McAnally's (The Community Pub) > Author Craft

My First Short Short Story....

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Abeille:
i really liked it. it was cute, and it gave me a chuckle which i needed right now.

Starbeam:
I don't generally respond with comments because it's not usually clear what kind of comments are wanted.  Couple things that really stuck out though--"Is that Keiko Kawaguchi" made me first think it was the narrator because his is the first reaction that we see.  "Haole" in the context made me look it up because it sounded like it was being used to mean "asshole" and not "native" or "foreigner."

Gritti:
Oh joy, thanks so much Philliph, Abeille, and Starbeam for your comments and encouragement.  I'll have to look into fixing that problem with the narration that Starbeam pointed out, and as for "haole" it means foreigner or person not born and raised locally, but in Hawaii sometimes it's said with the subtext of "asshole foreigner" when the local feels the person isn't respecting the local culture.  That's what I was trying to convey.  Thanks again.

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