." when pulling my blasting rod from my duster.

I will not sing Winter Wonderland while traveling in the Nevernever.
   a. Or Frosty the Snowman (Who knows what might show up?)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: molten_dragon on April 26, 2008, 08:41:12 PM

I will not use the Swords of the Cross as portable light sources if the candles in my apartment burn out.

I will not offer Fidelacchius to the chef at the japanese steakhouse.  Just because he can do tricks with a ginsu knife and is asian does not make him a suitable candidate.

The fact that I am carrying Amoracchius does not permit me to make jokes about my "love sword"

I will not repeatedly inquire about Sanya's health every time I see him just to freak him out
 -- If I do so, I will not use the explanation that I'm trying to complete my hat trick

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Corvidian on April 28, 2008, 03:54:18 AM

The next time Murphy, Thomas, and I are working together, I will not mention that all we need is a Cowardly Lion to make the set complete.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Murphy's Stunt Double on April 28, 2008, 03:22:15 PM

* and I will not invite Butters along at that point as an afterthought.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Thrasher on April 28, 2008, 03:59:49 PM

I will not ask Dominoes if they deliver to the Nevernever
- Papa John's maybe

I will not loan Mouse to Michael VIck
-no matter how much money I'd make
-Billy either

I will not take Ramirez to Executive Priority Health with me next time I go.
-... without charging him a nominal fee.

I will not use Fuego to go fishing in Lake Michigan since they outlawed dynamite.

I will not rename the Blue Beetle to Herbie
- or Mach 5
- or Kit ... even if Bob provides the voice

I will stop insisting that D&D classes exist in the real world.
- and stop calling Michael a paladin
- ... and murphy a halfling
- and Robert Plant wasn't a Bard, so I'm not justified singing Led Zeppelin songs in battle to strengthen my party members

I will stop referring to Ramirez as Inigo Montoya.
- And Hendricks as Fezik
- And Muprhy smacked me when I last called her Buttercup.

No matter how I start dressing, I'm not Batman and Thomas is not my boy wonder.

I will not buy Billy a chew toy for his birthday.
-It was bad enough as a wedding present

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Noey on April 28, 2008, 04:09:31 PM

I will no longer use Bob as an incense burner.
- Even if it does keep him quiet and the basement smelling better.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Thrasher on April 28, 2008, 05:52:56 PM

I will not preface sex by saying "I put on my robe and wizard hat".

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on April 28, 2008, 07:15:05 PM

Quote from: Thrasher on April 28, 2008, 05:52:56 PM

I will not preface sex by saying "I put on my robe and wizard hat".

LOL!  ;D now there's a classic reference

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on April 28, 2008, 07:58:54 PM

Quote from: Thrasher on April 28, 2008, 05:52:56 PM

I will not preface sex by saying "I put on my robe and wizard hat".

Nor will I counsel Billy to "put a hat on that wizard" if he and Georgia decide to wait to have puppies.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on April 28, 2008, 08:07:42 PM

I will not use little chicago to get life like court side seats to anything expensive.
A) This counts doubly on dates the girls will think I am just cheap.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Soulless Mystic5523 on April 28, 2008, 08:29:44 PM

Quote from: Noey on April 28, 2008, 04:09:31 PM

I will no longer use Bob as an incense burner.
- Even if it does keep him quiet and the basement smelling better.

--Nor use him as a candle holder. Its very hard to get wax out of some of those little cracks.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Thrasher on April 28, 2008, 08:49:56 PM

Quote from: Quantus347 on April 28, 2008, 07:15:05 PM

LOL!  ;D now there's a classic reference

I'm glad at least one person got it, I was afraid no one would and it would be WAY less funny.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on April 28, 2008, 10:00:27 PM

I shall never combine the three no matter how much power is in the three.
(The three being Magic the Gathering, D&D, and little Chicago)
No matter how much safer it is to fight my battles with dice and little figures, its just creepy controlling a whole city from my basement.

I shall never use little chicago to see if my current GF is cheating on me.
That constitutes magical stalking, and I think the karma there involves bad juju.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: cornyphil on April 29, 2008, 01:27:03 AM

I must never ever shoot a fireball at someone and then roll a d20 for the results... Demons don't use 3.5 and tend to cheat... alot.

I will not at any time advocate forming a fellowship (with Murphy as the bearer) to throw the Denarians into a Volcano, no matter how much fun it would be.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on April 29, 2008, 01:56:23 AM

Quote from: S.A.M. Hitch on April 28, 2008, 10:00:27 PM

I shall never combine the three no matter how much power is in the three.
(The three being Magic the Gathering, D&D, and little Chicago)
No matter how much safer it is to fight my battles with dice and little figures, its just creepy controlling a whole city from my basement.

I shall never use little chicago to see if my current GF is cheating on me.
That constitutes magical stalking, and I think the karma there involves bad juju.

Which reminds me...

Using Little Chicago as a dungeon map in D&D is not to happen again. Ever. The sight of a ghostly 60-foot-tall charging slavering dwarf barbarian caused heart attacks all down the Midway.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Wolfeyes on April 29, 2008, 03:37:39 AM

Quote from: cornyphil on April 29, 2008, 01:27:03 AM

I will not at any time advocate forming a fellowship (with Murphy as the bearer) to throw the Denarians into a Volcano, no matter how much fun it would be.

Likewise, I will not warn Ebendolf to beware of Merluman.

After that, I will definitely not be liken Morgan to Wormtongue, Injun Joe to Legolas, or Michael to Aragorn (even though it's close).

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Noey on April 29, 2008, 12:03:26 PM

If anyone asks me if I'm hungry, I will not intone, 'The red wizard needs food badly.'

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Blaze on April 29, 2008, 01:54:00 PM

*Nor will I drop a large pile of keys if I am not fed.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on April 29, 2008, 02:56:11 PM

Quote from: Noey on April 29, 2008, 12:03:26 PM

If anyone asks me if I'm hungry, I will not intone, 'The red wizard needs food badly.'

Off topic but awesome song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Rp9XvD5kXg

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Phane on April 29, 2008, 04:27:34 PM

Despite my tendency for fire magic, I will not call myself Fire Lord Ozai.
A. I like Iroh better anyway.
B. Also, calling myself "Dragon of the Midwest" is out.
a. The dragons I know would Firebend my butt to a crisp.

I will stop hexing the SciFi network for canceling the Dresden Files.
A. You all wondered how a wrestling show ended up on a network dedicated to Science Fiction programming.
B. Plus, Murphy and Molly keep accusing me of fraking up BSG.
C. And Blackthrone has suffered enough with Big Shots.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Murphy's Stunt Double on April 29, 2008, 07:09:13 PM

Quote from: Phane on April 29, 2008, 04:27:34 PM

I will stop hexing the SciFi network for canceling the Dresden Files.
A. You all wondered how a wrestling show ended up on a network dedicated to Science Fiction programming.

Yes, I did. Now please stop it!  :)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: drache on April 29, 2008, 07:29:13 PM

I will stop handing Molly Magic the Gather cards and telling her they are 'spell recipes'
-i will especially stop telling her she 'needs more mana'

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: irshlas on April 29, 2008, 09:43:20 PM

I will not greet Nic with "How's it hanging?"

I will not ask Eb if it's true what they say about BLACKstaffs?

The following songs are not to be sung in Mab's presence (...yeah I'm talking to you Bob!)
A.  You're as Cold as Ice
B.  Ice Ice Baby
C.  The Zamboni song
D.  I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream...
...Maeve either!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tempus Corvus on April 30, 2008, 12:06:52 AM

I am NEVER allowed to perform The Rite of AshkEnte.
-EVER
-Even though I only need a fresh egg an two small sticks.
-If I do, I am not allowed to send him to a White Council meeting. Old wizards tend to react badly to his presence.
-Also, No summoning the Grim Squeaker. Mister might try to eat him.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Democable on May 12, 2008, 08:34:39 AM

a little thread nercomancy here

I am not allowed to refer to the Wardens as 'Aurors'

I am not allowed to ask if i can trade my Warden Cloak in for 'A Robe of the ArchMagi'
-Even if it does make The Merlin jealous

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on May 12, 2008, 08:49:42 AM

I will never tell Thomas where the doughnut came from.
That will take some of my wizard secrets keeping drugs away.

I will however see if I can buy off some Fae to fill his house with candies in odd places randomly.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on May 12, 2008, 01:07:48 PM

I am not allowed to give the Za Lord's Guard missions for my own amusement.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on May 12, 2008, 01:14:40 PM

Quote

I am not allowed to give the Za Lord's Guard missions for my own amusement.

What's the point of shelling out money for pizza without something in return?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Sorryman105 on May 12, 2008, 02:19:29 PM

Quote from: nanuq on May 12, 2008, 01:14:40 PM

What's the point of shelling out money for pizza without something in return?

The right to call oneself Lord of the Za Guard.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on May 12, 2008, 03:15:47 PM

Quote from: Quantus347 on May 12, 2008, 01:07:48 PM

I am not allowed to give the Za Lord's Guard missions for my own amusement.

To clarify:

I am not allowed to order the Za' Guard to:

-Fill Thomas's car entirely with packing peanuts. 
-Encase said car in plastic wrap. 
-Clean Mouses Ears (he hates it)
-Take naughty photos of Murphy, Luccio, or Molly (Bob cannot order this either)
-Listen to bob in any way.
-Replace Molly's Piercings with Winter Icicles.
-Retrieve a whisker of Mister as a Proof of Mettle. 
-make the steps Ice over only when salesmen or jehova's witnesses stop by

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on May 12, 2008, 08:06:32 PM

Quote from: Quantus347 on May 12, 2008, 03:15:47 PM

To clarify:

I am not allowed to order the Za' Guard to:

-Fill Thomas's car entirely with packing peanuts. 
-Encase said car in plastic wrap. 
-Clean Mouses Ears (he hates it)
-Take naughty photos of Murphy, Luccio, or Molly (Bob cannot order this either)
-Listen to bob in any way.
-Replace Molly's Piercings with Winter Icicles.
-Retrieve a whisker of Mister as a Proof of Mettle. 
-make the steps Ice over only when salesmen or jehova's witnesses stop by

I will not make the Za' Guard wear leather and participate in any pride parades.
I will also not make them chant "were here, were fairy's get used to it"

Sorry but I just had to it popped into my head.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Sûlien on May 12, 2008, 11:33:24 PM

Quote from: cassandra on April 09, 2008, 04:55:37 AM

- I will never again wear in public the t-shirt that says "Save a broomstick; Ride a Wizard!"

*snorfle*  Harry might not wear it, but I'm damn tempted to make one that says that with the picture of Harry that I use as an icon.  Hmmmm....maybe for Comic Con in San Diego...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Solspiral on May 13, 2008, 02:08:35 AM

I will refrain from asking Georgia or any of the females if they want to "Bungle in the Jungle."
a) nor the male Alphas for that matter.
b) make that any werewolf

I will resist the temptation to call Luccio a cougar however appropriate

I will resist the temptation to sing "Suck my Kiss" when surround by members of the White Court

I will stop asking the ladies to polish my "blasting rod" at clubs

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on May 13, 2008, 05:19:33 AM

I will stop quoting metalica and telling women I can take them "off to never never land"
This never works in bars, and when it does bad things happen.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: blackwolf on May 13, 2008, 02:50:11 PM

Quote from: S.A.M. Hitch on May 13, 2008, 05:19:33 AM

I will stop quoting metalica and telling women I can take them "off to never never land"
This never works in bars, and when it does bad things happen.

Neither do the Alfa think it's funny when I sing Of Wolf And Man

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on May 13, 2008, 05:26:02 PM

And singing "Hungry Like the Wolf" to them is a Really Bad Idea.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on May 13, 2008, 05:51:40 PM

I will never again end a Gaming night at the Alpha's with a midnight showing of Teen Wolf, no matter how much of a classic it may be.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Corvidian on May 29, 2008, 05:09:24 PM

I will never quote Zevon's Werewolves of London around Billy or Georgia, again.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on May 29, 2008, 05:10:35 PM

Quote from: The Corvidian on May 29, 2008, 05:09:24 PM

I will never quote Zevon's Werewolves of London around Billy or Georgia, again.

"Didn't I see you having a piña colada at Trader Vic's? Yeah, I did - your hair was perfect."

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: GamerGirlsRock on June 11, 2008, 03:59:30 AM

Quote from: Noey on April 29, 2008, 12:03:26 PM

If anyone asks me if I'm hungry, I will not intone, 'The red wizard needs food badly.'

OMG--Gauntlet!!!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: GamerGirlsRock on June 11, 2008, 04:17:30 AM

Singing "The Lusty Month of May" will not endear me to Lily.
--or Fix.
--and especially NOT Titania.

The Mothers do not need new knitting needles.
--or yarn.
--nor do they work-for-hire.

I will not write up my last romantic encounter with Susan for Hustler.
--not even to see if it gets a reaction from Mr. Bland.

I will not refer to Susan's partner as "Jack's complete lack of surprise."

I will not suggest that the first rule of the White Council is that you do NOT talk about the White Council.
--ditto the Black Council, vampires, the Fae, etc.

I will not suggest Molly investigate whether her veil stops UV rays by wearing a Fan4 Invisible Girl bikini.

I will not suggest I fought at the battle of Jericho Hill.
--nor will I hunt for Randall Flagg, the Crimson King, or anyone named "Walter".

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Blaze on June 11, 2008, 05:52:51 AM

I will never again run around naked except for my wardens cloak and pretend I am invisible.
-- especially where Murphy can see me.
--or in front of those construction guys near Housted.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: cornyphil on June 11, 2008, 08:17:43 PM

I will not brag that my staff gets 53.8 DPS and gives a +57 intellect bonus

Nor will a comment on my Epic Robes.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on June 11, 2008, 11:38:04 PM

Quote from: cornyphil on June 11, 2008, 08:17:43 PM

I will not brag that my staff gets 53.8 DPS and gives a +57 intellect bonus

Nor will a comment on my Epic Robes.

My Bathrobe does not Qualify as Epic robes, no matter how unique they are at council meeting. 
Nor will I claim they are "of the Magi" in any way


I will not sit on the porch whittling a new Blasting rod when Carlos comes to pick up Molly for their first date
Oh yes I will.  Michael needs backup, and he'd be too nice anyway.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on June 12, 2008, 12:03:03 AM

Quote from: Quantus347 on June 11, 2008, 11:38:04 PM

I will not sit on the porch whittling a new Blasting rod when Carlos comes to pick up Molly for their first date
Oh yes I will.  Michael needs backup, and he'd be too nice anyway.

This mental image now holds a very special place in my heart.  Thank you.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on June 12, 2008, 12:09:53 AM

When taking a #2 on someone else's toilet and they complain about Harry taking so long, he is not allowed to comment back with the phrase, "And this too shall pass"

a. Unless it really IS about to pass...
b. Unless I want to be hand-delivered to Mab by pun-wearied former friends, who have trussed me up like a suckling pig with an apple in my mouth and bound my limbs tighter than Morgan's attitude.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on June 12, 2008, 01:48:52 AM

Quote from: Priscellie on June 12, 2008, 12:03:03 AM

This mental image now holds a very special place in my heart.  Thank you.

Too subtle for Harry. He'd be more along the lines of: "Hey, 'Los. You see that pretty girl there, the one you're about to take out? She's the daughter of my best friend, the apple of his eye, and that means if you even THINK about touching her, or kissing, or anything like that, I got no problem getting the Doom of Damocles again. Capisce?"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: blackwolf on June 12, 2008, 02:21:09 AM

Quote from: He Who Saunters Behind on June 12, 2008, 01:48:52 AM

Too subtle for Harry. He'd be more along the lines of: "Hey, 'Los. You see that pretty girl there, the one you're about to take out? She's the daughter of my best friend, the apple of his eye, and that means if you even THINK about touching her, or kissing, or anything like that, I got no problem getting the Doom of Damocles again. Capisce?"

Two Issues with that, Bill

First He is under the Doom NOW and,
He is not really the kind of guy to use New Pop culture lines.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Bob on June 12, 2008, 04:07:28 AM

Quote from: blackwolf on June 12, 2008, 02:21:09 AM

He is not really the kind of guy to use New Pop culture lines.

Yeah, he wouldn't recognize a pop culture reference if one skittered up and implanted an embryo in his esophagus.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on June 12, 2008, 11:31:51 AM

Quote from: blackwolf on June 12, 2008, 02:21:09 AM

Two Issues with that, Bill

First He is under the Doom NOW and,
He is not really the kind of guy to use New Pop culture lines.

Psst - I first heard a variant on that one about 30 years ago...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: pdqsport on June 12, 2008, 01:37:06 PM

Quote from: blackwolf on June 12, 2008, 02:21:09 AM

He is not really the kind of guy to use New Pop culture lines.

Given where I am thinking the reference is coming from (The Godfather, if I am not mistaken) I would hardly call that a "new" pop culture line.  :)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on June 12, 2008, 02:02:56 PM

Quote from: blackwolf on June 12, 2008, 02:21:09 AM

Two Issues with that, Bill

Who's Bill?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on June 12, 2008, 02:10:31 PM

We already have a Richard, so that's why you're Bill.

Also, my daddy says I'm a princess.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Mrs Geek on June 12, 2008, 02:18:15 PM

Quote from: Priscellie on June 12, 2008, 02:10:31 PM

We already have a Richard, so that's why you're Bill.

Also, my daddy says I'm a princess.

ROFL

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on June 12, 2008, 02:41:26 PM

Quote from: Priscellie on June 12, 2008, 02:10:31 PM

We already have a Richard, so that's why you're Bill.

Also, my daddy says I'm a princess.

*squooshes cheeks* Yes, you are! You are! *blerts the belly*

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on June 12, 2008, 02:49:10 PM

Quote from: He Who Saunters Behind on June 12, 2008, 02:41:26 PM

*squooshes cheeks* Yes, you are! You are! *blerts the belly*

I can hurt you. :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on June 12, 2008, 02:52:41 PM

Quote from: Priscellie on June 12, 2008, 02:49:10 PM

I can hurt you. :D

Ooooh, she's talking already! Who's a smart little Jawa? Who is?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on June 12, 2008, 03:13:24 PM

Quote from: He Who Saunters Behind on June 12, 2008, 02:52:41 PM

Ooooh, she's talking already! Who's a smart little Jawa? Who is?

Those who baby-talk Priscellie like that risk having Toot-Toot and the Za Lord Guard load up on pizza-flavored Ex-Lax and execute a bare-butt strafing run on themselves.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: blackwolf on June 12, 2008, 03:30:25 PM

Quote from: pdqsport on June 12, 2008, 01:37:06 PM

Given where I am thinking the reference is coming from (The Godfather, if I am not mistaken) I would hardly call that a "new" pop culture line.  :)

That was also a line from the Bill Engval show last season

Quote from: He Who Saunters Behind on June 12, 2008, 02:02:56 PM

Who's Bill?

See above coment

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on June 12, 2008, 04:25:02 PM

Quote from: blackwolf on June 12, 2008, 03:30:25 PM

That was also a line from the Bill Engval show last season

Where do you think HE got it? :)

Quote from: blackwolf on June 12, 2008, 03:30:25 PM

See above coment

See above. :P ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: blackwolf on June 12, 2008, 04:27:26 PM

Quote from: He Who Saunters Behind on June 12, 2008, 04:25:02 PM

Where do you think HE got it? :)

See above. :P ;D

I just dont rember that part from any of the Godfather movies and I did not read any books on it, If there are.

I may just well be wrong, and if I am wrong, than I am

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on June 12, 2008, 11:23:34 PM

Quote from: blackwolf on June 12, 2008, 04:27:26 PM

I just dont rember that part from any of the Godfather movies and I did not read any books on it, If there are.

I may just well be wrong, and if I am wrong, than I am

I don't recall it from the Godfather movies, either (didn't see those until many years later, anyway). I heard it as a kid growing up out in the country, where "he just needed killin', y'r'onner" is a justifiable defense. ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on June 13, 2008, 12:33:51 AM

I good friend of mine swore that he would only have a daughter after he had four sons.  That way, when the little walking hormones came over to pick her up, he would show him pictures of his quarterback, his marine, his tae kwon do champion, and his and his rally racer;  That way the young buck would know that when my friend came after him, he'd have back-up.

I just got pictures of my friend's first child, Isabelle.   


The best laid plans...   :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on June 13, 2008, 12:39:03 AM

Maybe Isabelle could become a marine and tae kwon do champion. :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: blackwolf on June 13, 2008, 01:47:48 AM

Quote from: Priscellie on June 13, 2008, 12:39:03 AM

Maybe Isabelle could become a marine and tae kwon do champion. :D

Dont forget Rally Racer

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on June 13, 2008, 12:31:10 PM

Quote from: Priscellie on June 13, 2008, 12:39:03 AM

Maybe Isabelle could become a marine and tae kwon do champion. :D

Hehe, That was his plan B.  But his wife made him promise to give her a chance to be feminine before he tries to turn her into too much of a tomboy.  And knowing all of us she'll end up as a gamer chick anyways.    Two words:  Sword Training   ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: bookivore on June 15, 2008, 12:31:16 AM

Quote from: Quantus347 on June 11, 2008, 11:38:04 PM

I will not sit on the porch whittling a new Blasting rod when Carlos comes to pick up Molly for their first date
Oh yes I will.  Michael needs backup, and he'd be too nice anyway.

And I will not give Molly The Look and say, "I hope you will not keep my friend 'Los out too late, Apprentice." 

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: bookivore on June 15, 2008, 12:43:50 AM

Bob:

I will not let Bob convince Butters to bring over a laptop and set up an internet connection to go surfing.
I will not let Bob get an Amazon account.  Or trade paperbacks online.  I will not tell the mailman that the brown paper packages are for "the skull in my basement".

I especially will not let Bob get caught in an online predator sting - even if it would be a fun way to get Murphy's ex in trouble ("well, the guy I was pretending to be a 14 year old with was actually a skull with a spirit stuck in it, and he actually always said he was a skull, so I'm not quite sure how to prosecute him...")

I will not get Bob paranormal romances.  I do not need him encouraging me any more than he already is to go to bed with anything female that comes by.

When the time comes, I will not take Bob to Ivy's Sweet Sixteen birthday party.  Or Molly's senior prom.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: bookivore on June 15, 2008, 12:54:12 AM

Thomas:

I will not suggest that Thomas carve Justine's name in his back just like the Black Dagger brotherhood.  The guy might actually do it, and it's too sad.

I will not ask Thomas to 'do' Luccio's hair.  Or Murphy's. 

I will not ask Thomas for business cards to hand out at the police station.  But I might hand them out at Executive Workout (or whatever it's called).  Business girls need a good hairdresser too.

I will not ask Thomas to join in the Hunky Supernatural Guys calendar for charity that we're doing.  Or Michael, or Fix, or Carlos.  Even if some of the females think it's a really good idea.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on June 15, 2008, 04:41:00 AM

Quote from: bookivore on June 15, 2008, 12:31:16 AM

And I will not give Molly The Look and say, "I hope you will not keep my friend 'Los out too late, Apprentice." 

I will not keep the "No Boinking" rule in effect beyond what s strictly necessary for Molly's training, no matter how much I like being on Charity's good side.  It was funny while I wasn't getting any either, but now I feel kinda guilty.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on June 15, 2008, 04:48:33 AM

Quote from: bookivore on June 15, 2008, 12:54:12 AM

I will not ask Thomas to join in the Hunky Supernatural Guys calendar for charity that we're doing.  Or Michael, or Fix, or Carlos.  Even if some of the females think it's a really good idea.

Humbug. :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: GamerGirlsRock on June 15, 2008, 01:22:36 PM

Quote from: bookivore on June 15, 2008, 12:54:12 AM

I will not ask Thomas to join in the Hunky Supernatural Guys calendar for charity that we're doing.  Or Michael, or Fix, or Carlos.  Even if some of the females think it's a really good idea.

While I'm sure they're all *rrrrrrrrrripped*... I'm betting all of the above have a fair piece of scarring, too.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Delarith on June 15, 2008, 07:13:38 PM

Chicks dig scars!  Just ask Luccio.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on June 16, 2008, 09:36:51 PM

I will not name my first child Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the Third, no matter how much currency it would give them in the supernatural world.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Miharu on June 17, 2008, 03:52:25 AM

Quote from: Quantus347 on June 16, 2008, 09:36:51 PM

I will not name my first child Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the Third, no matter how much currency it would give them in the supernatural world.

Okay, that one you will need to explain. I get the long name part allowing you plenty of conversations with demons, but why Valentinez? And isn't Alkaline(lla)? something in batteries?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on June 17, 2008, 04:08:44 AM

Quote from: Miharu on June 17, 2008, 03:52:25 AM

Okay, that one you will need to explain. I get the long name part allowing you plenty of conversations with demons, but why Valentinez? And isn't Alkaline(lla)? something in batteries?

obscure Trigun  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trigun)reference, sorry.  Vash the Stampede (most wanted man in the world with a huge bounty on his head) gave it as a fake name to Wolfwood on their first meeting.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Soulless Mystic5523 on June 17, 2008, 04:11:30 AM

For a moment, I thought it was a Cowboy Bebop reference until I actually read the name. ;)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on June 17, 2008, 04:16:42 AM

Quote from: Mystic5523 on June 17, 2008, 04:11:30 AM

For a moment, I thought it was a Cowboy Bebop reference until I actually read the name. ;)

I was going to post Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky IV, but it was so short...  ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: stingray00alex on June 17, 2008, 05:05:38 AM

I will not hiss "It is inevitable..." at my enemies during battle.
a) Even after the battle.
b) Or before it.

I will no longer do Johhny Depp impersonations after being shot at by Denarions and hitting a reef.

I am not allowed to use an imitation of Sith Lightning on enemies.
a) Despite the opportunity to say, "You will pay for your lack of Vision."
b) Even if my enemy happens to BE a Sith.
c) I am, however, allowed to Force Choke Nicodemus. It's the best way to kill him. But I'm not allowed to say, "Apology accepted, commander," after his lifeless corpse hits the floor.

I will not try to make a single ring of power. I'll just have to make do with as many force rings as I can jam on.

I will not use Thomas to get women who are out of my league.

I will not swell my army of Z-lord's guard to epic proportions to try and conquer Chicago.
a) Or the world.

I will not accept the mantle of Winter Knight. It would make French Kissing arkward, to say the least.

I will not let Bob possess Mouse. No Peeps theater would be safe.

I am not allowed to call my blasting rod a wand.

I am not allowed to dress up as a Wizard on Halloween.

Molly is not allowed to shower in my hotel room anymore.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on June 17, 2008, 03:35:08 PM

Heh.

If I ever do put together a spell that does something similar to a Force choke, the words I associate with it for casting will NOT be "I find your lack of faith disturbing."

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gman on June 17, 2008, 06:05:35 PM

It would be really satisfying if Harry went to Police HQ and confronted all the guys giving Murphy a hard time and did the Force Choke on them, not to kill them but to let them know he is a real wizard and to stop harrassing Murphy. He could use that calm DV voice. I doubt it will ever happen.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Homer on June 17, 2008, 06:40:35 PM

Murphey would kill him if he tried something like that.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Dragonblood309 on June 17, 2008, 06:55:39 PM

I will never again ask Bob for sex advice. Even though the feeling DID return to her legs...eventually.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on June 17, 2008, 09:34:50 PM

I will make a green ring and claim it is the source of my Soulfire creations. 
-Nor will I begin any ritual involving the same with the words "In Brightest Day..."

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gman on June 18, 2008, 02:22:20 AM

Quote from: Homer on June 17, 2008, 06:40:35 PM

Murphey would kill him if he tried something like that.

Harry could also Hex all the supervisor's police stuff at HQ frying radios, computers and lights. Harry wouldn't have to tell Murphy anything. She goes to work the next day and her bosses act scared of her and real polite and apologize for giving her a hard time and she can work with Harry any times she wants.  This will never happen but it is funny.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Dragonblood309 on June 18, 2008, 02:29:21 AM

I will not create a flatulence potion and get Marcone to drink it.

I will not eat green eggs and ham. I will not eat them in a pan.

I will not name my children Hold Up and Void so they cannot cash checks.

I will stop telling people "My staff is bigger than your staff"
a) Same goes for my blasting rod.

I will never let Thomas, Bob, and Carlos take me on another "Guys night out"

I will never play cards with Toot Toot again. He cheats.

Jumping out of a vehicle on the highway is NEVER a good idea.
a) No matter how many potions I drink.

I will not punch the Merlin in the face. I will not punch the Merlin in the face. I will not punch the Merlin in the face.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: stingray00alex on June 18, 2008, 06:18:06 AM

(lmao at above post)

I am not allowed to go into any more museums with dinosaurs in it. Too much of a temptation.

I am not allowed to count cards at Casino's. This isn't magical, but I don't want to get beat up by Morpheus. Again.

Having sex with Mauve is not a good idea. Think icicle.

I'm no longer allowed to enchant Murphy into thinking she's Buffy.
a) Having done that, I am especially not allowed to tell her that Morgan is looking pale.
b) Having done that , I am under no conditions to give her a stake.

I am no longer allowed to enchant the word "communist" to Barack Obama's forehead. Not very politically correct.

I am not allowed to read the Codex Alera series again. No matter how well putting a mental Discipline Collar on Lasciel worked.

I am not allowed to raise an army of 10,000 Uruk'hai and give a inspirational speech. "This night! The land will be stained with the blood of the Red Court! March to South America...leave none...alive! To WAR!"
a) Even if I have a convinient tower to yell it from.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Bob on June 18, 2008, 06:45:46 AM

Quote from: stingray00alex on June 18, 2008, 06:18:06 AM

.

I am no longer allowed to enchant the word "communist" to Barack Obama's forehead. Not very politically correct.
 

You know, there's a reason we have a section of the board called Touchy Topics.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: stingray00alex on June 18, 2008, 09:44:50 AM

I didn't endorse Harry doing that, did I? I said he shouldn't.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on June 18, 2008, 10:51:56 AM

I will not cast in glowing letters on Dubya's forehead "Nukyuler".

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Bob on June 18, 2008, 12:51:46 PM

Guys, please chill.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on June 18, 2008, 01:23:14 PM

Guys, keep the politics off this board.  If you want to start a "Which 2008 Presidential Nominee Would Harry Vote For?" thread in Touchy Topics, have a party, but keep it away from this section of the forum.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Dragonblood309 on June 18, 2008, 01:30:28 PM

I'm not allowed to become a martyr.
a) If I MUST become a martyr, I will not do so without having first voiced some witty and deeply meaningful last words.
b) Nor must I use the quote "Strike me down and I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine."

I wont grab Toot Toot and shake him over my head in an attempt to fly.
a) He doesn't like it and it doesn't work.
b)Plus I suspect the "Pixie dust" that falls off of him is actually old pizza crumbs.

I will not attempt to teach Molly latin.

I will not Hex the oil companies.

I will not buy Luccio the golden bikini from Return of the Jedi.

I must stop drinking potions that use marijuana as an ingredient.
a) Ditto with shrooms.

I will not let Bob possess a bra or panties.
a) No matter how much he begs.

I will not let Bob write novels.
a) Society couldn't take it.
b) Ivy should not be exposed to such things.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on June 18, 2008, 01:57:44 PM

Quote from: Dragonblood309 on June 18, 2008, 02:29:21 AM

I will not punch the Merlin in the face. I will not punch the Merlin in the face. I will not punch the Merlin in the face.

(After watching John Wayne in "McClintock!")
"Well I'm not gonna hit ya...I'm not gonna hit ya...the HELL I'm not!!"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on June 18, 2008, 02:00:59 PM

Quote from: Priscellie on June 18, 2008, 01:23:14 PM

Guys, keep the politics off this board.  If you want to start a "Which 2008 Presidential Nominee Would Harry Vote For?" thread in Touchy Topics, have a party, but keep it away from this section of the forum.

You don't think Harry would pants him? ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on June 18, 2008, 02:44:04 PM

Pants who?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on June 18, 2008, 02:54:21 PM

Oy. Another Laurel and Hardy skit.

Back on topic:

I will not keep trying to get Murphy to arrest Michael for public indecency because of his "Carpenter's crack".

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on June 19, 2008, 01:13:33 AM

Quote from: Dragonblood309 on June 18, 2008, 01:30:28 PM

I will not let Bob write novels.

Are you kidding?? Harry would never have to work again.  Of course, there would be no living with Bob if he were actually paying the rent.  And nights out to the strip clubs would suddenly be undeniable work-related research.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: GamerGirlsRock on June 19, 2008, 03:54:22 AM

Quote from: Shecky on June 18, 2008, 02:54:21 PM

I will not keep trying to get Murphy to arrest Michael for public indecency because of his "Carpenter's crack".

Somehow I doubt his pants fit that badly. He doesn't seem the type to develop paunch--too much swordwork--nor do I think Charity would let him buy clothes that don't fit (too likely to cause problems in a fight).

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on June 19, 2008, 01:53:34 PM

Quote from: GamerGirlsRock on June 19, 2008, 03:54:22 AM

Somehow I doubt his pants fit that badly. He doesn't seem the type to develop paunch--too much swordwork--nor do I think Charity would let him buy clothes that don't fit (too likely to cause problems in a fight).

It was a joke. Put yer hands up; they're goin' right over your head. ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on June 19, 2008, 03:23:25 PM

So is a joke about Michael a Carpenter's crack?  Or is that what Molly was arrested with before the events of Proven Guilty?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on June 19, 2008, 04:33:25 PM

Yes.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Levi on June 19, 2008, 09:11:25 PM

I will not shout "Parlay" when surrounded by the bad guys.

While escaping after being captured, I will not say, "You'll always remember this as the day you almost caught..."
- It was funny the first 20 times or so.
- They catch me again while I'm saying it.

I will not teach Molly that the first rule of Wizarding is, "Close your eyes and pretend it's all just a bad dream. That's how I get by."

"Hello, beastie..." is not an appropriate greeting for members of the supernatural community. They take offense at it.
- So also, "Do you fear death?"

"Sea turtles, mate" is not an adequate explanation for anything that happens because of me.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: pookakitten on June 19, 2008, 10:15:31 PM

(click to show/hide)

I will not visit the Shedd Aquarium.
-At least not without fish.  Need to bribe those dolphins to be quiet.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: GamerGirlsRock on June 20, 2008, 04:27:28 AM

I will not name my zipper collection "The Dresden Flies".
--nor my bugs.
--nor the Za Guard.
--nor the brownie cleaning crew.
--Dammit, there's just no appreciation for a good pun anymore.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: MAW on June 20, 2008, 07:34:55 AM

I will not call myself "The Lord of the Morning"
I will not refer to the black council as "Darkfriends"
I will not reprimand Murphy for sniffing at my humor.
I will not refer to the Denarians as the forsaken.

I will not refer to the knights as "Athos, Porthos, and Arimis".

And I will never, ever let my apprentice refer to me as "Master".  There just aren't enough cold showers in the world.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Dragonblood309 on June 20, 2008, 12:56:16 PM

I must stop getting angry at Jim for putting me in such dangerous situations.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Thrasher on June 20, 2008, 02:50:34 PM

I will not try to encourage a wizard menage a trois with Anastasia and Elaine
- Or with Molly
- I will not let Carlos encourage it either.

I will not use soufire to form a light saber.

I will not pen my own version of the Necrocomicon
- At least not a version that explains the Darkhallow

I will not give kinetic rings away to trick-or-treaters.
- Again...

I will not call Prince Charles to wield a sword of the cross
- Prince William either
- Prince Harry maybe. His name has a nice ring to it.

I will not set up a blind date between Ebenezar and Kincaid.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on June 20, 2008, 04:41:07 PM

Quote from: Thrasher on June 20, 2008, 02:50:34 PM

I will not use soulfire to form a light saber.

Hell Yes I Will.  I dont need no stinkin' Warden Sword  ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Thrasher on June 20, 2008, 05:43:02 PM

Quote from: Quantus347 on June 20, 2008, 04:41:07 PM

Hell Yes I Will.  I dont need no stinkin' Warden Sword  ;D

Fine, we'll modify

I will not use soulfire to form a lightsaber and then tell my enemies if they strike me down that I shall become more powerful than they can possibly imagine.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: bookivore on June 20, 2008, 07:21:20 PM

Oh, that one inspired me-

Quote

I will not set up a blind date between Ebenezar and Kincaid.

How about I will not set up a blind date between Ebenezar and Murphy's Mom?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on June 20, 2008, 07:24:02 PM

Quote from: bookivore on June 20, 2008, 07:21:20 PM

Oh, that one inspired me-
How about I will not set up a blind date between Ebenezar and Murphy's Mom?

Nah, Murphy's mom is being set up with Mac (http://www.jimbutcheronline.com/bb/index.php/topic,6790.msg243450.html#msg243450).

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Soulless Mystic5523 on June 20, 2008, 08:11:28 PM

I won't write a flawed Necronomicon that kills anyone who tries to use it.
- Even if the book attacks them when they touch it.
- Even if it opens on to a black hole.
-- Even though it would make my job as a Warden easier.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Bob on June 21, 2008, 01:02:00 AM

Quote from: Shecky on June 19, 2008, 01:53:34 PM

It was a joke.

More like a wise crack.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on June 21, 2008, 03:08:27 AM

Quote from: Bob on June 21, 2008, 01:02:00 AM

More like a wise crack.

Dude, that was, like, so yesterday.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Soulless Mystic5523 on June 21, 2008, 03:11:29 AM

He must be getting alittle slow in his old age.  :P

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on June 21, 2008, 03:26:01 AM

Stop drinking that young Hatorade.  :P ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Bob on June 23, 2008, 10:48:12 AM

Quote from: Shecky on June 21, 2008, 03:08:27 AM

Dude, that was, like, so yesterday.

Hey, I need my 14 hours daily sleep.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on June 23, 2008, 11:10:59 AM

God, I wish.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on June 23, 2008, 01:15:44 PM

Quote from: Bob on June 23, 2008, 10:48:12 AM

Hey, I need my 14 hours daily sleep.

What is this thing you speak of..."Sleep"?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on June 23, 2008, 06:09:12 PM

Quote from: Quantus347 on June 23, 2008, 01:15:44 PM

What is this thing you speak of..."Sleep"?

Highly overrated...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: bookivore on June 23, 2008, 11:49:52 PM

To get back on topic:

Next time a baddie chains him up, Harry cannot offer to connect him up with the Handcuffs of the Month Club.
Or say, "Thorn Bracelets?  Hey, thanks, just 2 more sets and I'll be able to tie up the whole White Council."

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on June 24, 2008, 02:03:17 AM

Quote from: bookivore on June 23, 2008, 11:49:52 PM

To get back on topic:

Next time a baddie chains him up, Harry cannot offer to connect him up with the Handcuffs of the Month Club.
Or say, "Thorn Bracelets?  Hey, thanks, just 2 more sets and I'll be able to tie up the whole White Council."

"Lemme Guess, you're going to claim to have invented these, too?"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: faith on June 24, 2008, 07:51:42 PM

i will not take murphy monster slaying with me again last time she shut me out 3-0

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Metal_Head on June 24, 2008, 08:53:26 PM

I will not hum the tune to "Like a Virgin" whenever Carlos or Molly are nearby.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Ms Duck on June 25, 2008, 02:48:35 AM

or "rump shaker " to Mab

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Syntopicon on June 25, 2008, 06:05:32 AM

I will stop referring to myself as the Sorcerer Supreme.

I will never again ask if Ancient Mai knew the Ancient One.

I will not move to New York.
  -Nor will I call my home the Sanctum Sanctorum.

I will not refer to Thomas as Wong.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: konstantine23 on June 25, 2008, 07:31:37 AM

I will never again tell Molly that wizards never giggle, while she is eating. She could choke, and I would hate to tell Michael that I had to give her mouth-to-mouth.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: pookakitten on June 25, 2008, 10:22:09 AM

Quote from: konstantine23 on June 25, 2008, 07:31:37 AM

I will never again tell Molly that wizards never giggle, while she is eating. She could choke, and I would hate to tell Michael that I had to give her mouth-to-mouth.

Even worse, I would have to tell Charity.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on June 25, 2008, 02:38:48 PM

I will stop trying to convince Molly that "Bibidy bobidy boo" is a summoning ritual for a fairy Godmother
-It ruins my Master Wizard credibility when nobody shows up.
-Somebody might show up.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Thrasher on June 25, 2008, 03:13:27 PM

I will not tattoo runes onto my middle leg and start referring to it as "my blasting rod of love"

When playing D&D with the Alphas, I won't win arguments by casting Fuego on their character sheets.

I will not pen stories of my adventures and sell them to The Arcane.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on June 25, 2008, 03:45:41 PM

Quote from: Thrasher on June 25, 2008, 03:13:27 PM

I will not pen stories of my adventures and sell them to The Arcane.

Maybe to ROC though... :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tempus Corvus on June 26, 2008, 10:52:28 PM

Quote from: Thrasher on June 20, 2008, 02:50:34 PM

I will not call Prince Charles to wield a sword of the cross
- Prince William either
- Prince Harry maybe. His name has a nice ring to it.

-Sean Connery is a possibility

-I will not use the incantation "I cast Magic Missile at the darkness".
--Especially when fighting Nicodemus.

-It is NOT just a flesh wound, and I will see a doctor.
--I have not had worse.

-If Sanya ever simply punches someone, I will not say "Front-Row Godsmack tickets now on sale!"

-I will not chip the tooth of the next demon I summon.
--Teeth are Enamel, not ivory, and definitely not green ivory.
--It will not help me play guitar.

-If I am about to shoot someone, or blast them with magic, I will not quote Ezekiel 25:17 (Pulp Fiction Version)
--That's not what the actual Bible verse is.

-I will not use the Name 'Annung Un Ramma' the next time I do a summoning.
--I don't know whether its a real Name, and I'd prefer not to find out.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Soulless Mystic5523 on June 26, 2008, 10:56:24 PM

Quote from: Tempus Corvus on June 26, 2008, 10:52:28 PM

-I will not chip the tooth of the next demon I summon.
--Teeth are Enamel, not ivory, and definitely not green ivory.
--It will not help me play guitar.

--Nor will I try and knock off a horn to make a bong.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: jeffs on June 27, 2008, 02:19:01 AM

Quote from: tacomamafia on April 19, 2008, 01:40:19 PM

I will not point at the Gatekeeper and yell, "We've found Osama!" in the middle of council meetings.
a.) Again.
b.) Even though seeing the ultimate smackdown between Uncle Eb and the Gatekeeper was pretty awesome.

Getting caught up on this thread and I thougt this one was the best so far.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Wolfeyes on June 27, 2008, 07:29:56 AM

-If I ever practice with any of the Holy Swords I will not scream "First I whip it out! Then I thrust it! With great force! Every angle...! Is penetrated! Until...! With great strength...! I... ram it in! In the end, we are all satisfied...you are set free."
a) Michael will kill me.
b) The neighbors will start thinking I'm a sex predator.

If anyone knows where this is from, you are awesome.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: brenatevi on June 27, 2008, 09:03:03 AM

Quote

-If I ever practice with any of the Holy Swords I will not scream "First I whip it out! Then I thrust it! With great force! Every angle...! Is penetrated! Until...! With great strength...! I... ram it in! In the end, we are all satisfied...you are set free."
a) Michael will kill me.
b) The neighbors will start thinking I'm a sex predator.

Babylon 5, Ivanona and the alien diplomat...

-I will not give Nicodemus a tie for Christmas

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: smashtheogre on June 27, 2008, 10:04:27 AM

okay i had a look and i dont think its on here but here go's

               "no more giving out lara raiths mobile number as  sex chatline"
                       -a) she enjoys it
                       -b) it actually helps her feed
                       -c) she'll youtube the footage of me and thomas having coffee.....after having someone photoshop me naked. murphy's enjoyment i can do without.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: GamerGirlsRock on June 30, 2008, 11:56:16 AM

I am not allowed to post a list of my own pop culture references on Wikipedia. (apparently, since they deleted the page)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on June 30, 2008, 11:58:02 AM

Quote from: GamerGirlsRock on June 30, 2008, 11:56:16 AM

I am not allowed to post a list of my own pop culture references on Wikipedia. (apparently, since they deleted the page)

That's insane.  Have you pursued the matter, to find out why?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on June 30, 2008, 01:53:59 PM

Quote from: GamerGirlsRock on June 30, 2008, 11:56:16 AM

I am not allowed to post a list of my own pop culture references on Wikipedia. (apparently, since they deleted the page)

I am not allowed to update Wikipedia to expose certain popular misunderstandings of natural science.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: anthro7 on June 30, 2008, 03:06:26 PM

-I am no longer allowed to call Mike Rowe claiming I have a dirty job.

(And I didn't know the Evil Overlord List was that popular of a subculture page. o_o; Shows what I know.)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on June 30, 2008, 04:49:13 PM

Quote

-I will not give Nicodemus a tie for Christmas

Really?  I would totally do that.

Sending him a "World's Greatest Dad" mug would be funny too.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on June 30, 2008, 04:53:15 PM

Quote from: anthro7 on June 30, 2008, 03:06:26 PM

-I am no longer allowed to call Mike Rowe claiming I have a dirty job.

The sad thing is that I always thought of Mike Rowe as an older Harry; Mike's got some pretty good snark, too.

Of course, what with all his grumbling, you COULD have Harry on an episode of "Deadliest Kvetch". ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Murphy's Stunt Double on June 30, 2008, 04:55:43 PM

*passes Shecky the pun yamulke to wear for the day*

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on June 30, 2008, 04:58:17 PM

Ooh! Score!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: anthro7 on June 30, 2008, 08:35:13 PM

Nice to know I wasn't the only one watchin' it. =3 But I dunno how much catching Harry does... Its more like thwarting, destroying and building burning. (I'm tellin' ya dude, fire rats.)

-I'm no longer allowed to sing Come Sail Away, because after that new Indiana Jones movie, people are afeared I'm going to call down aliens and predators. o_o;

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: unknownpoltroon on July 01, 2008, 05:39:02 AM

Bob is not microwave safe.

Bob and mister are not allowed to screw with the dog show people.

Macanally frowns on beerbongs with extreme prejudice.

Murphy bears no resemblance to shirley temple.
A) DO NOT DO THE LITTLE TEAPOT DANCE TO ILLUSTRATE.
B) A broken spout finger takes about 3 weeks to heal.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: brenatevi on July 01, 2008, 11:29:34 AM

-I am no longer allowed to offer my services to the Mythbusters
   a. And they don't care about my resume of exploded or burning buildings.

-I'm no longer allowed to ask Nico if he's going to take Deidra to the Father/Daught dance.  I'm still having nightmares about his response.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: anthro7 on July 02, 2008, 12:40:40 AM

(Sorry if it's been done before...)

-I'm no longer allowed at Harry Potter conventions. Fun though it was showing those goons some REAL magic...
  a) was kicked out for being a potential Death Eater.
  b) was kicked out for being a Lord of the Rings fan.
  c) was kicked out for stealing the name "Harry".
  d) was carried out on a stretcher by the few dual fans of Potter and Dresden who felt sorry for the poor thing and forbade him going back.
  e) was kicked out for making some wise-@$$ed crack.
  f) was kicked out for burning down the building. (DING! DING! DING! WE HAVE A WINNER!)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: bookivore on July 02, 2008, 06:53:30 PM

Besides, the little geeks laughed at me for that little problem with the broom spell.  I will not give snarky little Harry Pottery geeks a ride on the Dresden Broom of Doom, no matter how much they deserve it.

Quote from: anthro7 on July 02, 2008, 12:40:40 AM

(Sorry if it's been done before...)

-I'm no longer allowed at Harry Potter conventions. Fun though it was showing those goons some REAL magic...
  a) was kicked out for being a potential Death Eater.
  b) was kicked out for being a Lord of the Rings fan.
  c) was kicked out for stealing the name "Harry".
  d) was carried out on a stretcher by the few dual fans of Potter and Dresden who felt sorry for the poor thing and forbade him going back.
  e) was kicked out for making some wise-@$$ed crack.
  f) was kicked out for burning down the building. (DING! DING! DING! WE HAVE A WINNER!)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on July 03, 2008, 07:47:48 PM

Quote from: bookivore on July 02, 2008, 06:53:30 PM

I will not give snarky little Harry Pottery geeks a ride on the Dresden Broom of Doom, no matter how much they deserve it.

Unless they're hot.  Gigidy-gigidy  ;D

(sorry, it had to be done)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: bookivore on July 03, 2008, 11:48:25 PM

Quote from: Quantus347 on July 03, 2008, 07:47:48 PM

Unless they're hot.  Gigidy-gigidy  ;D

(sorry, it had to be done)

Is there something burning around here? Shall we try out the water gun of extreme disgust, with garlic.

Harry is also not allowed to randomly squirt Thomas with garlic water just in case a Black Court vampire has got to him.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: anthro7 on July 04, 2008, 01:49:56 AM

Good God, I'd hate to think of how poor Thomas would smell after that...

Post that, he's also no longer allowed to buy (or otherwise inherit) any more bizarre weapons from Kincaid. ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Half man-half amazing on July 04, 2008, 04:19:11 AM

Not allowed to get Murphy, Luccio, and Elane into a 3 way mud/ pudding match and post it on pay perview and have ring side seats to the event.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: blackwolf on July 04, 2008, 04:25:54 AM

Quote from: Half man-half amazing on July 04, 2008, 04:19:11 AM

Not allowed to get Murphy, Luccio, and Elane into a 3 way mud/ pudding match and post it on pay perview and have ring side seats to the event.

If for no other reason than the cameras will not be able to handle it

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gallowglass on July 04, 2008, 05:23:31 AM

Not unless he offers us first crack at the tickets and doesn't ban cameras.  Can ban the cameras if he can con Molly into it, she's over 18 now IIRC.  so I am a dirty young man, especially if I can catch somebody thrown out of the ring!  muahahahahaha

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gallowglass on July 04, 2008, 05:25:29 AM

Harry cannot go upto Daniel Radcliffe at a Convention and introduce him to a centaur he knows.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: cornyphil on July 04, 2008, 01:41:59 PM

Quote from: Wolfeyes on June 27, 2008, 07:29:56 AM

-If I ever practice with any of the Holy Swords I will not scream "First I whip it out! Then I thrust it! With great force! Every angle...! Is penetrated! Until...! With great strength...! I... ram it in! In the end, we are all satisfied...you are set free."
a) Michael will kill me.
b) The neighbors will start thinking I'm a sex predator.

If anyone knows where this is from, you are awesome.

Just to say it. I am pretty sure that is also a quote from Devil May Cry 4 (when you get Lucifer)

~ I am not allowed to play with thunderstorms
      No matter how supercharged it makes me

~I am not allowed to ask the Merlin if he would like a cup of tea or a crumpet.
       

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Soulless Mystic5523 on July 04, 2008, 08:00:56 PM

Quote from: Gallowglass on July 04, 2008, 05:25:29 AM

Harry cannot go upto Daniel Radcliffe at a Convention and introduce him to a centaur he knows.

--Especially not after watching Equus.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Ms Duck on July 04, 2008, 08:36:38 PM

not allowed to make centaur of attention jokes, either

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on July 05, 2008, 01:15:58 AM

Quote from: MSL Returns on July 04, 2008, 08:36:38 PM

not allowed to make centaur of attention jokes, either

[/i]

Not even if horsing around, especially "whinny" really deserves it?

Say it out loud, folks...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gman on July 05, 2008, 01:20:31 AM

Harry can't invite Titania and Mab over for a threesome.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: MAW on July 05, 2008, 03:13:54 AM

Harry is not allowed to NOT sit right behind me in the movie theater so that he fries every cell phone in the place.   :-\

M-

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Wolfeyes on July 05, 2008, 07:39:14 AM

Quote

Just to say it. I am pretty sure that is also a quote from Devil May Cry 4 (when you get Lucifer)

Ding!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: cornyphil on July 05, 2008, 06:00:54 PM

Oh, oh... WHAT DO I WIN!!!!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on July 05, 2008, 06:50:42 PM

Quote from: cornyphil on July 05, 2008, 06:00:54 PM

Oh, oh... WHAT DO I WIN ? ? ? ?

The satisfaction of knowing you're right, I would assume...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: cornyphil on July 06, 2008, 12:09:20 AM

Hahaha, Oh well. That good enough for me  :P


I will not polymorph anyone into a sheep...  Nor will i shout For the Horde! as i do it

I will not tell Micheal that latin is so last century and he should shout For The Light! when he goes into battle.
      ~despite how much he resembles a Paladin
      ~Nor will i ask him to place Divine Intervention on me

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: konstantine23 on July 06, 2008, 07:14:37 PM

Haha, love the WOW reference.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Corvidian on July 07, 2008, 04:36:11 AM

I am no longer allowed to tell the younger Carpenter kids that Toot-Toot is Tinkerbell's older brother.
  -Even if he finds it funny.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Cold Revenge on July 07, 2008, 11:09:51 AM

Quote from: Wolfeyes on June 27, 2008, 07:29:56 AM

-If I ever practice with any of the Holy Swords I will not scream "First I whip it out! Then I thrust it! With great force! Every angle...! Is penetrated! Until...! With great strength...! I... ram it in! In the end, we are all satisfied...you are set free."
a) Michael will kill me.
b) The neighbors will start thinking I'm a sex predator.

If anyone knows where this is from, you are awesome.

Devil May Cry 4. Awesome game.



Edit: Aw crap. Someone beat me to it.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gallowglass on July 08, 2008, 07:48:36 AM

Quote from: Gman on July 05, 2008, 01:20:31 AM

Harry can't invite Titania and Mab over for a threesome.

Not even Chuck Norris is man enough for that!!!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on July 08, 2008, 06:52:05 PM

Quote from: Gallowglass on July 08, 2008, 07:48:36 AM

Not even Chuck Norris is man enough for that!!!

Chuck would leave them panting and sweaty, and begging him for more...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: kingcuss on July 08, 2008, 09:20:15 PM

Quote from: Tribblechomper on July 08, 2008, 06:52:05 PM

Chuck would leave them panting and sweaty, and begging him for more...

Disturbing

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on July 08, 2008, 10:44:51 PM

Quote

Not even Chuck Norris is man enough for that!!!

Chuck would do the same thing that he always does when his manhood is in doubt.  He'd call in his stunt double. 

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on July 09, 2008, 01:25:12 PM

Quote from: Gman on July 05, 2008, 01:20:31 AM

Harry can't invite Titania and Mab over for a threesome.

Well, it is the way the Sidhe work: What one Queen does the other must do, to maintain the Balance.   ;D



I will not use the Za Guard to get pictures of Lara.  Its much easier just to go to the late night video store. 

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on July 09, 2008, 11:02:58 PM

Quote

Well, it is the way the Sidhe work: What one Queen does the other must do, to maintain the Balance.

Actually, what one Queen does, the other Queen would have to do the exact opposite to maintain the balance.  So if one Queen sleeps with Harry, then the other one would have to take a vow of chastity and/or seduce Luccio.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Cold Revenge on July 10, 2008, 06:09:48 AM

Quote from: nanuq on July 09, 2008, 11:02:58 PM

Actually, what one Queen does, the other Queen would have to do the exact opposite to maintain the balance.  So if one Queen sleeps with Harry, then the other one would have to take a vow of chastity and/or seduce Luccio.

Thank you very much. I'll store that image for later. ;)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Jamamma on July 10, 2008, 09:20:19 AM

My name is not a killing word.

I can not show off my newest attack “Care bear stare!” And Murphy does not think it cute.

My alphabet soup is not trying to tell me something, my cherios are not possessed by ghosts, and much to my dismay fortune cookies do not always ‘know things.’

I will not report my grave robbed, and demand my body back from CPD.

I will not take any potions Bob advises me to make, “to get in touch with my feminine side”
Unless I am really bored and lonely.
More so than before.
And he gives me the anti-potion incase it doesn’t work out.
Quit looking at me like that.

I can not refer to being thrown out of the Raith deeps in a ball of force as a B*** **B (self edit)

I will not use a Hadoken attack.
On that same note I will not chain the two swords I have together into sword chucks.

A well done side of beef with a piece of board stuck to it is not a deterrent to vampires, and trying to convince them it is, does not work.

I will not tell any of my suitors “Fine, but the hat stays on”

I will not suddenly start seeing through the “4th wall”

When I dance, I will stop looking at my pants. Even if they are no friend of mine.

I will not sell myself on ebay when I’m late on the rent.
A) even if it would be easy
B) especially if it would be easy
C) even if I could escape afterwards.

I will stop saying “Wingardium leviosa” when I work air magic.

I will stop changing Thomas’ radio to stations that play Cher.

I will not cover my glove in sequins, stones, or replace it with a white one and grab myself in public. No matter how well I moon walk.

I will stop interrogating each lawn gnome I pass.

Teasing the goth kids is not funny. And showing them a real vampire is not going to change their minds.

“I came, I saw, I conquered” is not an appropriate after coitus statement to tell Luccio.

I will stop playing with the police scanner.
-I will also stop enchanting them with ecto-radio-mancy. (Refer to book SF, Harry’s office radio is channeled to Bob)
-I will stop making up words. 

Things I really wanted to ask, but will refrain from doing, each time I visit the library: 
Harry Potter: Fact or fiction? Do you have a pre-employment trial by paper-cuts and is it mandatory? Do the aisles fill with wicked imps or killer moths after hours? Charging additional, ‘imaginary’ fees to those with late fees, a problem?
Speaking of late fees, do you use a ninja repossession service? Is there anything that involves “Surprise electric shocks?” Throwing hard back books at noisy children: do you frown on that?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on July 10, 2008, 01:54:07 PM

*applauds Jamamma*

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: One Duck on July 10, 2008, 04:16:53 PM

*also applauds*

Some really good onesin there!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Thrasher on July 10, 2008, 04:22:36 PM

I will not play Warren Zevon whenever I'm hanging out with the Alphas.
- unless we actually do go to London

I will not refer to any Outsiders I meet as Tim Curry's big brother.
- Transvestites either

I will not ask my new girlfriend what Abraham Lincoln was like
- She might actually have an answer that I don't wanna hear

When Molly is practicing veils I will not refer to her as Solid Snake and myself as Otacon.
- If anyone is Snake I am.
- And the Alphas new name is not Foxhound

I will not go to Renaissance Fairs with members of the Senior Council and bug them to point out how the real thing was different.

I will not pose for pictures with Bob behind me and me asking "Is it still there?"
- Nor will I start referring to Bob as the "Floating Glowskull of Mystery"

I will stop making phalic jokes using the term blasting rod.
- or staff

I will stop searching for the Ginger Bread House whenever I'm in the woods, not all fairy tales are based on real things.
- I hope.
- Though I think I already killed the Big Bad Wolf

I will not bug Mab to introduce me to Puck or Oberon.
- Titania either.
- They might actually be real, Shakespeare was probably a wizard.

I will stop acting out Hamlet in the park with Bob as Yurick.
- It scares the kids when Bob plays the part of Horatio though

I will not attempt to make a giant gloved green fist with my Soulfire.
- DC comics might sue me.

I will not try to convince people that Led Zeppelin was secretly members of the White Council trying to spread magical propaganda through songs about Hobbits.
- Nor will I create evokations that are Zeppelin song lyrics.
- Though yelling Ramble On in a high pitched voice while throwing a fireball would be pretty funny.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on July 10, 2008, 05:25:09 PM

I will stop trying to banish the Blue Man Group back to the NeverNever

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Soulless Mystic5523 on July 10, 2008, 08:09:51 PM

Quote from: Jamamma on July 10, 2008, 09:20:19 AM

I can not refer to being thrown out of the Raith deeps in a ball of force as a B*** **B (self edit)

Now for some strange reason I know that I should be able to fill in the blanks, but my mind decided to go on vacation and not take me with it. Care to help me out alittle? If you don't want to post it publicly, you can PM me the answer.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Metal_Head on July 10, 2008, 08:34:25 PM

Quote from: Jamamma on July 10, 2008, 09:20:19 AM

“I came, I saw, I conquered” is not an appropriate after coitus statement to tell Luccio.

"I came, I saw, she conquored" would be a more apt comment.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: kingcuss on July 10, 2008, 09:46:22 PM

Quote from: Jamamma on July 10, 2008, 09:20:19 AM

I will stop playing with the police scanner.
-I will also stop enchanting them with ecto-radio-mancy. (Refer to book SF, Harry’s office radio is channeled to Bob)
-I will stop making up words. 

Didn't this happen in Grave Peril or SF first?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on July 10, 2008, 09:48:12 PM

It only happened in GP.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: kingcuss on July 10, 2008, 09:51:31 PM

I thought so thanks Priscillie

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Cold Revenge on July 11, 2008, 04:48:14 AM

Quote from: Mystic5523 on July 10, 2008, 08:09:51 PM

Now for some strange reason I know that I should be able to fill in the blanks, but my mind decided to go on vacation and not take me with it. Care to help me out alittle? If you don't want to post it publicly, you can PM me the answer.

Yea, I'm not getting that one either.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Jamamma on July 11, 2008, 05:59:54 AM

if this was a game of hang man, the poor stick figure would be dead.

there is two B's an L a couple O's and a J. Did I forget the W?

And thanks for clarifying on the SF/GP mistake. I'm out of it.

And thank you for the applauds.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Cold Revenge on July 11, 2008, 06:10:23 AM

*thinks* !!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Nice. I hadn't thought someone would censor that, so it didn't even cross my mind.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Jamamma on July 11, 2008, 06:11:33 AM

you're welcome, didnt want to offend a mod (or anyone for that matter), so, *shrugs* glad you like it

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: MAW on July 11, 2008, 06:33:41 AM

Harry is no longer allowed to hold power whilst singing Eagles karioke(sp) as his last performance of "fly like an eagle" almost accidentally summoned a TimeLord™.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Cold Revenge on July 11, 2008, 06:41:55 AM

Quote from: Jamamma on July 11, 2008, 06:11:33 AM

you're welcome, didnt want to offend a mod (or anyone for that matter), so, *shrugs* glad you like it

It's pretty easy going around here. add in a * and you're usually good. Unless you're cussing. Then add a s***load of 'em. :D

Better to air on the side of caution I suppose, though.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Soulless Mystic5523 on July 11, 2008, 07:42:56 PM

Yeah, I was trying to find something much worse to fill in the blanks with, and was coming up dry.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on July 11, 2008, 07:54:29 PM

Quote from: Mystic5523 on July 11, 2008, 07:42:56 PM

Yeah, I was trying to find something much worse to fill in the blanks with, and was coming up dry.

Me too.  This is why I loose at Scrabble  :P

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Soulless Mystic5523 on July 11, 2008, 08:05:08 PM

Quote from: Quantus347 on July 11, 2008, 07:54:29 PM

Me too.  This is why I loose at Scrabble  :P

I could kick a$$ at Scrabble if I could just pick out my own letters. The whole random thing just doesn't work with me. And don't even get my started on word searches. You know the ones where you get a page full of letters and you have to try and find words hidden among them. Gah, those things are my bane.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Wolfeyes on July 11, 2008, 10:21:06 PM

Quote

When Molly is practicing veils I will not refer to her as Solid Snake and myself as Otacon.
- If anyone is Snake I am.
- And the Alphas new name is not Foxhound

-Murphy will not be referred to as Meryl and SI will not be referred to as Rat Patrol. Their original names are fine the way they are.
-If I expose my burnt hand I will not suddenly develop a British accent and scream "I LIVE THROUGH THIS ARM!"
a) French accents are okay though.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Jamamma on August 13, 2008, 11:07:31 AM

I will not claim to be a patron of the "saint of floor waxers"

I will stop teasing the girl scouts.

I will not teach people 'how to get their groove back'

I will not give tours of the field museum stating "This is where I reanimated Sue"  nor will I give tours of the Nevernever, claiming it to be a 'really psychodelic experience'

I will stop arming the fae with iron, the other sidhe are starting to complain

I will not start narrating Murphy's life as if it were a wild kingdom special on short people.

I will not make a play-dough golem the same size as me, nor will I make Bob a body out of the same.

I will not have Toot hide inside of my duster, just so I can say "Meet my little friend"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on August 13, 2008, 11:54:19 AM

Quote from: Jamamma on August 13, 2008, 11:07:31 AM

I will not start narrating Murphy's life as if it were a wild kingdom special on short people.

and

Quote

I will not have Toot hide inside of my duster, just so I can say "Meet my little friend"

made me choke on cereal.  Win!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Jamamma on August 13, 2008, 12:01:30 PM

Quote from: Priscellie on August 13, 2008, 11:54:19 AM

made me choke on cereal.  Win!

Thank you, thank you. Is your cereal trying to tell you something? Possessed by ghosts possibly? If not, you are not looking hard enough.

*now does the happy dance*

On a side note, I distantly remember Cereal... this is about the time I normally crash into a hopefully dreamless sleep. I tend to 'work' late evenings and catch up on 'normal' activities in the early hours of the morning.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on August 13, 2008, 02:10:29 PM

Quote from: Priscellie on August 13, 2008, 11:54:19 AM

and

made me choke on cereal.  Win!

Say hallo to my li'l fren'! "For the Pizza Lord - CHARGE!"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Thrasher on August 13, 2008, 02:56:17 PM

I will not brew love potions for Carlos

I will not brew speed potions for Carlos just to give myself an excuse to call him Speedy Gonzalez.
- He's more like Wile E Coyote anyway.

I will not ask the Archive to reenact scenes from Shirley Temple movies.

I will not walk around wearing sunglasses with a leash on Mouse and claim that he's my "seeing eye whooly mammoth".

I will not lobby the porn industry to come up with wizard proof internet porn.
- Or the computer industry.
- That's the LAST thing I need to allow Carlos access to.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on August 13, 2008, 02:57:36 PM

I will not send Carlos full-body condoms complete with card reading, "Love, Lara".

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Chiroptera on August 13, 2008, 03:28:54 PM

"How's it goin' you old bat?" is not a good way to greet a Red Court vampiress, no matter how clever it seems at the time.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on August 13, 2008, 04:08:23 PM

Quote

"How's it goin' you old bat?" is not a good way to greet a Red Court vampiress, no matter how clever it seems at the time.

Or "Hello, Batgirl" either (even if it is kind of awesome).

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Wilgar on August 13, 2008, 05:05:52 PM

Quote from: nanuq on August 13, 2008, 04:08:23 PM

Or "Hello, Batgirl" either (even if it is kind of awesome).

Having Father Forthill hold of red court vampires with a cross, while I yell "Holy Icon, Batman," is acceptable, however.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Thrasher on August 13, 2008, 07:32:56 PM

Quote from: Wilgar on August 13, 2008, 05:05:52 PM

Having Father Forthill hold of red court vampires with a cross, while I yell "Holy Icon, Batman," is acceptable, however.

But having him hold them off with a cross while yelling "YOU. SHALL NOT PASS!" is not ok.
-Nor may I do it brandishing my staff and Amoracchius.
-Though if I meet and actual Balrog I'm totally allowed to!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: bookivore on August 13, 2008, 07:39:24 PM

Quote from: Thrasher on August 13, 2008, 07:32:56 PM

But having him hold them off with a cross while yelling "YOU. SHALL NOT PASS!" is not ok.

When Molly is studying for finals, I am totally NOT allowed to look grave, get her to ask what's wrong, and say "You.  Shall Not.  Pass."

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Darkhallow on August 13, 2008, 08:11:27 PM

I am not allowed to try to bribe Mab over to the side of the Za-lord.

she likes anchovies.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Jamamma on August 14, 2008, 08:46:15 AM

I must not perform my "tea pot dance" any more, nor show off my spout.

(Following on the heels of the Batgirl example)

I must not sing the Batman themesong when fighting Red Court Vamps.
Unless they have fancy equipment.
Or Utility Belts.
Or a Boy Wonder.

But I may say "Holy Smoke, Batman" should one of them happen to burst into flames upon recieving a Holy Water Balloon to the side of the head.

I will not hang around Wolf Park, while at an Alpha meeting, singing "Who let the dogs out, woof woof."

Pants are not optional.

Telling Meave to get down with her bad self is not a smart move.
Nor is giving her anti-freeze lip gloss.

I may not mock the high sidhe with childish name-songs again, and starting up a conversation with "Lily fo-philly" will not win me points.

Introducing a girl scout selling brownies to an actual brownie is not a wise move.
Introducing a brownie to a stoner will only endanger the brownie. (Take that as you will)

I may not use Mouse in any dog shows, even if he could easily win.

(In deference to the previous remark about the Body Condom)

I will not threaten Carlos with "Castor Oil and Rubber Pants"

I will not justify my public nudity with the excuse "I had a mishap, and my clothes are invisible"

Despite labeling some of the strongest foes I have faced with the cute nickname of "Nickleheads" I will not move up the coinage denominations and continue with "Dimes" "Quarters" or "Half Dollars" the gag may run out.

Dressing for success means wearing sensible clothing, with style and aplomb. It does not mean going to a vampire fight wearing a "What Would Buffy Do" Tee.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on August 14, 2008, 01:17:04 PM

Quote from: Jamamma on August 14, 2008, 08:46:15 AM

Despite labeling some of the strongest foes I have faced with the cute nickname of "Nickleheads" I will not move up the coinage denominations and continue with "Dimes" "Quarters" or "Half Dollars" the gag may run out.

I will subsequently not refer to the Denarians' human followers/lackeys as "Penny Dreadfuls."

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on August 14, 2008, 01:44:38 PM

Quote from: Priscellie on August 14, 2008, 01:17:04 PM

I will subsequently not refer to the Denarians' human followers/lackeys as "Penny Dreadfuls."

And, if I come across any lackadaisical or lazy Denarian converts, I will not call them "Penny Loafers"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on August 14, 2008, 02:09:57 PM

And Mama Denarian doesn't get called Penny Auntie. *rimshot*

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on August 14, 2008, 02:52:04 PM

If Harry's first girlfriend was dragooned into Denarian servitude, would she be Penny Elaine?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on August 14, 2008, 02:54:04 PM

Quote from: Priscellie on August 14, 2008, 02:52:04 PM

If Harry's first girlfriend was dragooned into Denarian servitude, would she be Penny Elaine?

 :o

Wow. Another detail I've just plain missed; and here I've always thought Elaine was Harry's "first everything".

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on August 14, 2008, 02:58:45 PM

Quote from: Shecky on August 14, 2008, 02:54:04 PM

:o

Wow. Another detail I've just plain missed; and here I've always thought Elaine was Harry's "first everything".

Wait, what?  Elaine was Harry's first girlfriend.  How is this a revelation?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on August 14, 2008, 03:01:12 PM

Quote from: Priscellie on August 14, 2008, 02:58:45 PM

Wait, what?  Elaine was Harry's first girlfriend.  How is this a revelation?

*headdesk* It's time for me to put landmines in the apartment upstairs (they're letting their kids do kiddie construction after 11 again), because I was obviously too tired to see "Elaine" in "Penny Elaine" and instead saw "Penny" and got all stupidered.

I need a week's vacation. Scratch that - I need the upstairs neighbors to go away for a week. That'll be almost as good.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on August 14, 2008, 03:05:11 PM

Penny Elaine is in my ears and in my eyes, there beneath the blue suburban skies...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on August 14, 2008, 03:07:47 PM

Quote from: Priscellie on August 14, 2008, 03:05:11 PM

Penny Elaine is in my ears and in my eyes, there beneath the blue suburban skies...

Yeah, that part I got. Apparently, I still have a few neurons firing.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Lash Dresden on August 14, 2008, 03:13:36 PM

Quote from: Shecky on August 14, 2008, 03:01:12 PM

*headdesk* It's time for me to put landmines in the apartment upstairs (they're letting their kids do kiddie construction after 11 again), because I was obviously too tired to see "Elaine" in "Penny Elaine" and instead saw "Penny" and got all stupidered.

I need a week's vacation. Scratch that - I need the upstairs neighbors to go away for a week. That'll be almost as good.

I once had an upstairs neighbor who bought his two pre-teen girls roller blades for Christmas.  A few weeks later the conversation we had in the parking lot went like this:

Me:  You bought your girls roller blades for Christmas.

Him: Yes.

Me:  I hate you

Him:  *confused look*

Me:  They skate in the kitchen.

Him:  They did that ONCE!

Me:  That you know of

[/off-topic]

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on August 14, 2008, 03:43:27 PM

Would the duo of conjugally-minded Denarian disciples be the Tuppenny Uprights?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on August 14, 2008, 04:05:40 PM

Quote from: Priscellie on August 14, 2008, 03:43:27 PM

Would the duo of conjugally-minded Denarian disciples be the Tuppenny Uprights?

Giggity?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on August 14, 2008, 04:08:49 PM

Quote from: Priscellie on August 14, 2008, 01:17:04 PM

I will subsequently not refer to the Denarians' human followers/lackeys as "Penny Dreadfuls."

If a New Yorker by the name of Sid Edwards moved to Branson, Missouri to work in an Ozark theme park and was then recruited by the Denarians, would he be known as "Silver Dollar Sid E."??

www.silverdollarcity.com (http://www.silverdollarcity.com)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on August 14, 2008, 05:48:49 PM

I will no longer refer to the Venatori Umbrorum's special vault for the Denarii as the "Five and Dime".

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Darkhallow on August 15, 2008, 03:02:45 AM

nor will i refer to any missing denarii as 'loose change'.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: bookivore on August 15, 2008, 03:15:27 AM

I also will not pause while shooting at Denarians and complain that there's nothing as worthless as a plugged nickel
If we happen to kill the tree girl Denarian, I will not loudly warn people not to take any wooden nickels

Nor will I spend most of my fights with Denarians alternating cliches with the line "To coin a phrase".  Unless it gets Nick so irritated that he just has to stop and tell me that if you utter a cliche, you are not saying something new, and therefore you are not coining a phrase.  So I will utterly ignore my own pledge and coin phrases at Nick until he turns purple.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on August 15, 2008, 04:00:05 AM

Quote from: cornyphil on July 06, 2008, 12:09:20 AM

Hahaha, Oh well. That good enough for me  :P


I will not polymorph anyone into a sheep...  Nor will i shout For the Horde! as i do it

I will not tell Micheal that latin is so last century and he should shout For The Light! when he goes into battle.
      ~despite how much he resembles a Paladin
      ~Nor will i ask him to place Divine Intervention on me

Harry wouldn't even be able to get on World of Warcraft, He'd blow the computer up!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: konstantine23 on August 15, 2008, 04:08:10 AM

This is true...and sad....because WOW is great. :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on August 15, 2008, 03:59:22 PM

Quote from: konstantine23 on August 15, 2008, 04:08:10 AM

This is true...and sad....because WOW is great. :D

Meh. It's the new opiate of the masses.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: One Duck on August 16, 2008, 12:53:40 AM

The masses need the occasional Opiate. :D
And opression of course, can't be a mass without being oppressed.:P

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: MAW on August 16, 2008, 09:58:56 AM

I will not drive slowly by Mavra's lair shouting "Bring out yer dead!"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Chiroptera on August 16, 2008, 02:53:04 PM

I will not rent a karaoke machine and stand outside Mavra's lair singing Alice Cooper's "I Love the Dead" and/or "Cold Ethyl."

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Darkhallow on August 16, 2008, 02:54:55 PM

I will no longer use Tim the enchanter as my 'stage name'. likewise I will not ask Michael to use the holy hand grenade of Antioch, doubtless of how effective it might be.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Homer on August 17, 2008, 10:08:51 PM

Quote from: Darkhallow on August 16, 2008, 02:54:55 PM

I will no longer use Tim the enchanter as my 'stage name'. likewise I will not ask Michael to use the holy hand grenade of Antioch, doubtless of how effective it might be.

unless facing off against a bloodthirsty bunny.

I use tim the enchanter as my name on ebay.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Darkhallow on August 18, 2008, 12:36:48 AM

I am not allowed to require people to answer these questions three in order to get past my wards.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWS8Mg-JWSg&feature=related (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWS8Mg-JWSg&feature=related)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on August 18, 2008, 01:05:19 AM

I remember that.
How could you not know your favorite color.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: konstantine23 on August 18, 2008, 01:06:16 AM

i dont know mine. I like 'em all

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on August 18, 2008, 01:08:26 AM

Than you would answer rainbow I guess.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: konstantine23 on August 18, 2008, 01:10:05 AM

hmm...so fitting...lol.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on August 18, 2008, 01:35:38 AM

If a giant, reborn Hammerhands-type is spawned from a Denarian coin, I am not to make reference to it being a Quarter-pounder...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on August 26, 2008, 07:47:34 PM

I am not allowed to make comments about the "Magic" in World of Warcraft

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: konstantine23 on August 26, 2008, 07:52:43 PM

hahaha. i like that one.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on September 02, 2008, 04:11:09 PM

Quote from: Araneae on August 16, 2008, 02:53:04 PM

I will not rent a karaoke machine and stand outside Mavra's lair singing Alice Cooper's "I Love the Dead" and/or "Cold Ethyl."

Unless his "karaoke machine" is a circa-1970s portable record player with swing arm and needle, and the songs are on 45-rpm records...Harry couldn't stand outside Mavra's lair singing Alice Cooper's "I Love the Dead" and/or "Cold Ethyl."; he has a negative effect on modern tech such as karaoke machines.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on September 02, 2008, 04:35:05 PM

Quote

he has a negative effect on modern tech such as karaoke machines

I knew there was something about Harry I liked.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Murphy's Stunt Double on September 02, 2008, 05:40:32 PM

Quote from: nanuq on September 02, 2008, 04:35:05 PM

I knew there was something about Harry I liked.

Just a vague random *something*, huh? LOL

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: konstantine23 on September 02, 2008, 09:13:51 PM

awe...i like karaoke...:)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Soulless Mystic5523 on September 02, 2008, 09:18:29 PM

Quote from: konstantine23 on September 02, 2008, 09:13:51 PM

awe...i like karaoke...:)

I like karaoke, but other people don't like my karaoke. ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: konstantine23 on September 02, 2008, 09:23:03 PM

lol. I do alright. Haha.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gman on September 04, 2008, 02:07:00 AM

Karaoke is OK if the person can sing halfway in tune. I was stationed in Korea and there were legions of people who killed songs. What is the deal with east Asians and Karaoke? It is like Americans and fast food.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: konstantine23 on September 05, 2008, 01:46:10 AM

atleast it wont kill them...unless they ingested the machine...or some angry american went insane and shot them from the pure torture.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on September 05, 2008, 02:27:40 AM

Let's try to stay on topic, guys. :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: konstantine23 on September 05, 2008, 02:28:26 AM

Harry Dresden is no longer to go off topic.
:) lol

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gman on September 05, 2008, 03:18:49 AM

Harry can't sing the song, "You can do Magic" to Luccio.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: One Duck on September 05, 2008, 03:22:26 AM

He's also not allowed to sing "I like better when you're naked"

At least in public. :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 05, 2008, 03:29:22 AM

He is not allowed to bark like a dog in front of his fairy godmother...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on September 05, 2008, 03:31:11 AM

I sing so badly that the closest I come to karaoke is when they carry this Okie   out of the bar where the American Idol wannabes hang out.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on September 05, 2008, 01:50:20 PM

Quote from: Tribblechomper on September 05, 2008, 03:31:11 AM

I sing so badly that the closest I come to karaoke is when they carry this Okie   out of the bar where the American Idol wannabes hang out.

Wow.  You hurt my brain...    :P

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: dragonmatrix on September 05, 2008, 07:18:40 PM

I will not ask Luccio if she goes both ways while she is petting Mister.

Nor will I ask if she likes it doggy style while she's petting Mouse.

No matter how bad my day is, I will not put on a purple suit, interrupt Marcone during one of his meetings, slam a pencil into his desk and ask him if he wants to see a magic trick.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 05, 2008, 07:42:24 PM

No matter what my day goes like I shall endeavour to not go up to Hendricks and ask how his cousin in the zoo is doing....

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on September 05, 2008, 08:25:15 PM

Quote from: dragonmatrix on September 05, 2008, 07:18:40 PM

No matter how bad my day is, I will not put on a purple suit, interrupt Marcone during one of his meetings, slam a pencil into his desk and ask him if he wants to see a magic trick.

*hides under desk*

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on September 05, 2008, 09:27:16 PM

Quote from: Priscellie on September 05, 2008, 08:25:15 PM

*hides under desk*

You realize, of course, that you're about to hear "Come out, come out, wherever you are..."

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 06, 2008, 03:27:16 AM

He is not allowed to go up to Larry Fowler and say: "Larry, can I come on your show?"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on September 06, 2008, 03:40:56 AM

Quote

He is not allowed to go up to Larry Fowler and say: "Larry, can I come on your show?"

Not without violating a restraining order :)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gman on September 06, 2008, 04:17:30 AM

Actually, it would be funny for Harry to hang near Larry Fowler and curse Larry's stuff like fry his car, cell phone, home electronics etc. Harry could veil himself and make Larry's life a living hell. Kind of like what Harry did to Madrigal in Proven Guilty at the Splattercon.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: konstantine23 on September 06, 2008, 04:38:46 AM

That would infact be pretty funny.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 06, 2008, 01:02:18 PM

He may not go up to Marcone and ask him if he saw the sale on consciences at Macys.....

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Dragonblood309 on September 07, 2008, 03:20:26 AM

Quote

No matter how bad my day is, I will not put on a purple suit, interrupt Marcone during one of his meetings, slam a pencil into his desk and ask him if he wants to see a magic trick.

AHAHAHAHA!!! I love it.  :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Beanluc on September 07, 2008, 11:27:37 PM

I must not look around baffledly, saying "Who said that!??!?!?" while Molly's talking to me.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 08, 2008, 12:48:08 AM

I must not answer the phone when Michael is calling and say: "This is hell, the Devil speaking...."

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Murphy's Stunt Double on September 08, 2008, 04:26:16 PM

*snickersnort*

Ah, but may I?? Please?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 08, 2008, 08:23:32 PM

I must not go up to Hendericks and ask him if he cryed when his cousin was shot down from the Empire State Building in the movie: King Kong

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Uilos on September 08, 2008, 09:18:09 PM

Quote from: Raestlin on September 08, 2008, 08:23:32 PM

I must not go up to Hendericks and ask him if he cryed when his cousin was shot down from the Empire State Building in the movie: King Kong

and then immediately turn to Gard and tell her she was best in "Godzilla"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: One Duck on September 09, 2008, 01:19:59 AM

I will not ask Ms. Gard to hum Wagner for me. Especially not the ride of the Valkyries...
I also won't ask her to wear a chainmail bikini. :D  Unless of course it IS the best armor choice at the time.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: cornyphil on September 09, 2008, 01:47:27 AM

I will not trust any member of the White Court (except Thomas)
~This includes any vampire with the last name Cullens.
~Stephanie Meyer is a great author... but she's got the wrong idea about those crazy vampires in Seattle.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 09, 2008, 01:59:00 AM

I will not ask Marcone if he would kindly rename Hendericks to Cujo....

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Uilos on September 09, 2008, 03:50:31 AM

Quote from: One Eye on September 09, 2008, 01:19:59 AM

I will not ask Ms. Gard to hum Wagner for me. Especially not the ride of the Valkyries...
I also won't ask her to wear a chainmail bikini. :D  Unless of course it IS the best armor choice at the time.

umm, she seems to have Wagner on Tap in her Helicopter. Harry was being a wise ass by asking it, but she actually had the damned thing on board

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on September 09, 2008, 02:29:34 PM

Quote from: Uilos on September 09, 2008, 03:50:31 AM

umm, she seems to have Wagner on Tap in her Helicopter. Harry was being a wise ass by asking it, but she actually had the damned thing on board

One of the most gloriously bombastic songs EVER, and it's about you - wouldn't YOU have it on board? :)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 09, 2008, 08:19:06 PM

Quote from: Blitz on April 10, 2008, 06:31:27 AM

It is not okay to make up imaginary friends to replace Lash.
a) My subconscious is scary enough without giving him more people to chat with.

Besides, Lash seems like she might be the jealous type... :D 8)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 09, 2008, 08:20:47 PM

Quote from: Sameth on April 10, 2008, 01:48:39 PM

-I will not threaten Mab with getting Aslan to deal with her.
a) No matter how funny I think it is.

On the other hand, for some reason nobody laughs when Michael does it...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 09, 2008, 08:36:10 PM

Quote from: drache on April 15, 2008, 09:45:04 PM

a I will not annony Mac in general[/spoiler]

Hmmm...actually, on balance that isn't that funny.  I wouldn't be a bit surprised if it turned out at the end of the series that Mac is the most powerful being Harry's ever met, or something.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 09, 2008, 10:02:36 PM

I will not tell Mac that I like to refrigerate his brew
  a. because i do not want to get banned again.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Brian on September 09, 2008, 10:29:22 PM

I will not move most of the books from the wicca section of Borders to the fantasy section.

Even though they really belong there.

Or the rest to the self help section.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 09, 2008, 10:58:56 PM

I will not tell Michael that I attend AA meetings.....(Agnostics Anonymous)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 10, 2008, 07:45:55 AM

Quote from: Half man-half amazing on July 04, 2008, 04:19:11 AM

Not allowed to get Murphy, Luccio, and Elane into a 3 way mud/ pudding match and post it on pay perview and have ring side seats to the event.

However, if someone else were to arrange it, Marcone is prepared to split the ticket profits if a certain wizard looks the other way (or pretends to, he's only human)...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 10, 2008, 07:51:18 AM

Quote from: Gman on July 05, 2008, 01:20:31 AM

Harry can't invite Titania and Mab over for a threesome.

On the other hand, if Mab wants him to pay off the last favor that way and arranges it herself, that's OK.

In that event, however, Harry is not allowed to sing "I'm in love with Maeve's Mom" around Mab's daughter afterward...even if her reaction would probably be kind of funny.

"MOOOMMMMM!"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 10, 2008, 08:21:36 AM

Harry is not allowed to court and marry Marion Murphy just because he wants some decent food.  On the other hand, if she comes on to him, anything goes.

Harry is not allowed to to whisper "Aloha, you half-monster bastard" in Kincaid's ear when when Kincaid is on the edge of death.  It makes Ivy unhappy.

Harry is not allowed to hum "Afternoon Delights" during his monthly diplomatic meeting with Lara Raith.  While it is a cute tune, it sets the wrong tone and could get him killed.

Harry is not allowed to hum "England swings" endlessly in an attempt to try and goad the Merlin into trying to break the First Law.

Harry is not allowed to use magic to help Butters win the polka contest again this year.  The Council passed a whole new Law of Magic about that...

Harry is not allowed to slip Karrin a dose of Three-eye just before her date with Kincaid...

The next time Kincaid and Murphy go to Hawaii, Harry is not allowed to mail a manila envelope full of incriminating evidence about Kincaid to McGarrett.  That's Ebenezar's job...deniability is everything.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on September 10, 2008, 11:28:28 AM

These are great, everyone, but please keep these in first-person, as is the standard format.  Use the posts on the first few pages as a guide! :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Noey on September 10, 2008, 12:26:01 PM

Quote from: LordDresden on September 10, 2008, 07:51:18 AM

On the other hand, if Mab wants him to pay off the last favor that way and arranges it herself, that's OK.

In that event, however, Harry is not allowed to sing "I'm in love with Maeve's Mom" around Mab's daughter afterward...even if her reaction would probably be kind of funny.
"MOOOMMMMM!"

Related, I am not allowed to hum, "Maeve's Mom Has Got It Goin' On".

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 10, 2008, 01:35:37 PM

I am not allowed to hum the song Mountain Music around Ebenezar
  a. If I want to go on living that is....

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Dragonblood309 on September 10, 2008, 03:07:57 PM

I am not allowed to shove swords into rocks in an attempt to get rid of them.

Likewise I'm not allowed to chuck them into Lake Michigan in the hope that the lady of the lake will do my job for me.
a)Besides, some watery tart lying in ponds, chucking swords at people is no basis for a system of government. True power is derived from the masses. Not some farcical aquatic cerimony.  ;)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Murphy's Stunt Double on September 10, 2008, 05:20:40 PM

Acceptable formats:

Quote from: Priscellie on April 09, 2008, 03:52:26 AM

- I am not allowed to ...
- I will never ...
- Bob's skull (fill in the blank)  is not to be used to...

- Under no circumstances am I to even contemplate ...
- Just because something is (fill in the blank) doesn't mean (fill in the blank).

- (Fill in the blank) is not a (fill in the blank).

Etc. You get the hint.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 10, 2008, 06:16:25 PM

Quote from: Noey on September 10, 2008, 12:26:01 PM

Related, I am not allowed to hum, "Maeve's Mom Has Got It Goin' On".

In the aftermath of the threesome, for that matter I am not allowed to sing it around Elaine, Luccio, Susan, Karrin, or Lash, either.  For some reason none of them seem to find it funny.

No, none of them think 'Fire and Ice' is funny, either.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 10, 2008, 06:24:56 PM

Quote from: LordDresden on September 10, 2008, 07:51:18 AM

On the other hand, if Mab wants him to pay off the last favor that way and arranges it (a threesome with Titania) herself, that's OK.

In that event, however, I am not allowed to rub Thomas' nose in it with jokes and comments.  I am an adult and the satisfaction to be gained by outdoing Thomas in that department is childish.  So no comments.  The look on his face as Mab and Titania emerge from my bedroom is sufficient.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Thrasher on September 10, 2008, 07:19:14 PM

I will not suggest that the new warden motto be "who watches the watchmen"

Nor I will not comment at the next White Council meeting "wizards should not be afraid of their White Council, the White Council should be afraid of their wizards".

I will not invite Alan Moore to any future White Council meetings to "knock some sense into them"

I will not nickname Cowl "Darth Hoodie".
- Nor will I call Ebenezar "Obi Wan McCoy"

I will not get Murphy to edit the wikipedia entry for "Wizard"
- Nor will I get her to create one for me and have it redirect to "Wizards"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 10, 2008, 07:26:02 PM

In the event I find myself facing off against Kincaid, I am not allowed to yell, "Hey Kincaid, how about a nice Hawaiian punch!" just before I cut loose with all the rings at once.  A whispered 'aloha' is sufficient, and that way nobody else hears it.

I am not allowed to get upset if Murphy ever gets mad at me for never showing her that magic-shield trick that anyone can do that I showed Butters, I have it coming and will accept her anger in a mature way.  However, I am allowed to ring her up during dates with Luccio and accidentally mention my pants.

I am not allowed to sic Mouse on Detective Rudolph.  However, purely hypothetically, if Mouse were to wonder into Rudolph's house all on his own, and hypothetically, if Rudolph were to startle him...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Blaze on September 10, 2008, 07:49:41 PM

I am not allowed to sneak into the Coiffure Cup and pour Nair into the creme rinse bottles.
--unless I want Thomas living on my couch for eternity
--because he can hurt me. Bad.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 10, 2008, 08:15:00 PM

I am not allowed to trick Detective Rudolph into going into the Couffeire Cup and ask for Thomas pronounced: Toe-moss


Nor shall I be allowed to walk in there and ask anyone if they've seen a bottle of hair remover that I accidentally dropped near the door and that I think someone working in the shop mistook it for shampoo........

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Wolfeyes on September 11, 2008, 04:51:51 AM

I am not allowed to play the Darth Vader theme song whenever I enter the White Council, it gives people the wrong idea.
-Most of them probably wouldn't get it anyway.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Homer on September 11, 2008, 10:01:43 AM

Quote from: Shecky on September 09, 2008, 02:29:34 PM

One of the most gloriously bombastic songs EVER, and it's about you - wouldn't YOU have it on board? :)

If I had a helicopter that I was using for anything besides basic transportaion I'd be blaring it everywhere I went.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Leo on September 11, 2008, 12:15:40 PM

I am not allowed to practice ice magic on Molly's piercings.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on September 11, 2008, 12:25:02 PM

Quote

I am not allowed to trick Detective Rudolph into going into the Couffeire Cup and ask for Thomas pronounced: Toe-moss

Really, why not? 

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on September 11, 2008, 03:32:37 PM

Quote from: Raestlin on September 10, 2008, 08:15:00 PM

I am not allowed to trick Detective Rudolph into going into the Couffeire Cup and ask for Thomas pronounced: Toe-moss

I dunno..."toe-moss" sounds like a description of improper cleanliness of the feet, like toejam

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 11, 2008, 04:31:16 PM

Quote from: nanuq on September 11, 2008, 12:25:02 PM

Really, why not? 

Because the customers in that shop would more than likely think Rudy was Thomas's new lover....

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 12, 2008, 03:15:56 AM

Quote from: Leo on September 11, 2008, 12:15:40 PM

I am not allowed to practice ice magic on Molly's piercings.

Unless Charity asks me, in secret, to do so.  ;)

I am not allowed to break the Fourth Law to convince Molly to dress like a human being.  Public mockery, on the other hand, is an acceptable tactic.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 12, 2008, 03:52:36 AM

I am not allowed to ask Molly to hold a live wire  so that I will have Christmas lights in my house....

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 12, 2008, 04:14:02 AM

I am not allowed to hum the tune to "The Cleanup Woman" when I am in the same room with Murphy and Luccio.  That's just childish.  Kind of fun, but childish.  And it could get me killed.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 12, 2008, 02:07:58 PM

I am not allowed to suggest that Captain Luccio get Botox, even though it would make her look realllly hot!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 13, 2008, 03:09:13 AM

I am not allowed to use the mother/daughter portrait (clean, professionally done and tasteful, you pervs 8)  )of Molly and Charity to motivate Bob.

That's what the picture of Mab and Maeve is for.

I am not allowed to reveal that I possess the picture of Mab and Maeve to anybody but Bob, who is forbidden to speak of it.  In fact, I am not allowed to reveal that the picture even exists.  I want to live...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 13, 2008, 04:16:28 AM

I am not allowed to tell Mab that you think Maeve would be a better queen than she is....

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gallowglass on September 13, 2008, 10:09:41 AM

I am not allow to tell Mab or Titania that Toe-moss is a better queen than either of them.

[I am laughing so hard, as I think of those 3 in that fable about the poor shepherd who had to chose who was the most beautiful.  I can see harry sitting as the judge of those 3.  Ahh, brotherly revenge.... I mean love.]

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Fox on September 13, 2008, 11:58:13 PM

Harry must never inform any of his enemies of the existence of the Evil Overlord's List

Nor may he ever ask to hear Cowl's rendition of "Slaughter Your World"
(Looking For Group Reference)

Nor may he ever break into montage related theme song while Molly is training, not even Eye of the Tiger.
He may however make use of other Rocky references including but not limited to:
"I didn't hear no bell" "I will break you" "Get up ya Bum!"
Note: "ADDRIANNNNNNN!" is strictly forbidden.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Dragonblood309 on September 14, 2008, 09:05:05 PM

Lol all I can think of now is the montage song from Team America.  :D




Edit: Split!  This thread continues here (http://www.jimbutcheronline.com/bb/index.php/topic,9013.0.html) --Priscilla

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 15, 2008, 04:30:26 AM

Note: This is a continuation of this thread (http://www.jimbutcheronline.com/bb/index.php/topic,6918.0.html)!  Be sure to check it out as well--funny stuff!  --Priscilla




Speaking of beauty contests...

I am not allowed to reenact the Judgement of Paris with Mab, Maeve, and Lara as the contestants and Detective Rudolph as the judge.  While this would be an appropriate punishment for Rudolph, the last time someone tried something this the mess took ten years to clean up and there was all kinds of diplomatic and political fallout...

I am not allowed to tease Lara about the growing number of people who know something interesting about her father...

I am not allowed to encourage Lara and Marcone to fight each other for secret power in Chicago.  While this would certainly keep them both busy and out of my hair for a long period, one or the other would eventually win and 'emerge stronger than either'.  Not a good thing.  Though the Vegas oddsmakers would be going crazy trying to pick the winner...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on September 16, 2008, 02:52:34 PM

Quote from: LordDresden on September 15, 2008, 04:30:26 AM

I am not allowed to encourage Lara and Marcone to fight each other for secret power in Chicago.  While this would certainly keep them both busy and out of my hair for a long period, one or the other would eventually win and 'emerge stronger than either'.  Not a good thing.  Though the Vegas oddsmakers would be going crazy trying to pick the winner...

Not to mention the Dangers if they were to start cooperating...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on September 16, 2008, 11:18:13 PM

I am not allowed to use Bob's skull as an ice cream scoop.

I am not allowed to have Bob judge any beauty contests.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on September 17, 2008, 12:09:00 AM

Quote

I am not allowed to have Bob judge any beauty contests

Like he'd do a worse job that one of the other American Idol judges...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 17, 2008, 12:30:17 AM

I am not allowed to quote Socrates while holding Bob's skull in one hand

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: One Duck on September 17, 2008, 01:11:12 AM

Or Shakepeare for that matter.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on September 17, 2008, 02:06:43 AM

I am not allowed to let Bob possess me when I have to go into a room full of women... unless their names are all on the Jim Butcher boards.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 17, 2008, 02:59:38 AM

I am not allowed to let Bob out when there is a summit meeting going on....the last thing I need is for him to cause another Valentine's day massacre.....

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 17, 2008, 05:35:56 AM

I am not allowed to sing "The Night Chicago Died" around my friends before going into a desperate battle alone.  While it boosts my spirits and calms my nerves, it makes Molly, Michael, Charity, Thomas, Murphy, Elaine, Mouse, Mister, Susan, the Alphas, and the rest sick with worry.

On the other hand, humming it as I walk back in the door after winning said battle is a classy touch...

(Just try to imagine what sort of situation would have Harry walking off into a desperate battle, and all these people are staying behind to wait...that would be very strange.)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Uilos on September 17, 2008, 05:39:51 AM

Quote from: LordDresden on September 17, 2008, 05:35:56 AM

I am not allowed to sing "The Night Chicago Died" around my friends before going into a desperate battle alone.  While it boosts my spirits and calms my nerves, it makes Molly, Michael, Charity, Thomas, Murphy, Elaine, Mouse, Mister, Susan, the Alphas, and the rest sick with worry.

You win

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 17, 2008, 05:45:19 AM

Quote from: Quantus347 on September 16, 2008, 02:52:34 PM

Not to mention the Dangers if they were to start cooperating...

Somehow...I just can't see that happening, except in emergency tactical situations.  Marcone has a moral compass of a sort, Lara pawned hers decades ago.  They just wouldn't get along.

In the event of a smackdown, Marcone vs. Lara battle of wits and schemes for secret power...my money in on Marcone, after a long hard fight, or it would be except that I am not allowed to place bets on the outcome of a Lara/Marcone ultimate smackdown battle for secret control. 

I am not allowed to sell popcorn for the first time Lara attempts to defeat Marcone...personally...if you know what I mean.

If for some reason the CPD ever needs to put out an APB description of Lara Raith, I am not allowed to mention that I know where they can find some professional quality stills and video of the perp...

Once Lash returns, I am not allowed to mention casually to Lara that, "You call that temptation?! I've been tempted by an expert!" just to make Lash laugh...however, at that point I am allowed to pass on Lash's professional criticisms of Lara's technique.  In doing so, however, I am not allowed to repeat some of Lash's personal nicknames for Lara, discretion is the better part of valor, after all...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Dragonblood309 on September 17, 2008, 05:45:16 PM

Quote

...Once Lash returns...

Once she returns? o_0 Has it been confirmed? Did the great and glorious Jim say she was gonna come back?

I'm not allowed to fill a paper bag with Mouses humongous leavings, put in on Larry Fowlers doorstep, light it on fire, ring the doorbell and run away.

Ditto with Lara and Marcone.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on September 17, 2008, 07:06:43 PM

Quote from: Dragonblood309 on September 17, 2008, 05:45:16 PM

I'm not allowed to fill a paper bag with Mouses humongous leavings, put in on Larry Fowlers doorstep, light it on fire, ring the doorbell and run away.

Ditto with Lara and Marcone.

Nor am I allowed to contribute to the delinquency of a minor by having Molly veil me as I do the above actions

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: pyroriffic on September 17, 2008, 07:55:59 PM

I will remember that plastic vampire teeth may be funny in the right situation, but that situation is not necessarily in the middle of a Council meeting.

I will never again say "but what happens when Polka does die?" where Butters can hear me.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: pyroriffic on September 17, 2008, 08:49:39 PM

I will never quote from the Book of Armaments when using Hellfire.
a) It is not the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.
b) I will not count to five three.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 18, 2008, 12:32:57 AM

Quote from: Dragonblood309 on September 17, 2008, 05:45:16 PM

Once she returns? o_0 Has it been confirmed? Did the great and glorious Jim say she was gonna come back?

No.  I think Harry might simply have been indulging in a little wishful/hopeful thinking as he pondered that...  :D

Seriously, though, I can't help but wonder what Lash would think of the 'temptation technique' of people like Lara and Maeve...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 18, 2008, 12:52:34 AM

I am not allowed to bring Mouse to White Council meetings, just to watch him meet Ancient Mai's stone toys...

I am not allowed to bring Mouse to White Council meetings, just on the chance that Morgan decides to tear off any bandages...

I am not allowed to bring Marcone to White Council meetings, just so he can show Langtry what effective leadership looks like...wait a minute, why exactly am I not allowed to do that?
 
I am not allowed to phone up Lord Raith and ask him if he's feeling hungry...

I am not allowed to tease Lara by pretending to offer to trade Carlos to her in exchange for information.  Likewise, I am not allowed to tell Lara that Maeve has been seen in his apartment lately.  It just leads to trouble...

I am not allowed to let Molly dye Mouse multiple colors for Halloween.  That was fun, but Stallings chewed me out for days afterward about all the reports of a 'rainbow-colored giant monster' in the steeets...

I am not allowed to ask Lara what she knows about my mother, even though they almost certainly knew each other.  Mostly because I'm afraid of what she'll tell me...

Charity and I are not allowed to weird everybody out by suddenly acting like best friends...even though it would make Molly crazy...

When Lara and her sisters are out for a 'girls night out', I am not allowed to 'happen' to let Bob out for a 'spirit's night on the town' at the same time.  The total destruction of the city of Chicago is too high a price for a laugh.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 18, 2008, 02:12:23 AM

I am not allowed to let Bob attend Mardi Gras.....the destruction of the city would surely be noticed.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 18, 2008, 03:01:41 AM

If it should happen, during my monthly Council/Court diplomatic meeting with Lara, that the song "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" comes on the radio, I am not allowed to immediately hurl fire at her.  A warning glare is required first, fire is used only if she refuses to take a hint.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Dragonblood309 on September 18, 2008, 05:26:30 AM

I shall not make a giant soulfire hand to show the person who just cut me off on the highway how I feel about them.

Nor shall I use it to catch fly balls at baseball games.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on September 18, 2008, 06:19:24 AM

Quote from: Dragonblood309 on September 18, 2008, 05:26:30 AM

I shall not make a giant soulfire hand to show the person who just cut me off on the highway how I feel about them.

Nor shall I use it to catch fly balls baseball games.

I will also never make said soul fire hand and tell a doctor no this is a prostate exam.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gallowglass on September 19, 2008, 12:47:01 AM

I am not allowed to create the giant soul hand and do my best 'Otter' look as you say 'Not that good?".  If you don't understand, you are way to young.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 19, 2008, 02:46:10 AM

I am not allowed to start dancing if "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" by Trace Adkins comes on the radio when I am meeting with Murphy.....I dont want to get a broken wrist....

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 19, 2008, 03:56:38 AM

Quote from: Raestlin on September 19, 2008, 02:46:10 AM

I am not allowed to start dancing if "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" by Trace Adkins comes on the radio when I am meeting with Murphy.....I dont want to get a broken wrist....

Actually that sounds more like a shooting offense!  (It might be that I got a little sick of that song when I heard it for the 1,205,385th time.)

I am not allowed to get drunk, call up Titania at 3:00 am, and ask her, "It's 3:00 am, do you know where your daughter is?"

I am not allowed to get drunk, call up Mab at 3:00 am, and tell her, "It's 3:00 am and I know where your daughter is..."

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gallowglass on September 19, 2008, 08:09:05 AM

I am not allowed to get drunk and tell Murphy I know Mab or Titania's phone numbers.

I am not allowed to get drunk and make appointments for Mab, Titania or Lara at Toe-moss's salon.  At least without getting some old fashioned crank cameras in place first.

I am not allowed to go to a friend's child's christening and give them a 'Little Wizzard' hat.  Especially if it is Murphy's sisters kid.

I am not allowed to teach or allow Molly how to cast the illusion of herself pregnant to flip out her parents.

I am not not allowed to teach Molly how to cast the illusion that her belly is flat either or to have bigger breasts, in fact, no illusory plastic surgery at all.  Bad thing to get Charity mad at me for her daughter's sudden 44dd's.

I am not allowed to give Ivy a t-shirt that says, 'I know everything, so don't bother', to wear to school or for her tutor.

I can give her a t-shirt that says, 'No it's Not' when a boy starts hitting on her and bragging about a certain something.  Even better, I can give such a boyfriend a nice white t-shirt with a bull's eye on it and a bullet to Kincaid when she hits dating age.




Murphy's sister's ba

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 20, 2008, 03:01:47 AM

When summoning the Za-Lord's guard for a review when Murphy is around, I am not allowed to tell them that isn't nice to tease Muirph about her height.

I am not allowed to send the Za-Lord's guard to drive Rudolph insane with noises in the night.

I am not allowed to insult the Merlin during White Council meetings.  That's Ebenezar's place.

When introducing Murphy and Ivy to others at the same time, I am not allowed to tell people that the short one is the cop.  Even if it might soon be true.

I am not allowed to tell Murphy, Elaine, Lash, Susan, or any of the other Harry-ettes that I'd sell the lot of them if it would bring a smile to Ivy's face.  Even though that just might be the truth.

It's OK for Mouse to give Ivy pony rides.  However I am no longer allowed to permit this with Murphy, people are starting to talk.

I am not allowed to remind the White Council that my execution might make Ivy unhappy.  They don't need reminding, they already know it...and I get a little giggle out of that every night before I go to sleep.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tempus Corvus on September 20, 2008, 06:55:53 AM

The diagram "Wound Man" is not allowed in my office. Especially not if there's a serial killer on the loose.

I will not ask Mavra to show Stephanie Meyer what REAL vampires are like.
-Well, maybe.
-On second thought, no. I don't want to know what she'd want in return.
-I am, however, allowed to send out copies of Twilight to the Red Court and Black court, and then just see what happens.

I will keep Thomas away from any Twilight fan gatherings, especially if  I see him with blonde hair dye and some sort of 'Sparkling' enchantment.

"FOR PONY!" Is not my battle cry.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Uilos on September 20, 2008, 03:15:57 PM

Quote from: Tempus Corvus on September 20, 2008, 06:55:53 AM

The diagram "Wound Man" is not allowed in my office. Especially not if there's a serial killer on the loose.

I will not ask Mavra to show Stephanie Meyer what REAL vampires are like.
-Well, maybe.
-On second thought, no. I don't want to know what she'd want in return.
-I am, however, allowed to send out copies of Twilight to the Red Court and Black court, and then just see what happens.

I will keep Thomas away from any Twilight fan gatherings, especially if  I see him with blonde hair dye and some sort of 'Sparkling' enchantment.

"FOR PONY!" Is not my battle cry.

You are gonna feel right at home here

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 21, 2008, 06:20:25 PM

I am not allowed to place a call to Butters and disguise my voice pretending to be from the Oktoberfest committee, telling him that he is going to be very famous......however should Bob be inhabiting any telephones in the recent future........

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on September 21, 2008, 09:29:18 PM

Quote from: LordDresden on September 19, 2008, 03:56:38 AM

I am not allowed to get drunk, call up Titania at 3:00 am, and ask her, "It's 3:00 am, do you know where your daughter is?"

I am not allowed to call Kincaid at 3am and ask him if he knows where Ivy is.
I really am not allowed to call Kincaid when he is on vacation with Murphy at 3am and ask him if he knows where Ivy is.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Murphy's Stunt Double on September 22, 2008, 01:06:46 AM

Quote from: S.A.M. Hitch on September 21, 2008, 09:29:18 PM

I really am not allowed to call Kincaid when he is on vacation with Murphy at 3am and ask him if he knows where Ivy is.

Au Contraire! I think Harry should DEFINITELY be allowed to do that! LOL

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gallowglass on September 22, 2008, 01:21:31 AM

I may not get the 'Book of Tantric Sex' and have Ivy correct it and send it to Kincaid and/or Murphy.

I may not keep the corrected book for myself either.

I am not allowed to ask Ivy, when she is older of course to make it legal, to respond to any of Lash's comments about Lara.  Come on, if it hasn't been written about, it isn't worth doing.

The same as above except with the Kama Sutra or any other pillow book.

I am not allowed to play 'Girls just want to have Fun," for Kincaid when Ivy goes out on her first date.  I am allowed to chain him in the cellar though.

I am not allowed to talk Mouse on walks and let him play with cars illegally parked in handicapped zones.  But I can sit on the hood of the really expensive ones and screw their electronics and accidents do happen with mouse and fancy interiors.

I may not start humming ride of the valkyrie when Charity meets Ms Gard for the first time.  Of course I am not sure who I would be humming for.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 22, 2008, 01:59:03 AM

Quote from: Gallowglass on September 22, 2008, 01:21:31 AM

I may not start humming ride of the valkyrie when Charity meets Ms Gard for the first time.  Of course I am not sure who I would be humming for.

If I catch a male White Court vampire eyeing Charity, I am not allowed to casually mention how wimpy her husband is.  While it's true that removing incubi from circulation is usually desirable, there's a right way and a wrong way to go about it...

When the time comes for Molly to learn electricity magic, I am not allowed to 'forget' to remind her to leave the piercings at home.  That would be just cruel...

When the time comes for Maeve to meet Molly, I am not allowed to gag if they start oohing and aahing over each other's outfits and exchanging fashion comments...

I am not allowed to invite Mother Summer and Mother Winter to tea, just to make Mab nuts...wait, it's too late for that, isn't it?

If I ever decide to let Lara get that close to me again, I am not allowed to 'accidentally' call her by one of her sisters' names in the heat of the moment.  While this might well breed dissension amid the White Court, it could also get my spine broken.  Bad risk/return ratio there...

When the time comes for Luccio, Murphy, or Elaine to meet Tera West, I am not allowed to whisper to them, "Yeah, she looks relaxed, but she's actually kind of wild."  I am, however, allowed to introduce Tera to Lara, just to see the two predators interact...

Also, when that time comes, it would really be small of me to tell Murph, "You remember, the one who helped me get loose back when you decided it would be a keen idea to arrest me in the middle of a loup-garou rampage?"  So I'm not allowed to do that.  On the other hand, I don't have to contradict Tera if she asks whether Murphy is still stupid.  (Come on, can't you hear Tera asking that?)

I am not allowed to put out 'the word' that the Za-Lord's guard has their orders in the event of anything bad happening to me...although come to think of it, that's not a bad idea...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Ms Duck on September 22, 2008, 05:20:14 AM

I shall not make a giant flamin sign " Fear the Za Lord"

...

on the white councils front lawn

...


with chimes..


again.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gallowglass on September 22, 2008, 06:18:56 AM

Quote from: LordDresden on September 22, 2008, 01:59:03 AM

When the time comes for Molly to learn electricity magic, I am not allowed to 'forget' to remind her to leave the piercings at home.  That would be just cruel...

No Pain, No Gain

Quote

When the time comes for Maeve to meet Molly, I am not allowed to gag if they start oohing and aahing over each other's outfits and exchanging fashion comments...

But I am allowed to put earplugs in, start talking to mouse about his next vet's appointment or mention a B-A-T-H for Mister. 

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on September 22, 2008, 07:37:03 AM

Quote from: MSL Returns on September 22, 2008, 05:20:14 AM

I shall not make a giant flamin sign " Fear the Za Lord"

...

on the white councils front lawn

...


with chimes..


again.

Wait why not they know not who the za lord is or know of his power.
It will be fun to watch them squirm too.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Dragonblood309 on September 22, 2008, 03:36:26 PM

The next time one of the Fae queens does something I find particularly objectionable, I am not allowed to threaten to call and tell their mothers on them.

Although that would be funny to see Mother Winter decend on Mab and Maeve scolding them for being so bad and such lose skanks to the nice wizard who was kind enough to vist her in the woods when her own family doesnt even bother to call.  ;)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 23, 2008, 03:51:44 AM

Quote from: Gallowglass on September 22, 2008, 06:18:56 AM

Quote

When the time comes for Molly to learn electricity magic, I am not allowed to 'forget' to remind her to leave the piercings at home.  That would be just cruel...

No Pain, No Gain

Would Charity get mad at Harry if he did that...or would she grin when Molly turned her back and wink and thumbs up?  :D

I am not allowed to permit Bob to possess Mister and send them over to Raith Manor with carte blanche for both of them...unless Lara really pisses me off. 

(I have the mental image of Lara ringing up Harry sometime in the wee hours and wearily asking for terms...)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 23, 2008, 04:01:11 AM

Quote from: Dragonblood309 on September 22, 2008, 03:36:26 PM

The next time one of the Fae queens does something I find particularly objectionable, I am not allowed to threaten to call and tell their mothers on them.

Although that would be funny to see Mother Winter decend on Mab and Maeve scolding them for being so bad and such lose skanks to the nice wizard who was kind enough to vist her in the woods when her own family doesnt even bother to call.  ;)

Maeve and Mab just know all their fun is going down the tubes when they hear the phrase 'nice wizard' from Mother Winter.  :D ;D


"And as for you, granddaughter, you might remember that you're not getting any younger, you're almost 10,000 and you're getting a bad reputation!  You could do worse than a nice, loyal, kind wizard like that, you know!  Do you want him to think you're some kind of slut with a brain smaller than your boobs?"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Dragonblood309 on September 23, 2008, 07:51:12 PM

I will not attempt to hook up the Earlking with Mab or Maeve. Or my Godmother. Or anyone else for that matter.

No matter how much little Harry begs, I will not take him to meet the real Santa Clause. Nor will I take any of the other kids. Although I might take Ivy. She would prolly like that. :)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on September 26, 2008, 09:14:15 PM

I am not allowed to let Bob possess Mister and run off with him, then go get Molly and ask her to find and retrieve Mister for me....at least not without an old fashioned video recorder that is....

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gallowglass on September 28, 2008, 07:37:02 AM

Nah, use an old fashioned film movie camera, he can set up the projector and watch it on lonely Friday nights.

That could also be what he does to catch more modern flicks.  Many films can be rented and shown on old fashioned projectors, especially on a hot night.  Take it outside, put up a clean sheet and watch casablanca one more time.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on September 29, 2008, 01:59:40 AM

Lash and I are not allowed to go on 'American Idol' to play guitar, it's just not fair to the other contestants, and it makes the Merlin crazy with paranoid suspicions about me, he starts raving on about evil spirits...

I am not allowed to ask Elaine to tease Carlos by going out with him....she might like it too much.

I am not allowed to send Toot to spy on Murphy's superiors just to get blackmail so Murph can get her command back.  I don't know why I'm not allowed to do that, but I'm not.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gallowglass on September 29, 2008, 03:31:48 AM

Why not?  I don't see a single law that precludes using magic to blackmail somebody.  Control them, kill them yes but blackmail, nope.  They still have their own free will and can of course always blow the whistle.


Harry Dresden cannot take a job to work at a Asleigh Simpson concert to prove if she is still lip synching or not!

He can however work for the Grammy Committe to make sure that all Grammy nominees are (a) human and (b) not using vocal enhancements or tapes.

By the way, many singers have the song playing in their ears as a memory aid.  It is also useful to keep your song on tune/time in a large arena not nescessarily designed for voice performance.  I won't tell you how many actors use a similar method, especially when pulled into a role with only a few days warning.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: brenatevi on October 09, 2008, 11:39:47 AM

Quote from: Raestlin on September 18, 2008, 02:12:23 AM

I am not allowed to let Bob attend Mardi Gras.....the destruction of the city would surely be noticed.

On second thought, I'm not allowed to let Bob go to any other city without supervision; I'm starting to wonder if he was the cause of some of disasters.  (Where was Bob during the San Fransisco Earthquake of 1908?)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Denise11 on October 09, 2008, 05:35:51 PM

I'm not allowed to let Bob run a Sex and the City fan club out of my sub basement. ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Half man-half amazing on October 10, 2008, 08:30:31 AM

Im is not allowed to sell stage side seats and put on pay perview a swim suit compititoin between Murphy, Molly, Lara, Mab, Maeve, Lily, Elaine, Luccio..... even though i dont see why not.

Bob and Thomas arnt Allowed to Judge said compition. The insurance alone would out beyond the outer gates....and im not talking about property insurance ether

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on October 11, 2008, 12:50:36 AM

Quote from: Half man-half amazing on October 10, 2008, 08:30:31 AM

Im is not allowed to sell stage side seats and put on pay perview a swim suit compititoin between Murphy, Molly, Lara, Mab, Maeve, Lily, Elaine, Luccio..... even though i dont see why not.

Ivy hands him a crayon-written, highly detailed history of the Trojan War and says, "Here is why not."  8)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: mythcantor on October 11, 2008, 07:46:36 AM

Quote from: Dragonblood309 on September 18, 2008, 05:26:30 AM

I shall not make a giant soulfire hand to show the person who just cut me off on the highway how I feel about them.

Nor shall I use it to catch fly balls at baseball games.

Quote from: S.A.M. Hitch on September 18, 2008, 06:19:24 AM

I will also never make said soul fire hand and tell a doctor no this is a prostate exam.

If I ever do these things, I will not shout "Talk to the Hand".  It's passe.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on October 11, 2008, 03:07:47 PM

Quote from: mythcantor on October 11, 2008, 07:46:36 AM

If I ever do these things, I will not shout "Talk to the Hand".  It's passe.

...except how Harry actually does say this upon his first use of Soulfire. :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: mythcantor on October 11, 2008, 03:40:51 PM

Quote from: Priscellie on October 11, 2008, 03:07:47 PM

...except how Harry actually does say this upon his first use of Soulfire. :D

Err... again?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: CinnaSchtick on October 16, 2008, 08:49:02 PM

I will not, when preparing a spell, insist that Europe's "The Final Countdown" be played, especially not as I hold a knife between my teeth and have scarves blown in my face.

(Get the reference, get a cookie.)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Heretic on October 16, 2008, 10:01:04 PM

Quote from: Cinna_Schtick on October 16, 2008, 08:49:02 PM

I will not, when preparing a spell, insist that Europe's "The Final Countdown" be played, especially not as I hold a knife between my teeth and have scarves blown in my face.

(Get the reference, get a cookie.)

Not even while driving in a convertible and letting it all hang out?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Soulless Mystic5523 on October 17, 2008, 07:47:34 PM

Quote from: Cinna_Schtick on October 16, 2008, 08:49:02 PM

I will not, when preparing a spell, insist that Europe's "The Final Countdown" be played, especially not as I hold a knife between my teeth and have scarves blown in my face.

(Get the reference, get a cookie.)

The Amazing G.O.B. strikes again!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: CinnaSchtick on October 17, 2008, 08:31:38 PM

Quote

Not even while driving in a convertible and letting it all hang out?[/

Quote from: heretic on October 16, 2008, 10:01:04 PM

Not even while driving in a convertible and letting it all hang out?

Nope, not even then. Now I've got this picture in my head of Harry in a Mustang with Mouse riding shotgun. 'Head to the side, tongue slappin' around, a little drool...and I'm sure Mouse would have a good time too.

Quote from: Souless Mystic5523 on October 17, 2008, 07:47:34 PM

The Amazing G.O.B. strikes again!

I will not reveal the secrets of my illusions, lest I be blackballed from the Magician's Alliance yet again.
(Though if Harry could be compared to any member of the Bluth family it'd have to be Michael.)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on October 27, 2008, 02:08:53 AM

Come Valentine's Day (or April Fool's Day, six of one half a dozen of the other), I am absolutely not allowed to call up the radio station and dedicate the following songs to the lovely ladies in my life:

I know What Boys Like (Waitresses) to Lara Raith

Hungry Like The Wolf to Andi and Georgia

Do You Really Want To Hurt Me to Deirdre

Waiting For A Girl Like You to Stacy Luccio

Fire and Ice to Titania and Mab

Devil or Angel to Lash

Wild Thing (by Sam Kinnison) to Elaine

You Were Mine to Elaine

Once Bitten, Twice Shy to Susan

Eyes Without A Face to Lasciel

Hot Child In The City to Molly

She's Not You to Murphy

Hard Headed Woman to Murphy

Devil In Disguise to Lash

Always A Woman To Me to Elaine

Cold As Ice To Maeve

Oh My Papa to Lara

They're Coming To Take Me Away to Aurora

Along those same lines, on Mother's Day I am not allowed to call up the radio station and dedicate Elvis' Mean Woman Blues to the memory of my mother, the lyrics make Morgan and Langtry even more paranoid than they already are, and deep down part of me fears that the black cat line might be all too accurate too...

Also, on Ivy's 18th birthday, I am not allowed to call the radio station and dedicate the Hawaii Five-oh theme to her, even though it would probably give Kincaid a heart attack...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: One Duck on October 27, 2008, 02:45:31 AM

lol I like those dedications!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Murphy's Stunt Double on October 27, 2008, 02:52:27 AM

Lord Dresden, that was freakin' brilliant!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Half man-half amazing on October 27, 2008, 03:45:11 AM

not to mention The Devil went out to Georgia for nick

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on October 27, 2008, 11:20:45 AM

Quote from: Half man-half amazing on October 27, 2008, 03:45:11 AM

not to mention The Devil went out to Georgia for nick

Actually, that's "The Devil Went Down To Georgia", as any Country-Western/Charlie Daniels Band enthusiast would know; if you call yourself a C-W/CDB enthusiast and don't know, you might as well hang your 10-gallon hat in shame. :) ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Half man-half amazing on October 27, 2008, 07:52:57 PM

Sorry it was 3 in the morning and I just got off working a 12 hour shit but im sure you all know what I meant

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: cornyphil on October 28, 2008, 12:26:35 AM

Quote from: Half man-half amazing on October 27, 2008, 07:52:57 PM

Sorry it was 3 in the morning and I just got off working a 12 hour shit but im sure you all know what I meant

LOL! I am going to assume you mean "shift"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gallowglass on October 28, 2008, 12:38:26 AM

Maybe.  I know that when I worked as a security guard, I would often take a shift long dump or at least it felt like it.  I also had way too many shifts that were really, well you know.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Half man-half amazing on October 28, 2008, 06:45:14 AM

yea i meant shift but it feels like a Sh*t but after I read one of the Dresden Files books I relize that my job really aint that bad.

From SmF
"No, thanks. Aren't you supposed to drink vodka?"
"Aren't you supposed to wear pointy hat and ride of flying brooomstick?"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Half man-half amazing on October 28, 2008, 06:49:57 AM

just adding to my last post:

NOTE TO SELF: Dont follow the stero types with sanya around he will burn you bad

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Jefe on October 29, 2008, 01:18:17 AM

I am not allowed to play "Samurai Deli" with Fidelacchius while watching "Best of SNL".

I am not allowed to invite Eldest Gruff to supper and serve up "tin can and old boot surprise".

I am not allowed to say "Stand up!  oh...never mind" to Murphy.

I am not allowed to hum the theme song to the "A-Team" while I watch Mike work on the Blue Beetle.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gallowglass on October 29, 2008, 08:22:20 AM

I may not ask the Merlin to help me recreate John Belushi's 'Samurai Tailor'.

I may not nominate the Merlin for the British version of 'What Not to Wear'.

I may not nominate Toe-mas for Bravo's hairstylist show.

I may however nominate myself for any of a dozen home improvement shows.  Maybe I can figure out a way to get a warm shower in the middle of winter.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on October 31, 2008, 01:58:12 AM

I am not allowed to call into the radio station and dedicate "Witchy Woman" to Ancient Mai....Morgan would probably try to kill me.....again!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: bookivore on October 31, 2008, 01:48:41 PM

I am not allowed to gather my allies together and detail a plan with a cobbled-together attack vehicle and a classic pincher attack
Nor am I allowed to gloat "I love it when a plan comes together" after all the baddies are blown away

This is only because everyone is a spoilsport and they ganged up to put me in a straitjacket the last time I did it.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on November 05, 2008, 03:10:34 AM

I am not allowed to give Murphy a pair of elevator shoes for Christmas....I do not want to have a broken leg over the holidays...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: bookivore on November 05, 2008, 04:30:32 AM

I am not Mr. Wizard and Carlos isn't Jimmy

I am not Batman, neither Thomas nor Carlos are Robin the Boy Wonder, Molly isn't Batgirl, Ebeneezer isn't the Commissioner, my Lab isn't the Batcave, the BlueBeetle is not the Batmobile, my blasting rod is not a Batarang, Bob isn't Alfred, Lara isn't Catwoman,  and Mouse isn't the Bat-Hound.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: mythcantor on November 05, 2008, 04:47:42 AM

I am not allowed to redesign my wards to cause gas

• Morgan isn't very happy about that
• What gas looks like in a Red Court Vampire I don't want to describe
  

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on November 05, 2008, 07:46:40 PM

I am not allowed to stand near any republican while they vote on a computer machine
I am also not allowed to stand near Murphy and Michael and Charity Carpenter while they're voting

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on November 05, 2008, 09:33:22 PM

I am not allowed to introduce Lara to Barack Obama, although I dont know why.....

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on November 05, 2008, 09:35:28 PM

Quote from: Raestlin on November 05, 2008, 09:33:22 PM

I am not allowed to introduce Lara to Barack Obama, although I dont know why.....

Have you seen the way they look at each other?  Lara would get burned. :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tempus Corvus on November 06, 2008, 03:13:54 AM

I am not allowed to use my Sight, or anything that strips away illusions, on any of the following.
-The Rolling Stones, especially Keith. I'm pretty sure he's not human, but I don't want to know anything else.
-Dick Cheney. The pure evil would destroy my sanity.
-The Pope. Look, I know he LOOKS like Palpatine, but that means nothing.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Denise11 on November 06, 2008, 03:54:33 AM

Quote

I am not Batman, neither Thomas nor Carlos are Robin the Boy Wonder, Molly isn't Batgirl, Ebeneezer isn't the Commissioner,

Ok but then who is Aunt Harriet? Maybe his landlady?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: bookivore on November 06, 2008, 09:50:25 PM

Quote from: Denise11 on November 06, 2008, 03:54:33 AM

Ok but then who is Aunt Harriet? Maybe his landlady?

I'm not quite remembering Aunt Harriet's personality, but would Murphy's mother work?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on November 06, 2008, 11:11:35 PM

Quote from: bookivore on November 06, 2008, 09:50:25 PM

I'm not quite remembering Aunt Harriet's personality, but would Murphy's mother work?

Not unless she had about 45% of her mental capacity removed, as Ol' Aunt Harriet was brought into the tv series for the sole purpose of deflecting the appearance of any NeverLand Ranch-y relationship between Bruce and Dick that would have aroused the suspicions of the Gotham City Dept. of Children & Family Services.

Somehow, dressing up as a bat and fighting crime with your young charge dresssed up like a neon sign advertising street-/swim-wear for the fashion-challenged would likely have been looked upon in the same vein as a reclusive 80s has-been with a zoo in his yard having an untoward interest in prepubescent boys...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on November 07, 2008, 04:36:24 PM

I am not allowed to refer to Cowl as the Joker

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on November 07, 2008, 08:16:47 PM

Referring to Mavra as Batgirl would be kind of awesome (especially to her face).

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Half man-half amazing on November 09, 2008, 05:36:10 AM

I am not allowed to run or office the world hates us as it is.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on November 09, 2008, 06:11:55 AM

Quote from: Raestlin on November 07, 2008, 04:36:24 PM

I am not allowed to refer to Cowl as the Joker

I am, however, allowed to refer to either Lt. Rudolph or Darth Wannabee as 'the Joke'.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Uilos on November 09, 2008, 06:13:38 AM

Quote from: nanuq on November 07, 2008, 08:16:47 PM

Referring to Mavra as Batgirl would be kind of awesome (especially to her face).

no, to Bianca

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gallowglass on November 13, 2008, 07:51:33 PM

The funny thing about the jokes concerning Batman and Robin is that historically, it was a common thing to happen, not the gay parts.  Craftsmen for centuries took boys into their homes as apprentices, to train them up in their own speciality, so all Bruce Wayne did was find a boy whose need for Revenge was as great as his own and train him.

IIRC, Robin was not supposed to be so brilliantly costumed but in something closer to the Batman's own outfit but a combination of factors over-ruled this, including Kane's refusal to have Batman and mini-batman, thus the bolder costume.

Most of the gay jokes about Batman seem to have come about because of the television series and to be quite honest, they were just short of flaming in that.  In the books themselves, Bruce Wayne had an active sexual life, as much as the times would allow and when he was older, so did Dick Greyson.  My impression of the books did not show Bruce Wayne as the sort of date which a willing woman could not score with or be assured that no matter how willing she might become, her virtue would be safe.

IIRC, he had a sexual relationship with Catwoman in the books and they had a daughter.  Now it's not that gays can't have sex and babies but I never saw Catwoman as the type that could accept sharing.


Finally, you could say much the same about Eb's taking Harry into his home.  It is not as if the robes of a White Council Wizard are that macho to begin with.  He sure as hell put Harry into as many dangerous scrapes as Batman did with Robin.  All Robin could do was die, Harry could have lost his soul.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Archangel62 on November 14, 2008, 04:49:17 AM

Quote from: Gallowglass on November 13, 2008, 07:51:33 PM

The funny thing about the jokes concerning Batman and Robin is that historically, it was a common thing to happen, not the gay parts.  Craftsmen for centuries took boys into their homes as apprentices, to train them up in their own speciality, so all Bruce Wayne did was find a boy whose need for Revenge was as great as his own and train him.

IIRC, Robin was not supposed to be so brilliantly costumed but in something closer to the Batman's own outfit but a combination of factors over-ruled this, including Kane's refusal to have Batman and mini-batman, thus the bolder costume.

Most of the gay jokes about Batman seem to have come about because of the television series and to be quite honest, they were just short of flaming in that.  In the books themselves, Bruce Wayne had an active sexual life, as much as the times would allow and when he was older, so did Dick Greyson.  My impression of the books did not show Bruce Wayne as the sort of date which a willing woman could not score with or be assured that no matter how willing she might become, her virtue would be safe.

IIRC, he had a sexual relationship with Catwoman in the books and they had a daughter.  Now it's not that gays can't have sex and babies but I never saw Catwoman as the type that could accept sharing.


Finally, you could say much the same about Eb's taking Harry into his home.  It is not as if the robes of a White Council Wizard are that macho to begin with.  He sure as hell put Harry into as many dangerous scrapes as Batman did with Robin.  All Robin could do was die, Harry could have lost his soul.

Yes, however Superdickery.com has some rather amusing bits involving the running gag.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on November 15, 2008, 05:50:55 AM

Quote from: Gallowglass on November 13, 2008, 07:51:33 PM

The funny thing about the jokes concerning Batman and Robin is that historically, it was a common thing to happen, not the gay parts.  Craftsmen for centuries took boys into their homes as apprentices, to train them up in their own speciality, so all Bruce Wayne did was find a boy whose need for Revenge was as great as his own and train him.

IIRC, Robin was not supposed to be so brilliantly costumed but in something closer to the Batman's own outfit but a combination of factors over-ruled this, including Kane's refusal to have Batman and mini-batman, thus the bolder costume.

Most of the gay jokes about Batman seem to have come about because of the television series and to be quite honest, they were just short of flaming in that. 

Actually, the main source seems to have been a crusading type who came up with the notion that comic books were a root cause of juvenile delinquency, named of Fredric Wertham.  He appears to have been a trifle...overwrought.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Raestlin on November 16, 2008, 02:53:18 AM

I am not allowed to let Bob go out free-ranging with Mister, at least not without having Mister fixed....I dont want Bob being the cause of a cat-demic...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gallowglass on November 16, 2008, 03:47:02 AM

I am not allowed to get Mister fixed.  In fact I am not allowed to get anything that has nice sharp claws that can return the favor, fixed.  Unfortunately that includes Mab, Maeve, Lara and others too numerous to mention.

To think it over, maybe I should just stop hanging around with females with claws, just in case.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Denise11 on November 17, 2008, 12:47:07 AM

Quote

Most of the gay jokes about Batman seem to have come about because of the television series and to be quite honest, they were just short of flaming in that.

Yeah I still remember Adam West shaking his moneymaker doing the Batusi (sp?) at the disco....sigh, those were the days.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: One Duck on November 17, 2008, 08:09:35 PM

the Batusi looked fun!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Half man-half amazing on November 18, 2008, 12:30:36 AM

I am not allowed to declaw mister....Mister already made his point last time I tried.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: General Disarray on November 22, 2008, 07:10:41 PM

When showing people my apartment, I must never utter the words "and this is where the magic happens."

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Murphy's Stunt Double on November 23, 2008, 02:50:30 AM

Hah!  ;D ;D That was good, GD!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on November 24, 2008, 12:28:23 AM

Quote from: General Disarray on November 22, 2008, 07:10:41 PM

When showing people my apartment, I must never utter the words "and this is where the magic happens."

However, I am allowed to smile knowingly when Stacy says the same thing...  ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: AdamC on November 25, 2008, 02:41:02 AM

I will not tell Thomas that Ralwins needs urgent protecting at oh..around 2am.

I will not put a foodbowl in my apartment that say Billy, no mater how much fun it would be to see his reaction.

I will not write ntoes to Ivy during council meetings asking her for Latin translaitons, no mater how great that would be.

I will stop referring to Marcone as my best frenemy.
a- Nor will I ask him to watch Mister when I go out of town. He almost said yes last time.

I will let Murphy and Michael decide the flow of the conversation. EVER.

I will not tell Bob about

(click to show/hide)

Luccio

period.

I will not call up Morgan and ask him for advice on women.

I will not go back to Thomas' apartment and make another scene with Mouse simply becuase I'm bored.

I will not answer any phone calls form Maeve after midnght, period.

I will not use forzare to remove Larry Fowler's wig at inopportune moments.

I will not ask Michael if I can borrow a shovel because I "lost some change".

I will not attend council meetings with a shirt that say

(click to show/hide)

"sleepin' with the boss"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Half man-half amazing on November 28, 2008, 08:05:54 AM

I will not ask Nic if he was a cradle robber.

I wont let Bob use the LC for his personal asmument

I will not let Butters talk me into bringing back Sue to crush his bosses Jaguar...Larry Fowler is a different story.

I will not slip Morgan and the Merlin some viagra in their drinks....again.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Jamamma on November 29, 2008, 07:24:15 AM

Quote from: Raestlin on November 05, 2008, 03:10:34 AM

I am not allowed to give Murphy a pair of elevator shoes for Christmas....I do not want to have a broken leg over the holidays...

However disco platformers with the lil goldfish may go over decently well. ..  I think.

I will not enchant said shoes to continue to dance an irish jig ... murphy may still be able to kick my ass, or she may chop off her legs and then come after me.

I will not make my potions for mass market retail

I will not enchant any sexual item and give it to thomas as a gift, even as a gag gift.

I will not help new trainees by telling them their wands have phoenix feathers in them and unicorn hair

Nor will I saunter around the training camp with a lightening bolt scar on my forehead complaining about stupid british writers getting the story all wrong.

Nor will I call Cowl 'Voldemort' from now on.

I will not ask the Merlin which house he was trained in, nor will I imply it was Slitherin.

I will not go to any Dungeons and Dragons conventions and show off my 'leet skillz' of wizarding.

If LARPing as a wizard I will not cast real spells. No matter how much the others would try making me their king.

I will not go to Vegas to try my hand at controling the dice, or at cards, or using my murphyonic field to win at the video poker/slots. Larry Fowler was bad enough, I do not need more of Marcone's 'friends' mad at me.

Even though I have so much issues with knew fearie and beasty types cropping up, I will not ask Bob to create a pokedex, and even if he did, I must refrain from uttering 'gotta catch em all' ... But if Thomas ever gets a STD I will not hold back, even though he may kill me.

I will not create a throwable binding spell... wait, why am I not doing this? Ah right, they sometimes break free, and carrying one on my hip would not be good.

If I ever become high again, I will not trick out my staff with 'rad stickers' and paint any warrior women onto the Blue Beetle.

Setting a hight requirement to enter my bedroom may give people the wrong idea, so I must not do that. Not only would it tick off Murphy, but the little folk I have watching my place would be really confused.

I may not gather a small army of remote controlled cars and chopsticks to have backyard jousting matches between the fearie folk, even if the prize is Pizza.

I will not act like Gargamel, and the feary folk are not Smurfs, so I will not try to eat them, or turn them into gold. Which ever was his original intention, it changed episode to episode.

I will not enchant my car so that Bob can occupy it. No matter how much I like knight rider.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Jamamma on November 29, 2008, 07:27:39 AM

Quote from: Half man-half amazing on November 28, 2008, 08:05:54 AM

I will not slip Morgan and the Merlin some viagra in their drinks....again.

Would it not be funny if he only spiked one drink with Viagra but both of them suddenly had the effects?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Wolfeyes on November 29, 2008, 09:46:05 AM

If I ever feel the need to jerrybuster during the White Council meeting to stall time for my plan to work/calvalry to arrive/ to piss off Merlin I will not pull out the Phonebook and read all the names and numbers from start to finish.
a) If I do feel the need to jerrybuster, it will be with copies of the Harry Potter series, complete with commentary.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Jamamma on November 29, 2008, 01:12:17 PM

Nor will I do the same with the Lord of the Rings, and pause reflectively during the Two Towers to ask the Merlin did he side with the Elves, or the Orcs? before continueing on.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: JaycenDark on November 29, 2008, 02:37:32 PM

I am not allowed to sign on to the accords as "the pizza lord"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: One Duck on November 29, 2008, 11:32:15 PM

I dunno. The Za Lord might end up as a position powerful enough to be a signatory.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Jamamma on November 30, 2008, 05:49:22 AM

Quote from: Summer One Eye on November 29, 2008, 11:32:15 PM

I dunno. The Za Lord might end up as a position powerful to be a signatory.

Would he not have to break from the White Council first?

Or could he create a psudonyme? (sp?)

That would be cool, he should dress up as a cowled character and 'sneak in' the back door under a new name to the Black Council

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on November 30, 2008, 05:58:49 AM

Quote from: Jamamma on November 30, 2008, 05:49:22 AM

Would he not have to break from the White Council first?

Or could he create a psudonyme? (sp?)

That would be cool, he should dress up as a cowled character and 'sneak in' the back door under a new name to the Black Council

And, among the mystic symbols adorning his robe, the image of a red domino with white dots...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gallowglass on December 01, 2008, 03:53:13 AM

The Za Lord may not take side in the ongoing pizza Wars, although he can espouse a preference for Chicago style Pizza.  Nor may he sabotage those makers of frozen carbdoard that they sell as pizza, unless he teaches them how to make decent pizza.

Nor may the Za Lord allow his guard to intervene against competing pizza companies.  No sudden rash of flat tires, unexpected detours, delays or other 'problems' that make the opposition get there with cold pizza.

He may however set his guard, if he has the number to guard Pizza Delivery drivers from rip-offs or at least revenge them when it happens.

He may divide the city into it's usual wards and set up accounts for the local fae to order pizza from.  If they are doing well or have the money, their pizza is unlimited except for his finances.  Hey, why not become Chicago's Za Lord instead of just a small group of fae.
He can also ask for a preferred customer account, based upon a discount for volume and become the pizza

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: mg on December 02, 2008, 11:23:51 PM

If I ever find myself back at the Deeps, I cannot yell, "CANNON-BALL!"
   - especially not when Lara is in ear-shot. She might kill me.
 
I may not refer Deidre to Toe-mas
    -especially not in demon-form
    - Thomas would kill  me.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Corvidian on December 03, 2008, 01:00:19 AM

Quote from: Raestlin on September 18, 2008, 02:12:23 AM

I am not allowed to let Bob attend Mardi Gras.....the destruction of the city would surely be noticed.

or, ... it would make Hurricane Katrina look tame by comparison.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on December 06, 2008, 08:29:01 AM

Quote from: Mythcantor on October 11, 2008, 07:46:36 AM

If I ever do these things, I will not shout "Talk to the Hand".  It's passe.

I am no longer allowed to crash group photos with soulfire bunny ears, or giant soulfire sign language number 7's. (if you know asl you know what the 7 looks like.)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on December 06, 2008, 09:24:59 AM

Quote from: Mythcantor on October 11, 2008, 03:40:51 PM

Err... again?

The title of the thread, no longer, that means he did it once and he really shouldn't do it ever ever ever again.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on December 06, 2008, 09:38:43 AM

Quote from: LordDresden on November 15, 2008, 05:50:55 AM

Actually, the main source seems to have been a crusading type who came up with the notion that comic books were a root cause of juvenile delinquency, named of Fredric Wertham.  He appears to have been a trifle...overwrought.

You think that's bad.
We have all heard that comics, and tv and video games rot our minds.

I found an old book in a antique book store that basically says any and all books rot the mind and no one should ever read.
How your supposed to convey that to people without reading it is a question that still hurts my head when I try and read past the first page.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on December 06, 2008, 03:22:42 PM

Quote from: S.A.M. Hitch on December 06, 2008, 09:38:43 AM

I found an old book in a antique book store that basically says any and all books rot the mind and no one should ever read.
How your supposed to convey that to people without reading it is a question that still hurts my head when I try and read past the first page.

Well, that's not too far from the manufacturer of a frozen tiramisu that advises that, to avoid ruining the dessert, not to turn the package upside down.

Where is this warning?

On the bottom of the box containing the tiramisu...whereby in following the instructions, you screw up the dessert.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on December 24, 2008, 06:26:16 AM

Harry Dresden is no longer allowed to watch Oxhorn Videos on a computer and make comments about the Elves while in earshot of his cleaning squad.

Oxhorn puts down elves.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Wolfeyes on December 24, 2008, 09:37:00 PM

I am not allowed to try and catch Santa Clause.
A) Milk and cookies doesn't work as well as you think....

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on December 25, 2008, 11:01:48 AM

Quote from: Wolfeyes on December 24, 2008, 09:37:00 PM

I am not allowed to try and catch Santa Clause.
A) Milk and cookies doesn't work as well as you think....

Oy vey, just Oy vey

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: JaycenDark on December 27, 2008, 05:54:56 AM

I am not allowed to refer to my soul fire hand construct as a "pimp hand "
1) even if Carlos finds it funny too

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on December 27, 2008, 07:57:38 AM

Quote from: JaycenDark on December 27, 2008, 05:54:56 AM

I am not allowed to refer to my soul fire hand construct as a "pimp hand "
1) even if Carlos finds it funny too

Nor am I allowed to make a soul fire construct with my rings on it and pimp slap the bad guys, or Murphy, well maybe Murphy just lightly.
No on second thought no, there are some things that will lead to punishments far worse than having your soul ripped out and pimp slapping Murphy is one of them.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: kendawg on December 27, 2008, 07:21:46 PM

I am not allowed to bring a knife to a fist fight.
I am not allowed to bring a gun to a knife fight.
I am not allowed to bring some magic into a gun fight.
I am not allowed to bring Chuck Norris to any fight as it would be too easy.
I am not allowed to bring Codex Alera into this conversation.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on December 27, 2008, 11:53:55 PM

I am not allowed to ask my Faire godmother for a nice tux and ride to the next formal shindig.
Even if I only ask her to make the Beetle a little better, because even if it is the Bettle she will turn me into a pumpkin or turn the Bettle into a real Bettle.

I am also not allowed to suggest a good Faire godmother to murphy if she hooks up with Kinkaid, Lucio if we have a kid, or Thomas if he has a kid.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gman on December 29, 2008, 07:19:05 AM

Quote from: S.A.M. Hitch on December 27, 2008, 11:53:55 PM

I am not allowed to ask my Faire godmother for a nice tux and ride to the next formal shindig.
Even if I only ask her to make the Beetle a little better, because even if it is the Bettle she will turn me into a pumpkin or turn the Bettle into a real Bettle.

I am also not allowed to suggest a good Faire godmother to murphy if she hooks up with Kinkaid, Lucio if we have a kid, or Thomas if he has a kid.

It would be funny if Harry asked Lea to turn his Beetle into a Maybach. She would likely give him the pumpkin.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Delarith on December 29, 2008, 06:36:04 PM

I will not ask Thomas or Lara to be guess speaker for a high school sex ed class.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: AdamC on January 05, 2009, 10:25:48 PM

I will not interupt Murphy to tell her to go make me a sandwich.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on January 06, 2009, 03:21:37 PM

Quote from: AdamC on January 05, 2009, 10:25:48 PM

I will not interupt Murphy to tell her to go make me a sandwich.

Nor will I use wards to trap her in the kitchen saying she should know her place. 

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: JRBobC on January 06, 2009, 03:46:54 PM

I will not convince Molly that part of her training is to go prancing around in nature naked, while I take a kick back from the dirty old men in the bushes. ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on January 06, 2009, 03:53:57 PM

Quote from: JRBobC on January 06, 2009, 03:46:54 PM

I will not convince Molly that part of her training is to go prancing around in nature naked, while I take a kick back from the dirty old men in the bushes. ;D

Nor will I ever let Bob attempt the same.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Darkarma on January 07, 2009, 01:45:23 AM

I will not attempt to end a White Council meeting early by 'accidentally' setting off the sprinkles system again. And even if I do I'm not allowed to justify it by saying I sense Hobs near by, even though I have a Calvin and Hobs comic strip in my back pocket.

I am not allowed to let Bob instruct Molly on how to brew a love potion, the last time I let that happen... well you should already know what happened.

I am not allowed to have my Pizza guard infect Larry Fowler with a certain lust enhancing flees.

I am not allowed to enchant a diary and use it claim that the Harry Potter books are real no matter how much the fans may like me for it.

I am not allowed to raise and or summon the Titanic in the middle of the Great Lakes and sell tickets to it no matter how profitable it could be.

I am not allowed to dress up as a air conditioner repair man and go to the Winter Court claiming that there have been complaints that the AC has been on to high. Even though the other local Undercity monster may appreciate me if I did.

I am not allowed to go the Summer Court and do stage plays with the Eldest Brother Gruff as my costar to re-enact the heroic battles of the Gruffs, I may not survive.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on January 07, 2009, 04:07:29 PM

Quote from: Darkarma on January 07, 2009, 01:45:23 AM

I am not allowed to go the Summer Court and do stage plays with the Eldest Brother Gruff as my costar to re-enact the heroic battles of the Gruffs, I may not survive....

Even if I bring my dinosaur.  It may have gone to the T-rex in Jurassic Park, but I think the Goat would win this time.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: ctmcwilli on January 09, 2009, 08:45:49 PM

Quote from: Tempus Corvus on September 20, 2008, 06:55:53 AM

"FOR PONY!" Is not my battle cry.

Richard FTW

I Will not summon demon monkeys to fling incendary poo at Larry Fowlers house.....well maybe just his summer house.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Dragonblood309 on January 20, 2009, 07:47:42 AM

Bob and Thomas must never know about the Bob and Tom show. My sanity just couldn't take it.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Ms Duck on January 20, 2009, 03:15:42 PM

..order Snuggies blankets for Cowl. cause the bathrobe just aint cool enough.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Monkez on January 20, 2009, 08:57:30 PM

I will not hit on Murphy's kid sister after she dumps Rick.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: bigbrown007 on January 20, 2009, 11:04:53 PM

Which is likely to happen. Most people don't find there life partners at 18; drunk; and at mardi grai.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on January 22, 2009, 03:10:17 AM

Quote from: bigbrown007 on January 20, 2009, 11:04:53 PM

Which is likely to happen. Most people don't find there life partners at 18; drunk; and at mardi grai.

If they had gotten married right away, I would agree, but I'm more cautious since they seem to have taken a little time.  I'd think the big danger would be the risk that Rick was drawn to Lisa by her similiarities to Karrin, which might be the case.  Alternatively, there'd be the risk that there was an element of 'screw you Sis' in Lisa's decision to screw/marry Rick.  Or both.

On the other hand, they might grow into Charity and Michael.  Too soon to say.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on January 22, 2009, 03:13:12 AM

I will not have molly sneak doughnuts into Thomas's apartment, no matter how much it would drive him crazy.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Dragonblood309 on January 22, 2009, 04:41:53 AM

Nor shall I have Toot do the same.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on January 22, 2009, 05:33:29 AM

Quote from: Quantus347 on January 22, 2009, 03:13:12 AM

I will not have molly sneak doughnuts into Thomas's apartment, no matter how much it would drive him crazy.

I will however sneak them into his salon on his desk.
Because if he blows a gasket at work it will look funny because of his cover.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gallowglass on January 23, 2009, 04:29:30 AM

Don't forget the sprinkles!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Monkez on January 23, 2009, 05:46:53 AM

Quote from: S.A.M. Hitch on January 22, 2009, 05:33:29 AM

I will however sneak them into his salon on his desk.
Because if he blows a gasket at work it will look funny because of his cover.

Why get Molly to do it?  Why not have the brownies clean up his salon, rearrange everything in a more "orderly" fashion and leave a warm, delicious piece of joy on his desk?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on January 23, 2009, 07:01:19 AM

Quote from: Monkez on January 23, 2009, 05:46:53 AM

Why get Molly to do it?  Why not have the brownies clean up his salon, rearrange everything in a more "orderly" fashion and leave a warm, delicious piece of joy on his desk?

I don't think he can send his cleaning service all over town.
That would be abusing the power.
Sure they like to clean, but you can't expect them to do everything.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Dracon2882 on February 01, 2009, 10:05:12 AM

I will not give serious thought to Butter's jurassic polka park

i will not introduce bob to my cabbage patch doll

i will not argue wizards vs skynet again

..or Darth vader

i will not sing puffy the magic dragon to mr ferro

i will not quote the sixth sense to vamps ghosts or zombies

i will refer to my human friends as mundys from mundania

i will not enchant tnt ever again

i will not enchant a swiffer into a segway

i will not introduce eldest gruff to si

i will not cast magic in backwards speech while wearing fishnets

spoon is not my battle cry

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on February 01, 2009, 06:46:33 PM

Quote from: Dracon2882 on February 01, 2009, 10:05:12 AM

spoon is not my battle cry

Nor is sfork, or spork.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on February 02, 2009, 11:37:20 PM

Quote from: Dracon2882 on February 01, 2009, 10:05:12 AM

i will not enchant a swiffer into a segway

  Thank you for this image  ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Dracon2882 on February 03, 2009, 12:07:59 PM

I am not allowed to sing kill the wabbit kill the wabbit in ms gard's helicopter
A-she just looks at me and says its wizard season

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on February 03, 2009, 12:29:35 PM

Quote from: Dracon2882 on February 03, 2009, 12:07:59 PM

I am not allowed to sing kill the wabbit kill the wabbit in ms gard's helicopter
A-she just looks at me and says its wizard season

HARRY:  Vamp season!
GARD:  Wizard season!
HARRY:  Vamp season!
GARD:  Wizard season!
HARRY:  Vamp season!
GARD:  Wizard season!
HARRY:  Wizard season!
GARD:  (dead silence, raising one eyebrow)
HARRY:  I said, Wizard season!
GARD:  If you insist, Mr. Dresden.
HARRY:  Jeez, didn't you even watch ONE Bugs Bunny cartoon?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: pdqsport on February 03, 2009, 02:06:28 PM

It's been way too long since I've seen that sequence.  ;D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on February 03, 2009, 03:57:48 PM

Which inevitably reminds me of perhaps the greatest line in any cartoon ever: "A-HA! Pronoun trouble!"

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Murphy's Stunt Double on February 03, 2009, 08:26:01 PM

Quote from: Tribblechomper on February 03, 2009, 12:29:35 PM

HARRY:  Vamp season!
GARD:  Wizard season!
HARRY:  Vamp season!
GARD:  Wizard season!
HARRY:  Vamp season!
GARD:  Wizard season!
HARRY:  Wizard season!
GARD:  (dead silence, raising one eyebrow)
HARRY:  I said, Wizard season!
GARD:  If you insist, Mr. Dresden.
HARRY:  Jeez, didn't you even watch ONE Bugs Bunny cartoon?

TC, you are Jim in disguise, aren't you? I can totally see that exchange in a book.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on February 03, 2009, 08:32:03 PM

Quote from: Murphy's Stunt Double on February 03, 2009, 08:26:01 PM

TC, you are Jim in disguise, aren't you? I can totally see that exchange in a book.

Alas, no...but if Jim is reading this, let this serve as written permission to use it.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Phane on February 03, 2009, 08:41:03 PM

I will not neglect the Brothers Grimm.  The last thing I need is to get another broken nose by another nursery rhyme.  Which reminds me...

I will seek out and destroy every beanstalk in the county.

I will not create YouTube for the Paranet. (VooDooTube?)  Learning about it from Butters, it sounds great, but Bob would upload porn.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on February 03, 2009, 09:58:13 PM

Quote from: Phane on February 03, 2009, 08:41:03 PM

I will not neglect the Brothers Grimm.  The last thing I need is to get another broken nose by another nursery rhyme.  Which reminds me...

I will seek out and destroy every beanstalk in the county.

I will not create YouTube for the Paranet. (VooDooTube?)  Learning about it from Butters, it sounds great, but Bob would upload porn.

If he only had hands...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on February 04, 2009, 05:00:39 PM

Quote from: Phane on February 03, 2009, 08:41:03 PM

I will not create YouTube for the Paranet. (VooDooTube?)  Learning about it from Butters, it sounds great, but Bob would upload porn.

Considering I practice light voodoo along with being a christian I would freaken love if Jim put that in the books.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: One Duck on February 04, 2009, 05:04:39 PM

I'd also love Voodootube! :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on March 18, 2009, 05:48:16 AM

I am no longer allowed to use pyrofuego on other people's television sets just because they are playing the 'Barney Song'.

"I love you, you love me, we're a-"
"PYROFUEGO, you lumpy dinosaur-like mindwarping nightmare!"



When I'm working with the Ordo and the Paranet and somebody is making a brew, I am no longer allowed to ask, "Is it soup yet?"

When meeting with Lara, I am not allowed to say, "Hello Nurse!".  She doesn't get the reference, even on those occasions when she dresses the part.

I am no longer allowed to ask, "Got change for a denarius?" when turning over a Coin to Father Forthill.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on March 18, 2009, 05:52:27 AM

Quote from: Tribblechomper on February 03, 2009, 09:58:13 PM

If he only had hands...

Bob thinks:  "Aww...how cute.  He thinks I need hands to upload porn..."  :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on March 18, 2009, 06:46:05 AM

I know I have done this before, but since I am going to the WBC (world baseball classic) on Saturday I thought I would do it again.

Harry is not allowed to make the following soulfire items.

Giant number one hand
Giant shocker hand
Giant middle finger hand
Giant baseball glove to pick foul balls from anywhere in the park.

Since the WBC is host to 13 countries the first 3 might anger, arouse or confuse the other countries attending.
The last one would just make Harry a jerk.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on March 18, 2009, 04:46:30 PM

Quote from: S.A.M. Hitch on March 18, 2009, 06:46:05 AM

I know I have done this before, but since I am going to the WBC (world baseball classic) on Saturday I thought I would do it again.

Harry is not allowed to make the following soulfire items.

Giant number one hand
Giant shocker hand
Giant middle finger hand
Giant baseball glove to pick foul balls from anywhere in the park.

Since the WBC is host to 13 countries the first 3 might anger, arouse or confuse the other countries attending.
The last one would just make Harry a jerk.

You forgot Giant thumbs-up hand

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on March 18, 2009, 06:03:00 PM

Quote from: Tribblechomper on March 18, 2009, 04:46:30 PM

You forgot Giant thumbs-up hand

No, I knew I forgot something....


Along with a soulfire powered voice boom saying "your out" :)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: horsehearted on March 18, 2009, 06:06:20 PM

Quote from: S.A.M. Hitch on March 18, 2009, 06:46:05 AM

I know I have done this before, but since I am going to the WBC (world baseball classic) on Saturday I thought I would do it again.

Harry is not allowed to make the following soulfire items.

Giant number one hand
Giant shocker hand
Giant middle finger hand
Giant baseball glove to pick foul balls from anywhere in the park.

Since the WBC is host to 13 countries the first 3 might anger, arouse or confuse the other countries attending.
The last one would just make Harry a jerk.

Ok, shout a warning when going places like that please!!! Because I made that into a terrible dirty joke.... And now I have spit all over my computer!  :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on March 18, 2009, 06:10:22 PM

Quote from: Horsehearted, January's new flavor on March 18, 2009, 06:06:20 PM

Ok, shout a warning when going places like that please!!! Because I made that into a terrible dirty joke.... And now I have spit all over my computer!  :D

Last time I did that I said "giant ASL number 7 hand" and I got blank stares I guess not everyone knows ASL.

Had to be more direct this time.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: horsehearted on March 18, 2009, 06:12:25 PM

*does not know what ASL is*

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Uilos on March 18, 2009, 06:21:17 PM

Quote from: Horsehearted, January's new flavor on March 18, 2009, 06:12:25 PM

*does not know what ASL is*

American Sign Language

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: horsehearted on March 18, 2009, 06:23:15 PM

I figured, but I don't... uhm... sign (?) it. So I wouldn't be familiar with it, no.

And it wouldn't be "I don't speak ASL" right, because technically no one does..... "I'm not fluent in ASL"...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on March 18, 2009, 07:14:12 PM

Quote from: Horsehearted, January's new flavor on March 18, 2009, 06:12:25 PM

*does not know what ASL is*

American sign language.
Half my Fraternity and about half of my friends are deaf.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on March 21, 2009, 05:06:31 PM

Harry is not allowed to have naughty thoughts about anyone in Marcone's employ *says nothing about My Big Fat Supernatural Honeymoon Story*  But I Read IT!!!!!!!!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Darkling on March 21, 2009, 11:02:14 PM

Harry is no longer allowed to say 'I know a real demon barbar.  Wanna meet him?'  Along that same line Harry is no longer allowed to tell Thomas 'Johnny Depp makes a better Demon hair dresser than you.'

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on March 22, 2009, 05:54:47 AM

Quote from: Darkling on March 21, 2009, 11:02:14 PM

Harry is no longer allowed to say 'I know a real demon barbar.  Wanna meet him?'  Along that same line Harry is no longer allowed to tell Thomas 'Johnny Depp makes a better Demon hair dresser than you.'

Wow, That was good.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Darkling on March 22, 2009, 06:45:38 AM

Quote from: S.A.M. Hitch on March 22, 2009, 05:54:47 AM

Wow, That was good.

Two more of the same type because I haven't reached the extent of corny yet. :P

Harry is no longer allowed to wander into Thomas' salon and go 'What?  No Mrs. Lovett Meat pies?' or say 'Hey!  This isn't Fleet street!'

Sorry for those who don't get the reference.

 

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: PerCuriam on March 22, 2009, 08:42:33 AM

When next the baddies are trying to get through my wards, I must remember that I am not French, I do not have an outrageous accent, my apartment is not the castle of my master Louis de Lombard, I have not already got one, and the bad guys are not daffy English Knnnnnnnn-iggets. Even if it's Morgan and his door opening request is a silly thing.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on March 22, 2009, 02:30:22 PM

Harry Dresden is not allowed to team up with Harry Potter, and chase off Cowl, or Voldemort's Death Eaters with the clean up squad(s) from the US or Hogwarts. 

Harry Dresden is not allowed to change the weather to ruin any outing for the Carpenters. Charity and Molly would kick his butt.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on March 22, 2009, 06:31:44 PM

Quote from: Purpura on March 22, 2009, 02:30:22 PM

Harry Dresden is not allowed to change the weather to ruin any outing for the Carpenters. Charity and Molly would kick his butt.

Harry is not allowed to alter weather patterns to make sure the cubs make it to the playoffs.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Persephone on March 22, 2009, 07:18:20 PM

Harry is not allowed to call Cowl Darth Sidious... Or make any references to him being thrown down a very long shaft in the future.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: cornyphil on March 23, 2009, 12:25:45 AM

Quote from: S.A.M. Hitch on March 22, 2009, 06:31:44 PM

Harry is not allowed to alter weather patterns to make sure the cubs make it to the playoffs.

There is not amount of magic in heaven, hell or in between that can break that streak.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Gallowglass on March 23, 2009, 07:30:07 AM

It would take the power of both Heaven, Hell, Valhalla and the Buddha working together for that to happen, as well as clutch hitting, a bullpen that actually thinks and a whole bunch of hyped up leprocauns.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Someday on March 23, 2009, 01:10:56 PM

Quote from: Gallowglass on March 23, 2009, 07:30:07 AM

It would take the power of both Heaven, Hell, Valhalla and the Buddha working together for that to happen, as well as clutch hitting, a bullpen that actually thinks and a whole bunch of hyped up leprocauns.

Plus someone casting continual entropy curses on the other team.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on March 23, 2009, 09:58:07 PM

Quote from: Gallowglass on March 23, 2009, 07:30:07 AM

It would take the power of both Heaven, Hell, Valhalla and the Buddha working together for that to happen, as well as clutch hitting, a bullpen that actually thinks and a whole bunch of hyped up leprocaunsleprechauns.

Fixed It For Ya!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: clorby on March 30, 2009, 02:37:35 AM

I will never again agree to a day trip with Butters without first knowing the destination of said day trip.
 a.) One polka jamboree a lifetime is enough.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: IEatChibi on March 30, 2009, 02:44:54 AM

If I am ever asked my name while in the act of any sort of magic, I am not allowed to respond, "There are some who call me...Tim?"
Also, if I ever do take Carlos up on his offer to use a grenade, I am not allowed to make any kind of reference at all to the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on March 30, 2009, 06:21:22 PM

Harry is not allowed to hunt down  Female Grendelkin and send them after Lord Wraith, or any male he gets mad with.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on March 30, 2009, 08:00:45 PM

When Harry is chosen to represent the White Council at Accord meetings he is not allowed to say anything similar to
"I yield the floor to the Free holding lord whom I have imprisoned before (waits 20 seconds), Or Earlking you never told them I bound you in a circle X Halloweens before"

Or any other variation there upon which calls the Earlking out as a punk who was owned by a mortal.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on March 31, 2009, 01:39:23 PM

Quote from: S.A.M. Hitch on March 30, 2009, 08:00:45 PM

When Harry is chosen to represent the White Council at Accord meetings he is not allowed to say anything similar to
"I yield the floor to the Free holding lord whom I have imprisoned before (waits 20 seconds), Or Earlking you never told them I bound you in a circle X Halloweens before"

Or any other variation there upon which calls the Earlking out as a punk who was owned by a mortal.

Lemme paraphrase:  I will not commit suicide.   ;)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on March 31, 2009, 02:56:15 PM

I will never, ever, EVER again shout "FORZARE!" at the peak of passion.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Uilos on March 31, 2009, 02:57:37 PM

Quote from: Shecky on March 31, 2009, 02:56:15 PM

I will never, ever, EVER again shout "FORZARE!" at the peak of passion.

o.O

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on March 31, 2009, 03:19:46 PM

*blinks*

*scoots away from Shecky*

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on March 31, 2009, 04:41:45 PM

Quote from: Quantus347 on March 31, 2009, 01:39:23 PM

Lemme paraphrase:  I will not commit suicide.   ;)

Yeah but my way was long and drawn out and full of laughs.

Your is a poster with advice in the school counselors office.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on March 31, 2009, 04:44:02 PM

OMG I have a good one.


As Harry
If I learn to animate puppets like puppet master I am under no circumstances allowed to carve out EmoRanger Droids puppets and send them after Cowl because he alwayse dresses so depressingly, or Mab for that matter.

Sending them after Titiana might be fun because it would confuse her and she might get a complex because the puppets think she is Emo and she tries so hard to look thin and pretty.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on March 31, 2009, 04:44:31 PM

Quote from: Shecky on March 31, 2009, 02:56:15 PM

I will never, ever, EVER again shout "FORZARE!" at the peak of passion.

There ARE better ways to get a woman hot, you know...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Uilos on March 31, 2009, 04:47:21 PM

Quote from: Tribblechomper on March 31, 2009, 04:44:31 PM

There ARE better ways to get a woman hot, you know...

Fuego?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on March 31, 2009, 04:49:56 PM

Quote from: Shecky on March 31, 2009, 02:56:15 PM

I will never, ever, EVER again shout "FORZARE!" at the peak of passion.

Quote from: Tribblechomper on March 31, 2009, 04:44:31 PM

There ARE better ways to get a woman hot, you know...

Quote from: Uilos on March 31, 2009, 04:47:21 PM

Fuego?

Spoiler for extreme very extreme adult content.

(click to show/hide)

Man, now you got me thinking of his rings and fisting, or releasing them in multiple microbursts to give him magic fingers for his boss lady.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: horsehearted on March 31, 2009, 05:18:38 PM

(click to show/hide)

You'd have to power the rings WAY down though! I mean, fisting, sure.... but being ripped in half by a ring because your bf happens to be a wizard and got too excited? No thanks...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on March 31, 2009, 05:58:58 PM

.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Priscellie on March 31, 2009, 06:03:23 PM

Dude?  Time to stop.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on March 31, 2009, 06:17:56 PM

Quote from: Priscellie on March 31, 2009, 06:03:23 PM

Dude?  Time to stop.

I didn't start it but I will stop.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LDSman on March 31, 2009, 06:32:14 PM

This thread dropped into the gutters so hard it ended up in the undertown gutters.

I am no longer allowed to stage zombie dinosaur fights for money or laughs.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Tribblechomper on March 31, 2009, 06:43:02 PM

Quote from: S.A.M. Hitch on March 31, 2009, 04:49:56 PM

Spoiler for extreme very extreme adult content.

(click to show/hide)

Man, now you got me thinking of his rings and fisting, or releasing them in multiple microbursts to give him magic fingers for his boss lady.

Quote from: Horsehearted, January's new flavor on March 31, 2009, 05:18:38 PM

(click to show/hide)

You'd have to power the rings WAY down though! I mean, fisting, sure.... but being ripped in half by a ring because your bf happens to be a wizard and got too excited? No thanks...

Actually, I was thinking warmed massage oils, an air mattress in front of the fireplace, and a barrier between the downstairs lab and the living room that allows Bob neither escape, nor eavesdropping ability; guess my mind doesn't work Romance/getting a woman hot the way yours does...(*shudders @ the concept of "

(click to show/hide)

fisting

" as a passion-incitement practice[/i]*)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: St. Jude on March 31, 2009, 11:14:34 PM

I am not allowed senile-sneeze every time the merlin tries to speak at a council meeting.

Nor am I allowed release Bob into one of the stone dogs at said meeting

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: llwaynest on March 31, 2009, 11:26:44 PM

I am not allowed to bring Mouse to a meeting and have him relieve himself on the stone dogs.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: St. Jude on April 01, 2009, 12:25:10 AM

I am not allowed to unleash a horde of R.O.U.Ses at a council meeting, it would only give the stone dogs something to snack on and annoy luccio.

I am however allowed fill Rudolf's house with them

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: St. Jude on April 01, 2009, 09:52:35 AM

I am not allowed to douse Uriel in fire extinguiser foam and threaten him with a baseball bat for fear of:
A)Being sent to Wisconsin for eternity
B)Being sent to Jersey to stop a pair of angels re-entering heaven
C)Meeting Ben Aflec and Matt Damon
D) any two of the above

Similarly I am not to allow Molly do it in case they wind up in Carlos' family restraunt while she's only in her nightwear

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on April 01, 2009, 04:00:37 PM

I will never, ever, EVER suggest "Giggity!" as a spell-word to Molly.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Maltese Falcon on April 09, 2009, 05:43:50 PM

Spoilers because it is from turn coat.

(click to show/hide)

I will not sit outside a red court middle school and try and get the kids hooked on juiced blood.
Juiced blood being soul fire enhanced blood

One it might make them strong
Two it will make me weaker
Three it is just wrong to get kids hooked on drugs, I mean they might do anything for me for more like kill the red king and that would be wrong right?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: clorby on April 16, 2009, 03:45:02 AM

I will no longer come to White Council meetings with foil on my head to 'keep out the mind readers'.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Darkling on April 16, 2009, 03:56:49 AM

(Semi Turn Coat spoiler one)

(click to show/hide)

I am no longer allowed to hire Lara Raith to babysit my older brother.

I am no longer allowed to discuss the effects of torture with a man suffering PTSD while standing outside the tiger exhibit at the zoo.

I am no longer allowed to hire a two hundred pound dog to babysit and or SIT on my apprentice.

I am no longer allowed to pass my cases off on ordinary PIs and pretend it was all something magical.

I am no longer allowed to use Loony Toons to inspire my activities in life or death situations.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Murphy's Stunt Double on April 16, 2009, 03:57:17 AM

*points for Darkling*


*Edited to add bonus points*

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Darkling on April 16, 2009, 04:00:46 AM

Quote from: Murphy's Stunt Double on April 16, 2009, 03:57:17 AM

*points for Darkling*

Hehe.  Thank you.  I just added to it.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Slife on April 16, 2009, 05:06:50 AM

Even though GIANT ROBOT fits with the author's naming scheme, I will not attempt to transform the Blue Beetle.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on April 16, 2009, 07:51:41 AM

I will not use certain ways to get to my favorite restaurants in other parts of the world.
I will not start quoting Babylon 5...(Let's see if Jim starts this because of a certain color of council he has Harry mention in TC.)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Kayden on April 16, 2009, 08:01:00 AM

I will not torment Bob by telling him that Molly has a beer bottle party trick.. And then refusing to explain further.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on April 16, 2009, 09:55:32 AM

(click to show/hide)

I will not refer to Justine's Club Zero outfit as a full-body condom.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Darkling on April 16, 2009, 10:09:40 AM

(click to show/hide)

I will not sing the refrain to the Futurama Bureaucrat song every time
anyone talks about Peabody.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Guardian on April 16, 2009, 09:19:36 PM

I will no longer mention the Evil Overlord's list to my enemies. They don't need any more help.

If I have to use Loony Toons characters for inspiration it will not be Wile E. Coyote, Suuper Genius since his plans backfire. The Road Runner & Bugs Bunny are better choices since they kick his butt.

When plotting or attempting to unravel my foes plots especially those of the Black Council or any immortal or near immortal entities, I will remember two phrases Xanatos Gambit and Xanatos Roulette.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Darkling on April 16, 2009, 09:51:24 PM

Quote from: The Guardian on April 16, 2009, 09:19:36 PM

I will no longer mention the Evil Overlord's list to my enemies. They don't need any more help.

If I have to use Loony Toons characters for inspiration it will not be Wile E. Coyote, Suuper Genius since his plans backfire. The Road Runner & Bugs Bunny are better choices since they kick his butt.

When plotting or attempting to unravel my foes plots especially those of the Black Council or any immortal or near immortal entities, I will remember two phrases Xanatos Gambit and Xanatos Roulette.

Woohoo!  Long live David Xanatos!  The greatest antagonist in cartoon history!

 

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: TruffleMuffin on April 16, 2009, 10:46:15 PM

I will not provoke the Merlin when his hand is twitching violently.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: lyssa.adelia on April 17, 2009, 12:47:35 AM

(click to show/hide)

I am not allowed to send the Merlin a vice grip.

Spoiler tag just to be safe.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LadyElvan on April 18, 2009, 03:17:19 AM

Forgive me if anyone's added this, but I didn't see it.

In the tradition of Bibliotarian's:

Quote

"If anyone asks me if I'm hungry, I will not intone, 'The red wizard needs food badly.' "

"Nor will I say to Miss Gard, "Your Valkyrie needs food". Unless it's long distance. Or preferably by post.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LadyElvan on April 18, 2009, 04:38:17 AM

"I shall not answer "Pure Freaking Magic" when asked how something happened."
Although it is true it is not helpful.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on April 18, 2009, 05:50:50 AM

I am not allowed to use videocameras to record Lara and her sisters the next time they show up, just so I can rewatch the film in slow motion later.

I am, however, allowed to hire Vince to film them via telephoto lens just so I can rewatch it in slow motion later.  (How can I watch it when the videotronic gear blows out around me?  Wouldn't you like to know...)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: JaycenDark on April 19, 2009, 03:29:49 AM

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I am not allowed to taunt the black council with "Shall we shagnasty now or shagnasty later? do i make you horny baby do i?"
1)because Austin Powers is over quoted
2) they may just call the shagnasty

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: JaycenDark on April 19, 2009, 03:34:07 AM

Quote from: lyssa.adelia on April 17, 2009, 12:47:35 AM

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I am not allowed to send the Merlin a vice grip.

Spoiler tag just to be safe.

lol love that and your sig is freaking awesome i actually tried to read that crap maybe i didn't get it because i am a guy ..but bleh that was crap

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Purpura on April 20, 2009, 06:44:27 PM

Harry Dresden is not allowed to leave any part of this gear behind when walking Mouse:

Skateboard
Helmet
Knee pads
Elbow pads
Padded vest
Padded pants


He is also not allowed to walk Mouse near any chance of thrown frizbees or tennis balls.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: The Corvidian on May 11, 2009, 09:52:47 PM

Harry Dresden is no longer allowed to show the Eldest Gruff the Happy Tree Friends ever again.
1) Even if he laughed himself silly over it the last time.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: MijRai on May 11, 2009, 10:34:35 PM

Quote from: The Corvidian on May 11, 2009, 09:52:47 PM

Harry Dresden is no longer allowed to show the Eldest Gruff the Happy Tree Friends ever again.
1) Even if he laughed himself silly over it the last time.

Perfect.

Harry is no longer allowed to

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have 'dreams' about Molly. At least for two decades. He got a bit of a show already.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Mira on May 11, 2009, 10:36:14 PM

 Sell ice cubes to Mab..

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: thausgt on May 24, 2009, 04:39:21 AM

Quote from: Raestlin on November 05, 2008, 03:10:34 AM

I am not allowed to give Murphy a pair of elevator shoes for Christmas....I do not want to have a broken leg over the holidays...

I am ESPECIALLY not allowed to get Murphy a set of these things:
http://www.powerskip.de/mainpage.html

I am SUPER-ESPECIALLY not allowed to sign Thomas up for parkour classes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQfFYO9xJBY
... mostly because he doesn't NEED them; I'll save the fees to sign Murphy up...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: KINCAID ex cursori on August 07, 2009, 11:28:14 PM

I will not sing "who's afraid of the big bad wolf" in front of the Alpha's.
a) unless I want to be eaten

I will not challenge Kincaid to a duel over Murphy:
a) I won't challenge the Merlin, either
b) Both would kill me

I will not play practical jokes on medical students by replacing bob with a skull on a replica skeleton;
a) Bob would enjoy it to much
b) Who knows what could happen

I will not play with matches;
a) i can already torch things, who needs sticks to help/

I will not apply to be in any new shows concerning magic;
I have enough already not dying

I will not find a way to use magic to fly to the moon, and leave the world to rot;
a) its just, saving the world is what i do
b) I would probably tick off the aliens

I will not refer to Cowl as "He who shall not be named"
a) or kincaid

I will not call ancient mai "old mayonnaise"
a)she could probably kill me

[

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Kris_W on August 08, 2009, 02:55:06 AM

Quote from: KINCAID ex cursori on August 07, 2009, 11:28:14 PM

* snip *

I will not challenge Kincaid to a duel over Murphy:
a) I won't challenge the Merlin, either
b) Both would kill me

And after they each killed me Murphy would step in and kill me again. Probably twice.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: logarithm.and.blues on August 08, 2009, 12:57:15 PM

I am not allowed to bestow sapience on a chest and enchant it to get up on a hundred feet and follow me around all day.
a) Mouse would get angry.
b) Mister would too.

I am also not to give in to Bob's wheedling and make a boob job potion for Molly/Murphy.

I am also not allowed to mail Mavra a copy of Bram Stoker's Dracula for my own personal amusement.
a) that would be bad judgment.

I also will not do a reenactment of the last scene of "The Last Samurai" with Fidelacchius.

I am also not allowed to refer to Cowl as George A. Romero.
a) mainly in the event that he tries to

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pull another Kemmler

.

Before using my blasting rod to throw around fire, I will not shout, "IMMA FIRIN' MAH LAZER!"

I am not allowed to buy a "Bad Mother F*cker" wallet for Ramirez.
a) that would only make him more confident at making jokes at my expense
b) or for anyone on the Council, for that matter.

I am not allowed to refer to any Denarian with tentacles as "Dr. Octagonapus."

I am not to try and run over Marcone with the Blue Beetle after he sees me and says "Motherf*cker" (thinly veiled reference to the scene from Pulp Fiction where (spoilers for Pulp Fiction)

(click to show/hide)

Marsellus sees Butch while he's crossing the street after Butch won the fight and says "Motherf*cker" before Butch hits him with his car.

).
a) Hendricks would kick my arse.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: KINCAID ex cursori on August 08, 2009, 08:51:13 PM

I will not use magic to awe little kids
a) in disneyland
b) near Morgan

I will likewise not let Bob out near the Haunted mansion;
a) or any other ghosts

I will not show thomas off to any goth kids:
a) he'd probably try and eat them
b) i'd stop him
c) he'd enjoy the attention
d)i'm a spoilsport

KINCAID ex cursori

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: KINCAID ex cursori on August 17, 2009, 04:08:19 AM

I will not;

Hire Toot toot out to Disneyland and make $ while paying them in Pizza
A. probably breaking the laws of magic
B. toot toot would probably stay in there forever, and i do mean forever.

won't use toot toot or the Za-lords guard as
A. an extermination service
B.a way to annoy my rivals- as seen in TC when he ruins the PI.'s car.

Won't challenge Merlin to a dance off.
A. couldn't stand it if he won
B. If he won- imagine a couple 100 year old discoing (uggh)
C. Like wise- none of the senior council is invited
D. Molly and her friends are though...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: KINCAID ex cursori on August 17, 2009, 04:11:15 AM

I will not;

Audition for the next Harry potter movie.
A. I'd make a GREAT harry- darn Radcliffe
B. I don't need no stinkin wand 4  magic.
C. Old Voldy is nothing compared to HE Who Walks Behind

Ditch P.I.'ing And audition as a vampire slayer

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: FFGANDALF on December 06, 2009, 05:28:41 PM

I'm under no circumstances to revel to Murphy that I know that she "likes" me.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: GWPfark on December 06, 2009, 05:55:09 PM

Quote from: FFGANDALF on December 06, 2009, 05:28:41 PM

I'm under no circumstances to revel to Murphy that I know that she "likes" me.

Or that she likes girls too.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: j3nnee on December 06, 2009, 09:03:41 PM

I will not:

1) buy a Ghost Busters suit and say: "Let's go bust some ghosts!"
2) recreate Mickey's magician's assistant scene again as I did in Storm Front
3) place Bob's skull on my shoulder and joke "two heads are better than one."
4) sing to Lash: "Me and my shadow..."
5) make a potion to enhance that certain part of the ... well you know the ads. ;)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nthnclls on December 07, 2009, 02:10:31 AM

I will not pickpocket Rudolph or Greene using magic, not matter how awesome it would be.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: j3nnee on December 07, 2009, 04:29:53 AM

Harry should not sing these songs:

1) The Impossible Dream - from Man of La Mancha
2) My Way - Frank Sinatra
3) For once in my life - Tony Bennett
4) Play that funky music, white boy
5) You can do magic - America
6) Abracadabra - Steve Miller Band
7) Mama Told me not to come - Three Dog night

;)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: SmartAlec on December 07, 2009, 09:01:14 AM

Humming while the Merlin is talking during Council meetings is frowned upon. Humming the scores of Disney's The Sword in the Stone or Fantasia while the Merlin is talking is punishable by death.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nthnclls on December 08, 2009, 03:06:38 AM

Quote from: SmartAlec on December 07, 2009, 09:01:14 AM

Humming while the Merlin is talking during Council meetings is frowned upon. Humming the scores of Disney's The Sword in the Stone or Fantasia while the Merlin is talking is punishable by death.

Humming "Too Sexy" while Ancient Mai is talking would result in a fate far worse than death.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: j3nnee on December 08, 2009, 03:18:27 AM

Quote from: nthnclls on December 08, 2009, 03:06:38 AM

Humming "Too Sexy" while Ancient Mai is talking would result in a fate far worse than death.

Especially if he added:

I'm too sexy for this duster... too sexy for this duster... with all the wards I could muster. ;)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Quantus on December 08, 2009, 09:26:57 PM

well, he is too sexy for his car...By far.   And too sexy for his Cat, his poor pussy cat.   He might even be too sexy for a hat;  What do you think about that?  ;)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on December 09, 2009, 01:24:08 AM

Quote from: Quantus on December 08, 2009, 09:26:57 PM

well, he is too sexy for his car...By far.   And too sexy for his Cat, his poor pussy cat.   He might even be too sexy for a hat;  What do you think about that?  ;)

Mister would be categorically in disagreement.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: JET73L on January 09, 2010, 08:15:46 PM

Duplicates removed after Archive Bingeing the threads:-

-I am not to say “over my dead body” to a Jade Court vampire.
-a) Or a Red court vampire.
-b) Or a necromancer.
-c) Or a...

-I am not to say “over my dead body” to anyone.

-While I already know that Little Chicago is not an RPG mat, it is a bad idea no matter how many times Bill suggests a round of Semiautomagic set in Chicago.

-I am not to ask Mac when he’s going to institute Pun Tuesdays.

-Bob’s skull is not a football. No matter how much padding I wrap it in.

-No “horny” jokes about the Erlking to either Queen.

-I am not to stand suspiciously close to ATMs while meditating.

-No leaving copies of Twilight when I doorbell ditch Thomas.
a) Note to self: See what effect it has on Bob.

-Imitating the coin-mummy from Scooby Doo around Sanya or Michael will only get me killed.

-Molly needs a Hot Topic gift card as much as Charity needs my blood on her boots.

-If that demon somehow comes around trying to get my second middle name, I won’t sing Sympathy for the Devil at it. Asking if it needs to spin some straw into gold is perfectly okay, though.

-Yes, I found a stuffed toy of a temple dog. No, I will not give it to Thomas for his birthday with a baby bonnet and pacifier attached.

-I will not, even as a thought experiment, set up an imaginary door with a bucket of whitewash on top in my subconscious.
a) Nor an invisible piano hanging by an invisible rope.

-

(click to show/hide)

Demonreach

is not a sovereign state just because it’s unmappable, and calling myself “King Dresden, Lord of the Dance, Knight of the Realm, and Ruler of a Little Island Up The Coast” would be tantamount to suicide.

-Fidelachius is not food-safe, even if it can cut through a ham with bone in less than six seconds.

-Cowl and Kumori are no longer to be referred to as Death and Susan.

-Nicodemus is never up for a game of hangman.

-Bob’s skull is not a cereal bowl.

-I am not allowed to introduce Susan to the “other” Sue in my life.

-I will not write down stupid jokes about Kincaid, no matter how funny they might be to an omniscient ten-year-old.

-Bob’s skull is not a novelty hat.

-No more illusions at Splattercons, unless I’m invited as a special guest.

-Bob’s skull is not an ice bucket.
-a) Especially not for Mac’s brew.

-I am not to tease Kincaid about how my staff is bigger than his spear- and more versatile.

-Bob’s skull is not a potpourri bowl

-I am not to read the “Also by this author...” page of the Codex Alera books.

-Bob’s skull is not an overly long gag.

-I am never to travel to Deery, Maine, Midwich in Great Britain, or anywhere in Massachusetts.
a) If I’m ever in Massachusetts, I will not discuss Hastur.

-Bob’s skull is neither a tea cozy nor a toilet tank buoy

-I am not to call “Tessa” “Tesla” (especially while reminding her of Elaine).

-If I ever try to cast “Frog” on someone again, the White Council will have words with me. Sharp, cold, painful words...
a) Amphibious demons, on the other hand, are fair game.

-I am not to encourage slashfic of Kincaid and Thomas (see also, “I will not write down stupid jokes about Kincaid”)
a) I will also not have Bill, Georgia, or Murphy print them out so I can mail them to everyone they know.
b) I will especially not have Bill, Georgia, or Murphy print them out so I can mail it to them, anonymously.

-I am not to go to the hospital and have them repeatedly stop my heart just to death curse every baddie I’ve run into. Even if I thought it would work.
a) Nor am I to have them stop my heart and revive me three times just to play bridge with my own ghosts.

-I will not convince Molly to use telepathy while I run a divination spell to convince people she’s stuck in a Groundhog Day loop.

-I am not to draw anything that looks remotely like a Fallen’s symbol on my palm in liquid paper.
a) And I definitely am not to shake hands with Michael or Sanya while it’s still wet.
a.5) The same goes for using a palmed nickel or metal slug instead of my hand.

-I am not to entice Molly to attempt a veiled run of the White Council headquarters with the promise of what will turn out to be an unenchanted camouflage suit.

-I am not to do an irreversible vanishing cabinet trick, with or without Carlos’ help.

-I am not to give Gard a Vikings helmet hat for christmas.

-I am not to give Kincaid dog biscuits for his birthday.
a) Especially if I already gave him a bottle of Hellfire Sauce at Christmas.
b) The same goes for Bill and Georgia.

-Giving Molly a reservation to be on Miami Ink for her birthday would be worse than the Hot Topic gift card.
a) The same goes for giving Harry Potter books to her youngest brother.

-If I ever track down one of the paintings Luccio sat for, I must never tell her.

-I am not to give the Gatekeeper the novelization of Ghostbusters for his birthday.

-I am not to take the tour of Google’s headquarters.
a) Nor Yahoo or Wikipedia.
b) If I walk within twenty miles of TV Tropes’ main cache, Billy stops printing stuff off the internet for me.

-Fanged toothcaps: Good for Halloween, bad for Doom of Damocles probationary hearings.

-I am not to give Ancient Mai a box of stone Milk-Bone amulets.

-I must never allow Bob and Lara to meet.

-I am not to feed apples to the unicorn.

-The ‘Za Lord’s Guard is not a set of musical holiday lights.
a) Even if they don’t short out every time I cast a spell.

-I am not to visit Mother Winter and Mother Summer just to egg on their kvetching about their descendants.

-I am not to make any potion where the base is dish soap or ipecac.
a) I am especially not to keep them in the same type of bottle Kincaid keeps his sports drinks in.
b) I am especially not to forget where I leave them right before Kincaid leaves on a working vacation with Murphy.

-I am not to give a space heater to Mab or Maeve for their birthdays.

-I am not to give an air conditioner to Titania for her birthday

-I am not to give Ivy a library card. That would just be mean. She might like an audiobook account, though.

-I am not to invite the Eldest Gruff over for coffee and a doughnut.

-I am not to set Ferrovax up on a blind date with Sue.

-Bob’s skull is neither a puppet, a bookend, a flowerpot, Mister’s litterbox scoop, a novelty lampshade, a steak pre-chewer, a night light, a foot rest, a door knocker, a receptacle for Blackened Denarii, a bowling ball, a walkie-talkie, an a cappella radio station, a wastebasket, an impromptu drum (no matter how much he knows about necromancy), nor Mouse’s chew toy.


With regards to Elanel’s
I am not to arrange a birthday party for Thomas at the local gay bar.
a) Even though I really want to… *evil*
I would like to add:
b) Even if he does get free drinks as the owner.

@ Tech L. Me’s
Not allowed to train Mouse to “Sic Morgan!”
    a) Or Merlin
    b) Or anybody who disagrees with me
    c) Except blampires, rampires or wampires
    d) Make that anybody who tries to kill me.
I would like to add:
 d.5) Except for Morgan.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: sgt_majorette on January 09, 2010, 11:59:00 PM

Harry is not allowed to let Molly and Ivy meet. Ivy will idolize Molly; a Goth-ed out punk Archive is too terrible to contemplate.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: PCL on January 10, 2010, 12:24:52 AM

Quote

I am not permitted to address the Council in Pig Latin.
a) Even if it is easier than real Latin. Stupid correspondence course.

Quote

- Stercus Caput is not a valid title of address at council meetings.
a) Even if it did make Ebenezer shoot whisky out his nose.

Just made me LOL  :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: MijRai on January 10, 2010, 07:38:17 AM

I am not going to call Mab a MILF. She'd freeze some orbs on my body (and they may not be eyes). Even though it is true.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: sgt_majorette on January 10, 2010, 10:33:22 AM

Quote from: MijRai on January 10, 2010, 07:38:17 AM

I am not going to call Mab a MILF. She'd freeze some orbs on my body (and they may not be eyes). Even though it is true.

A Sylph is a very minor Wyldfae, like Toot. It is not an alternate spelling of SILF, and does not mean "Sidhe I'd Like to F..."

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on January 10, 2010, 02:02:39 PM

Quote from: JET73L on January 09, 2010, 08:15:46 PM

-I am not to invite the Eldest Gruff over for coffee and a doughnut.

With the exception of this, sir or madam, GREAT work! :D

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: MijRai on January 10, 2010, 05:11:59 PM

Quote from: sgt_majorette on January 10, 2010, 10:33:22 AM

A Sylph is a very minor Wyldfae, like Toot. It is not an alternate spelling of SILF, and does not mean "Sidhe I'd Like to F..."

Well, they aren't minor. One went rogue and started controlling tornadoes. Toot can just mess up your car or put poo in your mouth. I do like SILF though...

I will not call Lea a SILF. She's my godmother! However much she likes it...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: JET73L on January 11, 2010, 12:09:33 PM

Quote from: Shecky on January 10, 2010, 02:02:39 PM

With the exception of this, sir or madam, GREAT work! :D

Thanks, I'm just glad they weren't all terrible, since it was quite late by the time I finished reading the thread and posted the list.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Flintlock on January 19, 2010, 03:23:33 AM

i will no longer try to sell Warden cloaks as an alternative to Shamwow washcloths

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nthnclls on January 19, 2010, 03:25:09 AM

I will not prank call the Gatekeeper.  Nothing good could come from it.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Murphy's Stunt Double on January 19, 2010, 08:22:11 AM

I will not replace the White Council's Warden Cloaks with Snuggies.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: drainbread on January 19, 2010, 10:46:31 AM

I will not allow my daughter to make short jokes to Murphy, she'll have to wait until she is 9 years old and actually taller...

DAMMIT MURPH!

You chipped another tooth!

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: j3nnee on January 19, 2010, 07:47:18 PM

he will not replace the denarian coins with chocolate ones or come to the warden meetings with a plastic warden's sword bought at Toys R Us ;)

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Cookies on January 19, 2010, 07:50:42 PM

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Make bad pregnancy jokes to susan?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: TheatreCat on June 03, 2010, 01:29:16 AM

-I will not call Mab 'Jadis'.
a) Nor ask for Turkish delight.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nthnclls on June 03, 2010, 02:17:47 AM

Sneak up behind people while their telling scary stories, and start messing with them just as they reach the scary part.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Shecky on June 03, 2010, 02:24:39 AM

Quote from: TheatreCat on June 03, 2010, 01:29:16 AM

-I will not call Mab 'Jadis'.

He will not call her the French word for "in olden times"? Huh?

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Orbweaver on June 03, 2010, 02:34:40 AM

I will refrain from using any variation of the words "dog pound" around Kincaid.
-Even if he was panting like a dog when Murphy called.
-Same rule applies with Lea.

Little Chicago is not to be used as my own personal HBO channel.
-Ever again.

I will stop flicking small objects at the back of Charity's head.
-And stop blaming it on her children.
-Referring to Michael's youngest son as "BETTER, STRONGER.... FASTER!"every time he crawls past me is equally inappropriate.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: MijRai on June 03, 2010, 02:55:40 AM

Quote from: Orbweaver on June 03, 2010, 02:34:40 AM

I will refrain from using any variation of the words "dog pound" around Kincaid.
-Even if he was panting like a dog when Murphy called.
-Same rule applies with Lea.

Little Chicago is not to be used as my own personal HBO channel.
-Ever again.

I will stop flicking small objects at the back of Charity's head.
-And stop blaming it on her children.
-Referring to Michael's youngest son as "BETTER, STRONGER.... FASTER!"every time he crawls past me is equally inappropriate.

Hey, little Harry is 9 now. No crawling for him. He'll be zooming by in a go-cart that looks suspiciously like it was made out of chunks of the Blue Beetle...

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Wolfeyes on June 03, 2010, 03:03:22 AM

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- I am no longer allowed to make comments like 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' or 'Over my dead body'.
A) In addition, despite the fact there really is a dead body, I still will not wear a hat.

-I am not allowed to replace the drinks at HQ with the lust potion. Seeing old foggies want to get it on with each other is a mental image I didn't need.
-I am not allowed to hook Mouse up with a female dog and give them a plate of spaghetti.
a) The carpet stains still haven't come out.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: mid_life_crisis on June 03, 2010, 03:32:40 AM

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Just because she jumped my bones and got all possessive about it, I mustn't ask Mab to do the ice cube trick.  Her idea of it and mine would probably be very, very, different.

/edit - realized I never identified "her", even if it wasn't hard to figure out.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: nanuq on June 03, 2010, 04:08:09 AM

I will stop trying to get Eb and Kincaid to sing together even though "Blackstaff McCoy and the Hellhound" is a bitching name for a group.

I will stop insisting that the Erlking get a hunting license the next time he leads the Wild Hunt through Chicago.

I will stop humming the theme from the Godfather whenever Marcone is around.

I will stop trying to switch Toot-toot and the other fairies to a gluten-free diet.

Ditto for the Alphas and the vegan option.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: ballplayer72 on June 03, 2010, 04:15:41 AM

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I will no longer leave the house without massive protection around vital areas.   As i once said, just because youre paranoid does not mean there isn't an invisible monster with a sniper rifle about to shoot you in the chest cavity... or something like that..  being a ghost is hard on the memory

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: MijRai on June 03, 2010, 04:47:42 AM

Quote from: mid_life_crisis on June 03, 2010, 03:32:40 AM

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Just because she jumped my bones and got all possessive about it, I mustn't ask her to do the ice cube trick.  Her idea of it and mine would probably be very, very, different.

I can't stop laughing at this one. I just can't.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: LordDresden on June 03, 2010, 05:22:25 AM

Quote from: Shecky on June 03, 2010, 02:24:39 AM

He will not call her the French word for "in olden times"? Huh?

Jadis, the White Which of Narnia.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Reil on June 04, 2010, 06:31:36 AM

Quote from: LordDresden on June 03, 2010, 05:22:25 AM

Jadis, the White Which of Narnia.

which Which?


Things Molly Carpenter is no longer allowed to do:

-play connect the scars on her venerable mentor whilst he is "meditating"
    -especially if said meditation requires that he be skyclad.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Durkann on June 04, 2010, 06:12:33 PM

Once back in the land of the living, I need to rember to pay my taxes...The US goverment doesnt like the excuse " I was dead, but i got better", as a form of exemption.

Title: Re: Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do
Post by: Slife on June 06, 2010, 01:54:14 AM

Things Harry Dresden is no longer Allowed to Do

(click to show/hide)

734: Mab.