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Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do

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Jamamma:
My name is not a killing word.

I can not show off my newest attack “Care bear stare!” And Murphy does not think it cute.

My alphabet soup is not trying to tell me something, my cherios are not possessed by ghosts, and much to my dismay fortune cookies do not always ‘know things.’

I will not report my grave robbed, and demand my body back from CPD.

I will not take any potions Bob advises me to make, “to get in touch with my feminine side”
Unless I am really bored and lonely.
More so than before.
And he gives me the anti-potion incase it doesn’t work out.
Quit looking at me like that.

I can not refer to being thrown out of the Raith deeps in a ball of force as a B*** **B (self edit)

I will not use a Hadoken attack.
On that same note I will not chain the two swords I have together into sword chucks.

A well done side of beef with a piece of board stuck to it is not a deterrent to vampires, and trying to convince them it is, does not work.

I will not tell any of my suitors “Fine, but the hat stays on”

I will not suddenly start seeing through the “4th wall”

When I dance, I will stop looking at my pants. Even if they are no friend of mine.

I will not sell myself on ebay when I’m late on the rent.
A) even if it would be easy
B) especially if it would be easy
C) even if I could escape afterwards.

I will stop saying “Wingardium leviosa” when I work air magic.

I will stop changing Thomas’ radio to stations that play Cher.

I will not cover my glove in sequins, stones, or replace it with a white one and grab myself in public. No matter how well I moon walk.

I will stop interrogating each lawn gnome I pass.

Teasing the goth kids is not funny. And showing them a real vampire is not going to change their minds.

“I came, I saw, I conquered” is not an appropriate after coitus statement to tell Luccio.

I will stop playing with the police scanner.
-I will also stop enchanting them with ecto-radio-mancy. (Refer to book SF, Harry’s office radio is channeled to Bob)
-I will stop making up words. 

Things I really wanted to ask, but will refrain from doing, each time I visit the library: 
Harry Potter: Fact or fiction? Do you have a pre-employment trial by paper-cuts and is it mandatory? Do the aisles fill with wicked imps or killer moths after hours? Charging additional, ‘imaginary’ fees to those with late fees, a problem?
Speaking of late fees, do you use a ninja repossession service? Is there anything that involves “Surprise electric shocks?” Throwing hard back books at noisy children: do you frown on that?

Priscellie:
*applauds Jamamma*

One Duck:
*also applauds*

Some really good onesin there!

Thrasher:
I will not play Warren Zevon whenever I'm hanging out with the Alphas.
- unless we actually do go to London

I will not refer to any Outsiders I meet as Tim Curry's big brother.
- Transvestites either

I will not ask my new girlfriend what Abraham Lincoln was like
- She might actually have an answer that I don't wanna hear

When Molly is practicing veils I will not refer to her as Solid Snake and myself as Otacon.
- If anyone is Snake I am.
- And the Alphas new name is not Foxhound

I will not go to Renaissance Fairs with members of the Senior Council and bug them to point out how the real thing was different.

I will not pose for pictures with Bob behind me and me asking "Is it still there?"
- Nor will I start referring to Bob as the "Floating Glowskull of Mystery"

I will stop making phalic jokes using the term blasting rod.
- or staff

I will stop searching for the Ginger Bread House whenever I'm in the woods, not all fairy tales are based on real things.
- I hope.
- Though I think I already killed the Big Bad Wolf

I will not bug Mab to introduce me to Puck or Oberon.
- Titania either.
- They might actually be real, Shakespeare was probably a wizard.

I will stop acting out Hamlet in the park with Bob as Yurick.
- It scares the kids when Bob plays the part of Horatio though

I will not attempt to make a giant gloved green fist with my Soulfire.
- DC comics might sue me.

I will not try to convince people that Led Zeppelin was secretly members of the White Council trying to spread magical propaganda through songs about Hobbits.
- Nor will I create evokations that are Zeppelin song lyrics.
- Though yelling Ramble On in a high pitched voice while throwing a fireball would be pretty funny.

nanuq:
I will stop trying to banish the Blue Man Group back to the NeverNever

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