McAnally's (The Community Pub) > Author Craft
God I suck at Dialogue
Mickey Finn:
What would be the point in question? Repetition is primarily a comical device, and something to avoid in straight script.
Correcting myself, it's "dead," not "death." And it's only used in the dialogue...repeatedly, by every character who says something. I'd link it if I could find a copy, but Amazon.com wisely left the prologue out of the sample chapters (despite including all the errata pages).
The rest of the scene doesn't play like that, and Martin's elegance comes to the fore.
Beamer:
--- Quote from: neurovore on July 10, 2007, 06:13:53 PM ---Why is repetition to generate a desired effect a problem ? I'm pretty sure that specific example is deliberate and has a point in mind, and, well, it worked for me.
--- End quote ---
I can't think what desired effect he was trying to generate but all I got out of it was boredom
--- Quote ---"We should start back," Gared urged as the woods began to grow dark around them. "The wildlings are dead."
"Do the dead frighten you?" Ser Waymar Royce asked with just the hint of a smile.
Gared did not rise to the bait. He was an old man, past fifty, and he had seen the lordlings come and go. "Dead is dead," he said. "We have no business with the dead."
"Are they dead?" Royce asked softly. "What proof have we?"
"Will saw them," Gared said. "If he says they are dead, that's proof enough for me."
Will had known they would drag him into the quarrel sooner or later. He wished it had been later rather than sooner. "My mother told me that dead men sing no songs," he put in.
"My wet nurse said the same thing, Will," Royce replied. "Never believe anything you hear at a woman's tit. There are things to be learned even from the dead." His voice echoed, too loud in the twilit forest.
"We have a long ride before us," Gared pointed out. "Eight days, maybe nine. And night is falling."
--- End quote ---
the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh:
--- Quote from: Mickey Finn on July 10, 2007, 07:07:19 PM ---What would be the point in question? Repetition is primarily a comical device, and something to avoid in straight script.
--- End quote ---
It strikes me, rereading it as quoted in the next post, as a peace of plausibly realistic dialogue among characters on whose minds a specific thing is weighing rather heavily; repetition for emphasis.
--- Quote ---The rest of the scene doesn't play like that, and Martin's elegance comes to the fore.
--- End quote ---
I generally like Martin's prose a lot, but I'm not saying he never commits any clunkers - Ned's thoughts with Robert Baratheon in the Stark family crypt/basement a couple of chapters later strike me as making an absolute pig's innards of dancing around and hinting at the specific thing Ned knows there and Martin does not wish to tell the reader, for example. Just that I really don't think this is one.
Cyclone Jack:
Just a few points:
Remember that dialouge is revelatory rather than descriptive, and the main story aspect it should reveal is character.
While it is a good idea to listen to real world conversations to get a feel for the different ways that various couples or groups (boyfriend/girlfriend, four co-workers, mother/son etc.) interact in conversation, your aim should not be 'realistic' dialouge. Real dialouge contains lots of pauses, coughs, sniffs, 'uhhhhhs', 'ummmmms', sidetracks in point, lulls, etc. Your goal should be believable dialouge that flows; pleasant to the ear but not artificial. Remember, your dialouge is not a free form conversation, but a tool you are using to advance your story.
Last and, IMO, most important: give seperate characters their own voice. It does not have to be radically different, but it should be different.
Hope that helps a bit. :)
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