McAnally's (The Community Pub) > Author Craft
Okay new game: hooked or not hooked.....
comprex:
--- Quote from: neurovore on September 16, 2009, 06:22:30 PM ---Or to put it more coherently, if I could tell the story in a shorted form in ways that captured what was worth having about it, that would be what I would write in the first place.
--- End quote ---
:D
I had you pegged as adept in enough fun games of tone to be barely able to resist writing the same story again.
Starbeam:
Okay, this is 380 words, but it's the entire prologue to a fantasy and hasn't had any kind of change in quite a long time. It will eventually. And really needs it.
Lightning split the sky, and thunder rumbled through the oppressive silence. Two shrouded figures sat before a decrepit old woman, waiting as she sat entranced.
A skeletal hand rose and pointed at the smaller of the two. “From love will death arrive,” the croaking voice muttered then lapsed into silence.
The figure pushed back the hood of his rough woolen cloak. A flash of lightning glimmered across the shimmery white hair and pale skin. Gray eyes turned a question toward the taller figure.
“Master?” he whispered. The other held up his hand and motioned for silence. They turned their attention back to the old woman. She sat high on her stone seat, silhouetted against the sky as with each flash of lightning. Blind eyes were turned skyward as if seeing the will of the gods written in the looming thunderheads.
Her eyes returned to the pair, and the pale figure shuddered under her stare.
“From the marriage of true love’s touch, she who reunites the old blood with the new shall save this land from evil arising.”
“Go now. We have learned what we came for.” The quiet, insistent voice persuaded the apprentice to rise. He began picking his way down the rubble strewn trail, glancing back only once. After he left, the master rose and pushed back his hood to reveal a figure as dark as the apprentice was light.
He drew a serrated dagger from the sleeve of his cloak, his knuckles whitening around the hilt as he advanced toward the oracle.
“From death shall love bring life. You,” a finger rose to point at the master, “will from old blood and new find death.”
“And you, dearest, oracle, shall find death now,” he murmured in her ear. He slid the dagger between her ribs and twisted it. Her breath gurgled as blood filled her lungs.
He stepped back, cleaning the blade on the old woman’s robes. The oracle slid from the stone seat and lay in the grass. He watched blood bubble on her lips as the glazed eyes stared at the roiling clouds.
A last breath gurgled, and he turned, tucking the knife back into his sleeve. He descended from the mountain by the same path his apprentice took.
Lightning flashed again, illuminating the empty mountainside.
the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh:
Starbeam; establishes the voice and the genre of story well and early on, definitely. It does give the impression it's not a subset of the genre I like, though, so it would not make me pick the book up if that was the first page and I read it in a bookshop, and the other information i had about it did not indicate otherwise. (Does anyone pick up books on spec without a bit of googling first any more ?)
Starbeam:
--- Quote from: neurovore on September 17, 2009, 03:09:58 AM ---Starbeam; establishes the voice and the genre of story well and early on, definitely. It does give the impression it's not a subset of the genre I like, though, so it would not make me pick the book up if that was the first page and I read it in a bookshop, and the other information i had about it did not indicate otherwise. (Does anyone pick up books on spec without a bit of googling first any more ?)
--- End quote ---
Yeah, that's kinda what I was thinking when I skimmed it last night. Course, I wrote it about 10 years ago, and only did minor changes about 5 years ago in college. I don't really google books, for the most part, but it's rare that I get a book without reading a synopsis and either the first page or sample chapter. And if it has a prologue I read a bit of that then switch and read a bit of the first chapter. I've seen enough prologues that differ in voice from the actual book.
HellsBells:
I havent always had the best luck in the world, then my life was completely turned upside down and inside out one freezing october night, thats when it got a million times worse.
I ran, pulse pounding as air whipped against my skin and adrenaline filled my body to the brim.
A wolf howled behind behind me as i ran through the forest, a dozen tiny cuts still oozing where branches reached out of the darkness and tore at my skin.
I stooped down as quick as possibly and picked up a large branch, ready to fight for my life as another, louder howl jolted me into frantic movement. all was quiet for a few dozen seconds as i made my way so i turned my head to search the surrounding area and could see the wolf, framed by moonlight almost bearing down on me. i attempted to pick up my pace but a branch decided to grab at my foot and knock me off balance, throwing me to the ground and making me black out for a millisecond as my head hit a rock.
Be honest, be brutal... As long as you all think i'm pretty :D
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