McAnally's (The Community Pub) > Author Craft
Need help with a Writing Problem, Please
Starbeam:
--- Quote from: Murphy's Stunt Double on May 14, 2010, 05:28:57 PM ---*sips coffee* Sorry if I was too brusque, but Liger asked for help and advice. I don't think anyone gets any better by being told "go ahead and write crap" without being shown *how* to improve. It's hard to ask for help, so I try to at least honor the person's courage with whatever worthwhile suggestions I can offer.
Perhaps it's just my own pet peeve about asking for critiques and getting "it's good." with milque toast smiles. If I ask for your input, it's because I feel it could be better and can't figure out how to get there with my own POV, so I need your honesty. Patronizing or coddling someone who is trying to improve helps no one.
/Grumpy
--- End quote ---
S'not just your pet peeve; it's one of my biggest ones and why I don't share my writing. I've gotten variations of "this is good" and "can't wait to read more" instead of anything constructive. Meant to come back to this thread and got sidetracked.
Going back to this:
--- Quote ---Here is a sample of the prologue,
The rain fell in a soft patter around a tall, shadowy figure as he pulled his coat tighter to keep the cold off his body. Hurrying through the dimly lit street, the figure only paused to check over his shoulder. The moon shown faintly through the cloud cover, revealing the shadowy man moved briskly through the cold night. Suddenly coming to a sharp halt under one of the street lights, the man turned and looked behind him, searching the dark rain. With a short nod to himself in satisfaction that he had not been followed, the man continued down the road a little further until he came to a narrow alley with a short, stubby door at the far end. Turning off the street and walking down the alley, the man worked his way past half-full trash cans and broken beer bottles to the other end of the alley and the door. Pulling a set of keys out of his pocket, the man squinted in the dark as he fumbled around with his keys.
--- End quote ---
I agree with the telling, and that you don't give much of anything that makes me want to really keep reading. With the sentence structure, I meant varying it is a good thing to indicate pacing. Also, you use a lot of adverbs (-ly words), and more often than not, those can be cut without changing the meaning of the sentence. Some of the wording could also be condensed, like "With a short nod to himself in satisfaction that he had not been followed" could be changed to "Nodding in satisfaction that he hadn't been followed," which also flows a bit better. Unless you're wanting it to come across as stilted. And these are my opinions, other people might say differently.
Murphy's Stunt Double:
--- Quote from: Starbeam on May 14, 2010, 10:14:49 PM ---S'not just your pet peeve; it's one of my biggest ones
--- End quote ---
Thank you, Starbeam. I was beginning to think I was just coming across as bitchy.
meh:
--- Quote from: Murphy's Stunt Double on May 15, 2010, 03:41:39 AM ---Thank you, Starbeam. I was beginning to think I was just coming across as bitchy.
--- End quote ---
Not bitchy; perhaps a bit tangential.
Murphy's Stunt Double:
Well, I AM the Queen of Thread Highjack. :D
shades of grey:
*bows to the threadjacker*
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