I will no longer allow Thomas to use my apartment for his "magic carpet rides"...
a) even though there is some magic going on
b) even though he had the carpet dry-cleaned the last time
I am not to call Luccio “Captain Hotstuff” in front of the trainees!Neither am I allowed to refer to Luccio as "Captain Tightpants" in front of the trainees.
-Now that there is a woman in my life again, I will never ever clean my gun in the living room...
a) unless she is out of town
b) or at least in the other room...
When in Summer’s company, I am not to refer to Titania as “The Great Tit.”BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Greatest thing ever!!
I am not to ask Kincaid if he taught Dick Cheney how to shoot a gun…
I am not to send the Evil Overlord list to the Merlin and say “Some serious shit here, boss… pip-pip, tally-ho”
I am not to send the Evil Overlord list to the Merlin and say “Some serious shit here, boss… pip-pip, tally-ho”
Things not to Sing/Do around Murphy:Furthermore, do not comment upon even one of the numerous similarities between Murphy and elf captain Holly Short (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holly_Short) (of Artemis Fowl fame) in Murphy's presence.
Sing "Short People Got No Reason" by Randy Newman
Do Not Order Short Stacks of Pancakes.
Do not Talk about Martin Short's works referring to them with his last name only.
Do not call her Tiny, Shorty, Wee One, Lil One, Small Fry...
BEWARE: SmF spoilers in post!
I am no longer permitted to brandish both Fidelacchias and Amoracchias before the Merlin shouting, "Who's the real Merlin now, sucka?!"
Neither am I allowed to refer to Luccio as "Captain Tightpants" in front of the trainees.
- I am not allowed to call the Merlin "Professor Dumbledore"
I certainly hope not. If Harry did, I'm certain it would cause me to do a spit-take with whatever I was drinking, and ruin my book.
3. I will no longer hang out with Sanya.*ROFL* :D
A. I'm not trying to collect them all, folks.
B. For his safety, he should really avoid me all together until I can at least dump Excalibur on some poor deluded fool, with a king some where in his bloodline, and head over heels in love.
a. Hey, Thomas.
*ROFL* :DNot to derail the light mood, but
C. In the interest of keeping myself from having a hat trick of swords, I will no longer wonder if Sanya knows about Michael's kevlar-reinforced armor or not. I will ask Sanya myself. Over the phone. Then, I shall suggest that he consult Charity regarding what her asking price for Sanya-sized kevlarized armor is these days.
Next time I see Mavra, I will not walk with my legs stiff and arms out in front of me. "BRAAAAAIIINNSS!!"
I will not offer to buy Murphy a dwarven waraxe
a)even if it's the right size
I will not refer to Lash as "number 6"
a)or Caprica 6
Under no circumstances am I allowed to threaten Mouse with Neutering. Lets just say he doesn't think its funny.
I will not offer to buy Murphy a dwarven waraxe
a)even if it's the right size
I will not refer to Lash as "number 6"
a)or Caprica 6
I will not try to hook Thomas up with Mavra to see if I can breed the new Gray vampires.
Correct me if I am wrong but wouldn't that be Pink Vampires, not Grey?
:D
- I have also been informed that Fidelacchius is not a toy, I am not of the Clan MacLeod, and that my Scottish accent is atrocious.
Heh
Sorryman wants a vampire named Lavender.
Though the Thomas/Susan ship is referred to as "Pink Court" by my friends. :D
Miharu -- Mavra is Black Court. White + Black = Grey. :D
Though the Thomas/Susan ship is referred to as "Pink Court" by my friends. :D
Hey, I never thought about it, But I guess Santa is Winter, isn't he? I want to meet thins Dresdenverse Santa! 8)
STAY ON TOPIC, GUYS!
I will not ever make comments about Tinkerbell, you never know, size is often disceptive. Yoda for instance.
I won't take the newbie Wardens at Training Camp on any more Snipe Hunts.
(click to show/hide)
I will not ask the Merlin if he is planning to come out of the closet now that Dumbledore has.Ha! Nice!
Or Morgan.
I will not refer to the Merlin as "Lord Voldemort"
*SNIPPED*
I will not try to set up Murphy with Toot Toot.
-.(click to show/hide)
I will not say "Say Hello to my little friend" while introducing Murphy.
- Even though it is true.
- Even though she has the same nature as that of a gun.
2. I will never, EVER ask Ivy if she has change for a dollar.
I will not snicker every time I ask Molly to polish my blasting roda) nor will I allow Bob to watch
(click to show/hide)
Oh God.......I think I know how the next archive will come about........oh just wrong!
I will not let Bob make the Archive copy down every romance novel ever written
I will not buy Cowl a pink Hello Kitty sun parasol like the monster in the box has in the Order Of The Stick comic.
- Nor will I get him a matching cardboard box.
I will not ask any woman in my life to rip off her clothes, jump on top of me shimmying saying "Do me baby!" no matter how much I want to.-And I will be properly suspicious of any woman who does, rather than thinking of how many years it been sinc- Stop it Harry!
In the event that Ivy, Murphy, any Carpenter kid, any other children, or some combination thereof are kidnapped, upon learning the news I am absolutely forbidden from breaking out in a chorus of They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uE-1RPDqJAY).
Especially if Arctis Tor figures into the picture in any way.
Just because I painted a phonebooth blue doesn't give me permission to break the law of time.
-Nor should I enchant my trash can to say "EX-TEEERMIINAAATE!"
-Giving my elderly neighbors a heart attack isn't terribly nice
-In a similar vein, Thomas is not to be referred to as Captain Jack
I think I'll never be able to think of Captain Jack without thinking of Thomas now. That is so perfect.
Why is the *um always gone?
I will not preface sex by saying "I put on my robe and wizard hat".LOL! ;D now there's a classic reference
I will not preface sex by saying "I put on my robe and wizard hat".
I will no longer use Bob as an incense burner.
- Even if it does keep him quiet and the basement smelling better.
LOL! ;D now there's a classic referenceI'm glad at least one person got it, I was afraid no one would and it would be WAY less funny.
I shall never combine the three no matter how much power is in the three.
(The three being Magic the Gathering, D&D, and little Chicago)
No matter how much safer it is to fight my battles with dice and little figures, its just creepy controlling a whole city from my basement.
I shall never use little chicago to see if my current GF is cheating on me.
That constitutes magical stalking, and I think the karma there involves bad juju.
I will not at any time advocate forming a fellowship (with Murphy as the bearer) to throw the Denarians into a Volcano, no matter how much fun it would be.
If anyone asks me if I'm hungry, I will not intone, 'The red wizard needs food badly.'
I will stop hexing the SciFi network for canceling the Dresden Files.
A. You all wondered how a wrestling show ended up on a network dedicated to Science Fiction programming.
I am not allowed to give the Za Lord's Guard missions for my own amusement.
What's the point of shelling out money for pizza without something in return?
I am not allowed to give the Za Lord's Guard missions for my own amusement.To clarify:
To clarify:
I am not allowed to order the Za' Guard to:
-Fill Thomas's car entirely with packing peanuts.
-Encase said car in plastic wrap.
-Clean Mouses Ears (he hates it)
-Take naughty photos of Murphy, Luccio, or Molly (Bob cannot order this either)
-Listen to bob in any way.
-Replace Molly's Piercings with Winter Icicles.
-Retrieve a whisker of Mister as a Proof of Mettle.
-make the steps Ice over only when salesmen or jehova's witnesses stop by
- I will never again wear in public the t-shirt that says "Save a broomstick; Ride a Wizard!"
I will stop quoting metalica and telling women I can take them "off to never never land"
This never works in bars, and when it does bad things happen.
I will never quote Zevon's Werewolves of London around Billy or Georgia, again.
If anyone asks me if I'm hungry, I will not intone, 'The red wizard needs food badly.'
I will not brag that my staff gets 53.8 DPS and gives a +57 intellect bonusMy Bathrobe does not Qualify as Epic robes, no matter how unique they are at council meeting.
Nor will a comment on my Epic Robes.
I will not sit on the porch whittling a new Blasting rod when Carlos comes to pick up Molly for their first date
Oh yes I will. Michael needs backup, and he'd be too nice anyway.
This mental image now holds a very special place in my heart. Thank you.
Too subtle for Harry. He'd be more along the lines of: "Hey, 'Los. You see that pretty girl there, the one you're about to take out? She's the daughter of my best friend, the apple of his eye, and that means if you even THINK about touching her, or kissing, or anything like that, I got no problem getting the Doom of Damocles again. Capisce?"
He is not really the kind of guy to use New Pop culture lines.
Two Issues with that, Bill
First He is under the Doom NOW and,
He is not really the kind of guy to use New Pop culture lines.
He is not really the kind of guy to use New Pop culture lines.
Two Issues with that, Bill
We already have a Richard, so that's why you're Bill.
Also, my daddy says I'm a princess.
We already have a Richard, so that's why you're Bill.
Also, my daddy says I'm a princess.
*squooshes cheeks* Yes, you are! You are! *blerts the belly*
I can hurt you. :D
Ooooh, she's talking already! Who's a smart little Jawa? Who is?
Given where I am thinking the reference is coming from (The Godfather, if I am not mistaken) I would hardly call that a "new" pop culture line. :)
Who's Bill?
That was also a line from the Bill Engval show last season
See above coment
Where do you think HE got it? :)
See above. :P ;D
I just dont rember that part from any of the Godfather movies and I did not read any books on it, If there are.
I may just well be wrong, and if I am wrong, than I am
Maybe Isabelle could become a marine and tae kwon do champion. :D
Maybe Isabelle could become a marine and tae kwon do champion. :DHehe, That was his plan B. But his wife made him promise to give her a chance to be feminine before he tries to turn her into too much of a tomboy. And knowing all of us she'll end up as a gamer chick anyways. Two words: Sword Training ;D
I will not sit on the porch whittling a new Blasting rod when Carlos comes to pick up Molly for their first date
Oh yes I will. Michael needs backup, and he'd be too nice anyway.
And I will not give Molly The Look and say, "I hope you will not keep my friend 'Los out too late, Apprentice."
I will not ask Thomas to join in the Hunky Supernatural Guys calendar for charity that we're doing. Or Michael, or Fix, or Carlos. Even if some of the females think it's a really good idea.
I will not ask Thomas to join in the Hunky Supernatural Guys calendar for charity that we're doing. Or Michael, or Fix, or Carlos. Even if some of the females think it's a really good idea.
I will not name my first child Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the Third, no matter how much currency it would give them in the supernatural world.
Okay, that one you will need to explain. I get the long name part allowing you plenty of conversations with demons, but why Valentinez? And isn't Alkaline(lla)? something in batteries?obscure Trigun (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trigun)reference, sorry. Vash the Stampede (most wanted man in the world with a huge bounty on his head) gave it as a fake name to Wolfwood on their first meeting.
For a moment, I thought it was a Cowboy Bebop reference until I actually read the name. ;)I was going to post Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky IV, but it was so short... ;D
Murphey would kill him if he tried something like that.
.
I am no longer allowed to enchant the word "communist" to Barack Obama's forehead. Not very politically correct.
I will not punch the Merlin in the face. I will not punch the Merlin in the face. I will not punch the Merlin in the face.(After watching John Wayne in "McClintock!")
Guys, keep the politics off this board. If you want to start a "Which 2008 Presidential Nominee Would Harry Vote For?" thread in Touchy Topics, have a party, but keep it away from this section of the forum.
Are you kidding?? Harry would never have to work again. Of course, there would be no living with Bob if he were actually paying the rent. And nights out to the strip clubs would suddenly be undeniable work-related research.
I will not let Bob write novels.
I will not keep trying to get Murphy to arrest Michael for public indecency because of his "Carpenter's crack".
Somehow I doubt his pants fit that badly. He doesn't seem the type to develop paunch--too much swordwork--nor do I think Charity would let him buy clothes that don't fit (too likely to cause problems in a fight).
Hell Yes I Will. I dont need no stinkin' Warden Sword ;DI will not use soulfire to form a light saber.
Hell Yes I Will. I dont need no stinkin' Warden Sword ;D
I will not set up a blind date between Ebenezar and Kincaid.
Oh, that one inspired me-
How about I will not set up a blind date between Ebenezar and Murphy's Mom?
It was a joke.
More like a wise crack.
Dude, that was, like, so yesterday.
Hey, I need my 14 hours daily sleep.What is this thing you speak of..."Sleep"?
What is this thing you speak of..."Sleep"?
To get back on topic:"Lemme Guess, you're going to claim to have invented these, too?"
Next time a baddie chains him up, Harry cannot offer to connect him up with the Handcuffs of the Month Club.
Or say, "Thorn Bracelets? Hey, thanks, just 2 more sets and I'll be able to tie up the whole White Council."
I will never again tell Molly that wizards never giggle, while she is eating. She could choke, and I would hate to tell Michael that I had to give her mouth-to-mouth.Even worse, I would have to tell Charity.
I will not pen stories of my adventures and sell them to The Arcane.Maybe to ROC though... :D
I will not call Prince Charles to wield a sword of the cross
- Prince William either
- Prince Harry maybe. His name has a nice ring to it.
-I will not chip the tooth of the next demon I summon.
--Teeth are Enamel, not ivory, and definitely not green ivory.
--It will not help me play guitar.
I will not point at the Gatekeeper and yell, "We've found Osama!" in the middle of council meetings.
a.) Again.
b.) Even though seeing the ultimate smackdown between Uncle Eb and the Gatekeeper was pretty awesome.
-If I ever practice with any of the Holy Swords I will not scream "First I whip it out! Then I thrust it! With great force! Every angle...! Is penetrated! Until...! With great strength...! I... ram it in! In the end, we are all satisfied...you are set free."Babylon 5, Ivanona and the alien diplomat...
a) Michael will kill me.
b) The neighbors will start thinking I'm a sex predator.
I am not allowed to post a list of my own pop culture references on Wikipedia. (apparently, since they deleted the page)
I am not allowed to post a list of my own pop culture references on Wikipedia. (apparently, since they deleted the page)I am not allowed to update Wikipedia to expose certain popular misunderstandings of natural science.
-I will not give Nicodemus a tie for Christmas
-I am no longer allowed to call Mike Rowe claiming I have a dirty job.
(Sorry if it's been done before...)
-I'm no longer allowed at Harry Potter conventions. Fun though it was showing those goons some REAL magic...
a) was kicked out for being a potential Death Eater.
b) was kicked out for being a Lord of the Rings fan.
c) was kicked out for stealing the name "Harry".
d) was carried out on a stretcher by the few dual fans of Potter and Dresden who felt sorry for the poor thing and forbade him going back.
e) was kicked out for making some wise-@$$ed crack.
f) was kicked out for burning down the building. (DING! DING! DING! WE HAVE A WINNER!)
I will not give snarky little Harry Pottery geeks a ride on the Dresden Broom of Doom, no matter how much they deserve it.Unless they're hot. Gigidy-gigidy ;D
Unless they're hot. Gigidy-gigidy ;DIs there something burning around here? Shall we try out the water gun of extreme disgust, with garlic.
(sorry, it had to be done)
Not allowed to get Murphy, Luccio, and Elane into a 3 way mud/ pudding match and post it on pay perview and have ring side seats to the event.
-If I ever practice with any of the Holy Swords I will not scream "First I whip it out! Then I thrust it! With great force! Every angle...! Is penetrated! Until...! With great strength...! I... ram it in! In the end, we are all satisfied...you are set free."
a) Michael will kill me.
b) The neighbors will start thinking I'm a sex predator.
If anyone knows where this is from, you are awesome.
Harry cannot go upto Daniel Radcliffe at a Convention and introduce him to a centaur he knows.
not allowed to make centaur of attention jokes, either[/i]
Just to say it. I am pretty sure that is also a quote from Devil May Cry 4 (when you get Lucifer)
Oh, oh... WHAT DO I WIN ? ? ? ?
-If I ever practice with any of the Holy Swords I will not scream "First I whip it out! Then I thrust it! With great force! Every angle...! Is penetrated! Until...! With great strength...! I... ram it in! In the end, we are all satisfied...you are set free."
a) Michael will kill me.
b) The neighbors will start thinking I'm a sex predator.
If anyone knows where this is from, you are awesome.
Harry can't invite Titania and Mab over for a threesome.
Not even Chuck Norris is man enough for that!!!
Chuck would leave them panting and sweaty, and begging him for more...
Not even Chuck Norris is man enough for that!!!
Harry can't invite Titania and Mab over for a threesome.Well, it is the way the Sidhe work: What one Queen does the other must do, to maintain the Balance. ;D
Well, it is the way the Sidhe work: What one Queen does the other must do, to maintain the Balance.
Actually, what one Queen does, the other Queen would have to do the exact opposite to maintain the balance. So if one Queen sleeps with Harry, then the other one would have to take a vow of chastity and/or seduce Luccio.
I can not refer to being thrown out of the Raith deeps in a ball of force as a B*** **B (self edit)
“I came, I saw, I conquered” is not an appropriate after coitus statement to tell Luccio."I came, I saw, she conquored" would be a more apt comment.
I will stop playing with the police scanner.
-I will also stop enchanting them with ecto-radio-mancy. (Refer to book SF, Harry’s office radio is channeled to Bob)
-I will stop making up words.
Now for some strange reason I know that I should be able to fill in the blanks, but my mind decided to go on vacation and not take me with it. Care to help me out alittle? If you don't want to post it publicly, you can PM me the answer.Yea, I'm not getting that one either.
you're welcome, didnt want to offend a mod (or anyone for that matter), so, *shrugs* glad you like itIt's pretty easy going around here. add in a * and you're usually good. Unless you're cussing. Then add a s***load of 'em. :D
Yeah, I was trying to find something much worse to fill in the blanks with, and was coming up dry.Me too. This is why I loose at Scrabble :P
Me too. This is why I loose at Scrabble :P
When Molly is practicing veils I will not refer to her as Solid Snake and myself as Otacon.
- If anyone is Snake I am.
- And the Alphas new name is not Foxhound
I will not start narrating Murphy's life as if it were a wild kingdom special on short people.
I will not have Toot hide inside of my duster, just so I can say "Meet my little friend"
made me choke on cereal. Win!
and
made me choke on cereal. Win!
"How's it goin' you old bat?" is not a good way to greet a Red Court vampiress, no matter how clever it seems at the time.
Or "Hello, Batgirl" either (even if it is kind of awesome).
Having Father Forthill hold of red court vampires with a cross, while I yell "Holy Icon, Batman," is acceptable, however.
But having him hold them off with a cross while yelling "YOU. SHALL NOT PASS!" is not ok.When Molly is studying for finals, I am totally NOT allowed to look grave, get her to ask what's wrong, and say "You. Shall Not. Pass."
Despite labeling some of the strongest foes I have faced with the cute nickname of "Nickleheads" I will not move up the coinage denominations and continue with "Dimes" "Quarters" or "Half Dollars" the gag may run out.
I will subsequently not refer to the Denarians' human followers/lackeys as "Penny Dreadfuls."
If Harry's first girlfriend was dragooned into Denarian servitude, would she be Penny Elaine?
:o
Wow. Another detail I've just plain missed; and here I've always thought Elaine was Harry's "first everything".
Wait, what? Elaine was Harry's first girlfriend. How is this a revelation?
Penny Elaine is in my ears and in my eyes, there beneath the blue suburban skies...
*headdesk* It's time for me to put landmines in the apartment upstairs (they're letting their kids do kiddie construction after 11 again), because I was obviously too tired to see "Elaine" in "Penny Elaine" and instead saw "Penny" and got all stupidered.
I need a week's vacation. Scratch that - I need the upstairs neighbors to go away for a week. That'll be almost as good.
Would the duo of conjugally-minded Denarian disciples be the Tuppenny Uprights?
I will subsequently not refer to the Denarians' human followers/lackeys as "Penny Dreadfuls."
Hahaha, Oh well. That good enough for me :P
I will not polymorph anyone into a sheep... Nor will i shout For the Horde! as i do it
I will not tell Micheal that latin is so last century and he should shout For The Light! when he goes into battle.
~despite how much he resembles a Paladin
~Nor will i ask him to place Divine Intervention on me
This is true...and sad....because WOW is great. :D
I will no longer use Tim the enchanter as my 'stage name'. likewise I will not ask Michael to use the holy hand grenade of Antioch, doubtless of how effective it might be.
I will not rent a karaoke machine and stand outside Mavra's lair singing Alice Cooper's "I Love the Dead" and/or "Cold Ethyl."
he has a negative effect on modern tech such as karaoke machines
I knew there was something about Harry I liked.
awe...i like karaoke...:)
I sing so badly that the closest I come to karaoke is when they carry this Okie out of the bar where the American Idol wannabes hang out.Wow. You hurt my brain... :P
No matter how bad my day is, I will not put on a purple suit, interrupt Marcone during one of his meetings, slam a pencil into his desk and ask him if he wants to see a magic trick.
*hides under desk*
He is not allowed to go up to Larry Fowler and say: "Larry, can I come on your show?"
No matter how bad my day is, I will not put on a purple suit, interrupt Marcone during one of his meetings, slam a pencil into his desk and ask him if he wants to see a magic trick.
I must not go up to Hendericks and ask him if he cryed when his cousin was shot down from the Empire State Building in the movie: King Kong
I will not ask Ms. Gard to hum Wagner for me. Especially not the ride of the Valkyries...
I also won't ask her to wear a chainmail bikini. :D Unless of course it IS the best armor choice at the time.
umm, she seems to have Wagner on Tap in her Helicopter. Harry was being a wise ass by asking it, but she actually had the damned thing on board
It is not okay to make up imaginary friends to replace Lash.
a) My subconscious is scary enough without giving him more people to chat with.
-I will not threaten Mab with getting Aslan to deal with her.
a) No matter how funny I think it is.
a I will not annony Mac in general[/spoiler]
Not allowed to get Murphy, Luccio, and Elane into a 3 way mud/ pudding match and post it on pay perview and have ring side seats to the event.
Harry can't invite Titania and Mab over for a threesome.
On the other hand, if Mab wants him to pay off the last favor that way and arranges it herself, that's OK.
In that event, however, Harry is not allowed to sing "I'm in love with Maeve's Mom" around Mab's daughter afterward...even if her reaction would probably be kind of funny.
"MOOOMMMMM!"
- I am not allowed to ...
- I will never ...
-Bob's skull(fill in the blank) is not to be used to...
- Under no circumstances am I to even contemplate ...
- Just because something is (fill in the blank) doesn't mean (fill in the blank).
- (Fill in the blank) is not a (fill in the blank).
Related, I am not allowed to hum, "Maeve's Mom Has Got It Goin' On".
On the other hand, if Mab wants him to pay off the last favor that way and arranges it (a threesome with Titania) herself, that's OK.
One of the most gloriously bombastic songs EVER, and it's about you - wouldn't YOU have it on board? :)
I am not allowed to trick Detective Rudolph into going into the Couffeire Cup and ask for Thomas pronounced: Toe-moss
I am not allowed to trick Detective Rudolph into going into the Couffeire Cup and ask for Thomas pronounced: Toe-moss
Really, why not?
I am not allowed to practice ice magic on Molly's piercings.
Not to mention the Dangers if they were to start cooperating...
I am not allowed to encourage Lara and Marcone to fight each other for secret power in Chicago. While this would certainly keep them both busy and out of my hair for a long period, one or the other would eventually win and 'emerge stronger than either'. Not a good thing. Though the Vegas oddsmakers would be going crazy trying to pick the winner...
I am not allowed to have Bob judge any beauty contests
I am not allowed to sing "The Night Chicago Died" around my friends before going into a desperate battle alone. While it boosts my spirits and calms my nerves, it makes Molly, Michael, Charity, Thomas, Murphy, Elaine, Mouse, Mister, Susan, the Alphas, and the rest sick with worry.
Not to mention the Dangers if they were to start cooperating...
...Once Lash returns...
I'm not allowed to fill a paper bag with Mouses humongous leavings, put in on Larry Fowlers doorstep, light it on fire, ring the doorbell and run away.
Ditto with Lara and Marcone.
Once she returns? o_0 Has it been confirmed? Did the great and glorious Jim say she was gonna come back?
I shall not make a giant soulfire hand to show the person who just cut me off on the highway how I feel about them.I will also never make said soul fire hand and tell a doctor no this is a prostate exam.
Nor shall I use it to catch fly balls baseball games.
I am not allowed to start dancing if "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" by Trace Adkins comes on the radio when I am meeting with Murphy.....I dont want to get a broken wrist....
The diagram "Wound Man" is not allowed in my office. Especially not if there's a serial killer on the loose.
I will not ask Mavra to show Stephanie Meyer what REAL vampires are like.
-Well, maybe.
-On second thought, no. I don't want to know what she'd want in return.
-I am, however, allowed to send out copies of Twilight to the Red Court and Black court, and then just see what happens.
I will keep Thomas away from any Twilight fan gatherings, especially if I see him with blonde hair dye and some sort of 'Sparkling' enchantment.
"FOR PONY!" Is not my battle cry.
I am not allowed to get drunk, call up Titania at 3:00 am, and ask her, "It's 3:00 am, do you know where your daughter is?"
I really am not allowed to call Kincaid when he is on vacation with Murphy at 3am and ask him if he knows where Ivy is.
I may not start humming ride of the valkyrie when Charity meets Ms Gard for the first time. Of course I am not sure who I would be humming for.
No Pain, No Gain
When the time comes for Molly to learn electricity magic, I am not allowed to 'forget' to remind her to leave the piercings at home. That would be just cruel...
But I am allowed to put earplugs in, start talking to mouse about his next vet's appointment or mention a B-A-T-H for Mister.
When the time comes for Maeve to meet Molly, I am not allowed to gag if they start oohing and aahing over each other's outfits and exchanging fashion comments...
I shall not make a giant flamin sign " Fear the Za Lord"
...
on the white councils front lawn
...
with chimes..
again.
QuoteWhen the time comes for Molly to learn electricity magic, I am not allowed to 'forget' to remind her to leave the piercings at home. That would be just cruel...No Pain, No Gain
The next time one of the Fae queens does something I find particularly objectionable, I am not allowed to threaten to call and tell their mothers on them.
Although that would be funny to see Mother Winter decend on Mab and Maeve scolding them for being so bad and such lose skanks to the nice wizard who was kind enough to vist her in the woods when her own family doesnt even bother to call. ;)
I am not allowed to let Bob attend Mardi Gras.....the destruction of the city would surely be noticed.On second thought, I'm not allowed to let Bob go to any other city without supervision; I'm starting to wonder if he was the cause of some of disasters. (Where was Bob during the San Fransisco Earthquake of 1908?)
Im is not allowed to sell stage side seats and put on pay perview a swim suit compititoin between Murphy, Molly, Lara, Mab, Maeve, Lily, Elaine, Luccio..... even though i dont see why not.
I shall not make a giant soulfire hand to show the person who just cut me off on the highway how I feel about them.
Nor shall I use it to catch fly balls at baseball games.
I will also never make said soul fire hand and tell a doctor no this is a prostate exam.
If I ever do these things, I will not shout "Talk to the Hand". It's passe.
...except how Harry actually does say this upon his first use of Soulfire. :D
I will not, when preparing a spell, insist that Europe's "The Final Countdown" be played, especially not as I hold a knife between my teeth and have scarves blown in my face.
(Get the reference, get a cookie.)
I will not, when preparing a spell, insist that Europe's "The Final Countdown" be played, especially not as I hold a knife between my teeth and have scarves blown in my face.
(Get the reference, get a cookie.)
Not even while driving in a convertible and letting it all hang out?[/Not even while driving in a convertible and letting it all hang out?
Nope, not even then. Now I've got this picture in my head of Harry in a Mustang with Mouse riding shotgun. 'Head to the side, tongue slappin' around, a little drool...and I'm sure Mouse would have a good time too.The Amazing G.O.B. strikes again!
I will not reveal the secrets of my illusions, lest I be blackballed from the Magician's Alliance yet again.
(Though if Harry could be compared to any member of the Bluth family it'd have to be Michael.)
not to mention The Devil went out to Georgia for nick
Sorry it was 3 in the morning and I just got off working a 12 hour shit but im sure you all know what I meant
I am not allowed to introduce Lara to Barack Obama, although I dont know why.....
I am not Batman, neither Thomas nor Carlos are Robin the Boy Wonder, Molly isn't Batgirl, Ebeneezer isn't the Commissioner,Ok but then who is Aunt Harriet? Maybe his landlady?
Ok but then who is Aunt Harriet? Maybe his landlady?I'm not quite remembering Aunt Harriet's personality, but would Murphy's mother work?
I'm not quite remembering Aunt Harriet's personality, but would Murphy's mother work?
I am not allowed to refer to Cowl as the Joker
Referring to Mavra as Batgirl would be kind of awesome (especially to her face).
The funny thing about the jokes concerning Batman and Robin is that historically, it was a common thing to happen, not the gay parts. Craftsmen for centuries took boys into their homes as apprentices, to train them up in their own speciality, so all Bruce Wayne did was find a boy whose need for Revenge was as great as his own and train him.
IIRC, Robin was not supposed to be so brilliantly costumed but in something closer to the Batman's own outfit but a combination of factors over-ruled this, including Kane's refusal to have Batman and mini-batman, thus the bolder costume.
Most of the gay jokes about Batman seem to have come about because of the television series and to be quite honest, they were just short of flaming in that. In the books themselves, Bruce Wayne had an active sexual life, as much as the times would allow and when he was older, so did Dick Greyson. My impression of the books did not show Bruce Wayne as the sort of date which a willing woman could not score with or be assured that no matter how willing she might become, her virtue would be safe.
IIRC, he had a sexual relationship with Catwoman in the books and they had a daughter. Now it's not that gays can't have sex and babies but I never saw Catwoman as the type that could accept sharing.
Finally, you could say much the same about Eb's taking Harry into his home. It is not as if the robes of a White Council Wizard are that macho to begin with. He sure as hell put Harry into as many dangerous scrapes as Batman did with Robin. All Robin could do was die, Harry could have lost his soul.
The funny thing about the jokes concerning Batman and Robin is that historically, it was a common thing to happen, not the gay parts. Craftsmen for centuries took boys into their homes as apprentices, to train them up in their own speciality, so all Bruce Wayne did was find a boy whose need for Revenge was as great as his own and train him.
IIRC, Robin was not supposed to be so brilliantly costumed but in something closer to the Batman's own outfit but a combination of factors over-ruled this, including Kane's refusal to have Batman and mini-batman, thus the bolder costume.
Most of the gay jokes about Batman seem to have come about because of the television series and to be quite honest, they were just short of flaming in that.
Most of the gay jokes about Batman seem to have come about because of the television series and to be quite honest, they were just short of flaming in that.
When showing people my apartment, I must never utter the words "and this is where the magic happens."
I am not allowed to give Murphy a pair of elevator shoes for Christmas....I do not want to have a broken leg over the holidays...
I will not slip Morgan and the Merlin some viagra in their drinks....again.
I dunno. The Za Lord might end up as a position powerful to be a signatory.
Would he not have to break from the White Council first?
Or could he create a psudonyme? (sp?)
That would be cool, he should dress up as a cowled character and 'sneak in' the back door under a new name to the Black Council
I am not allowed to let Bob attend Mardi Gras.....the destruction of the city would surely be noticed.
If I ever do these things, I will not shout "Talk to the Hand". It's passe.
Err... again?
Actually, the main source seems to have been a crusading type who came up with the notion that comic books were a root cause of juvenile delinquency, named of Fredric Wertham. He appears to have been a trifle...overwrought.
I found an old book in a antique book store that basically says any and all books rot the mind and no one should ever read.
How your supposed to convey that to people without reading it is a question that still hurts my head when I try and read past the first page.
I am not allowed to try and catch Santa Clause.
A) Milk and cookies doesn't work as well as you think....
I am not allowed to refer to my soul fire hand construct as a "pimp hand "
1) even if Carlos finds it funny too
I am not allowed to ask my Faire godmother for a nice tux and ride to the next formal shindig.
Even if I only ask her to make the Beetle a little better, because even if it is the Bettle she will turn me into a pumpkin or turn the Bettle into a real Bettle.
I am also not allowed to suggest a good Faire godmother to murphy if she hooks up with Kinkaid, Lucio if we have a kid, or Thomas if he has a kid.
I will not interupt Murphy to tell her to go make me a sandwich.Nor will I use wards to trap her in the kitchen saying she should know her place.
I will not convince Molly that part of her training is to go prancing around in nature naked, while I take a kick back from the dirty old men in the bushes. ;DNor will I ever let Bob attempt the same.
I am not allowed to go the Summer Court and do stage plays with the Eldest Brother Gruff as my costar to re-enact the heroic battles of the Gruffs, I may not survive....Even if I bring my dinosaur. It may have gone to the T-rex in Jurassic Park, but I think the Goat would win this time.
"FOR PONY!" Is not my battle cry.
Which is likely to happen. Most people don't find there life partners at 18; drunk; and at mardi grai.
I will not have molly sneak doughnuts into Thomas's apartment, no matter how much it would drive him crazy.
I will however sneak them into his salon on his desk.
Because if he blows a gasket at work it will look funny because of his cover.
Why get Molly to do it? Why not have the brownies clean up his salon, rearrange everything in a more "orderly" fashion and leave a warm, delicious piece of joy on his desk?
spoon is not my battle cry
Thank you for this image ;D
i will not enchant a swiffer into a segway
I am not allowed to sing kill the wabbit kill the wabbit in ms gard's helicopter
A-she just looks at me and says its wizard season
HARRY: Vamp season!
GARD: Wizard season!
HARRY: Vamp season!
GARD: Wizard season!
HARRY: Vamp season!
GARD: Wizard season!
HARRY: Wizard season!
GARD: (dead silence, raising one eyebrow)
HARRY: I said, Wizard season!
GARD: If you insist, Mr. Dresden.
HARRY: Jeez, didn't you even watch ONE Bugs Bunny cartoon?
TC, you are Jim in disguise, aren't you? I can totally see that exchange in a book.
I will not neglect the Brothers Grimm. The last thing I need is to get another broken nose by another nursery rhyme. Which reminds me...If he only had hands...
I will seek out and destroy every beanstalk in the county.
I will not create YouTube for the Paranet. (VooDooTube?) Learning about it from Butters, it sounds great, but Bob would upload porn.
I will not create YouTube for the Paranet. (VooDooTube?) Learning about it from Butters, it sounds great, but Bob would upload porn.
If he only had hands...
I know I have done this before, but since I am going to the WBC (world baseball classic) on Saturday I thought I would do it again.
Harry is not allowed to make the following soulfire items.
Giant number one hand
Giant shocker hand
Giant middle finger hand
Giant baseball glove to pick foul balls from anywhere in the park.
Since the WBC is host to 13 countries the first 3 might anger, arouse or confuse the other countries attending.
The last one would just make Harry a jerk.
You forgot Giant thumbs-up hand
I know I have done this before, but since I am going to the WBC (world baseball classic) on Saturday I thought I would do it again.
Harry is not allowed to make the following soulfire items.
Giant number one hand
Giant shocker hand
Giant middle finger hand
Giant baseball glove to pick foul balls from anywhere in the park.
Since the WBC is host to 13 countries the first 3 might anger, arouse or confuse the other countries attending.
The last one would just make Harry a jerk.
Ok, shout a warning when going places like that please!!! Because I made that into a terrible dirty joke.... And now I have spit all over my computer! :D
*does not know what ASL is*
*does not know what ASL is*
Harry is no longer allowed to say 'I know a real demon barbar. Wanna meet him?' Along that same line Harry is no longer allowed to tell Thomas 'Johnny Depp makes a better Demon hair dresser than you.'
Wow, That was good.
Harry Dresden is not allowed to change the weather to ruin any outing for the Carpenters. Charity and Molly would kick his butt.
Harry is not allowed to alter weather patterns to make sure the cubs make it to the playoffs.
It would take the power of both Heaven, Hell, Valhalla and the Buddha working together for that to happen, as well as clutch hitting, a bullpen that actually thinks and a whole bunch of hyped up leprocauns.
It would take the power of both Heaven, Hell, Valhalla and the Buddha working together for that to happen, as well as clutch hitting, a bullpen that actually thinks and a whole bunch of hyped upleprocaunsleprechauns.
When Harry is chosen to represent the White Council at Accord meetings he is not allowed to say anything similar toLemme paraphrase: I will not commit suicide. ;)
"I yield the floor to the Free holding lord whom I have imprisoned before (waits 20 seconds), Or Earlking you never told them I bound you in a circle X Halloweens before"
Or any other variation there upon which calls the Earlking out as a punk who was owned by a mortal.
I will never, ever, EVER again shout "FORZARE!" at the peak of passion.
Lemme paraphrase: I will not commit suicide. ;)
I will never, ever, EVER again shout "FORZARE!" at the peak of passion.
There ARE better ways to get a woman hot, you know...
I will never, ever, EVER again shout "FORZARE!" at the peak of passion.
There ARE better ways to get a woman hot, you know...
Fuego?
Dude? Time to stop.
Spoiler for extreme very extreme adult content.(click to show/hide)
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*points for Darkling*
I will no longer mention the Evil Overlord's list to my enemies. They don't need any more help.
If I have to use Loony Toons characters for inspiration it will not be Wile E. Coyote, Suuper Genius since his plans backfire. The Road Runner & Bugs Bunny are better choices since they kick his butt.
When plotting or attempting to unravel my foes plots especially those of the Black Council or any immortal or near immortal entities, I will remember two phrases Xanatos Gambit and Xanatos Roulette.
"If anyone asks me if I'm hungry, I will not intone, 'The red wizard needs food badly.' "
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Spoiler tag just to be safe.
Harry Dresden is no longer allowed to show the Eldest Gruff the Happy Tree Friends ever again.
1) Even if he laughed himself silly over it the last time.
I am not allowed to give Murphy a pair of elevator shoes for Christmas....I do not want to have a broken leg over the holidays...
* snip *
I will not challenge Kincaid to a duel over Murphy:
a) I won't challenge the Merlin, either
b) Both would kill me
I'm under no circumstances to revel to Murphy that I know that she "likes" me.
Humming while the Merlin is talking during Council meetings is frowned upon. Humming the scores of Disney's The Sword in the Stone or Fantasia while the Merlin is talking is punishable by death.
Humming "Too Sexy" while Ancient Mai is talking would result in a fate far worse than death.
well, he is too sexy for his car...By far. And too sexy for his Cat, his poor pussy cat. He might even be too sexy for a hat; What do you think about that? ;)
I am not permitted to address the Council in Pig Latin.
a) Even if it is easier than real Latin. Stupid correspondence course.
- Stercus Caput is not a valid title of address at council meetings.
a) Even if it did make Ebenezer shoot whisky out his nose.
I am not going to call Mab a MILF. She'd freeze some orbs on my body (and they may not be eyes). Even though it is true.
-I am not to invite the Eldest Gruff over for coffee and a doughnut.
A Sylph is a very minor Wyldfae, like Toot. It is not an alternate spelling of SILF, and does not mean "Sidhe I'd Like to F..."
With the exception of this, sir or madam, GREAT work! :DThanks, I'm just glad they weren't all terrible, since it was quite late by the time I finished reading the thread and posted the list.
-I will not call Mab 'Jadis'.
I will refrain from using any variation of the words "dog pound" around Kincaid.
-Even if he was panting like a dog when Murphy called.
-Same rule applies with Lea.
Little Chicago is not to be used as my own personal HBO channel.
-Ever again.
I will stop flicking small objects at the back of Charity's head.
-And stop blaming it on her children.
-Referring to Michael's youngest son as "BETTER, STRONGER.... FASTER!"every time he crawls past me is equally inappropriate.
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He will not call her the French word for "in olden times"? Huh?
Jadis, the White Which of Narnia.which Which?