McAnally's (The Community Pub) > Author Craft

Peer Review

<< < (2/2)

Wallace:
Ah-ha. Thanks Philliph. I enjoyed your read over; it was much more enlightening than the college writing courses I took, believe me.

I'll take everything you said into proper consideration. The snippet is deliberately vague; back story isn't what I'm aiming for. It's a bit of an introduction to see the person Cay is before you learn what he is.

But from what you've wrote I can see I was getting a little too into Cay's perspective; he doesn't think about who Jackie is, or what all of the sucklings look like, because he either knows, doesn't care, or both. In some ways that's a good thing because it makes Cay sound like a person, and not a descriptive narration, but in other ways that can make the reader feel like he's left out of the loop, which isn't how you catch someone's interest, especially not from an early scene like this.

So thank you very kindly for that excellent feedback.

Philliph:
You're welcome. For some reason, i enjoyed doing the read-over. i suppose its because the setting is so much different than my own. Also, i love creating fight scenes. if you ever wanted me to help out with a fight scene(i doubt you'll need it though) i will be more than happy to oblige. Hmm, when you get this book publishd, or if you already have a name for it, pm me. I would like to see where the story goes.

Wallace:
Right now Cayden is the only solid part of what I'm working on. The world around him hasn't been completed yet, and I'm trying to find a niche that I can work in that's diverse without being generic.

meg_evonne:

--- Quote from: Philliph on September 20, 2009, 06:16:33 AM ---i enjoyed doing the read-over.
--- End quote ---
  Philliph has found his editing ears/eyes whatever.  Nice critical reading, Philliph.  Some I agree, but you found some stuff my tired mind tonight didn't even pick up.  Good job.

Wallace, I've been reading and doing crits for an online class and frankly I'm crit'd out.  I liked this.  Nice 1000 words.  Nice world building.  Best wishes with it.  now it's back to my own work. 

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[*] Previous page