McAnally's (The Community Pub) > Author Craft
Okay new game: hooked or not hooked.....
JGrace:
Good Luck Meg!!!
the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh:
--- Quote from: meg_evonne on September 13, 2009, 05:49:28 AM ---We need Neurovore to check in on this one.
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It seems mostly solid on tense to me, save that that "lay" in the second sentence reads sloppy - I'd change it to "lie" for clarity of focus. (Yeah, I know in US English people can use "lay" in present tense as a synonym for "lie", but it could also read as a misplaced past tense, and you absolutely don't want ambiguity when you're setting up your POV.)
--- Quote ---Already Dead, by Charles Huston is written so closely in the main character's head and internal thoughts that the vast majority of the book is in present tense. I enjoyed the book a great deal because of it's unusual style and the great story that went with it. The gritty closeness to his vampire is uncomfortable for some readers--but it was a blast to read. (By the way, this is coming out in graphic I understand.)
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The fifth and final volume in that series is coming out in about a month, too.
--- Quote ---There are so many things in this posting that I like--the senses of smell, touch, sound, taste, sight, the action of the story. The confusion over the tenses DEFINITELY needs to be worked through, because it's TOO GOOD not to do so.
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I don't see confusion there, though. "Last thing I remember is" goes into a mini-flashback in which things are in past, then they hop back to present again when that is done. The character is in present-tense remembering some stuff, so I'd keep that.
--- Quote ---You've simply challenged my reading here in lots of places that's cool. The "darkness is glaring" gives me a freaky WTF but "silence is thundering" works so...
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What that says to me is a messed-up and notably different sensory experience to what the character had before.
the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh:
--- Quote from: meg_evonne on September 13, 2009, 01:27:39 PM ---JG, agents love twists! I figured you had something up your sleeve. That's the problem with short posts.
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And why what one actually sends agents is opening plus synopsis. (Nerving myself up to do that with a project sometime soon. Aaagh I hate synopses.)
comprex:
--- Quote from: neurovore on September 16, 2009, 05:22:20 PM --- Aaagh I hate synopses.)
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how are you for précis?
the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh:
--- Quote from: comprex on September 16, 2009, 06:12:02 PM ---how are you for précis?
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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.
Or to put it more coherently, if I could tell the story in a shorted form in ways that captured what was worth having about it, that would be what I would write in the first place.
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