McAnally's (The Community Pub) > Author Craft
So...Help.
horsehearted:
ok, now that i've had some sleep and am more coherent, you sound a lot like jim butcher, which is cool! because he's pretty damn awesome! The snarky sarcasm that we all love is very apparent in your story, as is the omission of "unimportant" details, like the main character's name (at least for a time), that also has a butcher feel! it was very entertaining and if you wrote more i'd read it based on your first story.
Shecky:
Quite entertaining.
InfernoMDM:
I liked the story, but I think it side tracked to much. Writing was good I caught a few hickups in words I think a he should have been a the. None the less enjoyable.
pyroriffic:
--- Quote from: InfernoMDM on September 17, 2008, 09:19:34 PM ---I liked the story, but I think it side tracked to much. Writing was good I caught a few hickups in words I think a he should have been a the. None the less enjoyable.
--- End quote ---
Ta muchly, have corrected that-there typo.
Starbeam:
One of the first sentences, with that that, emphasis on the first that, could probably have one edited out. It's an amusing story, but like said previously, does have a tendency to go off on a tangent for a paragraph or more before getting back to the story. Amusing, but not always necessary.
A couple things that made me stumble a bit while reading: Consciously saying that the story was being written. Takes away any tension that might have built up because it's too easy to assume next to nothing will happen. Plus I've read few stories/books where that kinda thing worked well and didn't pull me out. The word choice in several paragraphs make it sound like you used a thesaurus, or tried to use a bigger word than necessary because you could. Like "drinking copious quantities of alcohol." I think it's fine every now and then, but it's more relatable to say the character got smashed or shitfaced drunk. And the Shroedinger's cat thing, that's just confusing to begin with, and I almost stopped reading as soon as quantum physics was mentioned. S'not completely something everyone's gonna get, even though it's explained the character's a geek. Geek and nerd have become pretty common to describe anyone obsessed with anything geeky, so maybe clarify what kind of geek.
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