McAnally's (The Community Pub) > Author Craft

Descriptions....

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Snowleopard:
Here's some more Terry Pratchett descriptions.  The first is of a member of a secret society in
that wonderful book - Guards,Guards.  (They wear long black, cowled robes.)

"Nothing special about humble origins," said a very small Brother, who seemed to consist entirely of a little perambulatory black robe with halitosis.

The second description is of Carrot Ironfonderson - a wonderful character.
"Now pull back briefly from the dripping streets of Ankh-Morpork, pan across the morning mists of the Disc, and focus in again on a young man heading for the city with all the openness, sincerity and innocence of purpose of an iceberg drifting into a major shipping lane.
    The young man is called Carrot.  This is not because of his hair, which his father has always clipped short for reasons of Hygiene.  It is because of his shape.
    It is the kind of tapering shape a boy get through clean living, healthy eating, and good mountain air in huge lungfuls.  When he flexes his shoulder muscles, other muscles have to move out of the way first.

meg_evonne:
'blaster' and 'sunburned forehead' used together---I love the humor it gave me in such a short concise description!

Skip the 'and he smiled', as 'flashed with amusement' is stronger. An editor once told me to pick the strongest action and cut the rest. Again, I liked the use of flashed here.

The contrast of the well maintained white teeth against reddened skin sparked questions that perked my interest. I asked myself, 'Was this because he's out of his element?' It paints a horror graphic in my mind, and I definitely wanted to know more about him as a result..

All of these things are great. So where's your hang up???  LOL, Have at it, SHS.

Can the 'cracked' work boots be painted as dry and fodder for ignition? I suppose that would be laying it on too thick, huh? LOL

Sir Huron Stone:
I put in the well maintained teeth because it's supposed to be a sort of back of beyond settlement, small, not many comforts ya know? Show that even in a harsh enviroment he's taking care of the small things. That and I thought there should be something more in the description, but I couldn't figure out what to put.

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