McAnally's (The Community Pub) > Author Craft

Addictions - your experiences?

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Snowleopard:
I've never been an addict BfP but I lived with one, my dad.  He was, what I called, a periodic chronic alcoholic.  He'd stay sober for 9 months to a year and then go on a three month binge.  I always knew when he was starting because his voice would get ever so blurry sounding.  And inside I'd get this cold empty feeling because I knew he was drinking again.
He even sent me to the store one time when I was 10 or so to get beer for him.  Of course they did not give it to me.
And the binge was so rough on his stomach that when he stopped drinking he literally had to live on ice water for near a week or so.

Because he drank, and his mother drank and that I'm Native American on my mother's side - I never got into drinking.  I figured that I had three strikes against me and that the chances of being chemically addicted, for me, were way too high to ever take the chance.

It's not a first hand story of addiction but it's a first hand story of being in an addict's family.

DoTArchon:
I've also had a bout with alcoholism in my past, I remember getting home from work and if I didn't have any liquor in the house, or couldn't afford to go buy, I would start getting angry and restless. Didn't know what to do with myself. I would pace around the room smoking almost constantly, and when I finally went to bed, would lie there feeling depressed. Was a bad time for me. After the 3rd or 4th time I didn't make it to work cause I had overslept from the booze, my dad (who I was working for at the time), gave me an ultimatum. He didn't know about the drinking but the thought of losing my job and my fathers respect kinda shook me out of it.


--- Quote from: BobForPresident on June 06, 2011, 02:34:19 AM ---...what emotions and feelings were you feeling, in the moment, right before you reached for a bottle?
--- End quote ---

I was impatient the whole day to get home and get to the bottle. When I poured the drink I knew that I would forget all my problems soon. It was a feeling of relief, knowing that I could turn my brain off for a while. (shudder) Not a pleasant memory.

OpticChaos:

--- Quote from: BobForPresident on June 06, 2011, 02:34:19 AM ---First of all...wow. Thank you so much for sharing. That can't have been easy.

When you felt the need to drink, right before you drank, what was it like? Did you feel like you were really sad? Or even really thirsty?  In other words, what emotions and feelings were you feeling, in the moment, right before you reached for a bottle?

--- End quote ---

Your welcome.

It was boredom, boredom and depresssion. I started because I was bored, but the drinking made my life worse so I got depressed and drank more. So I guess you could say the thoughts and emotions that I felt right before I reached for a drink were sadness and a need to have something to do.

Hope this helps, I can't think how else to describe it.

Enjorous:
I don't have any first hand experience but I used to do some work at a residential treatment facility (not rehab because it included more than those recovering from chemical dependency). But about 1/3 of them were recovering from something, though that wasn't always why they were there.

Almost all of them fell into a pattern that went something like: craving-->stress-->score-->relief. Craving was the instance where they first felt the need to use, stress came after. Stress for some of them was just a feeling of irritability, others experienced trembling hands, but the one I remember more than the others said that just before he'd score said that his eyeballs would itch, and his tongue tickled his teeth.

BobForPresident:
You guys are heroes, all of you. Thank you so much for your insights. I guess it's only right that I share too.

I am a drug addict, but not by choice. When I was around 4 years old, doctors got me hooked on Phenobarbital until I was about 10 to curb seizures I was having, caused by food allergies. After I was pulled off it, I was angry and my hand-eye coordination was shot. To fix both problems, my parents put me in Tae Kwon Do for my rage, and bought me a guitar to get the manual dexterity back in order (BTW, When Harry started playing guitar to deal with his burned hand, it brought a little tear to my eye). It probably saved my life. Now, at 30, I'm back to where I should be with one noteable exception - I'm still a drug addict. For life. Which means that if given hard drugs, my body goes back to addict mode, something a doctor warned me about.

I didn't take it seriously, though, and when I was 26 I got incredibly sick, and started taking Tylenol 3. Boom - I developed a dependency on codine. What blew my mind was how so subtle the process of addiction was - I literally had no clue I was addicted. So much in fact that after taking double doses every day for two weeks, I just stopped. And then had withdrawals the next night after. It was amazing, really.

But what really amazed me was my own will-power. I didn't have to fight not to take them. I just knew how screwed up it made me, and so I didn't go after them. But even now, I still kind of crave the euphoria. It was such an easy fix, a quick way to get up on that trippy pedestal and feel good.

But sex and food and most of all acting are way better. And I can't do any of them if I'm f*cked up on codine. So I'm clean. I drink some, I smoke a pipe, but despite my history, I've never really had to battle addiction.

So...on to the world of fiction. :)

My character, Niles Harcourt, is a pill-popper. He digs Vicodin and X, acid and heroin. He's wealthy, charming, and incredibly high-profile. The end result is that his CEO father has a standing account with LAPD to keep his ass out of jail. To say he struggles with addiction isn't quite right - it's more like he revels in it.

Writing from the perspective of a character who so blantantly flaunts his addiction is difficult. He's not a sullen, sit-in-the-corner rocking back and forth kind of addict who has to rob people for money to get his fix. He's wealthy as all hell, so having drug money is never a problem, so once I pull him out of his need to take them, he's on his own (like I was with the Codine). He has no program, he's still rich, still has his connections. But he puts himself through the process of getting clean (or as he says "clean-ish") so he can do what he has to do.

But it's the urges I needed perspective on. And you guys have helped me with that admirably. Thanks again.

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