McAnally's (The Community Pub) > Author Craft

My latest pathetic attempt

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Warden John Marcone:
Sometimes I strike gold, sometimes I crash and burn.  Either way I'd like some feedback before I continue.  What I was thinking was a true wolf is in captivity as a stray (part dog, hence the confusion), and while his brethren plan to free him he's "adopted" by a family of humans.


The cage rattled as someone worked the door.  Another new guy, “feeding the wolf” like all the newcomers do.  He was talking over his shoulder and carrying a set of dishes.
“Yea, I’ll deal with it when I’m done here,” he said, then turned to look at me.  I fixed him with my most intense stare.  Such a look would send cubs scurrying for their mothers and prey running in terror.  He wasn’t even fazed, which made my all ready sour mood even worse.  Instead, he gave me the once-over, looking me up and down.  “Looks kind of like a wolf,” he finally said.
Well, maybe that’s because I AM kind of like a wolf!  Idiot.  I bared one of my fangs and snarled, hoping to scare him.  Instead he snorted a laugh and said, “Nice growl, pooch.”
Pooch?  Pooch!  I am Akela!  King of the Wolf Clans, Alpha of the North Pack, and Keeper of the Forest Song!  This pale skin should have been cowering in fear of me, not treating me like some common RAT dog!  I wanted to attack him, bear this fool to the ground and rip his throat out, tasting his life-blood on my tongue as he cried his last!  But I was also no fool.  I knew that if I tried, successful or not another pale-skin would come with his Sleeper’s Tube, and I would never wake up.  The pale skins would send me to the Sky Forest before my time, so I stomached my rage and glared.
He set my bowls down and turned his back on me.  Only a pale skin, I had to tell myself.  He’s only a stupid pale skin.  It took all my willpower to let him leave with his throat; NOBODY turns their back on an Alpha and lives to tell of it.  Very well, pale skin.  You live another day.
I turned my attention to the bowls.  Dry deer food and plain water.  Warm water to boot, and it tasted like salt.  Not for the first time did my thoughts wander to my home in the North Woods, with its plentiful herds and the clear cold water of the rivers.  From there, I couldn’t help myself.  I though about Tera, my mate.  How I longed to see her again, and to see how my pups fared.  Did they grow strong? 
...(to be continued, maybe)

Warden John Marcone:
And this is the second storyline I started, from the other side of the proverbial fence.  The parentheses are just names for reference.


The sun began to dip beyond the horizon, signaling twilight.  The forest lords came together at the Great Oak, bringing their packs and herds with them.  On this day, the grass eaters could sit with the meat eaters; the forest councils were safe ground for all that attended.  Brother Bear, an ancient brown bear and the keeper of the Forest Lore, took the tally.
“Lord Eagle,” he called.  A large Golden Eagle perched near the ground screeched in reply, “Here, Brother Bear.” (Farsight)
“Lord Whitetail,” came next.  A large Buck stepped to the front, his antlers large and proud.  “I am here, Brother Bear.” (Rohno)
“Lord Grey,” rang the third call.  The alpha of one of the smaller wolf packs padded forward.  “You called, Brother Bear.” (Karva)
“Lord Owl,” was next.  A horned owl swooped into the circle.  “Forgive my lateness, Brother Bear.  The hunt kept me.”  (Shasta)
“Then all are gathered,” growled Brother Bear, and he settled against one of the trees.
The gathered lords looked at one another, then Farsight, Lord Eagle spoke up.  “Brother Bear, where is Lord Grizzly?”
Brother Bear looked up, then back at the ground by his paws.  “Gone,” he said, “taken by the pale skins to the Sky Forest.”
A gasp passed through the gathered animals.  “How?” asked Rohno, Lord Whitetail.  “Lord Grizzly was the greatest of you.  No pale skin could stand up to him.”
“There are those among the pale skins that are great cowards, coming in the night with their firesticks to harm us while we sleep.  Poachers, they are called.” Brother Bear rumbled.  “It is these that took Lord Grizzly.  Even now, the Bear Clans are selecting a new Lord.”
“And one has been chosen,” came a deeper rumble.  The gathered animals parted to allow an enormous bear to the front, one such as never seen in the forest before.  “I am Lord Kodiak,” the newcomer growled, “Born of the forests near the Tundra and brought here by the Hairless ones.  I am chosen by my brethren to be their leader.”

Otlan:
*Waks you with my walking stick* No pathetic Attemps are there. Only triumphs. Speak your Mind, you do. Strong your words are, pashinote. Resonate, do they, keep them true, you must. Fail, you have not, Warden Marcone. Taken the frist small steeps, you have. More, you must do on this story. Meditate on it, you should. *begins to hobble away* Give up before your story is even begun, you should not. Grate potentile, I see in you. A Master Writer, you will become.

Snowleopard:
First of all, WJM, don't label yourself pathetic - be positive.
Interesting story, it's got real possibilities there.  Particularly if the humans and the wolf start working together which is what I think you intend.
I don't know if you did it deliberately but watch your names.  Tera for the female wolf - Tera West from TDF.  And Akela, if I remember my Kipling, is the name of the old head wolf of Mowgli's pack in the Jungle Book.

Warden John Marcone:

--- Quote from: Snowleopard on January 25, 2011, 05:56:45 PM ---And Akela, if I remember my Kipling, is the name of the old head wolf of Mowgli's pack in the Jungle Book.

--- End quote ---

 :-[ Yes you're right...

Shoot, and I liked that name too.

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