McAnally's (The Community Pub) > Author Craft
Poetry?
Der Sturmbrecher:
Ah, thanks for the clarification. That could be very nice.
Buttersfly:
I used to teach prosody. I am plenty mean. I write bad poetry. I love good poetry.
As for line breaks, and punctuation, they're like everything else in poetry: every technical decision justifies itself by delivering meaning. This goes for free verse as much as for non-metrical verse. Free verse just doesn't have meter and rhyme in the mix. In all poetry, you're looking for the maximum consonance between meaning and form. That's the real trick.
And free verse does have some conventions concerning line breaks. Heavily enjambed lines, which run sense and syntax over the line endings into the next line, are associated with content that is meditative, private, deeply thoughtful. This is the kind of line Starbeam suggests. Lines, especially relatively long lines, that allow a complete through to end with the end of the line tend to come across as public, certain, or oracular. And Berrylovely strikes a middle ground in "Lonely Moment." I'd say Berrylovely's choice is fine for her content. She's talking about a limited time: one moment. And she describes separate thoughts and feelings within the moment, each moment-within-the-moment gets encapsulated in its own line, it's own tick or tock of the duration of the moment.
Example of heavily enjambed:
THIS IS JUST TO SAY
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
the were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
--William Carlos Williams
For the oracular, public kind of verse, take a look at Walt Whitman.
There are other ways, of course, to structure lines, but I've been boring long enough.
Berrylovely:
Buttersfly-that was the goal in my writing. Each sentence is a separate thought/idea. When I write I write how I "see" it in my head. I don't know if that makes any sense at all thou. To me it's not about puncuation, thou some of poems do have punctuation, nor about formatting. If I "see" it in stanzas that's what it gets. Here is one with breaks. "No more I love you's"
I hear it in your voice
I see it in your eyes
For a moment I believe
But then you tell me
Tell me that you love me
And I don't know
I don't know why me
I feel so shallow
I feel so ugly
I feel the world is fading fast
I wish you hadn't said it
I wish there were no more I love you's
Cause now....
Now I must admit
I admit that I am beautiful
I admit that I am smart
I admit that I have something to offer you
No more I love you's...they have made me weep
I weep for the lies I believed
I weep for the truth I did not see
I weep for me and the life I lead
I weep in hopes of my tomorrow
No more I love you's
No more can I take of this
No more I love you's
No more of this fear I have to hide
No more I love you's
No more of this pain I have to let go
No more I love you's
No more of the despair deep inside
Once I have your I love you's
I can never be ashamed
I can never be go back
Once I have your I love you's
I will never ask you to take them back
I will never ask again for No More I love you's....
Der Sturmbrecher:
--- Quote from: Berrylovely on February 04, 2010, 02:40:15 AM ---Buttersfly-that was the goal in my writing. Each sentence is a separate thought/idea. When I write I write how I "see" it in my head. I don't know if that makes any sense at all thou. To me it's not about puncuation, thou some of poems do have punctuation, nor about formatting. If I "see" it in stanzas that's what it gets. Here is one with breaks. "No more I love you's"
I hear it in your voice
I see it in your eyes
For a moment I believe
But then you tell me
Tell me that you love me
And I don't know
I don't know why me
I feel so shallow
I feel so ugly
I feel the world is fading fast
I wish you hadn't said it
I wish there were no more I love you's
Cause now....
Now I must admit
I admit that I am beautiful
I admit that I am smart
I admit that I have something to offer you
No more I love you's...they have made me weep
I weep for the lies I believed
I weep for the truth I did not see
I weep for me and the life I lead
I weep in hopes of my tomorrow
No more I love you's
No more can I take of this
No more I love you's
No more of this fear I have to hide
No more I love you's
No more of this pain I have to let go
No more I love you's
No more of the despair deep inside
Once I have your I love you's
I can never be ashamed
I can never be go back
Once I have your I love you's
I will never ask you to take them back
I will never ask again for No More I love you's....
--- End quote ---
The breaks do definitely help in my opinion, but it's your poem. Write how it is satisfying to you. You come up with interesting concepts to put into poetry, they're very thought provoking (I am saying that's a good thing).
Buttersfly:
--- Quote from: Berrylovely on February 04, 2010, 02:40:15 AM ---
I admit that I am beautiful
I admit that I am smart
I admit that I have something to offer you
No more I love you's...they have made me weep
I weep for the lies I believed
I weep for the truth I did not see
I weep for me and the life I lead
I weep in hopes of my tomorrow
No more I love you's
No more can I take of this
No more I love you's
No more of this fear I have to hide
No more I love you's
No more of this pain I have to let go
No more I love you's
No more of the despair deep inside
--- End quote ---
One of the most venerable structuring devices in free verse is anaphora, which is the repetition of the same words at the beginning of multiple lines. You've got three sets here. Nice.
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