McAnally's (The Community Pub) > Author Craft
Grim Vision of Things to Come
blgarver:
So I love to write. It's my ultimate passion. Like many of you, I'm sure, I feel that writing is what I am supposed to do, my function in life is to write. Whether or not the stuff is good remains to be seen... Anyway, the only time I'm truly comfortable in my own skin is when I'm eyeball deep in a story, running my characters through hell and typing my fingers to the bone. I will always write, as many of you have also said, because it's what I love to do whether I ever become a professional author or not.
That being said, I ask you this....
Does anyone else ever have that moment of dawning realization and horror in which you just know that you will never become a professional writer?
It happens to me a lot, especially when real life gets in the way of my writing. It's all fine and dandy if I keep the goal in my head and just write toward it, but when I actually start to think in terms of reality, and take into consideration the kind of routine I keep, I get that sinking feeling and my skin starts to tingle and I think "Who am I kidding. I'm never going to get published," and it's like the most potent sensation ever. It's like the world stops turning or something, because at that moment, when I slip into that frame of mind, I know it's true beyond a doubt; I will never be a professional writer.
It's extremely depressing, and I was wondering if anyone else experienced this, and if so, what things can be done to keep the howling of this dark hound silenced.
Thanks everyone
BLG
Matrix Refugee (formerly Morraeon):
I believe one should write to share your stories with the world, though it's definately a plus if some professional publishers can recognize your talent and reward you for it, as it were. If all else goes awry, there's always creating a blog for your writing and putting a PayPal "tipjar" of sorts on it, which I've seen some people do.
Josh:
This sort of mood hits every writer at some point. I'd say it goes beyond writers...anyone with a big dream is going to feel this way. And writing, especially with a professional career in mind, is a big dream. The odds are stacked. It takes a ton of work, and even if you plug away at it your entire life, nothing is guaranteed. I've even gotten to the point of having an agent, and then got sent back to square one when that agent left their agency for personal reasons. That can feel wprse than never having an agent at all. How long will it take, you wonder. How much do I have to improve? Why does publishing have to be so subjective, when I see the "crap" that gets published while my amazingly genius story flounders in rejection after rejection?
Yes, it's disheartening. But a dream wouldn't be so bright unless it contrasted with a few shadows every so often. To abuse a cliche...there may be light at the end of the tunnel, but no one said that tunnel wouldn't be a few light years long, and you have to walk the whole way.
A lot of people feel this way.
Some give up when they get to this point.
Some don't.
Those who do will never get published, whether they loving writing or not.
Those who don't...there's still no guarantee that they'll get published, but at least they're still trying, and it is that perseverance that makes all the difference.
I believe, from my own experience and what I hear of others', that the dark hound keeps panting at your heels your whole life. Sorry, but it's true. The howling may change its tune. Those who get published may start believing they're hacks, or don't have a second story worth telling. Maybe you get an agent, but the story doesn't get a contract for a few years. That's a long time to put up with the howling, but if you learn to ignore it now (and ignoring it, I claim, is really the only cure) then you'll be better prepared for those future bouts of self-confidence. You will always have doubts and demons whispering on your shoulders, but whether you listen to them or not is up to you. Just like whether you actually sit down and write the story is up to you. Action makes up the difference between wanting to write and writing, and wanting to get published and getting published. If it's never taken, it'll never happen, no matter how good you are or how much you enjoy it.
the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh:
Drat, I was hoping this thread was going to be about H.G. Wells' Things to Come.
blgarver:
--- Quote from: Josh on January 10, 2008, 03:43:54 PM ---I believe, from my own experience and what I hear of others', that the dark hound keeps panting at your heels your whole life. Sorry, but it's true. The howling may change its tune.
--- End quote ---
Yeah, I know the hound will always be there. I can deal with its howling. My passion for storytelling, for creating, keeps me above the bastard's persistant heckeling. What hits me like a spear in the ribs is when the hound gets militant, and actually attacks, digs its teeth and claws in and tries with a very real conviction to drag me down and rip me to shreds.
I've never wanted to be anything but a writer. Since the time I could pick up a pencil and make words, I have been writing stories. Failing as a writer is my ultimate fear, and the fear of failing is my ultimate weakness.
Maybe I just need to vent my concerns to get over this bump I'm experiencing at the moment. So, please bear with me, and skip the next few paragraphs if you wish:
I'm in the final scenes of my WIP, my first official novel, 300+ pages into it...and it's the hardest part of the book I've written so far. I find it extremely difficult to get to the keyboard and write. I know that's the hardest part of writing, but I can normally overcome that. Usually as soon as I open the laptop and pop the chapter up I start to get "in the zone" and all previous apprehension fades away.
However, I have lost all but a guttering flame of motivation for this project, and writing in general. I can't figure out why.
I have one suspicion; that i'm beginning to come down with a case of depression, due to many contributing factors. Now, I live by the philosophy of "Life sucks, deal with it." I believe counseling is helpful to those who really need it, but personally, I feel like admitting that I need counseling is a defeat. I wasn't raised that way...it's hard for me to lay down and admit weakness.
I think the catalyst for this possible depression is the death of my younger cousin last November. It's been a gradual thing, but now that I look back, I realize I've slowly been sinking into this rut. Not just with writing, but with every aspect of my life. Lately I can't seem to find the point in doing anything, from coming to work, to fixing my car, to cleaning my house...anything. I think it started small when Chris died, small and disguised as regular grief, and snowballed into something else to the point where I'm not sure how to get myself out from under its influence.
Perhaps that is what is happening. I just need to pinpoint what I need to do to alleviate the pressure, so I can sit down and write again. Writing always lifts my spirits.
Okay, I'm done ranting for now.
BLG
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